Another chapter is here :) 2 days to go till Valentine's Day! what are you guys' plans?
please comment and vote :)
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Walking out of the house and locking the door behind me, I felt like I was back to my high school years. I turned around and saw that everything was exactly the same as it was back then. The Sycamore tree at the end of road showing sparkles of sunlight through its leaves. The crack off the sidewalk opposite from our house. The overgrown hedges on the garden of the house next to ours.
My feet seemed to have a mind of its own and I started walking down the street, the road that I used to walk down every day. Until the day I met him.
I pushed my way through the crowd carefully, trying not to spill the drink I was holding onto the expensive floor. How on earth did Regina Brian managed to convince her parents to let her have crazy teenage parties in her house is beyond me.
Oh well, I really shouldn't complain. I got invited to the largest back to school party for the first time in my four years of high school. I had never been particularly friendly with the popular group in my school, so I was pleasantly surprised to be invited this year, along with my best friend Hilary; Who was busily flirting with some guy over the other side.
Typical of Hilary to forget all about me when there are hot guys around to flirt with. I hovered around, wasn't sure of what to do. Finally I decided it's safest to just stand in a corner and sip my coke slowly.
“Hey, aren't you the girl in the school paper team?” a deep, muscular voice asked, his voice standing out from the noises from the party.
“Um yeah.” I said, looking up from my toes to whoever talked to me, and almost had an heart attack.
Leo Hartmann was talking to me.
My mind went completely blank for the next few seconds. Leo Hartmann was talking to me. He knows who I am. Not my name, granted, but he knows who I am. Normally I am pretty sane, but this isn't a normal circumstances, something was wrong with the universe.
“So, it’s Amelia, right?” He asked, sounding a little uncertain
“Close enough; it's Ashley.” I said, my nervousness dissipated a little as I couldn't help but smile brightly at him. His face coloured slightly when I corrected him and he looked embarrassed. My brain was screaming at me about how cute he is. I couldn't believe this myself. Leo Hartmann blushed because he couldn't remember my name! Hilary was never going to belie this.
“I thought so.” he said, scratching his head and looking extremely adorable. We made small chat for a while and I couldn't help but marvel at how down to earth he is. Being a part time model and actor, hottest and most popular guy in our school, you will expect this guy to be extremely snotty; but no. He was here, talking to me, of all people, in a party full of much more interesting girls.
“So what are you doing here alone?” Leo asked, I felt my face heat up. I was going to sound like a total dork for this.
“I came with my friend Hilary, but she is, erm, preoccupied over there”' I said, and unnecessarily pointed at Hilary, who just happened to be in a corner extremely close to the guy she was flirting with. God I need to stop doing inappropriate stuff. This was so embarrassing.
“What about your boyfriend?” Leo asked, taking a swig from the beer bottle he was holding and actually looked around the house as if looking for my non-existence boyfriend.
Nearly choking on the mouthful of coke I was drinking I quickly swallow it to avoid spitting it all over him in surprise. I felt my face turning even redder. “I don't have a boyfriend.” I said quickly, maybe a little too quickly, choking out the words and tried to compose myself.
Usually, when a guy asks a girl this question, it means he is interested in her. But in Leo Hartmann's case, I didn't know what to expect. Surely he couldn't be interested in me; there are plenty of hot girls in our school, let alone in Hollywood.
“Really?” Leo looked surprised and stopped looking around. I was feeling more and more self-conscious with him looking right at me, those crystalline oceans blue eyes like a deep ocean, one that I can get lost in forever. My heart sped up and thumped around like crazy in my chest. I mentally slapped myself. Ashley Dawson! Stop acting like a love stuck teenager! For god's sake I didn't even have a crush on him.
“So, can I ask you for a dance?” Leo asked, looking all adorably embarrassed again. My eyes widened and I nodded reflectively, looking down to take a sip and hiding my grin. Eeeeeeeek! Crap, I am crushing on Leo Hartmann, quick. Along with the rest of the female population of Trinity High, of course.
He took my cup from me and put it down on a nearby table. I could feel my face flushing as the reality of Leo Hartmann asking me to dance with him in a party sink in. he turned back and smiled at me making my heart do a weird dance in my chest and reached out to grab my hand. I could feel tingles from where he was touching me as he dragged me towards the dancing crowd.
