Chapter Twenty-Two (Harry Styles)
It's funny how quickly everything changes...
It's funny how one minute, everything is fine... Everyone is giggles and sunshine.... But then those giggles fade, and the harsh reality that is life hits you full blast.
I guess I should start from the beginning.
Niall didn't call me that night, nor the night after that... It was strange, but at the time... I just thought that he was playing hard to get... He didn't want to be the one to admit he needed me.
So I let it slide... I didn't think anything of it...
Well that was until a week had passed, and there still wasn't any sign of Niall.
That's when I finally went after him, keeping my promise, that way he couldn't accuse me of breaking yet another thing.
When I arrived at Niall's flat, Liam was there, and he looked rather surprise to see me.
"Harry? What are you doing here?"
"Is Niall here?"
"No... I thought he was staying with you." LIam opened the door completely, and I stepped inside.
"I haven't seen him all week. Last time I talked to him he was coming here."
"And he did... He came home to let me know he was staying with you for the week...." I shook my head, dread filling my entire being.
"He never showed up if that was what he was doing..."
"If he's not here... then where is he?"
"I... I don't know. You say the last time you saw him was last week?"
"Yeah... He came for clothes and stuff. Maybe he's at Zayn's."
"I'm sorry... But who's Zayn again? I swear that name is familiar." Liam rolled his eyes at me, shaking his head.
"You introduced us to him Harry, but he's the guy from the tattoo shop."
"Oh! Yeah... I remember now, but that's not important. Call him?"
"Okay..." Liam grabbed his phone, ringing up Zayn. I just stood there, biting at my nails as the nerves ran through my body at full speed.
I was beyond worried...
It wasn't like Niall to just disappear like this...
"Zayn hasn't seen him."
"Dammit... Where is he Liam?!"
"I dunno... Maybe you should check his room, see if he left something? I'm gonna call the club and see if he's there... This isn't the first time."
"It isn't?"
"No... Niall has a tendency of just... Disappearing... He used to do it, then come back telling me about he went looking for you. You messed him up bad Harry."
"I know I did, but you know he wasn't the only one."
"You're entire relationship is fucked up."
"I know it is... but the thing is, it wasn't always this way. I can fix it Liam... He just has to give me a chance." I moved to go to Niall's room, but Liam grabbed my arm.
"I don't think there's anyway you can fix Niall... He's so goddamn broken... I don't understand why you're still trying."
"Because, the only thing worse than a broken Niall, is giving up on him. I love him Liam, and that's just it. I love him... Broken pieces and all. I won't give up on him... As long as he doesn't give up on me."
"He gave up on you a long time ago."
"I don't think he did... There's still a part that still believes in me." I finally pushed past Liam, going to Niall's room.
It was the same as it was the last time I'd been in it.
The bed was made, signalling that he hadn't slept in it.
I walked to his dresser, opening the drawers and saw them all to be empty... Well except for one thing.
It was a envelope.
My name... In his handwriting.
I held my breath as I picked it up, opening it.
Dear Harry,
I guess you've realized by now that I'm gone... I'm sorry... That's all I can say, even thought I don't really mean it. I'm not sorry that I left... Maybe you'll finally understand what it feels like to be alone... Alone with a broken heart.
I didn't mean for this to happen... Well I guess I did. I don't really know anymore... I don't really know anything. That's a lie.. I do know that I love you.
I don't understand why I do though...
I really shouldn't... but I do.
You probably hate me right now... I understand that... I deserve it. I mean I did leave, right after I told you I'd come back, but I did tell you I was a liar.
I don't regret it.
I know I've said that already, but... I just don't.
I know I said I'd give you a chance, but the thing is Harry... It's not you who needs a chance.. It's me.
I'm the one who fucked up.
I'm the one who broke you, but I never owned up to it... and I guess I was scared to do it. That's why I left. I'm a fucking coward, running from his problems. I know who Lizzie's dad is... I know she's mine... I've known the entire time. It doesn't take a genius to know that, she fucking looks exactly like me...
She has my eyes...
I've done a lot of stupid shit where you're concerned... So I guess leaving you just adds to that list huh? I shouldn've told you I knew... I should've owned up to it... but I didn't.
Why?
Because, I guess I thought that if I owned up to it... I'd be admitting that I wasn't the one who was broken, when in fact it was you all along.
I broke you... and for that I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry...
I don't want you to look for me... It'll be pointless, cause well I'll make sure you won't find me.
For once Harry, I want you to listen to me... I want you to break that promise of following me till the ends of the earth. I want you to move one... I want you to find someone who will be able to treat you like you deserve to be treated... I want you to find someone who loves you more than anything else in the world...
Kinda like how I loved you.
How I still love you...
Is it selfish of me to say that? That I love you? Cause if it is... I don't care...
It's the truth, even if it doesn't seem like it right now...
I'm doing this because I love you, I'm doing what I think is best for you...
And I guess all I can ask from you is... Well forgive me.
Forgive me for breaking you... for leaving you...
Or you can hate me, it's the least I deserve...
Just know that I love you... I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone else...
You were the one for me Harry, but I messed it up... It was never you, and I was just selfish enough to blame you for it.
God, I don't even fucking understand how you can even love me.
I fucked everything up, yet you still tried to keep me...
Why?
I guess I won't ever know the answer to that question...
I'm going to go now... This is already longer than I was expecting...
I wish I could say this isn't goodbye, but a "I'll see you later"... but it is...
So... Goodbye...
Love,
Niall
"Harry?"
"He's gone..." I whispered, tears now streaming down my face...
"What do you mean he's gone?"
"He's fucking gone... He fucking left me... After everything... He fucking left." I fell to my knees, the piece of paper still in my hand. I couldn't breathe... Everything around me seemed to disappear...
He was gone...
"Make me break Harold, I fucking dare you."
"It was never you who was broken... It was always me." I said, talking to myself more than Liam, my tears falling onto the piece of paper, soaking it... making the ink run slightly.
"Make me break..." I whispered, looking at the paper one last time.
"Make me break..."
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER.
I REPEAT
THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER.
I already told you there isn't going to be a sequel.
Dedication:
LostGirlinNeverland
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Connie xx
PS: I love you... Even if you hate me....