A/N I'm sick, I have a very high fever. So I'm writing this. I'm gonna regret this.
~~~
Remind me to never look for love online.
I used to think that it doesn't matter where you met a person - love can still exist.
I remember scrolling through my instagram, looking at a bunch of pictures. My thumb moved slowly, I was tired, but then I saw him.
Why was I following him again? All he did was post dumb selfies and cosplay pictures, but maybe it was his pretty face that stopped my fingers from pressing that "unfollow" button.
Who knows how long I would have looked at his face, if I wouldn't have noticed the city behind him.
It was my city.
Remind me to never text someone out of the blue again.
I don't know why I did it, I just wanted to know more about him.
Kenma: wow, you're from the same country as me!
Why did I do it again?
Kuroo: what, really? That's amazing!
I never expected a reply in all honesty, it made me happy, I was used to being ignored.
Kenma: yeah, I can't believe it!
Kuroo: maybe we should get to know eachother better? I feel like we would have a lot in common.
Kenma: well, I guess we could. You first.
Kuroo: well, my name is Kuroo Tetsurou. I am 17 years old, I have a step-sister and a step-brother, since my parents are divorced. I love drawing and playing the guitar. Oh, I'm also into anime and tv shows a lot. Though I don't live in that area anymore, I only come there during the summer break.
Kenma: you were right about us having a lot in common. I also love drawing, I love anime. Though, I have a weird obsession with books aswell. I'm Kozume Kenma, also 17.
Kuroo: we're gonna be great friends!!
Remind me to never stay up till 1 AM talking to a person I just met. I can't lie, Kuroo was very cheerful and interesting.
Somehow his cheerfulness travelled through simple messages and made my depressed self feel better.
How long was it gonna last this time? One month? Two? Whenever I talked to a person online, they would leave me and forget me after some time.
So I didn't hope for a lot.
Remind me to never talk about my past with a friend online.
Some time had passed and I couldn't help but open up. Kuroo was truly someone I started to trust. Maybe it was his reassuring messages that made me feel like I could trust him.
Kuroo: hey, are you okay? I saw your post...
Kenma: not really.. My parents are arguing again. I think I'm gonna have a panic attack.
Kuroo: calm down and breathe. I know what panic attacks are like. I have social anxiety myself, I'm here for you. You can tell me everything.
Kenma: i already thought about killing myself, but maybe talking to you is a better option.
Kuroo: please don't say that, I'll always be here for you.
I shouldn't have believed him.
Remind me to never talk about love to a person I'm slowly developing a crush on.
It was a simple day, I had no idea what was awaiting me. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket once again.
Kuroo: hey hey are you here?
Kuroo: helloooooooo
Kuroo: please be here I have news and I need help
Kenma: what is it? Did you win a lottery?
Kuroo: no I wish. I'm going to comic con anD I'M MEETING MY BOYFRIEND THERE
Kenma: boyfriend? You never told me about a boyfriend.
I could feel my heart racing, what was this feeling? Was I jealous? I never even met Kuroo in real life!
And yet, it hurt.
Kuroo: yeah, we met online, we have met a couple of times and finally we're meeting again in comic con. I'm really stressed! Please help me with my outfit!
Kenma: ah, congrats! I hope you two have a good time! Who do you wanna cosplay as?
Kuroo: I was thinking about Tatsuya from KnB? How does this look?
*picture attached*
I stared at the picture for a few minutes, he looked so adorable and handsome. His outfit was perfect, not to mention his face was also perfect.
Kenma: it's perfect! You look amazing, go get em tiger!
Remind me to never trust another person online.
I was really motivated that day, I wanted to draw and Kuroo wasn't answering my messages. That was when I came along a certain person. His watercolor drawings were out of this world, not to mention they also had an obsession with same animes as me.
So I built up the courage and wrote a message to them.
Kenma: hey, you don't know me, but I'd like to say that I love your art a lot. It's absolutely amazing and you are very talented.
Tsukishima: oh, thank you! I don't usually get messages like that. Wait, I know you! You're drawings are amazing too!
Was this a dream? Was I dreaming?
Remind me to never rant about my crush to another person.
Time had passed and I was friends with Tsukishima. He was an amazing person, he never failed to motivate me, he always listened to my rants. I guess telling him about my crush wouldn't hurt..
Kenma: heyy, do you have a minute?
Tsukishima: yeah, what is it?
Kenma: I need an advice. What would you do if you developed a crush on someone who is already dating somebody else?
Tsukishima: knowing me I would probably continue going for that person. I'm persistant. Why are you asking? Does it have something to do with Kuroo?
Kenma: you cheeky bastard, how did you know?
Tsukishima: those posts are more than enough.
Remind me to never give advice to another person again. They're not gonna use it anyway.
I wasn't over Kuroo, but I realized that if he's happy - I'm happy too. That's what love is about right?
He and his boyfriend seemed to be getting along, yet I had no idea what was really going on.
Kuroo: I'm gonna cry.
Kenma: WHAT HAPPENED BABY
Kuroo: my boyfriend is just.. I don't know. Maybe I should break up with him..
Kenma: what happened??
Kuroo: we haven't been talking that much. I mean, he is online, but it takes him hours to reply to me! He's too busy role playing instead... What should I do?
