Mina stirred at the soft rapping on her bedroom door. She was just in the early stages of sleep and the moon was not even high in the sky outside her window.
"Giggles, Giggles" she heard Spot's voice whisper. "Mina, please open the door."
Missie's "rules" rushed through her head, but she didn't really care. She knew Spot was not that kind of person the Missie warned her about. If he really wanted to hurt her, he would have already done it; Spot was not one to pass up an advantageous situation. Besides, she didn't want anyone to catch him in the hallway where there was no place to hide if someone woke up and investigated the noises. She took slow steps towards the door and opened it a crack.
"Spot?" she asked.
"Please let me in," he said.
She couldn't make him out in the darkness, but she opened the door wider and he stumbled in. She reached out to steady him. His body twitched and he leaned heavily against her. She was not expecting the weight and almost let out a cry, but she caught herself.
"Spot," she whispered. "Are you okay?"
"I need to sit down," he said.
Spot voice sound slurred, but he wasn't drunk. He smelled of sweat, metal, and a hint of sweetness. His clothes felt crusty. When she lit the lantern, Spot's bruised and bloody appearance became apparent. He had a swollen nose caked in dry blood, a large gash on his forehead, a black eye, and a split lip that still appeared to be bleeding. There was dried blood on the front of his shirt and on his sleeves. When she looked at her white nightgown, she saw he had left rust colored hand prints on her waist and shoulders.
"What happened?" she whispered loudly.
Spot didn't respond. His eyes just passed over her as if he were in some sort of a daze. She didn't know what to do.
"Spot, you need to see a doctor," she said gently brushing his dirty hair out of his face.
"No," whispered Spot. "Please just let me rest a minute."
"I'm going to help you clean up and then you can rest," Mina said. She would not push him to the doctor, but she was not going to give up this battle. Spot conceded.
With her help, she and Spot walked down the hallway to the bathroom. It had to be early evening, but the house was already sleeping. Her father's door was open and his room was empty. Hopefully his evening card game would last long enough for Spot to clean up and then sneak back into her room.
"You have a shower?" whispered Spot.
"A canopy shower bath," said Mina. "We had it imported from Europe and installed last summer."
Spot gave a sardonic laugh, "Well if that don't beat all."
"I want you to have a good soak in the tub. I'll let you try the shower another day."
Spot sat on the toilet lid, slipped off his suspenders, and started unbuttoning his shirt. Mina turned on the warm water to fill the tub and filled the sink with cold water. Then she sat on the floor helped him undo his shoes and pull off his socks. Spot's clumsy fingers were still stumbling over the buttons of his shirt. After he peeled it off, Mina helped him stand up so he could take off his pants.
"I'll leave the rest on for now," said Spot.
"Roll the top of your long underwear down and I'll help wash your back," said Mina. She rolled his bloody clothes into a ball and plunged them into the sink to soak.
Spot hesitated a moment but complied. His back was covered in welts and bruises wrapped around his torso. A couple spots seemed split open like the skin had disintegrated. Mina knew she couldn't control her eye's reaction to his injuries, but she tried to remain calm. She'd never had to deal with injuries so horrific before. Spot wasn't looking at her.
"I'm sorry I came here," he said. "I didn't know where else to go."
"I'm glad you came. Hold on to me and I'll help you in."
When Spot was settled in the tub, he leaned back and stared at the ceiling.
"The water's scalding," he said.
"We have a heater in the cellar," said Mina. "Is it too warm?"
"Naw, I like hot baths," Spot whispered. "A porcelain tub with boiling water."
She lathered his hair in soap and started to gently work out the dried bits of blood and dirt fom this hair.
"I can't believe I'm letting you do this to me," said Spot.
"But if feels good doesn't it?"
Spot didn't respond, but from his smile and content moans, she knew he didn't mind all that much. The tension lines in his brow softened and his clenched jaw relaxed. A couple tears rolled down his cheeks, but Mina didn't say anything. They stayed in silence with only the sound of lapping water.
