Daniel knew she was right. If he wanted to be more than the friend she didn't tell her boyfriend about, he had to be there when she needed him. He wished he could explain her why he had disappeared into nowhere. He wished he could tell her what he was and what he was willing to do for her. He wished he could tell her the real reason he had wanted to meet her at the library in the city centre instead of the one at her school. But he couldn't. Not until he had found a way to be with her for the rest of her life. Not until he knew for sure he would not just take her happiness away without giving her anything in return.
"And before you ask, yes I'm still angry about that." Melody shrugged her shoulders.
"You have all rights to be." Daniel nodded. "I'm trying to be better, okay?" He smiled and Melody rolled her eyes, but smiled back at him.
"It's almost impossible to be worse. Not if you still want to be called friend, at least." Melody sighed. She had had her fair share of fake friends over the years.
Her first best friend, Thomas, had been her first love too. He had asked her to date her when they had both been seven and he had broken up with her when they had been eight.
Melody had been to a hair dresser and had cut her hair without asking permission to do so.
Daniel had always believed that even for an eight year old that was a stupid argument and most of all he had seen how heartbroken Melody had been.
Maya, a girl in her class, had taken Melody under her wings and all had been fine for a couple of years. Then Maya had all of a sudden lost interest in Melody and had stopped being the best friend she had been for years.
Daniel didn't know if it had been fate or bad luck, but this circle had repeated itself over and over.
Every time someone had chosen to become Melody's best friend, they had eventually let her down again too.
A part of Daniel was hoping that maybe that would happen with Max too, but another part of him knew that if Max would break Melody's heart no one would be able to glue it anymore. Daniel's only chance was making sure that Melody was the one breaking Max' heart. Daniel's only chance was finding a way to become a real competitor and win her heart in an honest, direct duel with the boy who had made her smile like no one else had ever done.
"Let's first see if this library has what you're looking for." Melody walked towards the huge gates of the library.
Even though the library at her school was already quite impressive, the one in the city centre was even bigger. And of course the psychology books and the books about myths, rites and folklore were not located anywhere near each other.
"I think you need something about self harm and suicide prevention?" Melody used the words almost without thinking about it and Daniel saw a few people around them tensing their muscles.
His lips curled up into a smile. Despite everything thoughts like that had never crossed her mind and he admired her for it.
She had been in so much pain. She had endured so much. And still she used the words self harm and suicide as if it were nothing but words in a study book.
"Yes, yes I think I do." He didn't, but he followed Melody to the right section and he watched her while she cocked her head and let her eyes go over the titles.
She looked calmer than she had ever done before and a smile was playing around her lips.
Daniel knew that Max was the one making her this happy and he knew he was selfish for wanting to take that away from her. But Daniel hoped that maybe he could give her something even better.
"Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna help me?" Melody looked over her shoulder and Daniel shook his head.
"I was not just standing here." Daniel grinned, but Melody put her free arm in her side.
"No? What were you doing then?" She turned around and leaned casually against the shelves behind her, her crutch dangling from her arm. She didn't seem to notice that the books she was leaning against almost fell on the floor, but Daniel quickly caught her arm when she lost her balance.
"Those books are not as stable as you think they are." He smiled, one arm around her waist and one hand still holding her arm. His heart skipped a few beats and he had no idea how much time passed. A minute? A second? Half an hour?
"Thanks..." Melody looked up at him. Her hands were resting on his chest and her blue eyes had all those different shades now he was standing near enough to see it. "I'm fine." She scratched her neck, the crutch dangling in between them.
Daniel realised she couldn't step back and reluctantly he let her go eventually stepping back himself. "I know. It was just a reflex, sorry."
"It's fine." Melody stared at him and she bit her lip. "So, let's check the books again, shall we?" She turned around once more, but her cheeks changed colour.
The smile on Daniel's face brightened and he cocked his eyes, pretending to read the titles of the books too.
For a moment there was nothing but silence.
Melody selected a few books, but Daniel didn't read a word. He was too aware that she was standing this close to him. He was too aware that it was her body warmth he could feel and sense. He was too aware that he had caused her to blush.
"Maybe you can start going through these ones?" Melody looked up and Daniel stared at the pile of books in her arms. "They seem not too complicated and filled with great advice."
"Are you now openly doubting my intelligence?" Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head slightly while he stared at the girl he had seen growing up.
"You said that everything in the library at the faculty was too complicated." She pushed the books into his arms. "Your words. Not mine."
"I had that coming." Daniel wrapped his arm around the books. "Do you need a computer to get work done?"
Melody shook her head. "No, I was actually going to look up some books too. I have all kinds of scientific books, but it won't hurt to check a few books written for laymen."
Daniel shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He couldn't simply walk over to one of the empty tables without her coming with him, but he couldn't really tell her that either.
"You don't have to wait for me. You can already claim us a spot?" Melody seemed to assume that his answer would be yes, because she already turned her head back to the books.
"No, I'll just wait here until you've found the books you were looking for." Daniel swallowed. The palms of his hands started sweating and he bit his lip.
"Are you afraid you'll get lost here without me?" Melody looked over her shoulder once more while she shook her head.
"Something like that..." Daniel sighed. "I can't really explain it, okay?"
Melody frowned her eyebrows and she stared at him as if she was debating whether or not she was going to ask him to try explain it anyway. "So, you have some kind of separation anxiety then?"
Daniel wanted to say no, but closed his mouth before he managed to say the first letter. Maybe he had some kind of separation anxiety. "Something like that, yes..."
"Okay, I'll try to find the books quickly then." She turned around again and Daniel couldn't help staring at her once more. She didn't need to hurry when it was up to him. She could read titles and check books as long as she wanted.
During the last twenty one years he had never grown tired of staring at her, but staring at her while she could see him staring was a different experience. He was allowed to be here. He was allowed to watch her. He was allowed to stare at her.
"I think I've got enough to get started." Melody all of a sudden turned around and Daniel realised he had held his breath for way too long. "Are you coming?" She headed towards one of the empty tables and Daniel made sure to follow her.
Of course he was coming. He couldn't go anywhere without her. Wherever she went, he went too. And he wouldn't want it to be any differently.
"Let me know if you need help with something, okay?" Melody put her books on the table and then she sat down in one of the comfortable chairs.
Daniel just nodded and sat down in the chair opposing her. He most of all needed help with coming up with an excuse to check the books he actually wanted to read, but that was something he couldn't ask her.