Chapter 14
Things had been different between Nathan and me since he gave me the choice. Quite even. I was still lost, drowning in my own thoughts. Nathan could have anyone he wanted, but he told me he wanted me. But Why? Why did he love me?
The idea of being with him that way wasn’t something I would completely rule out like I had before that morning we woke up together. I know how he felt now. He didn’t feel trapped like I thought he would. I was wrong. He was happy about what we’d done.
The only thing is…what happens if I give us a chance and it doesn’t work out? What then? Will we get a divorce, count our losses, and move on, never to speak again? I would imagine it would a make a friendship with him impossible after that.
I leaned my head back in the lounge chair by the pool and sighed deeply. Why couldn’t things just be simple for once in my life? Why did everything have to be complicated?
Nathan.
I let my mind wonder over all the memories I’d collected over the years, looking for the signs I’d someone missed along the way to where I am now.
He didn’t sign the divorce papers I sent him. He returned them every single time. I just thought he was being impossible Nathan. Maybe it was because he didn’t want a divorce on his record and it would look bad on him. I don’t know. Nothing makes sense anymore.
Then there was how he acted over Mason. Like a jealous boyfriend….husband?
High school slowly started to come back to me. One memory at a time.
Nathan and I after school in the rose garden the agriculture class planted the previous spring. Everything was bright and beautiful. It was in full bloom. It seemed like something from a dream.
He took my hand in his a brought it to his chest holding it there. I could feel the rhythm of his heart against it.
“Beautiful isn’t it?” he asked. He eyes never left the garden when he spoke.
“Something of a dream,” I smiled.
It was quite except for the birds chirping in the distance. It was so peaceful I never wanted to leave.
Nathan and I had stayed after school that day waiting on our mutual friend, to finish his after school detention so we could give him a ride home. At the time I was dating said friend, because he more Nathan’s friend than mine. We only hung out because of him.
Everyone else was gone and it was just us.
“No,” he said. “If this was a dream I could manipulate it. Bend it to my will.” His eyes moved to mine. “I’d have exactly what I want.”
I laughed. “Okay. What is it you want Nathan?”
He looked away from me saddened. “Something I could never have.”
I squeezed his hand in mine. “How do you know? Have you ever tried to take it?”
When his eyes were on mine again. They looked hopeful. Alive.
“No. I haven’t. But it doesn’t seem that what I want, wants me back.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe you. Who wouldn’t you, Nathan? You’re perfect.”
He studied me for a moment as if deciding what to say next. Then slowly, cautiously the words came out. “But is it right to take something that always belongs to someone else? A friend for example.”
My eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “A friend?”
He nodded, but it seemed pained. His hand travel up my arm a little.
What or who was he talking about.
“Peyton, I love-”
“Hey, you two love birds! Is this what you do when I’m contained by the classroom?” Sam called and barreled toward us from the school entry/exit doors. We he neared us he smiled and chuckled. “If I didn’t know you two were friends I’d swear you were a couple sitting out here alone.”
Sam leaned in and kissed me quick and hard on the lips.
“Did you miss me?” I teased when he pulled back.
“As always,” he said. He turned toward Nathan and smiled. “What has you so upset? Did Natasha bail on you tonight?”
He looked away from us and shook his head. “It’s nothing. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to stay here longer than I have to.”
I frowned. What happened to him? He was so calm and tender only a moment ago? Was something I did or said?
“Yeah. School sucks,” Sam agreed as he pulled me to the car.
Before I got inside and slipped in the back seat after Sam I could have sworn I heard Nathan mumble, “It wasn’t school I was referring to.”
His voice was so low I don’t think anyone was supposed to hear it. But I did and he never knew.
At the time I couldn’t make sense of his words, but now, I was realizing, they made more sense than ever.
All too soon that memory vanished allowing another to take its place in my mind.
The expensive restaurant was filled with people and their blackberries. This was the kind of place Nathan’s family loved to dine at where people only came to flaunt their wealth. And more often than not they always invited me along with them. I hated the place and the only reason I came was because Nathan begged me to.
He loved his family, but he could only take so much. He didn’t like to be alone with them for very long.
