~Chapter Ten: ...What?~
"Will you go out with me?" Jasper blurts. Without giving me a chance to answer or, rather, ask what he means by 'go out', he continues, "I-I mean, we've been hanging out a bit and, uh, I really don't want to make things awkward between us by asking, but I'm really attracted to you and, um, I'm hoping it's mutual?"
Once he finishes with his voice rising near the end as his statement turns into a question, we lapse into silence. While he suffers from his awkward embarrassment with a flushed face, I attempt to understand what he is implying. By 'go out', does he mean to a movie in theatres or perhaps a trip to the bowling place? And what does attraction have to do with this? "All right?" I try to sound like I mean what I am saying, though I still am not certain what I am agreeing to.
Jasper is oblivious to my confusion, though, and his face lights up with excitement when he finally looks away from his feet to meet my confused stare. "Really?" He asks, grinning widely. "You're okay with dating me?"
It takes a moment for me to place the term 'dating', and then the situation finally makes sense. Oh, this is...unexpected. What do I do?
On one hand, dating humans is a bad idea. I have not heard a single positive story of a god-human relationship in my pantheon. Even the Fae avoid mixing with humans, though it was more common for them than it was for us. Humans have such short lifespans and can be very fickle in their love. While this is not true of all humans, I have been told that human love is not something a god should mess with.
On the other hand, I am not 'messing' with human love like a god of love would. I have made no intentional attempts to gain Jasper's favor, nor am I influencing him with magic. This attraction or whatever it is was developed by him alone. And as someone who is attracted to him as well – albeit in a more physical sense, as he spends too much time confusing me for me to have gained any interest in him intellectually yet – it would be foolish of me to reject him on the basis of not knowing him well enough. I recall much of courting to be about gaining knowledge on a potential spouse, and dating seems to be much the same thing.
"I am," I decide.
Though I was not expecting it, nor have I been looking to start another relationship, I am not simply going to let this opportunity slip by merely because I am not certain it is a good idea with my limited knowledge of current times. Jasper is a pleasant person to be around and, apparently, he is interested in men, which I find is not all that common in this area. If I could start a relationship with Atlas, someone I was not fond of at first, then a relationship with someone I find amusing and agreeable should be easier to keep and hopefully will not end in betrayal.
Jasper suddenly lunges forward and I find myself pulled into a hug. This is quite awkward, as one of my arms is stuck at my side and I am not certain what I should do with the other, but my stiffness does not seem to bother him in the least. When he does not immediately release me, though, I carefully rub my hand over his back in what I hope is an acceptable gesture.
When he does let go a moment later, he is once again self-consciously looking at his toes, but there is also a large smile on his face that does not look like it will diminish soon. "Sorry," he mumbles, "I got excited."
I want to tell him he has nothing to apologize for, but instead I just nod. I wish to take a step back, as we are practically toe to toe, but with the counter in the way, all I can do is clear my throat. "I regret that this needs asking, but where I come from, 'dating' was likely different than it is here. What does one do when they are dating?" I inquire, and he finally looks up at me.
During a courtship, there are plenty of different ways to go about wooing the one you wish to marry or know better. Among the gods, it was far more personal, gift giving and playing nice with the family or other loved ones of your partner. As for the humans, they had many different ways of going about courting. My personal favorite came from the Scandinavians on how the young men would pretty much avoid their brides-to-be until the wedding to prevent bringing shame upon her household.
But I do not see how that will help me here, as I doubt Jasper would take kindly to me avoiding him.
My question seems to stump Jasper, though, making me wonder if he knows any about dating either. However, I soon find out that it was my prelude to the question, not the question itself, which causes him pause. "What kind of dating did you have in Scotland that you think it would be different here?"
I should not have added that part, I realize too late.
"Well," I start, allowing myself a moment to gather my thoughts. When I come up with no obvious explanation, I settle for the truth. "There was no dating."
Jasper looks more confused by this, but I guess he has no idea of what to ask, as no questions follow. Instead, he reluctantly returns to my own question. "There's not really a set way to date, I guess," he answers, frowning rather adorably in thought. "I mean, most people do things like cuddling, going on dates, talking, and s...um, other things."
