Costia liked to think of herself as an extremely level headed person. She never lost control easily. She had heard herself being even compared to the ice queen Nia of Azgeda. But the truth was that for the first time in her life, she felt sunlight creeping in through the chinks in her armor. As much as she would like to believe that she was being overtly friendly to Lexa for political reasons, and that their impending marriage was solely for political reasons, she knew she was hooked.
Costia was hooked to a feeling called Lexa. As Lexa sat in the Polis throne room, listening to the problems and complaints of her people, providing solutions, and ruling, she couldn't help but marvel at her.
Lexa sat on the throne with a grace and poise that only be-fitted her. The sharp cut of her cheekbones, the smouldering gaze, those plump lips... Concentrate Costia, she told herself. You'll soon be married to her.
And she couldn't help but blush at the thought. Her, married to the Commander. The way Lexa's lips slightly curved up when she was pleased, the tattoos that peeked up from her collarbone, armour, and neck, or the way her eyes lit up when she was discussing strategy with her swordswoman Clarke...it would all be for her.
Costia felt both happy and proud for Clarke. One of their own, now serving as the Commander's personal guard. There could be no higher honor. She just wished Lexa would be as animated while interacting with her, as she was, whole interacting with Clarke. But that was because Lexa already knew Clarke, she reasoned. But still, she thought that Lexa was a little too personally attached to her personal guard. The way Lexa ran down the day of the duel when Clarke got hurt, the way Lexa spent all night on Clarke's bedside while she was unconscious...she knew that Clarke was lucky to get attention from the Commander at such a personal level. She wondered if Lexa cared the same way for all her guards.
No, she would have to get closer to Lexa. She was going to marry her, after all. However, nothing she did seemed to break through the Commander's tough exterior. And sitting there, watching Clarke, Lexa and Indra dicuss politics, she knew the answer. Clarke was the closest person to Lexa, Costia had noticed time and again. The Commander was almost friends with her. And who better to ask about a person than a friend. She'd ask Clarke more about Lexa. Before the marriage, she would get a little closer to Lexa no matter what.
***
Clarke ran her fingers over the smooth blade of her dagger, trying to distract herself from Lexa's face. As Indra and Lexa discussed the politics in the north, Clarke noticed Costia, sitting with the ambassadors, a d staring at Lexa. It was a distant longing stare, and for a very brief second, she actually felt a little bad for Costia.
She and Costia had been acquaintances, growing up. All the other kids had hated and bullied Costia for being a Jaha. And Clarke had time and again, tried to incorporate her into her friends' circle. But somehow there has always been a wedge between them. And now, she was sitting there, to be married to Lexa, who in turn was deeply in love with Clarke.
Clarke had noticed Costia and Lexa's interactions. They were uncomfortably cold, with Lexa not even meeting the other girl's eyes most of the time. And part of it was because Clarke knew that Lexa was not only wronging Clarke, but also Costia. Costia would soon be married to someone who would never really pay any heed to her. Lexa would always belong, mind-body-soul to Clarke. And given the current situation, Clarke was content with letting that keep her sane.
But tried as she might, she could not let go of the uneasy feeling whenever she thought about the fact that the love of her life was going to be married to another woman. She knew that Lexa's loyalty towards her would never waver, but there's no knowing what Costia might do. Now that she was her personal guard, she would stick to Lexa and not let the other woman even come near, forget touch her. "Hmmph" she convinced herself.
"What was that?"
Lexa's question broke out out of her daydream. "What?"
"You said something, Clarke?" Lexa asked, a small smile playing at her lips.
"Erm...no...I was just..." Clarke trailed away, blushing a little.
"Sheath that dagger, before you cut your hands off while daydreams, will you?" Lexa smirked.
Clarke saw Indra roll her eyes beside her.
She gave a small glare at Lexa-something only Clarke had the privilege of doing-and sheathed the dagger, bringing her attention back to the troubled politics with Azgeda.
***
Lexa always liked her dinners quiet and private. However with the presence of the other clan heads at Polis, dinner was a grand affair with Lexa sitting at the head of the table, surrounded by the ambassadors.
As Clarke entered the dinner hall, Lexa and Raven were poring over what looked like blueprints of machinery. Clarke gave them a little space, and sat down, waiting for the others to arrive.
"So are you sure, that this engine thing you are talking about, will be able to run this car?" Lexa asked Raven.
"Positive. I have the prototype ready. And if Arkadia is willing to help us with with the rocket fuel and the other fuels in general, we'll have a fleet before the war with the north." Raven said confidently.
Lexa nodded. "So will you be able to present this tomorrow to the leaders? Then I will make an opening statement about the fuel supplies."
"Absolutely Heda!" Raven nodded enthusiastically.
"Only a branwoda would reject the deal," Lexa said confidently.
"A what?" Even though Raven had been at Polis for a year, she still had trouble with some trigedasleng words.
"A bronwoda...someone with little brain...not much intelligence...what do the Arkadians say that is, Raven?"
"Umm..." Raven looked at Lexa's serious face. The Commander was always far too serious for her liking. She needed a little lighting up. "Er...we used to call those people Cinnamon Rolls."
"Cinnamon Rolls?" Lexa said the words over in her head. It was always good to know as much of the language of her people, as possible.
"Who's hungry?" Jasper entered the dinner hall with huge plates of meat, followed by Maya carrying jugs of wine.
"Heda" he bowed, and presented the food.
"Good to see you Jasper,Maya" Lexa acknowledged.
Clarke got up and got Jasper in a tight hug. "How've you been, idiot?"
