E r i c
Pretend during the day. Break inside at night.
Every waking moment I take, pain swirls around my head in a never-ending whirlwind. I want time, even just a short one, to relax. To let go. But I've waited far too long to know that it won't be granted to me.
My eyes, sore as they are, stare at the window, and I suddenly freeze upon seeing a figure outside. The roof is in line with my window's view, and right now, a girl is standing there.
She is standing there.
Without thinking, I rush to my bed to grab my black jacket. I race out of my flat, running down the halls and into the direction of the roof.
The girl never fucking listens.
I push open the door, feet taking me to the figure standing--yet again--in the rain. Her face is riddled with raindrops but I know she is crying. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and she's biting her lips to stop a sob from coming out.
I place my jacket around her, pulling her with me until we reach the staircase inside. I notice that she is shaking and her lips are turning blue.
"Are you fucking stupid?" I say harshly, "There's a fucking storm outside! It's just three hours before the final Simulations and you're out there, bathing in the fucking rain?"
I continue to berate her with harsh words. But then, like the sudden storm outside, I stop. Because I know that my words are hurting her.
And just like that, my heart beats faster. My stomach twists. My hands get clammy.
I bite my lip, rubbing my temples as they started to ache. Fuck, I didn't need this shit now. I had enough on my plate.
"Come here," I order, ushering her closer to me, "I'll take you to the dorms."
~
K a r o l i i n a
My forehead perspires with cold sweat.
I'm sitting at the farthest corner of the waiting room, along with the rest of the remaining transfers. We were eight before, now we are five. That is supposed to be an assurance that we will make it to the top ten, but the Dauntless-borns are still intact, still in their group of ten.
I try to not think about it, but the feeling of dread that fills me when I do so frightens me of the future I may have.
"Karoliina, get inside please." It is Four who calls my name, and I suddenly have this feeling that the way he says my name lacks something.
It doesn't have that rough, velvety sound to it, unlike Eric's.
I blush, and it is prominent as I walk towards the Simulation Room with my peers staring at me as I pass by.
~
We all try to keep secrets.
We hide them, never telling anyone. It is buried under the depths of our minds, and when they surface, we do anything to keep them back in again. To lock them inside an impenetrable cell.
I know that my eyes are blotchy when I stare at the floor, I can feel them burning with tears. Four and Eric are silent as they review the results. I do not know what my time is, because a new fear suddenly popped up in my Simulation.
In the last fucking Simulation, too.
The newfound fear is different, and I have never thought that I would fear it. It is unusual. Odd. Strange. I do not want to think much of it, because I am afraid of what my thoughts will become if I do.
"I-I'll go to the dorms," I all but choke the words out, and I rush out of the room as fast as I could.
I hear the footsteps following me and soon, I am engulfed in a hug by someone almost a foot taller than me. His arms encase my body and his voice comes out as mellifluous when he speaks soft words of comfort.
And somehow, my fear is forgotten.