Indigo
"Kath!" Aaron's voice was filled with horror as Katherine coughed up another mouthful of blood and slumped in his arms. He held her tightly, one arm around her waist, the other tilting her limp upper body back so that her head was lying on his shoulder. "Rachel, help!" I have never heard so much panic in Aaron's voice. My hand was trembling. I released my grip on the sword.
I could only stare in shock, at the blade reflecting the luminescent lights and at the crimson blood that was blossoming on Katherine's clothes like a bright red flower. Everything was so unreal. I remembered riding through the woods, running from the unknown, and then suddenly, Aaron and I were alone. We paced around, trying to find the others, when a blue orb suddenly flew out of a bush behind us and spread its tendrils towards me. It was as if I was electrocuted. I remember seeing some sort of a vision, and then having this overwhelming hatred towards Katherine. Voices spoke in my head, feeding the little pool of darkness in my heart until evil took over.
And then, I stabbed Katherine through with my sword.
I don't know what came over me. I didn't know how to stop the voices in my brain, or how to stop the anger and hurt and jealousy that kept flaring up. I didn't know why I was saying all those mean and hurtful things, or how I could ever call Katherine what I did. How I could call anyone the name I called her. The moment Katherine's blood splattered my sword my mind cleared. I saw the world as it was. Instead of phantom shapes and illusions that clouded my vision, I saw Katherine's frail figure and her blood on my hands. I was a horrible person. I let the evils get the best of me. And there was no way to go back.
Aaron slid gingerly down to the ground, positioning himself so that Katherine's upper body was slightly elevated in his arms. Rachel rushed over, summoning her healing magic. Ashley followed closely, digging in Rachel's satchel for poultices and medicine. Jason and Lucian ran after, fear on their faces.
"Rachel, hurry, hurry!"
"I'm trying!"
"Kath, stay with us, you hear me? Stay with me!"
I could only perch on top of my horse, replaying the scene over and over in my mind. Truth to be told, the split second before my sword reached Katherine my mind was already starting to clear. But I didn't stop in time. I chose to keep going. Perhaps my thinking was still cloudy. Maybe I didn't register the sword in my outstretched arm as dangerous. But it was still me who stabbed Katherine.
Even from here I could tell that their efforts were going to be useless. Katherine was as good as dead. The stab was too precise, too well-calculated. I ran her through. I felt my blade puncture her skin and poke out the other side. It was a fatal wound. There was no way she would survive.
Good Katherine, nice Katherine, innocent Katherine with the sparkling eyes and merry laughter...I swayed, sick of myself. How could I have done this? How could I kill my friend? I almost threw up in disgust.
Rachel carefully extracted the sword, pulling it out inch by inch. I watched as the blood began to flow, as Katherine's failing heart pumped its blood out of the wound. There was so much blood, it pooled beneath Katherine's body and covered Rachel's healing hands.
I toppled off the horse, drawing their attention. Aaron yelled my name, fearing for the worst. Why was he worried about me? I was fine. I wasn't the one who was losing blood by the quarts right now. I crawled back up, brushing away the gritty dirt that covered my palms. Stumbling over to the group, I saw how they all drew back, almost afraid of what I would do. I saw Aaron bring Katherine just a little closer to him protectively. I saw Lucian and Jason's hands rest on the hilts of their swords, ready to fight. I saw Ashley stand in the way, ready to defend her friends. It made me so sad. When did they become frightened of me?
My sword was held in Ashley's hand, still covered with blood. In my trance-like state, I felt a need to have it back, to feel its familiar weight in my hands. I walked forward and stuck out my hand.
"What do you want?" Ashley's voice came out harsh.
"My sword," I croaked out, forcing myself to meet her eyes. "I want my sword back."
"Um, we can't give it to you right now," Ashley said hesitantly, glancing over her shoulder at Aaron, who nodded. I felt a stab of betrayal.
"I need it," I insisted. "Please. I won't kill anyone."
"I can't give it to you," Ashley said ruefully, her eyes filling with regret. "I'm sorry, Indigo."
I lunged forward, propelled by an unknown source of adrenaline. Ashley yelped and stumbled back, putting up her hands to defend herself. I grabbed the sword from her hand, turned around, and leapt onto my horse, spurring it to gallop away. I heard their voices of alarm, yelling for me to stop, wait, don't go. I kept going, running away from the bloody scene. I can't breathe. I need to leave.
I barreled through the forest, taking any path I saw in sight. I veered off the main trail and went down side paths that branched again and again. I kept going until the torrent of voices in my head stopped their accusatory tones and guilt washed over me. I let go of the reins and allowed the horse to go wherever it pleased while I tried to sort out my thoughts. What happened? What had really happened?
There was a blue orb. It touched me, and I saw a vision. I closed my eyes and tried to remember.
It was as if I was watching a movie that predicted our futures. I saw the seven of us on our quest, chased and desperate. I saw Aaron get stabbed, and it was me who was there when the others weren't, who nursed him back to health. When he and Lucian were trapped in Lord Victor's defenses, it was me who devised a way to get them out. The scenes flashed by, one by one, showing how throughout the whole quest, it was me who saved not just Aaron's life, but also everyone else's, again and again.
