"You sister called-"
"Don't speak to her! She tried to kill me."
"No one tried to kill you, Soph."
"They-"
"ANYWAY!"
"Don't talk over me when I'm on a rant, Daniel. Feel my wrath, peasant!"
"Sophie?"
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
"..."
"Good. It wasn't Charlotte that called."
"Then who was it?"
"Let's see... you sister. The one that isn't Charlotte."
"You mean Emma?"
"Can I slow clap an applaud for you?"
"No."
"I think I should."
"What did Emma want?"
"Not really sure. She was babbling about Secret Santa and then her voice went really high pitch and whiny."
"Ah, shit. I better call her back before her head explodes."
"Wait, you know what she's going on about?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Care to share?"
"Every year, Mum writes our names on slips of paper and puts them into envelopes, which she then shuffles. Then she put our addresses on the front of the envelopes and mails them out. The name on the slip is the name of the person we buy for. Because we all have partners, we buy for the partners, too. Except for this year because for once, Charlotte's single instead of Lucas. That's why Emma's freaking out. She has no idea what to get Milly for Christmas and now she's about to lose her shit stressing over it."
"If it's supposed to be Secret Santa, how do you know that Emma has Lucas and Milly?"
"Because while Emma's useless at buying gifts, I am an amazing gift giver."
"Yeah? So what are you getting me?"
"Nice try, but I'm not telling. Anyhow, you're an exception to my amazing gift giving abilities."
"Do you know who in your family go us?"
"Yep."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
"I can't tell you that."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer."
"Maybe not to you."
"Sophie, stop being cryptic."
"Can't."
"You're insufferable."
"Definitely. You already knew that, though."
"True. I knew what I was signing up for when you popped the question."
"That's the spirit. Why was Emma calling you anyway? My phone never rang this morning."
"She said she'd tried to call you."
"Huh. Hold on..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Oh, yeah. She did try."
"You're an idiot."
"Maybe."
"Are you going to call her back now?"
"I better had. Then I need to phone Lucas because he's probably panicking about the whole Secret Santa thing, too. Honestly, Charlotte is super easy to buy for."
"So, Emma has you and Lucas has Charlotte. That means that either your parents have us or Charlotte has us. Who do we have?"
"I can't answer that."
"Sophie?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you get us?"
"No?"
"Oh, God. You did, didn't you?"
"No!"
"The Lady doth protest too much."
"That's factually incorrect. You and I both know I'm no Lady."
"Yet."
"Not even then. I'll be a Duchess."
"Fine. The Duchess-to-be doth protest too much."
"..."
"..."
"I'm going to phone Emma now."
"You totally have us for Secret Santa."
"Whatever. Are you cooking tonight?"
"I'm attempting to cook, yes."
"Right...do I need to stop at Marks and Spencers on the way home, just in case?"
"I think I can manage it tonight, thanks."
"What are you making?"
"A classic."
"Which would be...?"
"Cheesy beans on toast."
"Huh. Haven't had that since my uni days."
"Well then, let my cooking blow your mind."
"Joy. I'll see you later."
"Ok. I love you."
"I love you, too."