His face flushes slightly at whatever he cut himself off from saying, but he continues anyway, "Some couples go out a lot, while others stay in. My last boyfriend was more into fancy things like wine tasting and going to expensive restaurants, but I prefer the cheesy stuff, like picnics, carnivals, and stuff."
I have no idea what a 'carnival' is, but picnics are something I understand and I can 'cuddle'...probably. It has been a while and it used to take a strong feeling of comfort before I would cuddle with Atlas. I suppose I will have to see how comfortable I am around Jasper in a more intimate setting, as I have so far proved that I am very nervous and concerned about social rules when in close proximity with him as a neighbor-friend.
"Do you have any hobbies? Anything you might like to do on a date?" Jasper asks a moment later, and I realize I just filled the silence by staring at him while deep in thought. That was likely very unsettling for him.
I hesitate for only a moment before shaking my head. "I enjoy reading and cooking, but I am not certain how that would assist with our dating," I reveal, rather unhappy that I cannot be of use.
Jasper smiles a little, and I notice a slight edge of amusement to it. "Couple's cooking classes," he mumbles.
Pretending not to have heard the quiet murmur, I lean forward slightly and ask, "Pardon?"
He immediately straightens up, his ears red instead of his cheeks this time. "N-nothing," he says, clearing his throat and finally taking a step back. "Don't, uh, don't worry about it. We can come up with something later. There's bound to be something interesting going on sometime soon."
"All right," I agree reluctantly, not sure what to do now.
There is yet another moment of awkward silence before he breaks it with, "I, uh, should probably let you go. I have this mess to clean up and it'd be boring just to watch me clean it all."
"Then I shall see you at a later time?" I ask, wondering if I should be relieved to have an easy escape to return to my apartment to think this over, or worried that I am being subtly asked to leave. Have I already messed up this 'dating'?
Jasper smiles brightly again. "Absolutely," he agrees cheerfully, and then walks me to the door.
He sees me out with a large smile and a small wave, and I can hear that he does not shut his door until mine is closing behind me. Not even ten seconds later, I am wondering what I have gotten myself into this time.
- - - - - - -
I vaguely remember arriving at work the next morning. Caught up in my own thoughts, I barely manage a few simple greetings and nods to my coworkers before disappearing into the kitchen. The look Rose and Jessica share with each other does not go unnoticed by me, but I am too lost in my thoughts to particularly care.
These thoughts of mine are not necessarily bad, though. Rather, I am curious about this new relationship with Jasper. Far too many things could go badly, but I could also learn a great deal about humans and perhaps find something more enjoyable about acting human. I have heard that one of the great many things of being human is finding a 'soul mate'. While they do not have such things as 'soul bonds', like the Were and other supernatural beings, humans can form a very deep connection with each other and I wonder if I can do the same with one of them.
However, if Ullr tells my mother, or someone else from my pantheon discovers my location, I will need to drop everything and leave, which could mean leaving behind Jasper without explanation. That would be incredibly cruel to him, especially if we do manage to form a deeper connection. Can I truly do that to him?
And could he do that to me?
"A-Allen!" Someone shouts, startling me from my thoughts.
I almost turn to look at whoever shouted, but the smell of burning potatoes forces my attention to the pan in front of me. Without hesitation, I yank the pan off the burner and then proceed to glare at the crisp potato cubes that should be light brown, but are instead five shades too dark. After a moment of indecision, I set the pan on an unused back burner to cool off before I throw them away.
"Are you okay?" Rose asks from behind me, a delicate hand coming to rest on my forearm in concern. I am quite surprised when I realize that she was the one who shouted at me.
"I am fine," I answer, slipping away from her hand to reach for another couple of potatoes to cut up.
When I reach for the knife, Rose slides it away from me, making me frown in annoyance. "You shouldn't be cutting food when you're distracted," she reprimands me softly, and my irritation quickly shifts from her to myself. She is right, after all. How would I explain a cut healing itself?
With a sigh, I retract my hand and rub the bridge of my nose instead, reminding myself that I will have plenty of time to think once I am in my apartment. "I apologize."
"It's okay, but do you need to...talk about it?" She asks warily, releasing the knife now that she knows I will not be attempting to use it just yet.
