Gillian,
I have granted ye your divorce. Enclosed are the papers that ye need only sign and it will be done. I have acquired a bride and will wed her before the month's end... I pray to God that you've changed your mind and if so, come home.
Come home.
You are the only one.
Lachlan
I stare at the words, silently. I had expected to read the letter, unable to handle it's contents. Unable to handle hearing from him. Yet, the longer I stare the words, the more I realize that his words are meaningless.
Home? Come home... Was that place ever a home? Or did I trick myself to believe it because I had to, to remain sane?
I've felt what can amount to love for Lachlan but only because apart of me pushed back the bad. Pushed back the rage of being cheated on or- feeling the hard ridges of his knuckles, even if it was once.
He tricked me into loving him, all while keeping me under a tight leash- a tight, invisible leash. I was oblivious to his power, to his schemes.
Lachlan may want me, he may even love me, but it's suddenly clear, crystal clear that there was never a competition. I felt the loss of a life I'd grown to know, a man I'd grown to care for.
But, I begin to remember now. I remember that there wasn't a day, even on my best ones, where MacCallan's face, or his voice, didn't enter my mind- my soul. He was always there, in that castle, in that village, under that tree... even inside our bedroom.
Lachlan did something I thought to be impossible. In a work of genius, he diminished my ideals for love. He diminished what I believed I deserved. He may have tried to the best of his ability but he never truly made me a priority.
He was always on trips. He was always locked in his study with William. The only time I truly became everything for him was when I was leaving. Even when Josephine died, he left on a trip, his duties to the clan more important.
I stand up and grab a pen off the desk. I scribble over the crossed line, sealing the divorce with my name and head for the door. I've not seen this clearly since that night in the woods with MacCallan. I find Kellan in the entrance way, carrying logs.
I don't stop speaking until he's carrying the letter back out the door, headed to find a messenger.
Picking up my skirts, I hurry towards the dining room, stopping outside when I hear the lood booming voice of Ennis.
"How could ye do this, MacCallan?! Lachlan Macintosh, chief of Clan Chattan! Do ye understand how many enemies ye just made? How much ye look like a fool?"
"All for a outsider too!" Macadie exclaims, loudly. "I understand why ye felt compleled to have her. She is a pretty thing but-"
"If ye dinnae shut your mouth about her, I will do it for ye... I told ye the truth! I told you why this had to happen!"
"She cannae produce ye an heir, MacCallan! You are the oldest one of us! You're telling us that you willnae produce a child to extend your legacy?"
"My legacy? Do ye even hear yourself?!"
"Aye, your legacy! No one in this family pretends that you're anything less than what you are! You're a healer!" Ennis says, loudly. "Ye perform miracles and you're known for it... but sillying yourself to this extent... do you honestly think no one will find out? Ye didnae go for a mindless kitchen maid... ye went for nobleness! Ye went against a man that has connections all over Scotland!"
"You'll ruin this family!"
"All three of ye, calm yourselves!" Cullen shouts, suddenly. "You're scarin' the bairn... You've barely let MacCallan get a word in!"
"Uncle, ye cannae agree with this!"
"I dinnae," he says, quietly. "But MacCallan is a grown man and Gillian... is a fine woman. There is no doubting that they care deeply for one another..."
As if compelled by something deep within me, I grab the handle and enter quickly, much to everyone's surprise, including my own. I walk over to a stunned MacCallan, grabbing his hand with trembling fingers.
"I'd like to try- to explain," I get out, nervously. Nora has Kerry in her lap. The little child is looking around at her uncles, confused.
"Gillian, ye must go back to your husband," Ennis says gently, his hands on his hips.
"I'm not married anymore," I utter bluntly. MacCallan's head twists and looks down at me in shock.
"Aye, ye are-" Ennis begins to shout.
"I just signed the papers... I just- Kellan is bringing them to a messenger now."
After a moment of awed silence from everyone in the room, I feel MacCallan's hand squeeze mine and I look up at him, hesistantly. I expect him to say something but he doesn't. He stares wordlessly, looking deep into my eyes. I see the gratitude. I squeeze back as he turns back to them.
"What have ye done, woman?" Macadie gasps, wide-eyed. "Do ye wish to injure this family?"
"Ye will not speak to her that way!" MacCallan shouts, moving forward towards him. I place a hand on MacCallan's chest, to stop him.
"Stop! I don't want to- I never wanted to cause a rift here. I don't want to hurt this family... I would like to be apart of it. I love MacCallan, more than anything... so much that I agreed to let him do this to himself."
MacCallan looks down. "Gillian-"
I keep going. "I understand that I cannot have children and what that means to everyone and especially MacCallan."
"Gillian, stop."
"But, he has told me that he is willing to marry me anyway."
"Aye, and that is word enough," MacCallan snaps, glaring at his brothers. "Ye have no idea what has occurred between Gillian and I over the years. If ye had, you'd not dismiss our love as ye try to now."
"It's clear you love one another," Nora says, speaking for the first time. "But sometimes, love is not the smart route to travel. In this case..."
"MacCallan, not one of us is going to agree with what ye are doing..." Ennis says, his voice gentler. "And Gillian, if ye truly do care for MacCallan and for this family, you'll no enter it..." He reaches out his arm for his wife and child. "Come, Nora."