"I'll finish up," said Spot. "I can make it back myself."
"You won't fall?" asked Mina.
"I'll be fine," said Spot. He seemed determined to do it by himself.
"Alright," said Mina. "But don't fall and wake the entire house. I'm not sure how I could explain away a...nude boy."
Spot chuckled, "I wouldn't want to meet your father like that, that's for sure."
Mina left a couple towels where he could reach them before leaving and closing the door behind her. The house was still quiet and asleep. She slipped into her brother's room grabbed some clothes for Spot before returning to her room. She sat at the window nervously waiting for him to come back. When he did, he had his towel wrapped around his waist and his wet clothes bundled in a towel under his arm.
"Get dressed," said Mina handing him the clothes. "I"ll be back."
She hurried to the bathroom and dried the tub and sink. When she returned to her room, she locked the door behind her. Spot had lit the lamp that was sitting on her night stand and was sitting on her bed in the glow of the light. His stared at the ground, his mind focused on nothing.
"I cleaned the bathroom," said Mina sitting down next to him. "No one will ever know you've been here."
The water droplets from his hair left dark black stains on the light blue night shirt. His face did not look as bad now that it was clean. The cut near his scalp was small and the bruises on his face were just bruises; the bones in his face seemed to be intact underneath the swelling. His nose was definitely broken and swollen, but it would heal straight. His lips had stopped bleeding.
"Can I stay?" he asked not looking at her. "Please."
Mina smiled, "Of course you can. I wouldn't let you leave like this. Lay down."
Spot pulled back the covers and slipped under them and Mina joined him. He propped himself up with some pillows and looked up at the ceiling agin without really looking at anything. Mina lay apart from him but he gripped her hand tightly to his chest.
"Giggles we should talk," Spot said licking his lips.
"About what?" asked Mina turning to look at him.
"About everything."
"Everything?" giggled Mina. "That'll take longer than a night."
"Then we'll need to to fit in everything we can."
"Well, alright. Where do you want to start?"
"How many boys have you loved?"
Mina sat up and looked at him, "Of all the questions in the world you could ask, you start with that one?" He hadn't told her a thing about where he'd been for the last few days or why he was hurt.
"Because we only have tonight so we need to get talk about all the important stuff first," snapped Spot. "We can get to the boring things later if we have time."
"Why don't we have time to talk about things, Spot?"
"You're going to school aren't you?"
"Yes, but you can write me," said Mina hinting with a mischievous grin.
"I can't write you letters," said Spot.
"Sure you can," said Mina. "I'll buy you enough stationary and stamps until I come home for Christmas. I want to know about everything you do and how the strike goes and about your siblings."
"Have you seen my writing?" asked Spot. "I can't string two words together down on paper."
"I don't mind," said Mina. "I saved the note you left for me when we first met."
Spot smiled, "You liked me that much to save that awful scratching, did you?"
"Yes."
"I think you just want to show all the girls what a wonderful man you have waiting back home for you," teased Spot.
"Maybe I do," giggled Mina.
Spot sobered, "I'm not all that special."
"You are to me," said Mina.
"You're not dancing around the question I asked you earlier are you?"
"Of course I am," Mina giggled. "But I have nothing to conceal. I've only really liked Ralph, and that is the truth."
"Why did you like him?"
"He was different," said Mina. "He was so serious all the time. He wasn't afraid to work hard. He liked the idea of being a working newspaper man instead of sitting around all day doing nothing. He liked to see progress. I still like those things about him."
"What makes me different from him?"
"Ralph is fearless," said Mina, "because he's never had to be afraid of anything. He does not want for anything. No war can touch him. Even disease has to be persistent to claim someone like him. You are fearless, because you've been through hell and won."
Spot smiled, "When you put it that way I do sound pretty powerful, don't I?"
