Not Yours To Have
Severus Snape stood at the edge of the park, two blocks from Lily Evans' house, staring across the empty play equipment at the swing where he'd first met her, and his wand gripped in his fist. He closed his eyes, listening with his mind, knowing James Potter would come. He breathed deeply as he stood in the pool of the street lamp... and when he heard James coming closer, he waved his wand and the bulb flickered out. He slowly blew every lamp that lit up the park, one by one, and the street lamps, too, watching James's figure come closer. He saw it when James's wand tip went out, when all the light they had was the slowly clouding-in moon, the dark hovering between absolute and vague illumination... Severus slipped into the shadows behind a large climbing wall and he waited.
"Alright Snivellous, I know you're here," James called and Snape could hear his feet on the gravel, crunching as he walked. Severus slipped 'round the third corner as James came closer, passing Severus as he looked around in the low lighting. James's eyes flashed through the dark and he just managed to catch a glimpse of Severus's robes disappearing 'round the corner of the equipment...
"Nosdrexa," Snape suddenly called, shooting the spell through the rungs of the equipment. James didn't recognize the spell - so he didn't know what it was he had only narrowly missed, but he managed to dodge it.
"Stupefy," he muttered, but Snape blocked that easily with a lazy flick of his wand.
"C'mon, you're not even going to get creative with me?" Snape whispered. "You have to earn your prize, Potter. Lissessium!" He'd just spotted James coming 'round behind him and he shot the spell at a funny angle. It was less James's leap to the ground and more Severus's poor aim that made that one miss.
James barrell-rolled across the woodchips that covered the ground easily, popping back up to his feet a few feet later and he nearly tripped into a bike rack, but he turned and aimed a spell for Snape. "Podantis."
Snape blocked it.
"Lemoatia!" Snape breathed.
"Protego," James blocked, and countered, "Ziaferin!' This one caught Snape and a welt rose up on his wrist as though he'd been stung by a very large bee and he hissed at it, then looked up at James.
"Trudo."
James was shoved backwards by the force of the spell and he tripped over a metal rooster on a spring. The rooster's spring swung the stupid thing back at him with velocity, too, hitting him in the shins quite hard as payback and James winced and crawled away before it could hit him a second time, the spring squealing loudly.
Snape pushed his way through the swing set, shoving the swings aside like curtains, their chains rattling as he went.
"Flippendo," James waved his wand as he limped after Snape.
Snape ducked and turned, walking backwards as James followed after him. "You know, Potter," he said lowly, "This is where I met her. Right there, on that swing. That third one from the left. I was the one that told Lily Evans she was magic. It was me. I was the one that showed her magic the first time."
James followed after him, glaring.
"I stood right there -" Severus pointed to a bush, "And I told her all about Hogwarts. And we planned to go together, to ride the train together, to have classes together, to do homework together.We planned to be together, Potter. Lily and I. We were meant to be together. She -- is -- not -- yours -- to have..."
"She is not something to have," James retorted, "She gets to choose what she wants. And if she doesn't want you then that's not my fault. Perhaps if you shampooed your filthy head --"
"Well she didn't kiss you, did she?" Severus hissed, using James's mind against him. "Heard what it was you wanted - heard how respectful you were being - and what's she got for you? A smile and a wave from a doorway - not even a proper goodnight, I see."
James grit his teeth, "How are you doing that?"
"Aw, poor baby James, always trying so bloody hard to impress Evans and she never notices - always wanting her attention but she pays it to someone else. Oh look at me, I'm James bloody Potter, and I've been through so much pain, I'm such a brave boy.. . so bloody impressive!" Severus mocked.
"You don't know anything about me."
"I could know everything about you, if I wanted to," Severus hissed. James raised his wand. "I know every spell you're going to cast - before you speak it."
"No, it's true," Severus whispered. "I can see your mind - empty as it is in there."
James's eyes narrowed.
"How can that be?" Severus voiced the thought that had gone through James's mind, then literally answering him straight from the source. "Not so impossible, Potter. Every single one of your thoughts, yes, I can hear them all." Severus paused, and a smirk crossed his face. "Really, you shouldn't use such terrible language, even in your head, Potter, it's bad manners."
They were standing on the hill overlooking the duck pond and Severus had the higher ground and he stared at James, who was staggering up.
"We had a first kiss, Potter, Lily and I. Right here. On this very spot." Severus looked down at the pond, then back to James. "She actually did kiss me."
"Probably took the last six years to wash the bleedin' stench of you away," James said.
"Such a clever comeback," Severus sneered, "You're soo good at them." He rolled his eyes.
Finally both boys were standing at the crux of the hill, just steps between them, and their eyes met. "Potter, she can't have us both."
"I'm aware."
"I've invested my time in her, Potter," Severus hissed, "She belongs with me. I know her best."
"You've had her for almost seven years and she still hasn't chosen you, Snivellus," James whispered coldly.