For a moment, I consider not telling her anything, as it has nothing to do with her and she has a job that likely requires her attention at the moment. However, the sincerity in her question still makes me hesitate in rejecting her offer without at least testing her response. "I recently agreed to date someone and I am starting to doubt my decision," I explain, and watch her expression grow a little more guarded.
There is a slight pause before she quietly asks, "Doubts about what? Do you not like her?"
I wonder if I should let her continue to perceive my relationship as one with a woman, but decide against it. Just because the humans of this time seem to dislike such unions, it does not mean I have to hide it from them. "He interests me greatly, but I do not wish to hurt him, nor do I wish to be hurt by him," I reply.
A faint smile appears on her face, though it is not a pleasant one; rather, it looks somewhat self-deprecating. "I should have known," she mutters under her breath, confusing me. Known what? "Bad things happen, but don't enter a relationship doubting your partner or yourself. Trust him to try to make this work like he should trust you to do the same."
"You give very good advice," I compliment after thinking over her advice for a moment, genuinely pleased with what she had to say. While it does not alleviate my concerns, I do feel considerably more confident. That confidence will likely fade as time goes on, but for now, it should hopefully allow me to relax enough to focus on work.
"Thanks," she says, her small smile taking on a happier edge. However, that happiness fades quickly as it is replaced by seriousness. "Before I go back to work, I should warn you about Jess. She's not homophobic, but she was raised in a strict family and it shows, so maybe keep your gender preference a secret from her?"
While the idea of hiding my 'gender preference' does not sit well with me, I reluctantly nod. I took a chance by telling Rose, and though she proved it was the right choice, I probably should not take that chance again. I only have so many human friends. "All right," I agree, all the while wondering what 'homophobic' means.
Rose turns on her heels and walks out of the kitchen without a goodbye, but then, I suppose I will be seeing her in a few minutes once I finish this next order. Taking a deep, grounding breath, I reach for the knife to return to what I am being paid to do. Once the new potatoes are sizzling in oil in the pan, I dump the ruined potato chunks into the trash.
As I am serving up the order, I notice Nate walking around the diner, which is somewhat odd considering the time. However, it appears he is speaking with one of the customers – the happy smiles exchanged says it is a good visit, not something I might have to worry about in concerns to my cooking – which explains why he is out and about. This also gives me a moment to watch him. Or, more accurately, glare at his back. It is his fault Ullr found me, after all.
Nothing has ever clued me in that he might be the follower of a once-young-now-old religion. Still, I should ask him about it to ensure that Ullr was telling the truth and that there is not some other method of finding me that I should concern myself about. However, I am not sure how to broach the subject without rousing suspicion.
Before I have the chance to figure out my options, though, my boss starts walking back to his office. Since I do not want to have to visit him in his office to have my answers, as it could be a while before I have enough free time to leave the kitchen, I foolishly call out through the divider, "Mr. Obadiah."
Nate looks surprised, but immediately changes directions so that he is approaching me. I wait until he is inside the counter area before cautiously asking, "Do you know of any places a person could go to worship the Norse religion?"
It seems my subtly has left me today...
My lack of subtly is not missed by my boss, as his eyes narrow in suspicion. However, it is not like he knows what he should be suspicious of, since it is a rather direct question. "Not nearby, no," he says, doing well to keep the suspicion from his tone despite how his body language says otherwise. "Why do you ask?"
"I come from an old family set in the old ways," I answer, truthful but vague. Sometimes it is the simplest explanations that are best, as it leads many to connect the dots themselves. I have encountered many humans who easily spot lies, which is why it is best not to give one.
Nate hums softly in thought. "My wife and I follow the old ways as well, though perhaps not as closely as we should. If you would like, you could join us for a Yule celebration my wife and I are hosting on the 22nd of December," he offers, crossing his arms, but not in a hostile way. Rather, he seems intrigued by the idea of having me join. The idea is not as appealing to me, though.
Heimdallr, if he is watching, must be laughing at me.
"Regrettably, I already have plans for that day," I say, attempting to sound as remorseful as I can muster. Honesty clearly is not working in my favor, so lies it is.
