'Hey Sky, gone to work. Call me if you need anything okay? You know where everything is.
Ps. There's ice cream in the freezer ;)'
I read Jessie's note and smiled. I hadn't gotten any sleep last night and I was regretting it now that morning was here. My mind felt a little less clouded today which was promising. But my body still ached like I had been in an accident, or a really bad fight.
I decided that - if only today - I was going to have ice cream for breakfast. I smiled wickedly to myself and pulled the tub out of the freezer and a big spoon. Not bothering to scoop it out of the tub and into a bowl, I sat down on the couch and watched re-runs of the Bachelor in other countries.
I started to cry as I scooped up another spoonful of ice cream, watching the poor girl be sent home. "Life's so unfair." I sobbed and dribbled a little.
Classy Sky, real classy.
I jumped, my tub of ice cream falling to the floor.
What? Why the panic? Is there a rat? Oh my go there's a rat! Alarms started going off inside my head.
I started to laugh. "I've missed you." I spoke to the voices in my head. They weren't as loud and demanding as they once were, but they were there. And I for once, I loved this noise.
And... where exactly did I go? She looked at me like I was nuts.
I shook my head not bothering to answer the question.
Sighing in relief, I picked up my ice cream. Everything was right in the world - well almost everything.
I took comfort in the fact that the voices had returned and started feeling like myself once again.
There was a hard knock on the door and I jumped a little at the intrusion. I thought for a second of letting it go, but decided to answer it just incase it was a package or something. As I opened the door I saw Anthony standing there. His eyes lit up as he saw me - most likely from surprise.
"I was hoping you'd be here." He said with a small, forced smile.
"I thought it'd be the last place you'd look." I turned around and went back to the couch and half melted ice cream.
"It was, first was your father's. This was the second and last option." He explained as he shut the door behind him. He didn't attempt to sit down, only stood - very awkwardly - half way between the couch and the door. "You going to talk to me or what?"
"There's nothing else to say."
He scoffed. "There's plenty to say. Like what the hell was last night about? You can't just throw a packet of pills at me and expect me to understand."
"I don't want to take them anymore. They make me feel... not like me."
"I don't care if you take them or not Sky."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Then why make me take them!"
"It wasn't my idea. You were the one who said it."
"Excuse me." I stood up from the couch and faced him. "I confided in you and you sent me straight to a shrink!"
"I suggested it. You didn't have to do it!"
"Well geez thank you for making that so damn clear."
"I don't even know what your problem is." He waved his hand in the air for extra emphasis. "You always find something to nit pick about, I'm sick and tired of constantly being on trial here!" His face tinted red as his frustration boiled. "It pisses me off beyond my limits."
"Well your limits don't exactly stretch far so no surprises there."
"Look who's talking!"
"Oh yeah," my cheeks turned red and the tip of my ears burned. I wanted to hit him. "If I piss you off so badly, why are you even here?!"
"I didn't exactly have a choice now did I." That one hurt. Like a stab in the heart I physically flinched back from his words.
"What, do you have a damn list?" I tried to force back my tears.
"List?" He gave me a snarl. "Yeah, it's huge!"
"And what exactly pisses you off so badly?"
"Your personality for one thing!" He shouted at me.
"What about my personality?!" I had officially lost it.
"It's like living with three people inside your head."
More like five but how would you know.
"One minute you're strong, independent and know exactly what you're doing and then you switch to insecure, then back to innocently confused, all in the time frame of ten seconds!" His voice was still raised so loud I feared the whole building could hear us. "Its confusing as fuck!"
"Well go on then, what else?!" I crossed my arms, defensively over my chest.
"Your attention just disappears just like that!" He clicked his fingers "It's frustrating!"
"If I annoy you so much why don't you just leave?" I snapped. "Why not save yourself the pain and leave now?!"
"Because," he continued to shout. "The reasons that piss me off so much are the same reasons that I love you!"
All the words died on my lips. And just like that all of my anger, all of the tension drained from my body. He loves me?
I waited for him to say something, for him to continue - talking or yelling, I didn't care - but the sudden surprise on his face and the wideness of his golden eyes. His thoughts were clear on his face; he didn't mean to let those words slip.
"Anthony..." I started but he didn't wait to hear what I had to say. Anthony walked out of the apartment without so much as a second glance or another word.
I stood there for what felt like hours. My body frozen still as I tried to comprehend, what just happened? Everything he said, nothing else registered but those three little words. My body warmed, not just my cheeks, but my stomach, my chest - it all felt like it was on fire. This wasn't like anything I felt before. This wasn't the childish heart flutter that I felt when Jarred told me he loved me. No this was much different. My heart didn't flutter. It beat hard and fast, pounding against the constraints of my rib cage so hard I felt like my bone was turning brittle, about to splinter and snap at a moment's notice. My stomach clenched and twisted. It was a nauseous feeling. But yet, it felt warm, comforting, and safe. The desire to hug him, to kiss him was strong. I wanted to get lost in his arms. To feel as if though nothing existed outside of our embrace, and I wanted to tell him; I loved him too.