"And you've had five years to prove she'd rather have you and she still hasn't chosen you over me even once. Even tonight, she came over to me and left you standing there in the dark."
James balled his fists.
"She always turns away from you, doesn't she?" Severus cackled. "Every time, Potter, no matter what you do even when --" He stopped mid-sentence, having stumbled upon a very interesting thought that had just flickered through James's mind unwillingly... Severus stared at him a moment, blinking, and he sifted about in James's head a moment.
"Stop," James said, for suddenly he could feel it, he could literally feel Severus in there, pushing through things that were cataloged in his mind. "Stop it! Protego!" James said and a white shield went up between them, the force of it knocking Severus a few steps backward.
But there'd been a fleeting thought - a flash of images - something protected very deep in James Potter's mind that had flickered through Snape's and he stared at James, trying to make sense of what he'd seen - a shadow on the ground... a shape he recognized but couldn't place... the grounds of Hogwarts a blur, the trees of the Forbidden Forrest... logs and leaves and branches... water, a lake... the Whomping Willow... a dog barking... barking... howling... But these thoughts were hazier than regular thoughts, harder to understand... like hearing a foreign language, only recognizing some of the words, and trying to piece together something that was coherent.
Severus's eyes narrowed. He was so busy concentrating on what it was James's thought meant that he didn't catch the spell before James had cast it.
"Pugnus," James flicked his wand and it caught Snape in the mouth, and his lip burst blood as the skin broke. Snape was wiping blood from his mouth and he looked up just as James sent the stinger again and it got Severus in the neck and he clutched at his throat.
Severus waved his wand - and without speaking the spell, sent a jet of sparks toward James. He ducked and the sparks hit a wooden climbing wall and it burst apart as James moved 'round Snape. He hadn't expected the power - Snape was very powerful and his magic very dark. James managed to either block or duck everything - but often only barely and the magic that went by seemed to hiss at him and the ones that did get by him hurt like hell and soon, despite his best efforts to avoid the strikes, James fell over as the impact of several spells in a row having got by him. He lay there on the grass, his face now bleeding, too, and he panted up at Severus, his eyes pleading.
Severus stared at him.
He could hex him so easily right now... hex him, kill him even, then go and confund Lily and nobody would ever know he'd been there at all.
It would be so easy...
"Please." James whispered.
Severus stared at him.
James stared back... and he held up his wand for Severus to see, then he put it down on the grass beside him and held up both his palms. "See? I don't wanna fight anymore. Truce."
Severus lowered his wand.
James got up, taking up his wand from the ground and, careful so Severus could see exactly what he was doing, he put it back in the loop of his belt on his back and he raised his palms at Severus Snape, standing for a moment, then turned and ran off across the playground as Severus Snape held his ground before the pond where'd met Lily Evans. James Potter stuck out his wand hand at the curb and Severus watched as he stumbled up the steps of the Knight Bus and with a crack, he was gone.
Severus reached up to his nose and felt the blood still flowing... hesitantly... he raised his wand...
When Lily Evans opened the front door five minutes later, it was to find a very battered Severus Snape - one whose lip and nose were bloodied, whose neck and wrist bore welts a from stings, and whose robes were torn. He looked up at Lily with moisture in his eyes.
"Merlin's beard!" Lily gasped, "Severus what happened, who --" she stopped and she shook her head. She couldn't believe the thought that had just gone through her head. Not after everything else that happened...
Severus's voice shook. "He attacked me, Lil."
Lily continued to shake her head, continued not to be able to believe it...
"He came after me, the moment you closed the door."
"No."
"I begged him not to... I didn't - want - to fight." His eyes were wide, tears about them. "I told him you wouldn't approve.. He said... he said what you didn't know... wouldn't hurt you... and he hexed me..." his voice trembled. "Lily, I tried -- I tried not to fight but --" Severus started to cry.
"Oh no, no... Sev..." Lily pulled him into a hug, "No I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Don't cry. Please, you musn't!"
"I'm sorry Lily," he choked the words out.
Lily shook her head, "No, Severus, don't you be sorry. It's him that needs to be sorry. I can't believe -- he was so -- so gentle and kind and --" she felt breathless at the thought that the same magic that created the chrysanthemums and bluebells on the table behind her had created the cuts on Severus Snape's face. That the same wand that had created the burger shop Yule Ball had cast spells to pain this poor boy before her. That the voice which had spoke of last first kisses and made terrible owl puns and promised to go to the end of the earth had also spoken incantations to physically harm another person -- for no reason other than just to be a bully.
Tears filled Lily's eyes.
Her heart ached, breaking, because she had wanted to believe in James Potter this time. She'd wanted to - but the blood pouring from Severus's face conflicted with the image of him she had in her mind. She didn't know what to think, what to believe this time. She shivered as a cold wind gust its way down the street and fluttered Severus's robes about his ankles loosely. "Come inside," she whispered, "I'll mend you up."
Severus followed her through the door.