We wiggled our way into the middle of the crowd; a lot of the people smiled and said hi to Leo, most of them were too drunk to notice at me. Others were just looking at me with raised eyebrows. Leo, however, seemed oblivious to all the stares. Still holding onto my hand we stopped in an empty spot and he started spinning me around.
I couldn't help but laugh as he continued to spin me around until I felt like the entire room was spinning. However being my clumsy self I tripped over a section of the carpet and landed, luckily and embarrassingly into Leo's arms.
“Hahaha are you okay?” Leo laughed and steadied me, my heart raced as I took in how close together we were. I could feel his heartbeats against my body and, omg, his abs.
“Yeah.” I said, getting up quickly and slightly reluctantly. Leo flashed me a smile and started spinning me the other way around.
“Now you won't feel dizzy.” He said and I laughed. We continued to dance and talked. I was having so much fun that I even forgot when and where I was. Everything seemed out of focus but him, it felt like I was floating on Cloud 9.
Dancing around I felt like time had stood still and everything was perfect. Wait, time. What time was it? I looked down at my watch – it was nearly midnight. Crap, I needed to go home soon, there is still school tomorrow.
“I am sorry, I have to go.” I said reluctantly, looking up at Leo. I mentally cursed myself for saying that, why couldn't I just stop being such a goodie-two-shoes for a night?! It was such a perfect night and I just had to go and ruin it.
Feeling annoyed at myself, I excused myself from Leo and walked over to find Hilary, who was still busy flirting with a random guy. 'Hilary, it's nearly twelve, we should go now.'
“Yeah sure, whatever.” Hilary said breezily without even glancing at my direction. She waved her hands right in front of my face dismissively and nearly smacking me. She was also obviously not listening to me.
“Come on Hilary, I need to get home. You said you will drive me home whenever I want.” I whispered furiously, feeling annoyed at my best friend. She was all hot guys and no best friend.
“Not now Ash.” She muttered under her breath and turned her back to me. She resumed her flirting and pushed the guy backwards and disappeared into a room leaving me alone in the living room.
Fine, I will just walk home. I thought angrily, knowing that it's impossible anyway. There is always the bus. Granted there will be some dodgy people, but I will be fine.
“Do you need a ride home?” I turned around nearly smashed into Leo. My face turned red, he must had followed me and heard the entire conversation between Hilary and me, how embarrassing.
“No it's OK, I will just take the bus.” I said, my heart melting. That was so sweet of him to offer. I would have thought he would just go and find another girl to dance with after I left.
“Nay I want to get out of here anyway. Let's go then.” Leo shrugged and started walking towards the door, grabbing my hand. I felt a bit at a loss as to what to do and decided to let him drag me along. If someone insisted on giving me a ride home I wasn't going to say no, especially not if it meant more alone time with Leo.
“Come on.” Leo turned around and grabbed hold of my wrist. My heart started beating ten times faster as we weave through the crowd and out the front door. The house was so packed that it felt like you were swimming through a sea of people.
I felt like I could breathe when we finally made it outside the house. It looks like half of my school had turned up today. Which shouldn't be surprising, since this was the biggest back to school party of the year.
Which is why I don't understand Leo was willing to drive me home and leave the party early.
He didn't let go of my hand even though we are outside. My face must be beetroot red by now, I felt like I was in one of my dream, a very unrealistic but magical one.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even realised we had come to a stop. “Hop in.” Leo said, opening the door to a Mercedes convertible. My eyes widened as I took in the car, even though I know nothing about cars I knew this is an expensive one.
My mind was still in a daze and my body got on the car all on its own. I remembered hearing Leo chuckled but my mind was too blank to register anything.
“So where do you live?” Leo asked after a moment of silence in the car. I mentally slapped myself, I was usually more aware of details than this. One hour with a hot guy and I am already dumber.
“20 Portland Road, it's just right around the Portland Park.” I said, Leo nodded and drove off. We stayed in a slightly awkward silence (mostly maintained by me) all the way back. Luckily it was only a fifteen minutes’ drive (but an hour by foot).
Leo pulled up right outside the house and I unbuckled my seatbelts as quickly as I could, trying to control my shaking hands. God I am nervous around this guy! Turning to face him I found him staring at me with an amused smile.
“Thank you so much for driving me home.” I said sincerely to Leo. Who knew what could happen if I really did walk home. This neighborhood can get kind of dangerous at night. Leo flashed me a toothy smile and wave nonchalantly.
