~chris pj dm~
crabbysticks: you like me you fuck
pjthedj: ooooh noooo you caught me
pjthedj: tf of course i like you you're my best friend
crabbysticks: you know thats not what i meant
pjthedj: ooohhh you mean like in a gay way
pjthedj: i mean im straight but yeah
crabbysticks: whAT DO YOU MEAN BUT YEAH IM CONFUSED
pjthedj: yes i like you in a gay way
crabbysticks: bless dan howell
crabbysticks: i like you in a gay way too pj
pjthedj: oH MY GOD FINALLY YES
pjthedj: ive been waiting
pjthedj: so damn long for you to admit that
pjthedj: god bless
crabbysticks: you're coming to my flat later bye
~later | groupchat~
pjthedj: *image attachment*
danisnotahetero: what
phil.lester: ARE OUU SERIOUS
danisnotahetero: god bless out lord and saviour
phil.lester: tHEY FINALLY DID IT
dodiethebird: tHERES A PICTURE OF THEM KISSING?¿
pjthedj: yea why wouldnt i kiss my boyfriend???
danisnotahetero: B O Y F R I E N D
phil.lester: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A FUCKING DRILL
connielovesdodie: OH MYGOD YES I LOVE JESUS
shanelovesryland: finally
robertsucks: hALF OF THE SHIPS HAVE BEEN SAILED YES
robertsucks: yo dodie and connie when is this gonna happen
dodiethebird: shhhhhh
connielovesdodie: (;
dodiethebird: connie what do you have plANNed
phil.lester: i know (;;;
danisnotahetero: what
danisnotahetero: pHIL I GOTTA KNOW
phil.lester: what no connie trusted me im trustworthy
connielovesdodie: awh you're a sweetheart
dodiethebird: coNnie
connielovesdodie: looks like i have to go!!
connielovesdodie: goodbye everyone!
jackaboy: wait chris and pj are dating? fuckin finally
markimoo: i know right lmao
markimoo: connie and dodie ur neeexxxxttt
dodiethebird: shUT JSJDGKJWJF
danisnotahetero: and then its..?
dodiethebird: phil breaking up with charlie and moving in with us
dodiethebird: duh
phil.lester: i dont wanna
phil.lester: pester
phil.lester: you guys
danisnotahetero: buh dum tss
phil.lester: im so funny
danisnotahetero: you're such a dork
phil.lester: im your dork
danisnotahetero: oh shush you're gonna make me blUsh
pjthedj: whos me and chris? i only know dan and phil
crabbysticks: literally agreed
dodiethebird: why cant dan and phil happen im so ):
phil.lester: i have a boYfrIenD
danisnotahetero: break up with him
phil.lester: to date you?
danisnotahetero:.. not particulary
danisnotahetero: hes shitty and terrible to you
danisnotahetero: anyone could treat you better
robertsucks: you mean you could treat him better?
phil.lester: robert suck my ass
robertsucks: hah no thanks
connielovesdodie: phil, we're all here for you
connielovesdodie: i dont mean to get sappy or emotional but
connielovesdodie: you obviously deserve better
connielovesdodie: i dont want you to live with that piece of crap
dodiethebird: agreed
phil.lester: ill think about it
phil.lester: if dan and dodie's offer is still up?
danisnotahetero: of course
dodiethebird: ^ we love you phil
phil.lester: i love you guys too
danisnotahetero: ive melTed
dodiethebird: gay ass
danisnotahetero: bi/poly??? ass*
danisnotahetero: unlabeled ass**
dodiethebird: ah you caught me
dodiethebird: bi eraser isnt cool
phil.lester: lmao tell me about it
phil.lester: i wanna come out online but im scared
danisnotahetero: if people care that you like guys
danisnotahetero: they should fuck off anyway
phil.lester: true, true
phil.lester: its not like i havent teased my three-fourths gayness
danisnotahetero: h a h
danisnotahetero: you play innocent but you're a dirty fuck
danisnotahetero: even in videos
phil.lester: whaaat
phil.lester: tell me one time ive done something dirty
danisnotahetero: "what do you do when you wake up in the morning" and yoU RAISED YOUR EYEBROWS SUGGESTIVELY
robertsucks: dont forget that video where he had a hickey on his neck
phil.lester: that wasnt my fault :/
danisnotahetero: but the suggestive eyebrow raising
danisnotahetero: iN A VIDEO YOUR PANTS FELL DOWN AND YOU COULD SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR AND IT WAS HOT
danisnotahetero: in my room
danisnotahetero: because uh
danisnotahetero: my a/c broke
pjthedj: did dan just admit that phils hot
danisnotahetero: um excuse me pj
danisnotahetero: remember when you told me "if i was gay, like a hundred percent gay, i would want phils hands down my pants. he has such nice hands"
phil.lester: i chOKED ON MY DRINK
pjthedj: reALLY? riGht in fRonT oF my sAlad?
