I knock. I don't know why I expected any answer in return, but it's unnerving that I'm met with silence and I have to barge in again.
At least now I know to be quiet. I quietly open the door, holding my breath so I don't make much noise. My first mistake is switching on the light. Alexander groans out in protest. "Fuck's sake, Little one, turn the light off," he mutters from the bed. His voice is muffled from burying his head into the pillow.
I look down at the plate in my hands. "I brought you something to eat," I whisper.
"The light," is Alexander's response. He sounds tired and in pain.
I know that if I turn the light off, I'll fall over. So I quickly go put the food on his nightstand and then rush back to turn the light off. And then I awkwardly stand beside the door, twisting my fingers, not knowing what to do with myself.
"Leave," Alexander says.
I swallow and I blindly walk through the room, hoping I don't hit anything or that I don't trip and fall down on my face. "You have to eat something. Your mum's orders," I say, still whispering.
My arms are stretched out in front of me. But I don't feel his bed with my arms and I hit it with my legs. And I fall down. "Oompf!"
I don't hit Alexander. At least I think I don't. I fall on the edge of the soft mattress and catch myself there from falling down to the floor.
I hear Alexander's long inhale and even longer exhale.
"Sorry," I whisper in a grimace. My God, what a fool I am.
Alexander doesn't say anything back, probably done with me. I mean, I get him. He's never in the mood to talk with me, why would he want to do it now when he's in pain and I'm causing him more of it?
I'm still stupid enough that I don't leave his room when I clearly have a chance to. But I don't know why I feel some kind of compassion for him when I see him so weak and all alone. Maybe because I know how much it sucks when you're in pain and you have to go through it alone with no one standing by your side.
I sit up on the bed and just move forward so I know I'm near the nightstand. "Okay," I mouth to myself, taking a breath. "We'll need to make this work," I say, forgetting that I should speak in a whisper.
"Quiet," Alexander groans. I feel him shift on the bed.
My cheeks redden and my body gets warm when I realise how intimate this is. Me, sitting on his bed in the dark and feeling his every move. It's weird. Because I never thought I would ever find myself in a situation like this.
"You have to eat. Don't make me force the food down your throat," I whisper to him harshly. If Rosanna and Rosalyn asked me to take the food to him, they trust me to make him eat it and I'll be damned if he doesn't do it.
"Fuck. Leave, Gabrielle," Alexander replies with a tight voice.
I know that me speaking, even in a whisper, doesn't help his state and it would probably be a good idea for me to leave. But something holds me back and I just don't want to leave him here all alone in pain.
Besides, it also feels good to be torturing him back and see him all defenceless and weak instead of his mean-self.
"I won't leave until you eat," I reply back.
"Get. Out," he grits out.
I only sit up straighter on the bed and literally refuse to go anywhere. We sit in silence for minutes, neither of us saying a word.
I sigh when I literally can't take it anymore. It's weird, hearing his breathing right beside me and knowing he's there, but not really being able to see him. "You have to eat," I try again with a soft voice, trying another tactic.
There's complete silence on his end. I think for a second that maybe he actually fell asleep because he doesn't even groan. I extend my arm out slowly and I come into contact with his hair. I should move it away. But I don't.
I'm surprised by how soft it feels. It's thick and long enough to take my fingers through it. Which I do. I hold my breath. I don't know why I'm even doing that. I feel a little bolder now that I know he can't do anything to me. I also feel a bit different about him now after that kiss last night.
I caress his hair, doing it for God knows how long. I should just leave. I should stand up and just go and leave him alone. Let Rosalyn take care for him. He doesn't deserve my help after everything he's done to me, anyway. I shouldn't try to give him any comfort and try to help him.
I remove my hand from his hair and put it down on the cold mattress beside him. I feel the heat from his body. This is all so weird.
I almost jump up when I feel the bed move again and I hear him move. I feel my heart in my throat, beating wildly. He's not asleep.
And that is confirmed when his hand searches for mine on the mattress and lifts it up, putting it on his head, burying it in his soft, thick hair. All the air seems to escape my lungs. I literally feel the heart beating in my chest and can't do anything to calm it down.
I'm frozen for minutes, just sitting there with my hand in his air. None of us speaks. Alexander doesn't say anything and I don't dare to open my mouth, either. I'm in too much shock to even get anything out of me.
I start going through his hair again, softly caressing it and massaging his scalp. I think it calms him down and helps him with the pain.
If I forget about how weird this is, it actually feels nice. And unfamiliar. Something completely new. It's also exciting because who would've thought that I'd be right here, caressing Alexander Holt's hair out of all the people? And after everything that happened between us ...