At the final battle, we were facing Lord Victor. He knocked everyone back, and when Aaron charged at him from behind, Lord Victor swung his staff around and knocked Aaron to the ground, unconscious. I raised a sword—it wasn't mine but I knew that it was the Sword of Destiny—and charged towards Lord Victor, poised to strike him down. But before I got there, someone crashed into me, knocking me into the ground and the sword from my hand. Katherine. I yelled at her, screaming for her to move out of the way, but she ignored me and picked up the sword, leaving me in the dust. "That's supposed to be mine!" I yelled. "My victory!"
She didn't listen. Katherine became the one who killed Lord Victor and the first person to reach Aaron. With her magical healing powers, she awakened him, and Aaron became suddenly captivated by her bravery and beauty despite the blood running down her face and her tangled, unwashed hair.
The scene changed. We were back at the Academy, and Katherine was the one who was honored, who received all the glory. I fumed silently, knowing that it was supposed to me, but Katherine stole that chance from me. And at our graduation dance, the biggest night of my life—Aaron asked Katherine to be his date. Never mind the fact that I had saved his life numerous times or that he said before that he'll ask me; at the end, Aaron still chose Katherine.
To make things worse, I saw them kiss. Right in front of me. I wanted to ruin Katherine's simple blue dress that somehow outshone my ball gown. I wanted to push her away and banish her, to take her place in Aaron's arms. At that moment, I realized how much I loved Aaron. I couldn't stand the fact that after all of my efforts, Katherine stole my prize. Even though my rational mind was saying that this is false, that I didn't even like Aaron that much in real life, I couldn't listen. I couldn't think clearly. That's when the whispers began and they controlled me. I submitted to their will, and then I killed Katherine.
I gasped as my eyes flew open. It was so real. It felt real. The horse had stopped in another small clearing, munching on some grass. I slid to the ground, feeling the cool earth beneath my hands. This was still my fault. If I hadn't already had angry, jealous feelings towards Katherine, the voices would have had nothing to control me with. This meant that I was already seeing Katherine as my competitor, not a friend. How could I be so selfish, so mean, so evil?! I was no better than Lord Victor!
I let loose a howl to the sky, setting free all of my emotions. I crumpled to the floor in a heap, hugging myself and sobbing. The guilt threatened to pull me under. Images of Katherine flashed before my eyes, of her bright smile and the way she looked up at me, always regarding me as someone smarter, prettier, better than her without a complaint. I remembered how she happily agreed to give me lessons in sword fighting, not asking for anything in return. I remembered how she would bound over with her tests in math or science and ask me my score, then exclaim about how smart I was and how amazing I was to have figured out number whatever on the test. I always felt so happy with her innocent compliments and her adorable, childish manner. Katherine was such a good person. And I killed her without hesitation. Over what? A silly crush. A boy. A boy that she didn't even think of more than just a friend.
It was a while before I realized that it was raining. The water soaked through my clothes, wetting my hair and chilling my skin. I picked up my sword, which was lying on the muddy ground next to me. There were still rivulets of Katherine's blood on the blade, which were soon washed away by the rain. But I still saw them there, still saw the brilliant red that covered my hands and stained my sword...
I looked at my reflection in the rain-splattered blade. I almost didn't recognize the girl that stared back with empty, haunted eyes. Her hair was slick with rain and hung down like a curtain around her face, and the guilty, pained expression was never going to disappear from her pale face.
You killed Katherine, the voices began whispering. You killed an innocent girl who did nothing to you.
"It wasn't my fault! You made me do it!" I yelled, my voice cracking.
Oh no, no, no, we didn't do anything. The whispers chuckled. You held the sword and you stabbed her. You killed Katherine. We didn't do anything.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"
An apology isn't going to raise the dead, Indigo, they hissed. Katherine's gone. You saw all that blood around her? Well, her blood will be forever on your hands. You're a murderer, Indigo. A murderer.
"I'm sorry!" I thought I saw Katherine's ghost hovering in the woods just in front of me. "Katherine, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
You're a murderer. You're just like Eric, or Lord Victor. Maybe worse. You killed the best fighter on the team. What if Katherine was one of the chosen three? What if the entire mission fails because of your mistake?
The voices were relentless, swirling around me. I heard the disbelief and rage in my parents' voices. I heard disdain in the gossip people said behind my back. I heard the disgrace from my own subconscious. I can't take this anymore. I can't live with the shame and the guilt. I can't go back and face the rest of the team. I can't, I can't, I can't.
With a heart-wrenching sob, I gripped my sword firmly in my right hand and pressed the blade firmly across my neck. I killed Katherine. I would pay with my own life. That was only fair: a life for a life. Maybe this way, I would be released from the heavy burden that guilt left on me and be free of all this. Maybe I can finally ask for Katherine's forgiveness.
Do it, the voices urged. Just do it, and get it over with. You'll never have to face the humiliation and shame and guilt and dishonor again.
I closed my eyes and steadied my hand. Taking a deep breath, I swept my sword across my own neck.
"INDIGO! NO!"