*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
*The absolutely amazing pieces of art for this chapter were created by the tremendously talented laurisha-studios (left picture titled "My little ototo") and CorolineThePheonix (right picture). Thank you so much to the both of you. I love these drawings!
*Author's Notes: Here is chapter 16 of 'Lost in the Fight.' This one is one of the most gut-wrenching chapters in the whole story. Just so you know, I cried several times while editing it . . . 8'(
I would like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has read, voted on, and commented on this story. I can't thank you enough for the support.
As always, if you like this story, please take a moment to vote and/or comment on it. I would LOVE to know if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight.' Thanks for reading. ;) CJ
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Chapter 16 - Time of Death
It had all happened so fast, it was like it wasn't even real. One moment, Donatello was standing there, and the next, he was lying on the rooftop, frighteningly still. There hadn't been enough time for Leonardo to do anything to stop his little brother from sacrificing himself, but the genius turtle had been counting on that.
Leo had only been able to watch on in horror as his brother had grabbed onto the exposed prongs of the lethal shock gun. The whole scene kept replaying in the oldest turtle's head, like a bad dream he couldn't wake up from. He could still see Donnie violently twitching and convulsing from the self-inflicted electrocution. What was even worse was that he could still see his younger brother's lifeless body topple into a jointless heap at Tiger Claw's hind paws.
It was all too much for the ninja in blue to wrap his head around and his entire body had gone numb from the shock. Too afraid to move, Leonardo just stood there frozen solid for what felt like ages, staring down in slaw-jawed disbelief at his motionless brother.
This can't be happening . . .
This can't be happening . . .
This can't be happening . . .
In the back of his overwrought mind, Leonardo kept repeating that mantra over and over again. He kept telling himself that his little brother hadn't just died right in front of him. The mere notion that Donatello had just killed himself in order to protect him from Tiger Claw was ripping the oldest brother's insides apart.
Tiger Claw!
What had happened to the mutated tiger during all of this had actually been the furthest thing from Leonardo's thoughts up until now. Crippled by his grief, Leo had not been able to tear his eyes away from his brother's lifeless body and the blue-clad turtle had left himself totally defenseless against any kind of attack. Tiger Claw could have easily struck the leader down without opposition, but surprisingly, he had not.
Curious as to why his enemy hadn't attacked him, Leonardo looked up just in time to see the massive tiger clumsily disappear down the access ladder, retreating into the night with that horrible new weapon in tow.
Unbeknownst to the oldest turtle, Donatello's plan had worked almost flawlessly. When the jolt of electricity had zapped Tiger Claw, his reaction had been to immediately pull away from the genius turtle's hold on his arm, but not before the mutant feline had been physically impaired by the shock. The oversized cat had let out a low, distorted roar, both from the nearly disabling voltage that had just surged through him courtesy of the purple-banded turtle and from the fury of seeing his hostage lying dead at his feet. Tiger Claw's mission had failed miserably. Despite succeeding in ridding the world of one of the wretched turtles, which would no doubt be a devastating loss to the Hamato Yoshi clan, he had also managed to kill the one terrapin that he had been specifically ordered not to. The punishment for his failure would be most severe.
Although Tiger Claw had wanted more than anything to stick around and make the surviving turtles pay for all of the damage that their loathsome brother had caused, the giant cat had realized that he was in no condition to take on anyone. Especially not three livid ninja turtles who would no doubt want to avenge their fallen brother.
Gathering up what little had remained of his strength and his pride, Tiger Claw had glared down at the dead turtle's body one last time, and then, at the turtles' leader before staggering away in defeat. The mutant feline would get his reckoning another day. Besides, the broken and shattered look upon the blue-masked warrior's face as he stared at his deceased brother had been retribution enough to tide Tiger Claw over until that day came.
As soon as the enemy was out of sight, Leo's attention veered back down to Donnie and the leader snapped out of whatever immobilizing trance had a hold on him. Once the majority of his senses were back in working order, Leonardo's first response was to mentally berate himself for freezing up like some scared little kid when he should have been taking action. His next response was to run towards Donnie's stock-still form and drop down to his knees beside his little brother.
Without another moment's hesitation, Leo rolled Donnie onto his carapace and he instantly noticed the bluish tint of his little brother's lips. The oldest turtle reached out a shaky hand and nervously pressed his fingertips against the side of his brother's windpipe, trying to find a pulse.