danisnotahetero: or the time you were drunk and told me i had "daddy hands"
danisnotahetero: idk where you got that from though
pjthedj: correction: i no longer believe dan has daddy hands; chris has daddy hands
dodiethebird: chris tops?
crabbysticks: fuck yeah i do
pjthedj: chris stfu we've never fucked before
danisnotahetero: yeah bc you guys started dating like
danisnotahetero: today
phil.lester: you guys mentioning sex is not good for me ugh
phil.lester: i need to vent to someone
phil.lester: volunteers?
danisnotahetero: mememe
~dan phil pm~
phil.lester: i hate charlie with my whole being
danisnotahetero: why b?
phil.lester: he wants to look through my phone and check my texts and shit
phil.lester: when 1) i bought this phone, and hIS phone, with my own money , 2) he has no right to fucking do that , 3) hes ugly
danisnotahetero: i chOked what does him being ugly have to do with this
phil.lester: his face makes me want to vomit
danisnotahetero: oh same
danisnotahetero: what dont you break up with him
phil.lester: he threatened to kill himself if i left
danisnotahetero: woah
danisnotahetero: he cant do that
phil.lester: he literally did
danisnotahetero: thats so shitty i cant wrap my head around it
phil.lester: i can wrap something around your head
danisnotahetero: what
phil.lester: oh nothing
danisnotahetero: if that has a double meaning, it totally went over my head
phil.lester: hah good
danisnotahetero: continue venting, darling
phil.lester: darlingsjhdksbf
phil.lester: this is gonna sound mega shitty, but bare with me?
danisnotahetero: shoot
phil.lester: i like someone else
danisnotahetero: omg juicy
phil.lester: like a lot more than ive felt for charlie
danisnotahetero: let me rephrase this
danisnotahetero: leave that crusty rat's ass
phil.lester:...
phil.lester: im packing my bags
phil.lester: and calling 999 to make sure he doesnt kill himself
danisnotahetero: good
phil.lester: im stuffing everything into five bags
phil.lester: you down to pick me up?
danisnotahetero: brb stealing dodie's car and driving to your apartment
phil.lester: would she get mad if you stole her car?
danisnotahetero: not if its for you
danisnotahetero: she adores you
danisnotahetero: platonically
phil.lester: shes lovely
danisnotahetero: hah dont date her please
phil.lester: why?
danisnotahetero: hah
danisnotahetero: you blind motherfucker
~groupchat~
phil.lester: i can no longer text dan bc hes driving
dodiethebird: he said he has a surprise???
phil.lester: i wonder what the surprise is
phil.lester: maybe iTS ME
dodiethebird: WHAT
pjthedj: WAIT YOU'RE LEAVING CHARLIE????
phil.lester: someone named daniel
howell convinced me to break up with his ass
phil.lester: and hes getting put in a mental institution
phil.lester: or at least theyre evaluating him i think
phil.lester: idk i panicked bc he told me hed kill himself if i left
robertsucks: its better than nothing
phil.lester: yeah
dodiethebird: YOURE GONNA BE STAYING WITH US??
phil.lester: yeAh
phil.lester: you guys will have to deal with my youtubing and constant laziness
dodiethebird: i mean i work at a instrument shop
dodiethebird: people ask me to play the uke all the time?? its lit
dodiethebird: dan works at starbucks for five days, 9-4
phil.lester: youtube full time for me
phil.lester: how do i bring all my belongings
dodiethebird: dan brought extra bags w him bc hes smart
phil.lester: oh how i love that boy
pjthedj: its 2am and im screeching over "i love"
phil.lester: platonically /:
dodiethebird: sigh
jackaboy: platonic or not, you better attack him with hugs
phil.lester: oh fuck yeah
dodiethebird: awh
dodiethebird: you've officially stolen my best friend
phil.lester: whoops
danisnotahetero: phil you idiot come down here and show me how to do things
phil.lester: aah! okay angel !
pjthedj: SCREECHING
--------
theres no wifi and no power at my house bc of hurricane irma, but im surviving. im publishing this at like 7am?? thats when my data comes back anyway. im draining my battery but i literally cant sleep bc of the wind and rain. rip, might as well start writing the next chapter!