Lana
I never thought about the future when I was younger. I never thought about the consequences of the life I've chosen. I always thought that everything would fall into place, that everything would just work out in the end. I always thought that by being strong nothing would harm me.
But I was wrong, terribly wrong.
Things never really go as we planned, even if we try hard. I learned that the hard way. Right when I thought things were falling into place they fell even further apart. When I thought luck was finally on my side I was pushed down further onto the ground being kicked and punched. It was as if the universe had something against me and wanted to see me hurt.
I could feel pain with every step I took. I could feel my headache only worsen. And I could feel the cold wind against my skin but I didn't care. I deserved that and much more. It was all my fault, I had killed my best friend. I had killed someone filled with hope and pure joy. He had always been the best person he could be and because of me it was all gone and in the most horrible way.
I walked the streets ignoring everything and everyone. I could hear people's yells and honks as I crossed the street, but I didn't bother to look. I had somewhere to go right now even though I couldn't quite think of where that place was. It was as if I was being drawn somewhere but I couldn't think of where. I just knew if I kept walking I would find it.
I never did return back to the loft. I knew if I did go back I'd be reminded of what I'd just lost and I just couldn't handle that right now. That or I'd probably find the flash ready to arrest me along with the Central city police department.
I walked hoping somehow I would find the answers I needed. I hoped that maybe I'd make it back to the organization or anywhere that wasn't Central city. I felt lost and so alone that I didn't care to think about anything else. I knew I had been walking for hours but I didn't realize it until now. It felt like no time had passed but I knew now that wasn't true as I stared out into the darkness that surrounded me. It was night already and I hadn't even realized the moment the sun set.
I finally looked around my surroundings and looked at all the people who were still out. I realized I was far from home, far from everyone I knew. I looked as the kids started to get into their cars and race down the streets. I then turned to look at a car and saw one kid get out of his car to join the rest. I looked at him and realized it was Joe's son. The resemblance clearly there.
"Lana"
I heard my name being yelled and I turned to see Leo and Bette behind me. I could see the sadness in their eyes as they watched me carefully. Leo quickly rushed to my side and took hold of my hand and led me to the car. He looked unsure at first and was very careful not to make any sudden movements.
"Come on" he says gently pulling me along
A part of me felt like I shouldn't follow them. I needed to go somewhere else but I pushed that down knowing it would be best to go with them. I moved my feet and followed them. It was like I had no control of what I was doing. I didn't talk, I only allowed them to lead me anywhere. I felt alone and I felt all the guilt piled up inside which only seemed to be growing each second. When I was inside the car I turned to see Bette sitting beside me.
"You are freezing" she says putting a blanket around me "she's still in shock"
"It's more than shock" I can hear Leo say "look at her hands they are shaking and not just from the cold"
I looked out the window, never saying anything. I could hear them and I tried to talk back but I didn't have the strength to do so. All I knew was that I wanted to get even. I had a plan. And it was to make it back to come up with a plan to strike. I wanted all of them dead. I wanted them to burn to the ground. And I wanted to hear them beg for their lives while they burned. I wanted to be there and watch them all die.
"Do it" I could hear Leo say
The next thing I felt was a pinch in my neck and I quickly felt sleepy. I turned to see them and their faces began to blur. I reached to open the car but they only held onto me.
"Shh" I was the last thing I hear before falling asleep
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.
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I woke up to a headache. One of the worst I've ever felt. It was as if they had opened up my head and poked me over and over with needles. Opening my eyes I quickly shut them as I looked up to the bright lights.
I slowly opened my eyes again to see I'm in a small room laying in a bed. I turned to the door and saw a small window. Slowly I sat up feeling nauseated. I felt like the time I had fallen from a building and needed surgery to stop all the bleeding.
Looking around I noticed that the room only had one door with a small window and no other windows along the walls. I quickly got up realizing I was trapped. I ran to it banging on it but it wouldn't open. I grew angry because I had let myself grow weak and because of that I was locked in a room now.
"Let me out" I yelled out loud banging my fist on the door
Moments later I saw Bette through the small window, "This is for your best Lana. You've been branded Lana, we need to get it out of your head before you lose your mind like Josh did."
"I need to be out there! They all deserve to die!" I cry out
"I know" she says "I'm sure the guilt is eating you alive but with time it will get better and we're going to help you come up with a plan but if you attack now you will die. You aren't thinking straight"
I rested my head against the window crying once more. I felt the pain in my heart only increase and I hated that I couldn't make it go away.
"I killed him" I cried out "it's all my fault, they did this"
"It's not your fault Lana you had to do what you thought was right" Bette says
"No I shouldn't have done that I should have found another way" I cry "I should have let her die"
"There was no other way, I think a few days in here will get you thinking straight" Bette says "we need an actual plan than just attack. Attacking with no plan always ends up going bad, you know that. We also need to get that out of your head the sooner the better"
I could hear her voice as she tried not to cry. I hit the window over again hoping it would break but it wouldn't. I turned back to the small room I was trapped in yelled out falling to my knees.
"Let me out!" I yelled again "I need to get out of here"
I laid on the cold ground crying, unable to move. I laid crying for them to let me out; for them to let me have my revenge. They never opened the door but they did open something else.
Before I knew it the walls opened up for tubes to come out of them. I saw as a gas seeped into my room filling everywhere. I began to cough as I tried to get up but fell to my knees again feeling tired. Before I realized what was happening I rested my head on the floor closing my eyes and falling asleep.
When I woke up again I couldn't open my eyes at first from how sleepy I felt. I laid on a bed from what it felt like and I was sure I was in the same room as before. I could feel my head hurting even worse than before if that was possible and I could feel a bandage wrapped around my head. Finally opening my eyes I couldn't see much since my vision was blurry. I was in and out of consciousness for the day and for most of the day.