Nothing.
There was no rise and fall of his chest. There was no movement. There was nothing.
No! He isn't dead! Donnie can't be dead!
Leonardo's own pulse accelerated to an unhealthy level and his breathing began to quicken to the point that he was practically panting, nearing hyperventilation.
With unsteady hands, Leo pried open Donnie's mouth and hovered his face centimeters above his younger brother's lips. He couldn't hear the nauseating rattling in his genius brother's lungs like he had before, nor could he feel the warmth of his brother's breath against his cheek. That was because his brother wasn't breathing.
NO!
"Donnie!" Leo cried out, knowing full well that his brother couldn't actually hear him. The reaction had just been a byproduct of panic.
Trying his darnedest to stay calm, Leo put one of his hands over the top of the other and intertwined his fingers together. He then placed the heel of his bottom hand down on the center of Donnie's already battered plastron and began chest compressions.
It was at this dire moment, when all seemed to be at its darkest, that Leonardo's other two brothers finally made their way up to the top of the building. The turtle in blue could hear the dread in their voices as they began to call out for him, but he did his best to block them out so that he could continue to concentrate on reviving his genius brother.
At least a couple of years had passed since Donnie had taught his three brothers how to do CPR. Leonardo remembered that he and his other two brothers had rolled their eyes when their brainy sibling had insisted on training them on the quote, vital emergency procedure, unquote. The oldest turtle also vividly recalled that, upon seeing all of them roll their eyes, Donnie had lectured them about the importance of safety and being prepared for anything. After a whole lot of grumbling and complaining, the three of them had eventually agreed to humor their safety-conscious brother and endure the lesson, knowing that Donatello was only doing it for their own good and that the procedure could potentially save one of their lives someday.
Little did the genius turtle know, he would be the one who would inevitably need the life-saving techniques that he had forced them to learn . . .
Leo cursed the cruelty of irony.
"Come on, Donnie. You've got to breathe for me. You don't want to disappoint your brothers now, do you?" While he spoke, Leo pumped his hands down hard and fast into his brother's chest, hoping against hope that he was doing it right. He was having a difficult time keeping his head on straight as he went through the motions. The leader in blue was trying to keep count of how many times he had thrust down into Donnie's plastron, while at the same time, he was trying to remember if it was supposed to be thirty compressions to two breaths or thirty to five breaths.
Again, irony reared its ugly head. If the oldest turtle inadvertently killed the very same turtle who had trained him on CPR by performing the procedure improperly on him, Leo was pretty sure that his little brother would rise from the dead and strangle him for not listening to him.
Over the sound of his own heavy breathing, Leo heard his other brothers' footsteps approaching, and then, he heard Mikey whimpering Donnie's name, but the oldest turtle did not stop to acknowledge their arrival. He couldn't allow anything to slow his momentum or interrupt his counting.
Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four . . .
"Please, don't do this to me, Donnie. Take a breath," Leo grunted in exertion, pushing harder and harder into Donatello's plastron. His injured brother's condition had not changed. He was still completely unresponsive.
Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven . . .
"Leo . . . Wh – what . . . D – Donnie," Raph stammered, helplessly falling down to the surface of the rooftop not far from where his older sibling was kneeling over Donnie's body. The red-clad turtle stared down at his lifeless little brother and the world started to spin around him.
His brainiac brother wasn't breathing!
Raphael suddenly felt as though he was watching himself from outside of his own body, floating high above the surreal scene before him. He could see that he had started to tremble uncontrollably and that tears were pooling in his eyes, but he didn't feel a thing. Everything had gone strangely numb from his head to his toes. That was most likely because he was terrified out of his mind. For once in his life, he did not feel a single twinge of anger. All that he felt was sheer, unadulterated fear. The supposedly roughest and toughest turtle was genuinely freaking out, scared to death that he was about to lose his brother.
In the meantime, Leo kept thrusting his hands into Donnie's chest.
Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty . . .
The blue-masked turtle leaned down and pinched Donatello's nostrils shut, just as his smartest brother had taught him to do. Leo then sealed his mouth over Donnie's and blew in two deep breaths, watching out of the corner of his eye as his brother's chest rose with the air that he had just blown into his lungs. After that, there was no movement. His genius brother remained disturbingly still, while his hotheaded brother stayed abnormally quiet, and his baby brother just continued to whimper Donnie's name.