"Now answer my question. Are you really as big of a Casanova as they say?"
"What's that?"
"He was a man who loved women."
Spot laughed, "Oh you want to know about that. A girl like you talks about things like that?"
"I have a brother, Spot. I'm not a girl who's completely ignorant about life."
"I suppose it's a fair question. Yes, I've kissed many girls."
"Was Missie's sister one of them?"
Spot stopped smiling, "Yes."
"So everything Missie told me about you and her was true?"
"Yes," Spot was silent. "I'm not proud it."
Mina lay down next to him, "I talked to her once and she seems like nice person."
"She is a nice person," said Spot. "I did it because it was what my gang all thought I should do."
"So you just did it for your own reputation while humiliating her," Mina said.
"Are you angry?" asked Spot.
"That you protect your sister from Bear and yet you don't care about other people's sisters? That even though you claim to be a leader you still bow down to the stupid wims of your boys? Would it surprise you if I said yes?"
"No," said Spot. "It would surprise me if you weren't mad. I'm really sorry I did it."
"Who else have you been with?" asked Mina lying down on her back and crossing her arms across her chest.
"This is the conversation Ma warned me about when she was telling me to be a good boy," groaned Spot.
"You said we need to get the important topics out of the way first so we are," said Mina crossly.
"How may do they say I have?" asked Spot.
"Missie says you had ten by your sixteenth birthday."
Spot started laughing.
"It's not funny, Spot," said Mina.
"My sixteenth birthday is in a week," laughed Spot. "I'm spending tonight talking with you and the rest of the nights I'll be dealing with my job and the strike. I don't think I'm going to make it to ten by then and I don't want to now anyway. You cannot trust everything that comes out of Missie's mouth."
Mina felt the corners of her mouth betray her and let a snort escape her nose which made Spot laugh again.
"Maybe I'm not as immune to gossip as I profess to be."
"I let people think it's true, but it's not," said Spot. "I've walked plenty home, but there is only one other girl, one I wish I could forget. Mannie is the girl I've been closest to. She is the daughter of the overseer at the newsie lodging house in Brooklyn. When my ma died two years ago, I just wanted to feel better. She was just always there. She's a real lunatic though. Be glad you've never met her."
"So you've never really loved anyone?"
"Naw," said Spot fingering the key. "I've never been the emotional sort. I've never had this conversation with anyone before."
"Me neither," said Mina turning on her side to look at Spot.
Spot shifted to his side slowly to look at her and they lay that way for a long time before he finally spoke, "When I said I've never really loved someone, I left out you. I love you, Mina."
He searched her face for a reaction, but she was deathyly quiet.
"Giggles..."
"Shh," she said.
Spot strained his ears and heard footsteps walking down the hallway. Mina's door was locked from the inside so there was no way her father could enter. Still they lay quietly waiting anxiously for the sound of snoring before talking again. Mina snuggled closer to Spot, and he put his arm around her. She noticed it wasn't a stiff hug like the ones he used to give her; it was gentle and tender. She smiled. In spite of himself, Spot could become an "emotional sort." She kissed where his neck met his collarbone and breathed him in.
"I love you too," she whispered. "I don't want to go to school. I wish we could lie this way forever."
"Me too," Spot sighed, "How long do you think you'll live, Giggles?"
"I don't know," said Mina. "I've never thought about it really. She wouldn't like me to tell you, but my mother's nearly forty and is very healthy and her mother was killed at fifty in a carriage accident. I've been very healthy all my life. I've avoided the worst things and my bouts with illness have been mild. I suppose we never really know, but I think I'll make it to fifty, maybe even sixty."
Spot laughed, "You think you'll make it to sixty?"
"I hope so," said Mina. "I would like to meet my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I would like to see what the world looks like when I'm an old wrinkled woman. My father wants to buy an automobile. He says they'll take over the world. I'd like to see that. How long do you think you'll live?"
Spot was silent.