“Don't worry about it.” He said sincerely, I got off the car and turned around to wait for him to drive off but he seemed to be staying put. Okay....
“Good night.” I said, smiling at him and started walking up my front porch.
“Wait!” Leo called out and I turned around, figured that I must have left something in the car. “Can I pick you up tomorrow?”
Blinking, I tried to process what he just said. Did he just ask me if he can pick me up tomorrow? Or did I just hallucinate? My brain was temporally overloaded and I just stood there, looking at him with a dumb expression.
“It's OK if you already have plans though.” Leo said, smiling a look of disappointment flashed across his face; I blink a few more times and pinch myself behind my back. Ouch. I wasn't dreaming. This was real. No f-ing way!
“Erm… sure.” I stuttered out, smiling. My heart did a flip inside my heart in joy.
“See you tomorrow then.” Leo said, I smiled and walked back up to my front door. I unlocked the door and went in, turned around to see that Leo was still in the driveway waving back at me. He didn't drive off until I was safely inside the house.
Leaning back against the door I sank down to the floor and let out a squeal, then hoisted myself up and ran back to my room to pick out an outfit for tomorrow.
I smiled to myself. That was the start of our relationship. He picked me up every day to and from school afterward. We went on our first date, second date, and third date. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I couldn't believe my luck back then. It was like living in a dream, except everything was real, and perfect.
I turned the corner and saw the coffee shop that we frequent a lot. I had never come back after high school. The cafe was called Cafe Concerto, with a cute vintage décor with awesome coffee and Frappuccino.
Stepping inside I was overcome with nostalgia. All the times we spent here, the two of us, and sometimes with his friends. My nose started to feel sour and I blinked back the tears that threatened to escape. I couldn't cry now. I promised myself that I was going to get over him; I was done crying about our time together.
I looked around the place and settled on the corner table facing that window that we always sat on.
Ordering a chocolate Frappuccino I popped my elbow on the table and rest my chin on my hand. It felt strange to be in such a familiar place. The place hasn’t changed. And yet everything else had.
“Hey.” I heard Ryan's voice and I turned around to see him sliding into the seat opposite me with sunglasses and a cap on. Not that it did him much good at disguising his identity, since I could still recognise him. And it looked pretty conspicuous in the middle of winter.
“Hi.” I said, smiling at him as he took his sunglasses off and returned the smile. He looked older, more mature, but otherwise still the same guy who teased me about Leo but accepted me into their friendship group with open arms.
“How are you? We haven't talked since, high school.” Ryan said, pausing awkwardly before high school. I knew what he wanted to say, since Leo left.
“I have been good. I finally got a job in New York. I am actually moving there tomorrow.” I said, muttering thanks to the waitress who brought me my Frappuccino. I could see Ryan's face turned into a look of surprise out of the corner of my eyes, but he recovered quickly.
“Wow, I am glad I caught you before you leave. Did you ever plan on telling anyone?” He said, ordering a Latte from the waitress, who looked at him with a frown on her face, probably thinking when she had seen him before.
“Hilary knows.” I said, slightly defensive and took a sip from my cup. I didn't stay in contact with anyone else from my high school apart from Hilary, well, more like I cut everyone out. Everything that reminded me of Leo was too much. I just couldn't handle it.
“Hilary.” Ryan said and shook his head, fiddling with his sunglasses. “You didn't ask me to come have a coffee just to tell me you are moving right?”
I smiled at him. Always to the point. “No, I wanted to know how Leo is doing.” I said, my heart quiver at his name. I haven't spoken his name out loud since the breakup.
“He is good.” Ryan said, looking intently at me. “Why are you asking?” his voice was laced with caution. It was his way of asking me if it was about me wanting to get back together with Leo.
“Don't worry; I am not planning on throwing myself at him. I never planned on doing that.” I said flatly and his eyes soften giving me an apologetic look, probably remembering that day. He should know me better than that.
“Sorry, it's just that so many high school friends had called and done exactly that.” Ryan said, looking frustrated and ran a hand through his hair. The waitress returned with his Latte, and stole another glance at him. I tried to hide my smirk but it wasn't very successful.
“You know your disguise isn't really working right?” I said to lighten up the mood, he chuckled and shift his glance to the waitress and back.