They were like my second family even though they sometimes drove me crazy. However, I was used to their ways by now. They hardly bothered me anymore.
Nathan’s dad was a hard ass. And Nathan’s mother was very open and opinionated, not afraid to say what was on her mind. She was annoyingly honest 99% of the time. Despite their flaws, they loved Nathan though. And they loved me too in their own special way.
“I’m sorry your parents had to bail,” I told him.
He shrugged. “I’m used to it. At least they left us to the dessert.”
Nathan pushed a piece of molten chocolate cake toward me and smiled.
I raised a brow at him.“For me? Where’s yours?”
There was something new behind his eyes that I was starting to see more and more of the longer we were together. First it was the day in the rose garden and now here.
“I thought we’d share.” He handed me a fork and took one of his own. We each dug into the rich chocolate goodness and I moaned at all the amazing flavors whirling in my mouth.
“It’s delicious,” I said.
“Your favorite.”
I nodded. He knew me better than anyone else. He noticed the little thing most people would not.
I raised my eyebrow to him when he captured the last of the cake on his fork and offered it to me. It was oddly intimate for us.
“Isn’t that what couple’s do? You know. Feed each other?” I asked him, amused.
He waved it front of me, taunting me, teasing me. Just as I went for it, he pulled it back from me and chuckled.
“You didn’t think it would be that easy did you?” He moved the fork again. “To get this I want something in return.”
Hmm. I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest.”And what is it that I could provide you with?”
He grinned evilly and the words came out of his mouth confidently. “A kiss.”
I giggled a little too loudly causing people to turn and look at us. He couldn’t be serious, could he?
I shook my head. “I’m sure your girlfriend would love that.”
He didn’t look fazed at the reminder of that. He was still determined. “She won’t mind. We’re not serious.”
“None of your relationships are,” I pointed out.
His answer was quick as if he knew I was going to say that. “That’s because I’m waiting for my dream girl to finally notice me. Then it will be serious.” There was an underlining of promise in his voice.
Wow. He really had it bad for someone, didn’t he?
I laughed. “Wow. I never thought I’d see the day you’d be in love.”
“I have been for a long time. You’ve just never noticed,” he smiled.
I was snapped out of my memory by the sound of Amelia’s voice from the door. She was waiting for a reply to her words.
I blushed. “I’m sorry. I think I was daydreaming,” I told her.
She nodded and understood. “I was just checking to see if you might like something to cool to drink. Its ten degrees hotter than what we’re used to here and Nathan would never forgive me if I let you dehydrate.”
I laughed softly. “Yes. Something to drink would be lovely. Thank you, Amelia.”
It was easy to grow thirsty when you were melting away in the hot sun. It was thoughtful of her to ask.
“Something weak or strong?” she asked.
“Water will be fine.”
She smiled and disappeared back inside the house.
I really wasn’t the kind to girl who sips margarita outside by the pool. This wasn’t The Real Housewives.
As I settled comfortably back into my chair I closed my book and welcomed more memories to flood my mind. They next one that came was Valentine’s Day my senior year of high school. It wasn’t an easy one, but Nathan was there to help me through it.
The snow covered the ground in a glistening white blanket. It sparkled like millions of tiny diamonds on the surface. It was beautiful. It couldn’t have come at a better time either. Valentine’s Day. The snow would make everything more romantic.
I could picture couples walking the streets hand in hand as the soft, white flakes fell around them and the lights that lined the avenues would create a luminescent glow like a halo wrapping around them. A picturesque scene that you normally only read about in books or watch in movies.
What I wouldn’t give to be one of those couple in Central Park with their head leaning on each other as they walked, only keeping warm my body heat and love. I wanted to kind of love that made even the coldest night bearable. I was jealous of those people.
Heck. I’d even settle for a mediocre date with guy who talked too much as long as I wasn’t alone of the most romantic day of the year.
I guess I’d have to settle for sappy romance novels and chick flicks to get me by this year. Maybe next year would be better. Hopefully I won’t be broken up with the week before Valentine’s Day next time.
Sam was a jerk. I hope Cassie or Clarissa, or whatever her name was, gave him grabs before she leaves him. She’s was notorious in a school for getting around. Half the male students had had her. It was gross. Most of them only think with one certain organ and nothing else.
