Regulus and Sirius Black's Clubhouse
"Regulus and Sirius Black's Clubhouse - No house elves or adults allowed." Sirius grinned at the parchment Regulus had just handed him, then looked up at his brother. "Brilliant, Reg. It's exactly the sort of sign we need. Let's go." Sirius grabbed his brother's hand and pulled him along up the steep steps of the Black family home, up-up-up into the attic, where Sirius and Regulus had spent the morning assembling their clubhouse - a blanket fort, built using several old duvets stored away by Walburga months ago, and several drapes they'd found in the myriad of steamers. They'd tucked the end of the duvet into a drawer in a dresser and draped it over onto a few high-backed chairs from an old dining set, propped several old portraits against the sides to create walls, and covered the bottom with an oriental rug, loads of blankets and pillows, and stacks of comics and Quidditch magazines and a large bar of chocolate that Sirius had gotten for his birthday.
Regulus stood, squirming with excitement, watching as Sirius spello-taped the parchment he'd made onto the front side of one of the walls, and there it hung - labelling their private space.
"Good one Reg! Now it's official." Sirius smiled and patted his brother on the head, like he was a dog.
They crawled into the clubhouse together, excited to get in there and they lit a lantern they had knicked from Walburga's library and Regulus quickly wrapped himself in one of the blankets. The attic was cold. Sirius grinned, "One day, when I get my wand from Mr. Ollivander's, I'll magic heat in here so we'll be warm." He dug 'round in his pockets and handed a pair of mittens to Regulus. "For now, put these on before you catch your death of cold." He said it in a very proper manner - the tone Mother would've used. Regulus tugged the mittens on and watched as Sirius unwrapped the chocolate bar and split it in half roughly. He gave Regulus the bigger half.
They'd sat in that clubhouse all day, reading their comics and magazines, biting into the chocolate happily, and telling each other silly jokes. ("Why did the goose cross the road?" Sirius asked. "Dunno, why?" asked Regulus. "Because the chicken was on holiday!" Sirius answered - and Regulus laughed so hard he honked and Sirius said, "Well you should've known the answer, seeing as it sounds like you were the goose!") Sirius did impressions of Kreacher the House Elf and they wrestled and when Sirius mussed up Regulus's hair, Regulus did it back and Sirius let him without putting up any real fight (though he made a show of pretending to fight it). He always let Regulus win at gobstones and he'd tell Regulus how great he was and when it was getting late and Regulus started to fall asleep, Sirius told him a bedtime story about a dog named Snuffles that went on grand adventures. Snuffles was Regulus's favorite and he fell asleep leaning against Sirius's shoulder, tired from a long day of fun with his big brother and feeling altogether warm as Sirius pulled blankets up around them, rubbing Regulus's shoulder...
That was the memory Regulus had used when he'd produced the patronus. He'd conjured it to mind so vividly that he could almost feel the touch of Sirius's palm to his shoulder and the rise and fall of Sirius's chest as he breathed and hear the beat of Sirius's heart in his ear... He'd lingered on that feeling - that safe, warm feeling - and the expecto patronum had worked as simply as any charm he'd learned in first year. Regulus stared, stunned, as the dog bound about the Defense Against the Dark Arts room, his body in such shock that he could practically feel the blood moving through his veins...
He looked up as Snuffles the dog laid at his feet and his eyes met Sirius's.
A charge ran through them such as what Regulus had not felt in years. Sirius stared at him in shock, his jaw hanging open. Everything seemed to have fallen away besides the two of them. He swallowed nervously. "Sirius --" he started.
There was a brief moment in which Sirius's grey eyes widened and searched Regulus's darker eyes, his eyebrows raised just a little bit... There was a moment in which Sirius's shoulders sort of shifted and his toes pointed directly toward Regulus and everything about his body language said that he was about to give in...
And then Sirius turned away and he left the room, slamming the door behind him.
There was a ringing, strange silence that filled the room following Sirius's departure. Regulus felt like he'd been gutted. He closed his eyes and let the world catch up to him. The first sound was an audible pop! as the patronus disappeared from his feet... and the shuffling of all those student's feet and Gideon Prewett shouting that it was time to call it quits for the day and he'd see them all next week and good job everybody... and they were all leaving and Regulus watched them go - a colourful blur - and there was James Potter, standing across the room from him, still among all the movement. Regulus locked eyes with James and James looked apologetic, and then he hurriedly ducked out of the room.
"Are you okay? What was that about?" Maryrose asked gently, touching Regulus's shoulder.
Regulus nodded, "I'm fine."
Maryrose frowned, "You don't look fine."