"Spot?" Mina prodded.
Tears started to fall down his cheeks and dripped like hot oil down Mina's temples. He rolled over onto his back and furiously wiped them away.
"Oh shit," he gasped as more and more tears streamed down his face.
Mina watched him cry. She was perplexed; she'd never seen a boy Spot's age sob before. Something had happened. Somehow the beating had opened some wound inside of him. Lying in her bed in the dark, Mina knew Spot was afraid, terrified even.
"Spot are you afraid to die?"
"Naw," he finally said swiping his nose with the back of his wrist. "I always knew I wouldn't see forty."
"Why?" asked Mina.
"I don't know how many boys my age I saw die one by one from cholera, tetanus, and influenza," said Spot. "I know only dangerous jobs await me. Even life brought death. I"ve watched my family die one by one. I always wonder if I'm the next one, but I'm still alive. I don't know why I'm still alive when so many of them are gone. It's not fair, God, it's not fair. What have I ever done in my life that gives me the right to live when they're dead? Angel didn't deserve to die. Ma didn't deserve to die. And Andy he didn't deserve..."
At that Spot sat up and started to cough as he choked on his sobs. Mina sat up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Spot." she said between sniffles. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry."
"I couldn't protect him," said Spot when he had calmed down. "I couldn't afford to give him everything he needed. I tried. Heaven knows I tried."
"There's a reason you're still here, Spot."
Spot scoffed, "And I just signed whatever little opportunity I had away."
"What do you mean?"
"Am I an idiot for giving myself only ten more years to live?"
Mina looked at him through narrowed eyes, "It depends, I suppose."
"Would you hate me if I was a murderer?"
"Are you a murderer?"
"I'm not," said Spot. "But people say I am."
"How did you earn that reputation?"
"A bunch of reasons," he said. "A debt collection might have gotten out of hand or a punishment went too far and they died cause of it. But I've never strangled or knifed someone or called a hit. That's too permanent a crime."
"Do you remember them?"
"I try not to," he said.
"Everyone makes you out to be such a...such a..."
"Son of a bitch?" supplied Spot.
"Yeah, that," said Mina. "But you're one with a conscience."
"Could you love me even if I was a killer?"
"But you aren't one," said Mina slowly.
Spot looked at Mina. His blue eyes were swollen and tears seeped out of the corners.
"Why were you beaten up tonight?" Mina asked holding him tighter.
"I joined a gang," whispered Spot. "A real one. You don't die of old age in a job like that. That's why I'm in the shape I'm in. I was initiated."
"But I thought you didn't want that, Spot. Your brother..."
"Ace deserved to die. He made the choice to be a gangster. And I deserve to die too."
Mina clasped onto Spot even tighter as if he was going to disappear. She knew very well the consequences of joining a criminal organization. She'd read the stories about daily murders and fights in The World.
"Why Spot?"
"Mina, I can't afford to live like this anymore. I can't afford to be penniless anymore."
"But what about the newsies?" asked Mina. "You have a strike to finish."
"The strike is finished," said Spot. "The price is going down in Brooklyn."
"But what about Davy and Jack's boys?" asked Mina.
"Jack sold us out."
"He wouldn't!" said Mina. "He spoke so passionately!"
"He did for a pocket full of gold and a train ticket out west where he doesn't have to face up to his boys and become a cowboy like he's always wanted."
"What about the price of their papers?" asked Mina.
"It's in Mouth's hands now. It's not my job to protect them. I look after my boys. I've done my job."
"But they're your friends, Spot!"
"They're not my friends," said Spot scowling. "They're a bunch of cowards. I could of dealt with this in Brooklyn in a day instead of dragging it out for God knows how long. Jack's fooling around led to boys being sent to the Refuge."
"Is that where Yaller is?" asked Mina. "I've been worried about him. He did his best to protect me. Al too!"