Kenma: listen to your heart, maybe this love wasn't meant for you.
Somehow I felt happy that he was saying that. I knew how sad he would be, how devastated he would be, but GODDAMNIT I deserve some love too!
Remind me to never get involved in others relationships anymore.
Kuroo: help
Kenma: what is it?
Kuroo: I think I'm gonna break up with him after all.
Kenma: if you need anything I'm here.
Kuroo: *picture attached* I texted him.
The picture was simple. It was him saying hi and waiting for a reply.
After a few messages he texted me again.
Kuroo: ok.. I told him that he has been distant lately and that I don't feel the love anymore.
Kenma: calm down. It will all be fine
Kuroo: omg he just said that he doesn't want me to leave him! I feel so bad. Maybe I should stay?
Kenma: and the hurt him even more when he realizes that you don't actually love him?!
Kuroo: you're right
Kuroo: oh god I did it
Kuroo: my friend texted me! She said that he locked himself in the bathroom and cut himself. What have I done. I'm a terrible person..
Kenma: I'll always be here for you. We'll always be bestfriends so you can trust me, you're not terrible. You did a good thing.
Remind me to never introduce my two greatest friends to eachother.
I made a mistake, I told Tsukishima to text Kuroo. They hit it off. They talked every single day.
And I was glad, I wanted them to know eachother.
Tsukishima knew about my crush, yet he kept his mouth shut, protecting me and my feelings. A great friend, I must say.
Remind me to never get persuaded by my crushes friends anymore.
I was having a great day.
Thinking about Kuroo's messagds before made me happy. He asked if I had someone that I liked. Obviously, it was him.
I was just casually sitting on my bed, it was summer. More than a month had passed since Kuroo broke up with his boyfriend.
I got an unexpected message.
Bokuto: hey, I'm Kuroo's friend! He told me a lot about you. How's life?
Kenma: Kuroo told me about you too! And I'm great.
Bokuto: that's good to hear! How's your love life?
Kenma: my love life?
Bokuto: yeah, like is there someone you like?
Kenma: maybe...
Bokuto: is it Kuroo?
Kenma:...maybe...
Bokuto: *picture attached*
I stared at the picture. It was their conversation. He asked Bokuto to text me? He asked him to ask if I like someone?
Bokuto: he likes you
Kenma: omg omg omg omg this can't be happening
Bokuto: you should tell him
Kenma: now?
Bokuto: yes now
Kenma: like now now????
Bokuto: GO AND TELL HIM IM TIRED OF LISTENING TO HIM RANT ABOUT YOUR PRETTY FACE ALL THE TIME
Remind me to never ever confess again.
My fingers were trembling. Why was I making the first move anyway?
Kenma: Kuroo, I know this is unexpected, but I have something to tell you. Ever since I met you, I felt something. I don't know what it was at first, but now I realize that it's love. We have been friends for quite some time, I know you recently went through a break-up, but I want to be there to help you. I'm in love with you Kuroo.
Kuroo: oh god. Oh god. OH GOD. MY HEART IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF MY CHEST. I DIDNT expect this. Jeez I'm in love with you too! I don't knwo you managed to do that, but I am.
I felt the happiest. And so my happiest 23 days began.
We talked everyday, we announced it everywhere that we started dating, I knew that Kuroo was coming for a visit soon, so we planned a meet up.
I was the happiest. I thought that no one could bring me down.
Days passed and soon I jumped on a bus and went to meet him. I saw him in real life for the first time and my feelings got stronger. He was so handsome, so smart and talented.
We spent days talking. I had his head on my legs, my hand in his hair, slowly playing with it. He had a smile on his face. We cuddled in a middle of the night.
I thought our relationship would grow from here on.
Remind me to never tell my personal opinion ever again.
I came back home that day. I was happy, yet sad. I left Kuroo there.
Somehow, I felt as if something was wrong.
Kenma: I'm sad.
Kuroo: noooo, baby don't be sad.
Kenma: but I miss you already. Though,you could have talked to me more.. We're dating aren't we?
Kuroo: yeah sorry.. I just didn't know what to say. I'm still not over my ex
Kenma: wait what
Kuroo: I'm sorry.
And my 23 happy days vanished in an instant when I read his messages. He wasn't over it.
While I was there developing feelings, he was deciding whether or not he was really in love with me.
I felt betrayed, I felt broken!
Why?
I thought the feeling was mutual.
Days passed. I deleted everything related to us on Instagram. I didn't talk to anyone.
Kuroo: I'm sorry. Don't be mad.
Kenma: so you played me. 4 days ago you said that you love me. And now..
Kuroo: I'm so sorry. I'm a fuck up I know.
I couldn't be mad at him. Could I?
Kenma: I'll be fine.. I told you I'd be here for you anytime right?
Days, months passed.
My life started crumbling down.
Kuroo got back with his ex for a short time, then broke up again. Tsukishima and Kuroo started talking a lot - ignoring me completely.
What was I supposed to do?
Remind me to never look for love again.
I'm gonna live on. I will.
But I'll continue living without love, because my heart still belongs to Kuroo and I can't do anything about it.
.
.
.
.
It's shit I know.
It hurts because this is all true.
Just replace me with Kenma.
- hatari.