"Well I am," Regulus replied and he wiped his nose with his fist, dragging his robe sleeve across it roughly, and he wrapped his fist about the medallion she'd given him. You are brave, it said. You are brave, he told himself. Brave people don't cry. Brave people don't cry. Sirius wouldn't cry and Sirius is the bravest person you know. So you can't cry. You are brave.
Gideon Prewett came over. "Excellent job, Regulus," he said, though his tone was a bit heavier than it'd been when he'd said it during the class. "You did a very excellent job."
Regulus nodded. "Thanks," he said.
But if he'd done so excellently, why did he feel so horrible?
And why hadn't Sirius told him so?
James caught up to Sirius in the hall outside the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey had kicked Sirius out without letting him in to see Remus ("He's resting and regrowing bones, Mr. Black! You'll need to come back later!"), and Sirius had taken to pacing up and down the hall, tugging on his hair, his breath short. James jogged up to him and stood, watching Sirius pacing. "Alright, mate?" he asked.
Sirius stared at him hard and shook his head, "Do I look it?"
"No," James admitted.
"Well ferfuckssake, Prongs, why the hell're you asking, then?"
James shrugged, "Because that's what humans do. You're obviously not familiar with human culture. This is called being kind. Give it a whirl."
Sirius glared at him.
Now was not the time for jokes. "What are you upset about?"
Instead of directly answering, Sirius spouted out with, "How dare he!"
"How dare who?"
"Regulus!"
James shook his head, "I'm sorry. How dare Regulus what, exactly?"
"That patronus, Potter! That patronus! Don't tell me you didn't see it! It was Snuffles, exactly Snuffles. The little bastard's gone and used Snuffle's likeness as his bloody patronus. Of all the underhanded little shit ways to try and get at me, this may just be the stinking lowest he could've done."
"Excuse me?"
"Potter! Don't you see? Reg's gone and made his patronus Snuffles on purpose to make me talk to him, to weaken me up. Probably wants to imperius me or something!" Sirius shook his head, "He is such a Slytherin! Using something as - as - as Snuffles to --"
James flapped his arms, "Hang on, mental one. There's holes all through your plot here. Slow down. Listen to yourself. No way did Regulus do that on purpose. Gideon Prewett's just said that patroni work the way animaguses do! It's not up to the person what shape it is, it happens based on deep stuff, stuff way deeper than your bloody brother wanting to imperius you or anything like that. Don't be mad!"
"I'm not mad, I just know Regulus's intentions are anything but pure. He is exactly like my father, James. Spittin' image. Ain't no way he's naturally come up with Snuffles as his patronus. No way."
"Sirius, what if he has?"
"Ferfuckssake, Potter."
"I'm serious!"
Sirius paused. He looked at James. The joke played at the edge of his lips, but he was too angry. He paced.
James sighed. He'd really hoped the words I'm serious would make Sirius's face break into a smile like it usually did. The fact that it did not was proof of just how much of a wreck over all this he was. "Just give the kid a chance."
"Fuck chances," Sirius answered with a dramatic flair to his voice, his arms flapping, "I've given him chances! Gave him chances before - when he was ickle and had a chance to see reason! Brainwashed!! He's brainwashed, James! BRAINWASHED! Mother's changed everything about him. He isn't the same person he was when he was my brother."
The words when he was my brother hung cold in the air.
James frowned.
"Or perhaps it's me that's not his brother anymore, I dunno. Perhaps it's me that's changed. And if it is, then I've changed for the better and there's no way in hell I'm turning back now. No way." Sirius shook his head. "James, Regulus is poison in my well, don't you understand? I'm fighting for my life, alright? And Regulus is the one thing that could kill me and pull me under."
James didn't fully understand what Sirius was talking about. He had a feeling Remus would've, but seeing as Remus was currently growing back a knee, he wasn't there to understand. So James did the best he could at it. He sighed and ran a hand over his hair, fussing it up more than it already was. "Well, mate, I mean... what if he has changed? What if you've both changed and you could be brothers again? I mean... I mean you always complain about people looking down on you about being a Black. Yeah? Like Rey's dad did? Well what if that's what you're doing to Regulus."
"I'm not." Sirius's voice was firm. "You dunno him, Potter."
James knew by the weight to the sentence that Sirius was finished with the topic and James ceeded and fell silent. Sirius pushed by him. "I'm going back to the dormitory to get the invisibility cloak so I can get past the hospital ward nazi!" And he rushed off down the hall, leaving James behind.
James stood there in the hall for a long moment, thinking how Sirius was being a hypocrite for not even giving his brother a chance... and honestly, James felt his heart break just a little bit for poor Regulus Black.