“I know, but you can't blame a guy for trying.” He said, tapping at the cap and the sunglasses. I rolled my eyes. Even I could do better than that, he just loved being recognised. Shaking off the lingering smile I composed myself and took a deep breath.
“I just want to know, has he forgotten about me?” I asked; my heart came to a halt as I waited for Ryan to answer. This was the question that I wanted know the most. This had been the question that was bothering me ever since he left, always lingering on my mind. He had disappeared from my life without a word of goodbye, or break up, leaving a scar in my heart to this date that still had not heal. It was the thorn in my chest that I could feel every waking moment, and even in my dreams it comes back to haunt me. How could he dismiss me like I never existed in his life? Cutting me straight off from his life like I was never even there in the first place.
Ryan sighed. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and stared out the window; he was never good with discussing feelings. “I don't know.” he said truthfully after a minute's pause. “He talked about you for the first few months now and then, asking me if you have contacted and how were you doing. But after that, no, he hasn't talked about you at all, and it's not a subject that I wanted to bring up.”
I nodded, feeling slightly disappointed. But what else would I expect? He was becoming famous, a star, who am I compared to the glitz and glamorous Hollywood life.
Tears threatened to make a comeback, I turned to look outside the window as well and saw a bus passed by with Leo's face on it. I bit my lips to suppress my laugh at the irony of this and it came out as a sort of half-choking sound.
“Ashley, you deserve to be with someone who actually cares about you. You know how Leo is, he had always been easily distracted.” Ryan said in a gentle voice, I felt compelled to look at him at that moment. I turned around and looked right into his eyes, so sincere and fill with concern. For me.
“No, he was the best I could ever hope for.” I said, my voice choked with tears and I quickly wiped the stray few that escaped my eyes and looked down. Not wanting anyone else to see them. No one had ever made me feels the way I do around Leo, and I don't know if I could ever find someone like him again. Choking back more tears threatening to burst I squeezed my eyes shut, Ryan sighed again and passed me a tissue.
“Don't stop your life because of him.” Ryan said, putting his hand on mine. “Don’t look back. Look forward. You told me you are moving to New York, you called me out for a coffee. You are doing it. You are moving on.”
Nodding I kept my head down. Tears are now flowing freely down my face. I felt touched by what Ryan had said, and I knew that I had been missing out on a lot of things because of Leo. I lost contacts to all my friends in high school except Hilary, I barely dated all the way through university because I couldn't help but compare everyone to him. I didn't go to movies with my friends because I didn't want to see a movie that he stared in. I was running away from his memories and not facing it. I needed desperately to move on from him.
Finally getting my emotions under control, I looked back up and gave Ryan a teary smile, which he returned.
“I am really, really sorry that I didn't try harder to contact you.” Ryan said; his voice full of regret and he squeezed my hand tightly. “I should have made sure you were okay. I should have confronted Leo and told him to man up and call you, you deserve a conclusion, not a messed up loose end.”
“It's okay. It's not like I didn't get it.” I said; voice still a bit shaky from crying. Ryan gave me a small smile.
“I am really glad you called. You even changed your number.” He said, a hint of hurt in his voice; I felt a little guilty at his words. I had got myself a new phone and number for university because I wanted a fresh start. So I didn't have to look at the messages between me and Leo anymore.
“I am sorry.” I said, feeling ashamed of myself for cutting everyone off. I am such a bad friend.
“It's okay. I got to go now. Just don't ever do that again in the future.” Ryan said, putting his cap and sunglasses back on. I got up as well and I gave him a quick hug and sat back down, watching him leave.
Before he exit the café, he turned back to look at me. “Ash, I knew what he did was wrong. He should have contacted you and clear things up between you two.” He paused, as if wondering he should continue. “But the way that you two ended at the airport, I think he just didn’t want to face you anymore.”
I nodded, tears choked up against me for the umpteenth time today. It was as much of my fault as it was his. I was always looking down on myself, wondering why he would date me of all people, thinking that he would leave me for something better at the second’s notice. I pushed myself into a dead end thinking we would never work out.
Sitting down at the table I finished the rest of my drink slowly, thinking about all the things that I missed because I tried to avoid thinking about Leo and all the grief that come out of the relationship we shared. It turned out that I was the only one holding onto it whilst he had long since forgotten about us. Ryan was right about one thing. I needed to move on.
Saying it was easy enough, but how do I actually do it?