"I'm a little too good, Clarke" Jasper hugged her back. "Hey this is Maya, my girlfriend."
"Wow...way to go there, tiger" Clarke laughed. "Hey Maya, how are you doing?"
In response, Maya bowed deeply, "I'm good, Gonheda."
"Uh..what?"
"Well, she's not to used to you, Clarke," Jasper laughed. "Everyone calls you the Warrior Chief or the Gonheda around here..."
"Or..er..you can just call me Clarke," Clarke tried to explain to Maya, as the Arkadian council, and the ambassadors walked in.
Soon,everyone was seated and relishing the food. Clarke was seated on Lexa's right hand side, and Costia on her left. On Clarke's right was Kane, and opposite to her, beside Costia, was her own mother Abigail.
Dinner was always uncomfortable and a rather quiet affair for Clarke, as Costia kept trying to talk to Lexa for the stupidest reasons she could muster.
"So, Lexa, can I come and watch you train the young ones tomorrow?"
"Natbleedas." Lexa replied. And then seeing Costia's blank look, she explained, "Nightbloods. They are called the nightbloods."
"Hmmph" Clarke muttered under her breath.
Kane smiled at Clarke. "Now there, chief, she's just trying to know the culture."
"You can call me Clarke, Kane. You've literally seen me growing up."
"It's good to see how much you've grown, Clarke," Kane smiled at her fondly. "Abby and I couldn't be any prouder."
"I'm sure," Clarke replied, her eyes on Costia who was talking to Lexa animatedly.
As they finished dinner, and Lexa dismissed everyone, she turned to Costia. "Would you follow me please, Councillor?"
Clarke got up and began following Lexa out of the hall, along with Costia.
Lexa stopped and turned. "Clarke, it's ok. I'm sure the Councillor is not going to murder me in my room. You are dismissed for the night."
Clarke looked abashed and absolutely taken aback by Lexa's words. What could Lexa possibly have to do with Costia that would have her dismiss Clarke from her duties.
"But Le..Heda.."
"I'll take it from here, don't worry. Reshop Clarke."
Clarke breathed in deeply. Calm down, she's only going to talk. This is Lexa. You know her. She told herself.
Clarke nodded. "Reshop Heda."
***
Costia was dumbfounded as she entered the Commander's room. The sheer luxury of the fur draped beds and the murals of the stone walls gleaming from the lights of the aromatic candles. This will be her room soon, too, she thought happily.
"Have a seat please, Councillor," Lexa indicated to a plush cushioned chair.
"Please Lexa, call me Costia. We are going to be married for Heaven's sake! " Costia said and took the chair.
" Yes, Costia." Lexa acknowledged. "Actually that is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, tonight."
Costia looked at Lexa expectantly.
Lexa readied herself. She had the whole story ready. She had to tell Costia exactly the right amount of information. Not too much, not too less.
"Costia, we are soon to married, and we both understand that this is a political marriage."
Costia nodded.
"Actually, I have recently lost someone I called my own, Costia. And as much as I am committed to making this alliance work, I need you to know that I need some time...to be ready to give in to another person."
Costia nodded. "It's alright Lexa. I understand. And I might be marrying you for my people, but I want you to know that it was a decision I gladly took for myself too. Take your time, Lexa. We have a lifetime together."
Lexa gulped and closed her eyes briefly as a certain pair of blue eyes flashed before her eyes. She nodded and gave a weak smile.
"Do not take my apparent distance as a sign of walking back on the alliance, ok Costia?"
Costia nodded, and then suddenly, Lexa found herself engulfed in a hug.
She stood still as a stone as Costia hugged her, and said, "It's ok Lexa, I trust you. Goodnight."
Lexa relaxed once Costia left the room. She heaved a sigh and sat down on her bed, burying her face in her palms. Every second she saw Clarke, it was like a constant reminder of her betrayal. She loved Clarke more than she knew she was capable of loving. She didn't know that Heda Lexa was capable of seeing someone smile and feel weak at the knees. Every time she saw Clarke, all she wanted to do was scoop her up in her arms and kiss those soft lips like there was no tomorrow. And that is all that she would never be able to do.
Lexa opened her armour and walked to the balcony of her room, and looked out. A very familiar figure was sitting by the edge of the pool.
Lexa wore her boots and descended down to the small lake beside the Polis building.
"Don't you think it's a little late? What are you doing here, Clarke?"
Clarke looked up, startled. "Oh.. You're done talking to her? I... I was just keeping my watch, Lex."
"I dismissed you for the night, Clarke," Lexa sat down beside her.
"I am never dismissed, Lexa. My watch will not end till your or my death. I swore it. I'll always be guarding you while you guard the rest of the clans."
Lexa smiled sadly.
"Hey," Clarke touched Lexa's cheek and lifted her face a little by the chin. "What's wrong Lexa? Did Costia tell you anything?"
"No... I don't deserve you Clarke...You're far too trusting and good for me... You deserve someone whole... Not someone like me for whom the people will always come first."
Clarke cupped Lexa's face. "I'll take whatever time I get with you Lexa. I don't want anyone else. I want you, in all your fragments."
"But Clarke... What if I never can give you back anything... This marriage... This will not break easily...This is not right for you or for Costia."
"Don't worry Lexa," Clarke said sadly. "Far across the fields of life and death, right and wrong, there is a place. I'll always be waiting for you there. I'll meet you there."
Lexa pulled Clarke into a slow searing kiss, trying to memorise every inch of Clarke's lips.
From the Polis tower, a certain bald man stared at the pair. The time had come. Something had to be done.