"So before we end and then begin, We'll drink a toast to how it's been. A few more hours to be complete. A few more times that I can say I've loved these days." I've Loved These Days, Billy Joel.
Millie
With Gia carrying my bags and Andie pushing me in my chair I should feel like I'm ready to conquer the world, but I'm don't. I feel like I'm taking a death march to my final resting place, because I am. This is the last place, the last room I will ever see.
"Right this way Ms. Freeman," my new nurse directs us.
Gia and Andie start to spread my things around the room trying to make it as personal as possible. I look around trying to find so light in this situation. It looks just like I pictured, basic hospital bed, basic tiny TV, medical stuff all over the place. I told the doctor I want to stop the chemo but we're still giving me small treatments to prolong my life long enough to say my final goodbyes. That is the most important thing to me. To be able to see Gia give birth and to tell each of the girls that I love them. I have a goodbye for after I'm gone but what's important is that I cherish my last few moments of life. My parents are coming in tomorrow despite my efforts for them to stay away. They are losing their second child so I do owe them a visit.
"Do you like it?" Andie asks me snapping me out of my thoughts.
"It's perfect," I tell her knowing it will make her happy.
"Millie do you think you could be a little more cheerful? I don't want Andie to snap out of her denial just yet," Gia whispers in my ear. I'm surprised she's able a hunch down beside me since she's about three days past her due date and looks like she's about to burst.
The nurse comes back and lifts me into my bed. Once I'm comfortable she leaves the room again after showing me the button to press if I need her. Andie also leaves the room to get some water.
"How's it feel Mil?" Gia asks.
"Everything's fine I guess. I'm just sad that this is the last thing I'll see," I tell her.
"I'm sorry Mi. I wish I could change that for you but just remember that it's not about where you are it's about the people that love you. Andie and I are going to be here for as long as we can and we love you so much."
"I need you to promise me something."
"Whatever you want."
"When I die, and I will make sure you know when it's happening, will you and Andie be the last thing I see?"
"It will be hard for us but I'll make sure it happens. I don't what I'm going to do without you Mil."
"No offense but I'm more concerned about Andie." We both laugh a little. "I know you're younger than her and you'll have a little girl to take care of but watch over Andie please."
"I will Mil, I will."
"What did I miss?" Andie asks coming back in the room.
"Just me telling Gia to protect you," I tease her.
"Millie don't worry about me," she says.
"You know I have to."
"No, I'm going to be so much stronger from now on. I'm going to be invincible."
"My bad Wonderwoman."
"Hey, I totally could be."
"Have you looked in the mirror An?" Gia joins in.
"I feel so attacked right now," Andie pretends to be offended.
We take a moment to just be in the moment before I once again break the silence. "Guys..."
"What?" they both ask.
"I've really loved these days."
The both grab my hand and lean forward on my bed. I try my best to implant this in my memory forever. I remember the sign about taking the chances and I tell myself that I'm not taking the fall because I've had a billion chances and I've taken them all.