I don't know how long we're there in the dark, me going with my fingers through his hair, when the door opens. I jump up in surprise and my heart starts beating fast.
Rosalyn doesn't turn the light on, which I'm very grateful for, and I think Alexander is too, even though he doesn't say anything.
I see Rosalyn's silhouette at the door from the light in the hallway. "Gabby? You're still here?"
Busted. What do I have to say in my defence? "Uh, yeah," I whisper. I stopped moving my hand and just let it rest in Alexander's hair. I remove it slowly. He protests with a groan but doesn't make any movement.
"Did he eat?" Rosalyn asks.
"No," I admit. I feel a bit guilty that I didn't get him to eat. That's what I was basically sent in here for.
I can hear Rosalyn sigh. "Is he asleep?" she asks.
I look towards where I know his form is laying, even though I can't see him. "I don't think so," I say.
She comes into the room. I move away from Alexander and sit on the edge of the bed, clearing my throat, hoping Rosalyn doesn't comment anything about the weird situation.
"I have some pills for you, Alex," Rosalyn addresses him in a soft, motherly voice, full of worry and compassion you can only hear from a mother.
Alexander shifts on the bed. When Rosalyn comes closer, I stand up from the bed and make the room for her. She sits in my spot and I blindly look towards the bed. "Take this. And then you'll eat something."
I don't hear any protests from Alexander, only a movement on his part and the rustling of the sheets. I feel like I'm only in the way here and I literally have nothing to do here anymore now that Rosalyn is here and she'll take care of him.
I leave the room and leave them alone. Rosalyn doesn't say much, she only comforts him with silence and her presence.
I don't fully close the door when I exit. I leave it ajar and just head to my room. Once in there, I sit down on my bed and let myself think about what just happened in Alexander's room.
I come up with no answers.
•••
I'm preparing myself a milkshake for breakfast, humming a soft tune to a song that stuck in my head when Alexander comes into the kitchen, scaring the hell out of me. It's early. And he's shirtless.
I quickly look away to gather my thoughts together and get myself under control. I remind myself I mustn't stare at him.
When I look back at him, I'm prepared for what I'll see. Or not. Because the sight of his bare chest and all the tattoos decorating his skin is something a person can't get used to that fast.
He opens the fridge and takes out the orange juice. He drinks it straight from the box. I scrunch my nose up but don't comment on it.
"You're up early. You look a little better, too," I comment with a small smile, trying to be nice.
When Alexander finishes drinking and throws the bottle in the crash, he looks back at me and cocks his head on the side, his expression remaining the same stoic one. "What makes you think you can talk to me?"
I stare at him. In shock. And surprise. I chuckle uncomfortably and self-consciously, not knowing if I really heard him correctly. "What?" I shake my head.
Alexander stares at me with a hard expression. "Do I have to repeat myself?"
I close my eyes and smile sadly. I can't even look at him right now. When I open my eyes again, I look down at the floor and purse my lips on the side. I take a deep breath. "So, this is how it's going to be now, huh?" I say with heavy sarcasm.
Alexander snorts and takes a step closer to me. I look at him in a warning not to come any closer to me. "Now? Don't act like it's ever been any different."
I don't know why his words sound extra hurtful today. Or they only cut deeper today since I thought maybe we were getting past this already after everything that happened. "I thought ..." I don't know what I thought.
I realise how pathetic I must sound. Of course Alexander didn't see it the same way I did. He's a heartless bastard who doesn't care who he hurts and how. He basically doesn't care about anyone else's feelings.
"You thought wrong," he shoots back.
And I'm even stupid enough to stare at him, trying to see if he's serious or it's some sick joke he's playing. But of course he's serious. His eyes remain on me. I never thought that brown eyes could be beautiful and so ugly at the same time. They're cold and dark and if there wasn't so much hatred in them, I'd say it's the prettiest brown I've seen in my life.
I smile sadly and look at my milkshake on the counter, not daring to look at him any second longer. "Oh, yeah. I forgot for a second what a bastard you are. My bad."
"You're going to pay for every word someday, Little one," he threatens me.
His threats are starting to slowly piss me off. They sound pathetic since he doesn't do anything but promise things he never does. "Empty promises again, Alexander?"
I look at him with my head up high, showing no fear. Alexander lifts his hand and traces his eyebrows. He looks past me at the wall behind me, taking two deep breaths. "Just fuck off, alright? I don't have any energy or patience for you."
And just like that, he walks out of the kitchen, putting his hands in his pockets.
I swear to God I've never felt so much hatred for another person in my life before.
Poor Gabby! Disappointed yet again.
Alexander is a weird creature who doesn't really know what he wants, huh?
I hope you liked this chapter.
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