Clinging desperately to his last vestiges of faith, Leo straightened his back up and started chest compressions again. This time, his pace was much more frantic as his panic rose to unchartered heights. He followed the next thirty compressions with two more breaths of air, and then, back to compressions again.
No reaction.
"You have to breathe, Donnie! Don't you dare quit on me now! Breathe, damn it!" Leonardo's voice shook with raw emotion as he powerfully shoved his hands down into Donnie's plastron, again and again and again, trying to keep his movements as quick and even as he could.
Two more puffs of air, but still, nothing happened.
"Donnie, please! You've gotta be okay! You can't leave me!" Mikey's voice broke right along with his heart. The youngest turtle covered his mouth with both of his hands in an attempt to hold back his lament, but it was an epic fail. The sobs came out regardless of his efforts, one after another, and just like that, he was a blubbering mess again. His legs gave way beneath him and his knees came crashing down into the roof below him. He slid his hands up and wrapped them tightly around his head, wishing that the hurt would magically go away. The events of this night were just too much to take. Mikey had never been able to deal well with traumatic situations, but this . . . This was way more than he could possibly cope with. He couldn't face life without Donnie. He just couldn't. Without his closest brother, he would be totally lost.
The smallest turtle then began to cry even harder.
Trying not to let Mikey's pitiful sobs unnerve him, Leonardo feverishly continued to attempt to resuscitate Donatello, but with each round of ineffective compressions and breaths, hope began to fade into empty despair. The vigor behind Leo's compressions started to fade as well.
"Come on, breathe, Donnie. Breathe. Please . . . " Leo begged, his voice trailing off as he spoke, each passing word quieter than the one prior. There were uncontested tears streaming down his face. Slowly, the awful reality sank in, and with it, everything started to unravel.
"How could you do this to us? How could you leave us? You have no right to do this. No right to give your life for mine," Leo whispered as he pushed down on Donnie's plastron one last time.
Mikey's sobs grew even louder when he noticed Leo stop his efforts to bring Donnie back to life. His oldest brother's head was hung down in utter sorrow and defeat.
"No! No! Why are you stopping?" Mikey shrieked, suddenly stricken with unspeakable horror. His face was etched with both panic and outrage, and then, his eyes welled with fresh tears as he stared at Leo with a now tragic expression.
"Mikey – " Leo started, but his youngest brother soon cut him off. The turtle in blue probably wouldn't have been able to get too far past the word 'Mikey' anyway.
"Y – You can't just give up, Leo! You have to keep trying! Raph, tell him that he has to keep trying! Tell him!"
"Leo?" As Raph hiccupped out his older brother's nickname, he could see the tears rolling past Leonardo's already soaked mask and down his cheeks. It had been years since Raph had seen Leo out-and-out cry. His big brother was always so stinking concerned about being the brave and fearless one. He was always so set on maintaining his composure at all times. Seeing Leo this visibly shaken was the worst possible reality check imaginable. It meant that things would never be the same. Their family would never be whole. Not ever again.
"Leo, please! Try again!" There had been such hurt in Mikey's voice as he had wailed out his request, it had made the oldest turtle's breath get stuck in his throat.
Never in all of his life had Leo wanted so much to just collapse into the fetal position and bawl his eyes out. To just let himself crumble into millions of pieces or disappear altogether. Leonardo turned his face away from his brothers, struggling to preserve what little self-control that he had left. It took everything he had to not to throw himself on top of Donnie's motionless body and scream in agony.
They had lost him . . .
Devastated beyond words, Leonardo pulled Donatello's flaccid body up and held it tightly against his own body, hiding his face in his younger brother's lifeless chest. The oldest turtle realized that he shouldn't have let his brothers see him crying like this, but he couldn't stop the tears from freefalling. He pressed his face even deeper into Donnie's plastron, hiding from his other brothers' mournful eyes. He couldn't bear to face them at this moment. He had failed all of them so very badly. He had let his little brother, whom he had sworn to always protect, die while trying to save him.
As Leo clung to Donnie, Mikey emitted a heartbreaking sob and sloppy tears began to gush down his cheeks like rivers. He didn't care about trying to stifle his cries anymore. He didn't care about trying to be strong anymore. He didn't care about whoever or whatever might hear or see him. All he cared about was that his beloved brother was gone forever. His best friend in the whole wide world wasn't ever coming back.
"Donnie! No!" The youngest turtle buried his face in his hands as the sobs came harder than they ever had before.