Nodding to myself, my newly thought of plan fresh in my mind, I grabbed my bag and left the apartment taking the stairs in a rush.
Getting to Lustrous, I didn't bother with formalities to the staff and ran for the elevator taking it straight to the top. It was longest ride I had ever experienced. Everything from the past few months seemed to flash before me. The way we had first met, clumsy and inattentive, me spilling coffee all over him and almost breaking his nose. The anger I felt when I first agreed to this scandals arrangement. The way we bickered with each other, our time by the beach. The cannoning, the mud bath - I blushed still thinking about it. My body bubbled with longing. It was all I could do to stop myself from bouncing up and down. I couldn't wait to tell him. To say the words out loud and hear him say them back to me.
The elevator binged and I rushed towards the door. Swinging it open I didn't bother to shut it as I ran through the apartment. "Anthony?" I called out hoping he was here. I checked the bedroom and then the study, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Skylar." I jumped hearing my name. Turning around I saw my father standing in the lounge room. My back was now to the opened front door as I looked at him. The apartment was quiet; the distant hum from the turtle tank filter was the only noise.
"Dad," I huffed a little out of breath. "What are you doing here?"
"I was discharged today, I wanted to come and see you." His voice was flat, keeping one tone as he spoke. "I wanted to apologize."
I nodded, my heart rate still beating fast. "There's nothing to apologize for dad. We've both said and did things we are sorry for. It's in the past." I smiled and for some reason, I took a step back.
"I ruined your life." He all but whispered.
"Dad what are you talking about?" I frowned, freezing where I stood. "I'm happy." It was truest thing I've ever said. I was happy. I was in love, I had a great job, a home, two pets, and I was weeks away from getting married.
"I drove your mother away." He began again as if I hadn't spoken at all. "She had to work so hard to look after you, that's why she got sick and died. It was my fault."
I shook my head. "Dad. No, it wasn't - "
He interrupted me, again as if he didn't hear me talking at all. "And now look at you. I'm the reason you hear the voices. It's all my fault."
I felt a cold shiver go down my spine. How do I convince him I was okay? What do I say? I struggled with my words but after a few shaky seconds I manage crock out "Dad it's not." My voice was weak. I didn't really believe the words.
"And I've screwed up so bad." He continued and I wondered for a split second if he would even notice me staying here. Could I walk out the door without him noticing? Testing the theory I took another step closer to the door. "I was willing to marry you off just to fix my mistakes, my little girl, sold like some goat." He scoffed and shook his head at himself.
Well, at least he didn't call you a cow.
Silver linings.
A cow would have probably sold for more.
"I've ruined your life." He spoke the same words once again. Almost chanting them to himself.
I took another step towards the door. I was close now, just a few more to go.
"Dad I'm happy." But still, it was like he couldn't hear me. One more step.
"But it's okay though." His tone lifted, very up beat as he found a positive. "I'll make everything better." He turned to face me fully and I stopped trying to reach for the door. My body was on full alert and I didn't dare move a muscle.
"Daddy," I reached out my hand despite being too far to touch him. But, my words died as I caught the glistening of metal in his back pocket, the reflection caught in the glass of the sliding door. "Dad, what is that in your pocket?" I did everything I could not let my voice shake. "Dad is that a gun?"
He smiled at me, a light shake of his head as he pulled out the small gun. The dark grey colour and the way the light reflected off it in a beautiful mirage of colours will never be forgotten as long as I live.
I wasn't sure exactly what he was going to do - and that scared me. Kill himself in front of me? Or... I shuddered at the thought. He wouldn't, he loves me, I'm his child for goodness sake. His words started to come back to me now: I've ruined your life. "Daddy please!" I begged him as I willed my legs to move towards the door. They were slow in the beginning, feeling like led, but quickly they got the message.
"Don't be scared Sky, honey. It won't hurt. I promise." He spoke as if he were coaxing a child out from under their bed after a thunderstorm.
My eyes widened and fear and panic shoot through my body like a pulse of electricity. "Dad stop!" I begged him in a last ditch effort as he turned the safety off the gun and raised it. I knew I couldn't out run the bullet, but still I tried. I ran for the opened door, my back to my father.
After one step I saw Anthony in the elevator as it pinged open, his hair was a mess and his tie long forgotten. The first few buttons of his shirt were undone and a light track of stubble had started appearing along his jaw line. I studied his image. If this was the last sight I saw it would be almost perfect. The only thing better would have been a smile.
His eyes met mine as he step towards the room. His brows frowned as he watched me break out into a run, headed straight for him. "Sky?" He started but a loud bang drowned out his words.
And the world went black.