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Chapter 31
"Connor!" I shouted and Connor run towards me, he just went out to get me a water.
"What baby? Are you hurting?" He worriedly asked.
I shook my head and hold his hand, and placed in on the side of my belly where I felt my little guy moved.
His eyes widened, but his expression was neutral. My little one kicked harder this time and I know he felt it on his hand.
"I-is that...him?" He carefully asked. I smiled and nodded at him.
My little champ kicked again and Connor's face is not showing any emotion, he's just...feeling the baby.
"I'll be a good soccer player daddy" I murmured, then the little one kicked again. I laughed when I felt him and Connor's face softened.
"Kiss me daddy." I said, wanting my little one to feel his love for him.
Connor was hesitant, he looked at me straight to the eyes.
I nodded at him, encouraging him. He held my belly and looked at it, then kissed it. "I love you daddy." I said.
For the remaining days of my life, my last goal will be for my little man to be loved by his daddy. I've been feeling weak, I do not know how long, how long can I still hold the pain, but I'll keep fighting for him.
"I'll be back baby." He said before walking away.
The doctors walked into my room, with mom and dad, they were happy to know how the baby is going, he's a very strong little man.
"In three weeks time we have to pull him out..."
"I can do it until the ninth..." I said.
"That's all you've got Valerie." Dad authoritatively said. "We've given you enough time, now give this to us."
I sighed and looked away, if I am to decide I'll finish the nine months, "What's the plan?" I asked.
"Stem cell therapy. Mr. Spencer will be the donor. It's safe for him. It's still young, we do not know if it'll be successful, but the chance here is 50:50 now. There's a great chance you'll live..."
"However, we have to be honest, there's a chance you will not, or you'll be comatose for, we do not know, depending on you, depending if your body and mind can take it."
"If there's a chance that the risks of failing will be lessened do it, whatever costs, I don't care. Just do it." Daddy said.
The doctors nodded and walked out. The four of us were left inside, "Maybe it's time for us to talk about what will happen if I leave." I said, breaking the silence.
Mommy walked to my side and hugged me, "We are doing everything for you to live baby. Don't think negatively." She softly said. "What will you feel if I was not at your side while you're growing up?" She asked, growing up without mommy? I can never imagine that.
"That's why you have to fight honey, for your baby..." She warmly smiled at me, "A mother's love is different..."
I nodded at mom and hugged her... "But still mom, if, if that day comes, guide Connor." I said, looking at him.
"He might hate the world, or our little one." I said.
"In the future, he might find another woman, let him. Dad, please let him." I said, looking at dad.
"Don't suppress the opportunities coming to him, let him, let him fall in love again..."
"In case you wouldn't want the baby, Connor, just go knocking into the palace... N-no questions will be asked from you... Give them my little one a-and I want you to walk away..."
"Do not feel guilty at all..." I said, holding at my belly. "It's my choice to keep him alive... I will never force you to accept him... I-in case, you fall in love again, a-and the baby has no place... B-bring him to the palace... T-they will whole heartedly accept him..."
"D-dad... Thank you for always protecting me... Thank you for everything... Thank you, because you are my daddy... Those days I will ask you to bring me to disneyland, those days I will go at your office just to check on you... Thank you dad."
"Mom, I love you. Thank you for always defending me, even if sometimes I'm being the reason why you are fighting with dad. Thank you for convincing him to set me free...."
"Thank you for letting me move in with Connor... I know daddy will never agree about it, but you made it happen.... You are the best mom in the world mommy... And in case I will not be there to see my baby growing... Please love him the way you love me mom."
"Connor..."
"Don't!" He shouted...
"Why are you so unfair Valerie?" He said, tears falling down. "You kept on surrendering! You keep on saying goodbyes! How about me? Do you even think about me?!"
"D-do you even think if I can take living without you? With the fact the you will die?!" He cried even harder.
"You've been living for that little life we created, how come you cannot live for me? For your family? Why are you being so selfish? Why do you want to leave?"
He cried, and it breaks my heart seeing Connor cry. "If I will be given a chance, I'd rather be in your position. I'd rather be the one to leave you Valerie, I'd rather be the one to die, than to see you dying..."
"Can't you see? I love you so much and I cannot see myself living without you Valerie... Why are you so selfish?" He said then he left the room.
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Dear Connor,
This is one of the many letters I made for you, and maybe, this is the last.
Today, we had a confrontation. I thought, as you spend more time with me, you will learn to accept that one day, I will have to leave.
I'm sorry if you think I am selfish, but then, I will never change any decision I did, given the chance.
You may not be aware, but you are one of them most sought after Bachelor in the world. At your age, you deserve going to parties, one night stands, drinking....
You do not deserve being beside me, holding my hair while I vomit. Trying to please me, just to eat. Walking with me, or carrying me when I'm too weak.
You should not be wasting your time with a sick girl like me, your world shall not stop because of me.
These were my reasons why I chose to leave instead of telling you the truth. I never wanted to see you like this.
That one day when I saw you went out with a beautiful, healthy young lady, I was hurt, yes,
But the I was happy too. Knowing you started mending your broken heart.
I know you've always been faithful, I know there was no one else.
And at some point in time, I wished there was someone else...
So it'll be easier for you to move on, to continue your life...
Please continue living. Be the happy Connor that I know.
I know I have told you this, but then, I just wanted to repeat it once more, because maybe, this will be the last chance that I can tell you everything I wanted to say...
In case you feel you do not want my little champ, go straight to the palace, and bring him with you. Anyone there will accept him, walk away, don't explain, they will fully understand.
I already told mom and dad about it, I will assure you, even if I am not around anymore, you will not be hurt just because you gave them the baby.
Don't feel guilty. In fact, I have prepared for it.
One regret that I have in life was actually not seeing you happy while I am still alive.
It was one of my bucket list.
I wanted to see you again with another woman, holding hands with her, going to movies with her, holding her shopping bags.
Kissing under the rain, making love with her, and moving in with her.
I wanted to see that Connor.
That's why, even though this is might be last letter, I am giving this to you now, for you to read.
You might be mad at me, or at dad and mom, because when you come back the guards will not let you in and give you this letter.
However, just think of this as a key, for you to start moving on even if I am still alive...
I know, I know I will not live after the surgery.
My body is too weak now Connor.
Whenever you will ask me to eat, I'm trying, but then most of the time I throw it away or vomit it.
At night when I tell you I'm craving for something, I'm just giving you a reason to go out so you will not hear me cry because my head hurts so much.
In the day when you tell me you love me, usually I don't answer you back verbally, because I think in that way you will not feel my love.
Life is too short Connor. Enjoy it, look for the woman God had made for you.
It is not yet the end.
And if ever you decided to keep the baby, tell him how much I love him. Tell him how much I wanted to be with him.
Seeing you sad breaks my heart too. I know you cannot endure the pain anymore. I called Uncle Jeanne and Aunt Katherine to get you, to bring you back to Lexumbia.
Go Connor. Your life is worth so much more than taking care of a sick ex-girlfriend of yours...
Yes, I'm breaking up with you, and officially setting you free. You deserve it.
Thank you Connor! I will always guide you from the above.
Valerie Maegan.