Nate does not seem all that bothered by the fact that I claim to be busy and only nods in acceptance, though I can see the mirth in his expression that he tries to hide. I have a feeling that my lie did not go unnoticed. "Of course. If you change your mind, don't hesitant to visit my office or give me a call," my boss says before returning to his office.
Once he disappears from sight, I scowl at nothing for a moment, thinking over the fact that my boss is, in fact, a Norse follower. I am not sure whether I should be relieved or annoyed that Ullr was telling the truth. On one hand, I have no need to worry about some other mysterious way Ullr found me unless this is some very elaborate lie, which is unlike him. On the other, Heimdallr can check up on me at work whenever he wishes. I do not like the thought of being watched when I cannot watch them back.
However, I am soon pulled from my quiet seething when the diner door opens and a young couple walks in, reminding me of my duties. Reluctantly, I retreat further into the kitchen to wait until the next order comes in. This continues until the next cook arrives to take over.
Trying to keep my mind in reality for now, I focus on waving to Jessica and Rose on the way out, as they still have a few more hours on their shift. As soon as I step out into the chilly air, I take a deep breath, and then promptly fight off a shiver at the sudden lack of the diner's warmth. Once again, I find myself scowling at nothing, only this time, it is not out of irritate but concern.
I felt fine this morning and did not even notice the biting cold of the early morning air. Now I am wishing I thought to bring gloves, or even own gloves. Fighting off another shiver, I start walking back to my apartment complex, albeit a little faster than my normal strolling pace. I put my hands into my coat pockets, though it does little to soothe the chill.
Could this be Ullr's doing?
That thought almost makes me stop mid-step, but I force myself to keep going. Ullr is, after all, the Norse god of winter. Perhaps this is some odd form of punishment for making him wait to visit.
However, as soon as that thought crosses my mind, I abandon it. While Ullr might be a childish sometimes, he is not vindictive. He could have changed since I last knew him, but if this truly is his fault, I would have felt his magic signature. Whether I use my magic or not, I have always been able to feel magic signatures and I know Ullr's very well; this is not him.
The thought of magic signatures does take me down a different path of alternatives, though. If this is not the cause of a god, then it might be magic itself. I have felt the difference in the magic since day one of being free from the statue. It is quite possible that the difference in magic is the cause for my body having trouble shrugging off the chill. Perhaps I have simply not adjusted enough, and I doubt my disinterest in using it assists in my process of accepting it.
The more I think about it, the more sense it makes, which means it is nothing to worry about. By the time I reach my apartment, I have managed to talk myself into believing that it is nothing more than a magic issue. I still have plenty of other concerns to think about, after all, so now is not the time to be enlarging the list.
As I am tugging off my shoes with slightly stiff fingers, I spot a piece of paper on the ground under where I hang my coat. Since it is a very bright pink, I know it is not something I simply dropped while leaving this morning. Ignoring the fact that I still have one shoe on, I pick up the folded paper and read what is written on it.
-
Allen,
I forgot to give you my phone number. I'm an idiot for forgetting I know we're neighbors so we don't have to text or call each other to make plans, but I'd still like you to have it.
Your boyfriend neighbor boyfriend,
Jasper
-
Below his messily-written note is his number, though I am not sure what to do with it if he does not intend for us to contact each other with the phones. Setting the note on the kitchen counter, I rid myself of the remaining shoe and put away my coat. After a pleasantly warm shower, I retreat to my bed with the intention of reading.
However, it seems my body has other ideas, as my attention starts to waver and with it, my consciousness. It is my fault for not sleeping well enough last night, but after being plagued by unpleasant concerns, sleep was the last thing on my mind. Now, it seems to be at the forefront of my thought, having reached a state of calm...well, a calmer state.
Reluctantly, I move the book aside and bury my face in the pillow. An hour nap should do little harm.
"Ainmire..."
Of course I would not be allowed a dreamless nap.
[AN: I am not super happy with this chapter, but I have a paper final to finish before tomorrow, so not much I can do about it. However, on a happier note, there will be a bit of sexual activity next chapter. Not a whole lot, but enough that it gets a warning, so yay~ Hope everyone survived/survives finals/midterms/whatever without zombifying and I wish all you guys a great week!]