A knock game from my door causing me to jump in surprise. I wasn’t expecting anyone today and my parents and siblings were out celebrating with the rest of the world.
I pushed the heavy blanket off my body and sauntered across the carpet to the front door in nothing by my pink pajamas with Easter bunnies on them. Wrong time of year for them, but they were my favorite pair. They were used for all the times I needed comfort. Like during sicknesses or breakups for example. And today when I’m just depressed.
I twisted the silver knob and pulled open the door. Cold wind and snow blew in over me causing me to shiver.
“I come bearing gift,” Nathan smiled and held up a box of chocolates and a bottle of sparkling grape juice. Too bad he couldn’t get us the good stuff. “Complete with your choice of…” he pulled three DVDs from inside his jacket. “Titanic, P.S I Love You, and Resident Evil.”
I laughed and pulled him inside out of the cold evening air and shut the door behind us.
“Resident Evil?” I asked him.
He smiled. “Well, I didn’t know if this was one of those times where you wanted to avoid all things sappy and happy.”
“I picked the wrong day for that. I don’t have a choice do I?”
The smile remained on his face has he handed me the movies. “You do now.”
I took them and crossed my arms, examining him in suspicion. “Why are you here with this stuff? Weren’t you the one who used to tell me that Valentine’s Day was a holiday created by the media and big corporations to increase the sales of their products and make single people depressed?”
“That’s only something single people say,” he said.
“You weren’t single when you said it,” I said.
He didn’t answer right away and bushed past me to sat the candy and juice on the coffee table in front of the couch then disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a couple of wine classes.
He sat and began pouring the juice into them.
“Well?” I asked waiting for my answer.
“Well what? I can’t go against my belief’s to cheer my best friend up after a break up? I didn’t want you to be alone. I know you love this day.”
He was doing all of this just to cheer me up? I smiled at him and sat down next to him on the couch. While he picked through the chocolate candy I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss o the cheek and pulled away.
“Thank you,” I said. “You really are the best.”
He shrugged. “It was nothing,” but I could still see the smile he was trying to hide. “So what movie will it be? Sappy and sappier? Or kickass zombie slayers?”
I grinned brightly at him and new exactly which one I would choose. “Kickass zombie slayers.”
“That’s my girl,” he laughed getting up to put the movie in.
“Wait!” I said when sat back down on the couch and grabbed for the remote. “What about Ashley? Shouldn’t you be with her tonight?”
Did he forget all about his girlfriend?
“We broke up yesterday. It’s no big deal.”
And it really wasn’t to him. Breakups never seemed to faze him. I suspect it was because he never allowed himself to grow attached to anyone and that’s how he liked.
“I’m sorry,” I said even though I knew he wouldn’t want to hear it.
He shrugged just like I suspected he would and brushed it off. And without another word he slung his arm over my shoulders and I sank into him as he played the movie.
A week later I found out he really hadn’t broken up with her and told her exactly what he was doing that day. She accepted it with question because she liked him and she knew how close we were. Nothing was going to change that. He bailed on her just to be with me. And I’m pretty sure he could have gotten laid if he would have stayed with her.
Wow, I thought then. Our friendship must have really meant a lot to him.
I stood up from my chair as soon as Amelia stepped outside with my drink in hand. I thanked her and told I changed my mind that I had somewhere to be. Without waiting for her replying I practically flew upstairs to my room and changed clothes. Within minutes I was back down stairs with phone in hand calling Carl to bring the car around to get me.
I had to get to Nathan. He wanted to make a choice and now I finally had. I was finally him…us…with perfect clarity. It was time finally give him answer. He had waited long enough for it and I wouldn’t make it any longer than it already had been.
I needed to see him in person for this.
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A/N
I finally updated. Yay!
I hope you enjoyed the chapter and it gave you a better understanding of Nathan and Payton’s friendship before everything happened. It was important for you to see all those flash backs so you would get that he has truly always loved her. Sometimes words aren’t enough. Sometimes you need to see proof.
Anyway, please leave me some feedback on this one guys. I can’t wait to hear what you think!
What do you think Peyton will do?
Comment. Vote. Follow. :)