K a r o l i i n a
I keep my face on the floor, feeling tears rush down my face.
Three days, and I still haven't finished this fear.
I bite my lip in disappointment, tasting the metallic taste of blood. I am sure that I look like a mess. I feel like a mess. I am a mess. These fucking tests are a headache.
"Fear Simulations are different for everyone," Four says.
I feel shame radiate off me, knowing that he saw how I handled my fear. The thought makes more tears stream down my face. Second stage of initiation may be the reason I fail Dauntless.
I do a little nod in what I assumed was Four's direction, and quickly walk out of the simulation room.
It's raining again, I know where to get some peace.
∞
"Are you really this idiotic?"
I pay no mind to his shouting, blank eyes focused on a puddle forming near me. The rain hits my body like bullets, soaking my black attire.
"Are you even fucking listening?" It's almost as if he is shouting in my ear at how loud his voice is, even the rain cannot compare to it. "We're in the middle of initiation. We don't have time for your bullshit."
I am thankful that the rain concealed my tears, thankful that he can't see how broken I feel inside. I can't let him see.
An umbrella is suddenly held over my head, and a second later I am pushed to Eric's chest. I welcome the comfort instead of rejecting it. At least somebody offered a shoulder, even if it's Eric.
His clothes are wet because of my tears, my hands are clenched tightly around his jacket. One of his hands is supporting the umbrella, holding it up, whilst the other is resting on my hair. It's caressing it gently, fingers knotting with the messy locks.
I just cry and let my tears fall. I just hiccup and press my face further into his chest. I just weep, acknowledging the fact that he knows why I'm here.
The two faceless 'parents' of mine are embedded on my mind.
I can still feel their hands around my throat, dark strings wrapped around on my feet, pulling, and pulling until I fell in that hole. That dark, jagged hole: the Chasm.
My fear is normal, says Four. No it isn't, I often think as my response.
No one fears of their parents dragging them to their death. Hell, no one in this society doesn't know their parents' faces.
Only me. I'm abnormal like that.
These thoughts whirl around my head in a repeating manner, and I have no choice but to endure the pain I feel when thinking about it.
∞
"Aren't you hungry?"
I tilt my head up, startled. I've been sitting idly, just thinking about the bad events that happened today.
But when I see Beatrice's warm face, I relax, sinking further into the bench. I shake my head as a response to her question, eyeing the hamburger in front of me. It is uneaten, not even touched.
"Are you sure? I saw you out with Eric on the roof," The last part is mumbled, but I hear it perfectly.
I still in my seat, eyes somewhat hardening. "I-It was nothing."
"Why were you embracing him?"
My fists clench at her question, and I can feel my temper rise up. I don't know why I'm getting mad, but I do know that I have an urge to suddenly throw the burger on the floor and stomp on it until it turns to mush.
I get up in my seat but suddenly, I'm being dragged to someone's side. I don't look up to see who the person is, because just from the feel of his hands, I know.
"Stiff," He starts mockingly, "Why don't you mind your own fucking business?"
Beatrice is left with her mouth agape, and Eric drags me with him out of the mess hall. His hands enclose around my arm tightly, and when we reach a dark corridor, he releases me and walks away as if nothing happened.
I watch his back with a puzzled expression on my face.