Ever since Mikey could remember, Donnie had been there for him. His closest brother had always comforted him when he was sad. He had always protected him when he was scared. He had always told him that everything was going to be okay, but now, everything was so not going to be okay. Nothing was going to be okay ever again. Not without Donnie . . .
With his heart now broken past the point of repair, Leonardo gently lowered Donatello's limp body down to the rooftop. The oldest turtle then reached forward and lovingly touched Donnie's face, knowing that he would never get to see the passionate gleam in his genius brother's big brown eyes again, nor would he ever again get to see his brother's warm, goofy, gap-toothed grin or watch him proudly unveil his latest and greatest invention. He would never get to see his brilliant little brother ever grow into an adult. With that tragic realization, Leo's tears spilled heavily down onto his deceased brother's body.
Overwhelmed by unimaginable grief, the oldest turtle just stared down at his motionless brother. The ninja in blue could hear Mikey crying behind him and Raph fighting like shell to hold back his own sobs. Leo's two other siblings were just as devastated as he was and needed him now more than ever, but he had no idea what to do or say to them. They needed him to be strong and reassuring, but he just wasn't. Not when it felt like everything that he had ever known had just been destroyed. All that Leonardo could manage to do was to turn and wrap his arms securely around Mikey's carapace, holding him close. He could feel his baby brother shivering against him, which only made the oldest turtle feel that much more overcome by indescribable sorrow. Then, to make matters worse, Leo heard Raph finally lose his battle to stay composed. The sound of his hardheaded, temperamental brother openly weeping beside him was more than the oldest turtle could handle.
It was more than the youngest turtle could handle, too.
Once Mikey heard his red-clad brother start to cry, the baby of the family allowed himself to collapse fully into Leo's embrace, just wanting to shut it all out. Wanting nothing more than to switch off all of the pain and simply fall apart. But then, he thought about what Donnie would have done if it was someone else lying there on that rooftop.
Donnie would have never given up on one of them. In fact, Mikey was pretty sure that they would have had to pry his brainy brother off with a big stick and knock him out cold in order to get him to stop.
Donnie would have never quit on any of them.
Well, Mikey wasn't about to quit on Donnie now.
Not when his brother needed him the most . . .
"I have to see him, Leo!" Before Mikey had even finished his sentence, he had already wriggled himself free from his oldest brother's arms and crawled towards Donatello. When he got a close-up view of his smartest brother's severely beaten body, the youngest turtle nearly broke down crying again, but he was quick to remind himself that his big brother was counting on him. Mikey then balled his right hand up, and without any warning, he slammed his fist down into the middle of Donnie's unmoving chest.
"You can't die on me, Donnie! I won't let you!"
When nothing happened, Mikey violently smashed his fist down again.
Still, nothing.
At first, the two oldest brothers had thought that Mikey hitting Donnie in the chest was just an expression of grief, but then, their youngest sibling started hammering his fist into their unresponsive brother's sternum over and over again. Each strike appeared to be harder than the last.
"Mikey, what are you doing?" Raph gasped out, struggling to keep his composure as he watched his baby brother hysterically and brutally try to beat the life back into their genius brother. It was a most unexpected role reversal. The callous, hotheaded turtle was the one who was crying and an emotional wreck while the sweet, overly sensitive turtle was the one who was losing control and resorting to violence. Raph would have never thought that Mikey had it in him, but then again, they had never lost a brother before. None of them knew how to cope with such a tremendous loss.
"Michelangelo! That's enough! Stop it!"
Mikey couldn't help but to tense up as his oldest brother howled at him and tried to jerk him away from Donatello's body.
"No! There's still a chance, Leo! It's only been a few minutes! There's still time to save him! Donnie, please! Wake up, bro! Wake up!" Mikey shouted, breaking free of Leonardo's grasp once again. Then, with all of the strength that he could summon, the orange-clad turtle pounded both of his fists angrily into Donatello's unsuspecting plastron, which caused the genius brother's body to jerk up as though he had been shocked by defibrillators.
Leo and Raph each grabbed hold of one of Mikey's arms and managed to tear their youngest brother away from Donnie.
Michelangelo let out several screechy growls of frustration as he desperately tried to scratch and claw his way back to Donnie's side, but his two oldest brothers refused to loosen their grip on him. Eventually, the turtle in orange ceased his whining and struggling, and when he did, there came a small sound that made all three of their hearts just about jump right out of their chests.