I stare at them standing in a hurry, helplessly. "Please-"
"Let them go," MacCallan says, shaking his head. I had remained calm until this moment. But as I watch his family, the people who embraced and laughed with him all night, leave the room, glaring his way, I feel tears of unrelenting guilt begin to form.
Cullen doesn't move. I can sense him still there, staring at us.
"Uncle-"
"I am tired, boy. Help me to my room," he says, quietly. I close my eyes in regret, face turned towards the wall as I hear MacCallan heave his uncle off the chair, helping him limp back towards his bedroom.
I wrap my arms around my body, clutching myself, thinking back to every mistake I've made since arriving here that has lead to this moment. We shouldn't have lied... That made this worse.
Maybe we shouldn't have come here so soon.
There are too many to begin to count.
"Gillian."
I turn from the wall, finding MacCallan back inside the room, the door closed and I have no idea how long I've been standing here. He walks up to me and clasps my face, surprising me. I blink, gasping when he kisses me, hard, tender. I'm the first to pull back, my hand against his chest, too consumed in thoughts.
He breathes deeply, resting his head against mine.
"I'm... sorry," I whisper, uncomfortably.
"Dinnae do that. Say anything but that."
"Your family-"
"Will understand in time."
"And if they don't?"
"Then you will be family enough."
I open my eyes then. "Don't you say that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I tore you from your family. You've already lost your parents."
He sighs. "Gillian, you're not going to win this argument."
"What argument?"
"When ye tell me that my family is more important than you." I blink, awed for a moment at his bluntness. He shakes his head and clasps my face tighter. "I should be shamed to even say such a thing but I'm not. I love them- but not as much as you... Ye- signed the papers..."
"I did."
"I thought... surely," he says, awkwardly. I nod, knowing what he thought.
"I remember why it's always been you, MacCallan."
He smiles gently, looking relieved. "You've chosen me, Gillian. You've gone against what ye should have and you chose me... Now, 'tis my turn to choose you."
I nod, looking down. "After- what happened tonight, I think- maybe I shouldn't stay here with you. I think I should stay in the village, until things are cleared."
"Why?"
"Because clearly we aren't marrying anytime soon."
He shakes his head. "I can convince them, Gillian."
"I don't think I'm comfortable staying here, while this-"
"Gillian." He stares at me.
"What?"
"You're giving them the power."
"No, I'm not. I want to marry you. I'd do it right now if I could. It's all I've-"
His head tilts slightly. "Would ye- truly?"
"Marry you?" I chuckle, confused. "Of course, you know I would."
"Until this night, I wasnae even sure you'd remain with me." I shake my head, at a loss for words. He looks down, pressing his lips together. "Gillian..."
"What?"
His eyes pierce mine, emotionally. "Come with me."
He backs up, taking my hand and leads me from the room, taking the only candle lit in the hallway. The house has gone to sleep. I begin to feel my stomach tossling when he stops at the bottom of the stairs leading to the master room.
"Please," he whispers, gesturing towards the stairs. I grab the railing and begin walking up, swallowing with difficulty. I open the door, slowly, unable to see a thing. We step in together and his light shines, illuminating the large, canopied bed, the wood vanity, the stone fireplace. I smile softly, humming.
"It's beautiful," I whisper as he walks to the vanity. I touch the small designs on the wardrobe, wondering how much effort and money he spent into this room. It's fully furnished.
"That just came in yesterday. T'was a feat gettin' it in without ye noticing... open it."
I chuckle in suspicion and grab the small handle. "What have you been up to?"
I open it and try to conceal my shock. It's full. I grab a dress, pulling it towards me to admire it, gaping slightly.
"Callan..."
"Ye deserve it. Ye deserve everything I want to give you."
I close my eyes, turning. "You're... just too good to me. You want to give me the world and you can! You have the means. I have nothing to give you, truly. All I've offered you so far other than myself is acts of sin and torment. Knowing me has put your life on the line more than once. You sacrifice your whole reputation..."
"And did you not?" he replies, shaking his head. "Gillian, ye put everything on the line for me as well. We are past speakin' of who loves the other more! You are mine, as I am yours and we have both gone through and conquered enough obstacles to ken we're willing to fight to be together." He takes my hand, quickly and kisses it. "And we surely will go through more of them... Are you willing to keep fighting, Gillian?"
I nod, smiling softly. "Yes... yes, of course."
He nods back, exhaling shakily. "Aye... then I think we should start with tonight."
"Tonight?"
"Aye, I want to marry you, tonight- now."
The words hit me in a rush, with the strength to knock me off my axis.
"W-what? Elope, you mean?"
He doesn't say anything right away but shows me his other hand, holding out a ring. It's a dark stone, a ruby hue on a iron band. "I believe my mother had your finger size."
"MacCallan-"
"I knew from the moment I saw ye that I'd never love another person on this earth as I do you. I somehow managed to live without ye all these years but I willnae any longer. I dinnae care what my brothers say or think I should do, I dinnae care nor understand what is right anymore. I will wed ye tonight, before a priest and be your husband forever more, if ye so wish, Gillian. All ye have to do is take this ring as your own."
His words melt over me like butter. I nod in a dream-like daze, realizing what's about to transpire. "I do... I-I will."
He stares at me carefully, barely breathing. "Ye will?"
"Yes, I will marry you tonight."