"Ne, onii-san, teach me basetball! I wanna play like you!" I exclaimed eagerly up at my older brother of four years. He smiled down at me, chuckling while ruffling my pink hair. His fiery red hair rustled in the gentle breeze, like a wild fire dancing.
"Hai, hai, Masami. Hold the basketball like this. Yup! Now, imagine that it's like a leaf in the wind. Let the wind carry the leaf towards your goal, Masami." Onii-san's warm hands covered mine as he showed me how to hold the ball. With a flick of our wrists, the ball soared in the air, hitting the backboard before dropping into the net.
"Wahh! Onii-san is so cool!" I grinned, showing him my cheeky four-year-old smile. "Teach me more!"
[Jump forward to four years. Masami in 3rd grade and Kaname-nii in 7th grade]
"Go, onii-san, go!" I jumped up and down on the ground cheering him on. He was playing basketball with his friends on the court at the park. With a new burst of energy, Kaname snatched the ball away from his friend and dribbled down to the net before making a three-pointer.
"What's the score, Masami-chan?" Kaname's friends shouted. They were playing 3v3.
"34 to 28! Onii-san's team is winning by..." I quickly counted on my fingers, "6 points!" He and his friends chuckled at me.
"Oi, Masami-chan, you're already eight! You're not allowed to count on your fingers!" One of them shouted, laughing. I pouted.
"Don't be a bully, Saki-kun!" I yelled back. Kaname laughed, slapping his knee. "Onii-san! I wanna play too!"I ran out on to the court, grabbing hold of his shirt.
"Fine," he sighed. "Saki, go over to Hiro's side." Saki playfully saluted and went to join the other side. Kaname glanced at me. "Have you been practicing, Masami?" I nodded my head vigorously.
"Hai! I'll show you how good I have gotten, onii-san!" I eagerly exclaimed. I stood to the right of Kaname, being his center since he was the point guard.
That was how my love for basketball blossomed. Until my brother died in a car accident involving a drunk truck driver.
"Onii-san, please wake up!" My eight-year-old self cried by his hospital bed. "I'll give everything and anything up for you to live!" My voice was hoarse from the crying and screaming that I did. "I'll give up basketball and piano! Kami-sama, let my onii-san live!" I sobbed out. I didn't notice his fingers twitching until I felt a small squeeze on my hands.
"Onii-san?"
"Don't...ever...g-give...basketball...up...Masami." Kaname wheezed each word out with a pained expression on his face.
"I won't, onii-san! Please, stay with me. Forever and ever." I grabbed onto his hand, holding it gently.
"I love you...mom...and dad. Play...basketball for...me. Win and love it," Kaname whispered. His eyes fluttered as darkness slowly claimed him.
"Nurse! Nurse! Sensei! Someone! Onii-san, stay with me!"
"ONII-SAN!" I screamed, bolting up in bed. My heart had continued to race, doku doku. I glanced over at my alarm clock: 4:51am. I decided to slip out of bed and swap my pajamas for my tight, black shorts and an old basketball jersey. I grabbed my basketball, mp3 player and sneakers, heading out to the empty basketball court.
I stuffed the earbuds into my ears and turned my music on, listening to my ballet pieces. I bounced the ball on the court, the loud thumps of the ball hitting the ground echoing in the darkness. Listening to the soft melody playing and feeling the steady rhythm of the ball, I rushed towards the basket, doing a series of turns and fakes. Going onto my twenty-eighth hook, I faltered.
"Shit!" I exclaimed as the ball bounced off the rim. My own voice as a child came back to haunt me: "Onii-san! Watch me play! I'll be as good as you, if not better, one day!" and "I promise to continue playing basketball forever! I promise I won't let you down."
I watched silently as the basketball bounced away from me. My hands continued to quiver as I stared down at them.
"I did promise you, onii-san," I whispered. "And I did complete half of it – I led my American team to the finals and we placed first. It's just for Seirin now, huh, onii-san? This was the high school you were supposed to go to..." I trailed off with tears in my eyes. I had already decided to trade my insecurity, my fear, and my naïvetés for boldness, courage, and strength. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. Focus, Masami, focus. Kaname-nii is still watching me. I have to pull Seirin through. I allowed the corners of my mouth to lift up slightly. Can I actually do it? I shook my head as if to erase the last thought. I HAVE to.