Much to their amazement, the sound had come from Donnie.
Their 'dead' brother was wheezing.
Shaking off his two stunned brothers with little to no effort, Mikey scooted over to Donnie and immediately began to stroke his brainy brother's head while the injured turtle faintly gasped and gagged, trying to take in precious oxygen.
"That's it, D. Just keep breathing, bro. Nice and easy. It's gonna be okay, Donnie."
As Mikey lovingly comforted their unconscious brother, all that Leonardo could do was just sit there and stare, temporarily frozen in disbelief yet again. When reality finally sunk in, the oldest brother covered his mouth with a trembling hand and began to softly weep tears of joy.
It was at that exact moment that Raph lunged forward and threw his arms around his baby brother. The sudden show of emotion from his normally undemonstrative brother startled Mikey a bit, but the youngest turtle swiftly recovered from his initial shock. Never one to turn down a hug – especially not from his brother who hardly ever tolerated such open displays of affection – Mikey gladly returned the crushing embrace.
After several prolonged seconds, Raph released his hold on Mikey, and then, it was Leonardo's turn to express his gratitude. The oldest turtle cupped his hands over the sides of Mikey's round face and he pressed their foreheads together. Leo then leaned back and looked his youngest brother straight in the eyes. Mikey could see that his big brother's blue mask was drenched with tears and there were still more running down his face. The turtle in orange couldn't remember the last time that he had seen Leo outright crying like this. His most serious brother always tried to keep his emotions in check, but right now, he didn't seem to care that he was practically blubbering. He just let his tears fall which made it hard for Mikey not to let more of his own come tumbling down.
"Thank you, Mikey," Leo whispered, barely able to speak. "Thank you for bringing him back to us."
Mikey clamped his upper teeth down onto his quivering lower lip and nodded, looking up at his oldest brother with a wide-eyed, childlike expression on his face.
"You done good, little brother. You done real good." As Raph offered his own praise, he reached out and playfully rubbed his knuckles against the top of his baby brother's bald head, which made the youngest sibling giggle and grin from ear slit to ear slit.
While Raph and Mikey shared a lighthearted moment together, Leo leaned over Donatello and gazed down at his badly wounded brother through glossy eyes. As gently as he possibly could, the oldest turtle lifted Donnie partially up and cradled his younger brother's broken body in the crook of his arm. The blue-clad turtle then began to rock his brother gently, the way that their father used to do whenever one of them was hurt or sick, back when they were just little turtle tots. Master Splinter had done this up until Leo and Raph had decreed at the ripe old age of eight that they were too big to be cuddled.
That had been so long ago . . .
The oldest sibling swallowed the thick lump that had formed in his throat over the childhood recollection, and then, he graciously smiled down at Donnie. The feeling of warmth from his little brother's breath wafting against his skin was nothing short of a miracle. Yes, Donatello's breathing was unnervingly hitched and shallow, but the sound of the genius turtle inhaling and exhaling once again was the most soothing thing that Leonardo had ever heard. The turtle in blue tenderly petted his younger brother's head and released a sigh of content.
Upon hearing Leo sigh, Raph and Mikey gathered around Donnie and warmly stared down at their genius brother. They had come so close to losing him. In fact, they had lost him for several agonizing minutes. They now knew what it felt like to lose a brother. It was the worst pain imaginable and none of them ever wanted to feel that way again, but they were still very much in danger of losing their brother.
Studying Donnie's unconscious form, Leo realized that the nightmare was far from over. His brother's extensive injuries were most certainly life-threatening. Donatello's body was painted in countless wounds and blood. So much so, it made Leo's stomach queasy. His little brother needed immediate medical attention.
"We need to get Donnie back to the lair, now!" The seriousness of Leonardo's tone was not lost on his other two brothers and they did not hesitate to follow his instructions.
Together, they all carefully carried their genius brother back to the Shellraiser, which they had parked not far from the warehouse.
They were finally going to bring their brother home.
Unfortunately, Leonardo had been right in assuming that the nightmare was far from over.
In all actuality, the nightmare had only just begun . . .
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To be continued . . .
*Author's Notes: Thank goodness Mikey didn't give up on his brother, but poor Donnie isn't out of the woods yet . . . The real angst is about to begin.
Once again, if you like this story, please vote and/or comment on it. I would really appreciate it. Thank you very much for reading. ;) CJ