"Al's healing," said Spot. "Just a broken arm my sister could splint. I haven't spoken to Yaller, but he was hurt real bad. He the heir of a powerful family. If he dies, someone has to take the blame."
"But what will happen to family, Spot? Have you thought about that? What then? They're poor now, but they'll be destitute if you die and they lose your income."
"I have to try, Mina."
"Let me help you," said Mina. "Don't gamble with your life because of your pride."
"What can you do, Giggles?" asked Spot. "I'm not going to take your money. I'm not going to let your father cut you off because he catches you donating to me. This is the only option. I'm not good at anything, Mina, and I'm not going to work for pennies anymore. I'm going to make real money."
"Not honestly."
"Only rich men can afford to live honestly," laughed Spot, "and even they choose not to."
Spot disentangled himself from Mina and pulled a pistol from under the pillow, "I hid it from you when I came in."
Spot looked unatural holding the gun, like a ghoul in the moonlight.
"It's weird knowing how you're gonna die, ya know?" said Spot looking at it. "I mean, it's only a matter of time."
"Don't speak like that," said Mina. "What about me? My father..."
"Won't let you marry a gangster," finished Spot. "I'm not going to insult him by asking. I'm not going to insult you. Mina, I can't see you anymore."
"Why not?" asked Mina. "It does not matter what my father says! Let him cut me off. I have skills, Spot. I can give music lessons."
"No one where we'd live could afford that luxury, and you'd be blacklisted from higher society because of your association with me."
"I can sew," said MIna. "I can do piecework. Sarah could teach me to be a laundress."
"Think of what you're saying," said Spot. "I know that you're honest about wanting to do it. I know that you can do it. The problem is that I won't let you do it."
"Not even if it means we could be together, Spot?"
Spot lay the gun on the bedside table and pulled Mina to his chest wincing at the pain. She felt his cold, wet nose against her forehead before she felt his light kisses on her brow. His hot tears hit her face again.
"I could not come home to you with my head held high if I knew that I was the reason you were hurting," said Spot between kisses. "I'd rather lose you than do that. Besides, I've already made my decision and there is no turning back."
"Then I'll be a gangster's wife," said Mina.
"No," said Spot. "Over my dead body. I don't plan on being a heavy forever. I plan on climbing to the top. Do you know how they treat the families of top gangsters? They'll break into our apartment and kill you just to hurt me. I've heard of it done before. There would be danger from within our own gang and the rivals. I won't put you in harm's way. I won't risk you life. I'm scared to think that they'll ever discover my connection with you."
"What about your siblings?"
"I thought about that," said Spot. "But they stand a better chance. They don't live with me. They can get away. My wife and children couldn't."
"So that's why we ran of time," said Mina. "I'll never see you again?"
Spot shook his head, "I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I'd kill myself if you were hurt on account me."
Mina kissed him, "Please, Spot, please. We only have a couple hours left."
"I'm not going to add you to my list of conquests if that's what you're asking," said Spot. "I'm not a desperate kid. You deserve a place of honor in my life. But we can pretend."
"What do you mean?" asked Mina wiping away her tears.
Spot lay down, smirked, and held his arms out to her, "I want to know what it's like to wake up next to you."
Mina curled into his side and wrapped an arm around his waist, "I want you to know that just because I gave up without a fight, it doesn't mean I love you less."
"The same goes for me," said Spot ignoring the pain of her head leaning against his left shoulder. "Go to sleep. I'll be able to stay awake."
Mina didn't want to sleep. She wanted to talk more, but her eyelids betrayed her.
When she woke up the next morning, Spot was gone. Beside her pillow was a key on a piece of twine and a note written in a childish hand with poor spelling on a piece of her stationary:
Dear Mina, my Giggles,
It was great to see you this morning. I'm not going to ask you to forget me, but please don't let me keep you from what you're supposed to do with you're sixty years. Don't be afraid. I'll always love you. Always.
Liam Conlon, your Spot