The following days went by as if it was nothing. I would wake up and fall back to sleep; the room only growing smaller each day. After a couple of days I was finally able to stay awake longer. For the most part I was able to sit up but other than that I grew more tired the more I forced myself to move.
I had grown tired of being trapped in the same room for days on end. I didn't even know how long I had been trapped for seeing as I had lost count, I only knew that I wanted out. The faster the better.
With more days that past I began to feel more like myself. Being stuck here with no one to talk to, no contact with the people I'd grown to care for has made me remember my life in the organization. I only thought back to that day I thought about what I could have done without killing him. But the only answer I could come up with wasn't a good one seeing as I couldn't have let Iris die. I knew that.
Finally having more strength I walked around the room to make myself feel better. Currently I sat on the bed leaning against the wall as I stared into the small window on the door. It was my only view into the other room and I was simply waiting to see someone. I had grown tired of seeing the same four walls and I was so anxious to get out. I had finally unwrapped the bandage on my head and reached behind my ear feeling a scar.
I had been branded and was lucky enough they had gotten it out before it was too late.
I let out a breath for the hundredth time today and finally saw someone on the other side of the door. I moved to the edge of the bed and watched as the door opened. I stood from the bed just in time to see Bette and Leo outside the door with a small smile on each of their faces.
"I think it's about time you got some fresh air" Leo says "you've got to be thinking clearly by now now that we got that chip out"
I walked to the door and took a second before finally stepping foot outside the room I had been locked in. The moment my foot touched the ground I felt relieved to have finally been let out. It was as if I could breathe for the first time.
"Thank you" I tell them
"We figured you needed to be locked away to keep you safe from yourself" Bette tell me
"I killed him" I say my voice barely being heard
"It was not your fault Lana, AliPhil was the one to brainwash him" Leo says "Somehow Josh had branded you the way they had him. We were able to get it out before it did any real damage"
I looked at them, my eyes beginning to water. I killed him, my best friend. He was dead because I wasn't strong enough. Bette rushed to my side and held me in her arms.
"It's okay, we're going to get back at them" she says
"I want to bring them to the ground" I say pulling away and cleaning my eyes "I've cried too much now it's time for me to take action"
"I thought you'd say that" Leo says "we've come up with a plan"
"But first you need to clean up" Bette says
"How long was I in there" I ask
"Almost 3 weeks" Leo says
"3 weeks!" I yell out "Caitlin must be worried about me"
"We sent her a message saying we were taking care of you" Bette says "and well Barry too"
"Let's hear this plan of yours after I wash up, if anyone deserves to pay its AliPhil" I say
I walked back into my old room in the organization and showered. The second the warm water hit my body I relaxed. I pulled my head back making the water hit my face. I felt like it has been so long since I last showered and indeed it has.
Almost three weeks I was locked in that room. Almost three weeks since I'd seen Caitlin, even Barry. Oh my poor Shade I only hoped Caitlin was taking good care of her.
I couldn't help but think about the night I shared with Barry. It has been so long since I gave myself to someone, so long since I let myself fall for someone. We shared a night full of passion and I didn't regret it. Now I was just lost in what would happen next. Where would we go from here?
I shut the water off trying to forget all that happened. I needed to focus on this mission, I needed to bring AliPhil down, I needed to make them pay for using Josh.
When I was changed I walked into the hall to see all the new trainees. When I walked into the main room I looked around to see familiar faces and new faces. I walked into the main office to see Bette and Leo along with other people.
"So what's the plan?" I ask sitting on the chair
"I was wondering what that stench was" Bette says chuckling
"HA. HA. Funny. That smell was your fault I mean come on 3 weeks with no shower only toilet" I say
"Plan is going undercover" Leo says "AliPhil has always wanted you. So we bring them down from the inside"
"They got to josh because they were angry you rejected them because getting to him would lure you out" Bette says "they will think after losing him you'd think twice about rejecting them again"
"Sooo" I say
"You have a job to do. A bodyguard for the Hans family" Leo says
Both Leo and Bette look at each other for a moment as if they knew something I didn't.
"The Hans family? They are a very wealthy family I think they have all the body guards they need" I tell them
"They are having an event real soon. They think you are working for a security company. You are in charge of their son's safety" Leo says not able to look me in the eyes "we've kind of put word out there that you are no longer part of this organization. When AliPhil hears of this they will want to recruit you again"
"Ahhh" I say out loud "so you are using me as bait to draw them out, I like it then what?"
"After the event is over AliPhil will approach you, they will give you one last chance to join them and you will say yes" Bette says
"Ahh, bring them down through the inside. I like it even better" I say rolling in my chair to the computer "I can't wait, it was about time I went back to my old life. What city?"
Leo clears his throat looking at Bette waiting for her to say something.
"River city" she simply says
I could feel my breath get caught in my throat. All the memories rushing back to me. I felt the lump in my throat rising up but I pushed it back down.
"I haven't been back there in years" I say
Bette sat straighter and looked back at Leo.
"Before you go you should probably go check in with Caitlin so she knows you are okay" Bette says
"Yeah I figured I'd have to go back, I just don't want to explain anything" i say sitting back in my seat
"We've got new weapons you'd like to try" Leo says trying to cheer me up
"New weapons you say" I say smiling "I'm always up for that"
"Good luck" Bette says but I felt she meant it more than the mission there was something else they weren't telling me
"AliPhil will crumble and I will be glad I will be the one to break their walls" I say
They were about to realize they made a mistake by using josh. No one hurt the people I cared about and got away with it.
No one