|| Victoria ||
I pulled myself together by the time we were back at the house, ashamed of myself for allowing Luke to see me break down like that. But the tears had passed, and now I was in my room, trying on the brand-new periwinkle dress Mom had bought for the bridesmaids.
I stood in front of the mirror, moving this way and that. The cut was beautiful-it had a swooping neckline that dipped upwards a few inches from my chest, and the back was buttoned up vintage-style, all the way up to my shoulder blades. The fabric was made up of soft tulle, and I let it slip in-between my fingers admiringly.
There was a knock at the door, and I opened it without question, only to find my mother standing there in a pink bathrobe with matching curlers. At the sight of me, she audibly gasped.
"Tori, hon, you look wonderful."
"Thanks," I told her, giving her a quick hug. "I'm so excited for you."
Something passed over her face, and she closed the door behind her, crossing the room to sit on the foot of my bed.
"About that," she said, quietly, "I've been wanting to talk to you all week-there's so much I have to make up for."
"Mom," I began, but she held up a finger, looking up at me with the saddest look in her eyes.
"I screwed up, Tori," she told me. "I screwed up bad."
I sat next to her, my brow digging into my forehead.
"What do you mean?"
She raised her eyes to mine with a slight shake of her head.
"I left your father because I didn't think there was another way out. I wasn't myself, Tori, you've gotta understand that. I couldn't be who I wanted to be when I was with him. We got married straight out of high school; we thought love lasted forever. But we were young and stupid and we didn't know any better. When we had you, it was one of the best moments of both of our lives, but afterwards-things just got out of hand."
I stayed quiet, my heart pounding in my chest. I had never heard this side of the story before. I hadn't really heard any side of the story before. The only things I knew about the complicated details of my parents' past I had learned from my father's late-night, drunken ramblings. Because neither of them bothered to explain, and because I wasn't the kind of person to press the matter, I just left the rest to my imagination.
But here, now, as I listened to my mother, I was introduced to an entirely different perspective-hers.
"We didn't fit. There's only so much lust until it rubs down into the raw realities. Once the rose-colored glasses come off, and you're knee-deep in debt and you've got another mouth to feed and your husband's off at the office every day, you have a lot of time to think. And I thought about it almost every day. I thought about the way your father treated me-like I was nothing more than a trophy wife, a pretty face at his parties-and I thought about how I was just so unhappy. It was really only a matter of time before I strayed.
"And to this day, I have regrets. Sometimes, when Daniel's out and about and I call you, I can't help but wonder what it would be like if your dad and I had made things work. But the only thing I can get out of that reality is still being with you. I love Daniel, honey, I really love him. And I love your father, but for a different reason. I love your father because he gave me you, and you are...you're everything to me."
She was tearing up now, and I felt my heart tug at the words. This wasn't Laurie Matthews, the Very Rich Island Woman. This was my mother, Laurie Hemmings, in her purest and realest form. This was the woman my dad fell in love with, and this was the woman I remembered from my childhood.
This was the woman Daniel saw in her, and for that, I couldn't be more grateful.
"You're everything to me, too," I told her, sniffing as I pushed the words through a laugh. "Honestly, I-I've spent so much time thinking about you, and today, and I know that Daniel's a great guy and that you two are going to have a great family of your own, and I'll still be here for you. Every time, anytime."
There were tears running down her face now, and I held her hand tightly as she tried to compose herself, dabbing at her eyes and laughing at herself.
"Thank you, hon. I hope-I hope we can be okay now."
"Of course we can."
And I meant it. I'm not sure I'd ever meant anything more in my entire life.
__________
A half-hour before the ceremony, I met Luke in the kitchen, where everyone was already dressed and conversing. All of my mother's friends were dressed in dresses similar to mine, and Luke was in a crisp, black tux with a lapel that matched the periwinkle of my own outfit. As I looked around the room, I realized that the groomsmen were in what seemed to be the exact same suits.
"You look great," he told me, with a small smile. "Give us a spin?"
Rolling my eyes, I did a quick twirl, careful not to trip up on my heels. Once I turned back to face him, he smiled.
"More than great," he corrected himself, "Perfect."
"Oh, shut up." I said jokingly, and he grinned, seemingly relieved that I was no longer in the mood that I'd been at the ice cream shop.
Mom and Daniel were still getting ready upstairs, staying separate until the ceremony. We'd already finished the photography-taking group shots with each side of the wedding party-and now it was crunch time.
Rhonda called everyone out to the deck, and we all moved down to the beach, where the plastic, white chairs were already filled with guests. I recognized a few, like my aunts and uncles and my grandmother, but other than that, I assumed everyone else were just mutual friends or Daniel's family.
I stood, my shoes slightly uneven on the sand, causing me to clutch onto Luke's arm for dear life. He just laughed, straightening up so that I could lean on him a bit more, and the other groomsmen followed suit, with each of their partners on their arms.
As I looked out into the scene, I caught sight of the arbor, positioned right in front of the sea, draped with gauzy, white curtains that flowed in the breeze. There was a harpist there, and I almost laughed-leave it to Mom to go for the extravagant-but it died on my tongue as she began to play, her fingers moving across the large strings as the music resonated over the beach.
I exchanged a glance with Luke, who said exactly what I was thinking.
"Damn."
"I know, right?"
And then, suddenly, the harpist began to play a familiar song-the ceremonial wedding song-and I knew we had to get going.
I looked up and saw Daniel smiling, walking under the arbor and folding his hands together. With a slight nod, he beckoned us forward.
Luke smiled at me, and I held his arm as we started down the aisle, our footsteps in perfect sync until we reached the very end, when we branched off to each side of Daniel. Right before he released me, Luke whispered,
"Everything's going to be okay."
I offered up a flustered smile, going to my place and watching as Rhonda was led down, and then Kat-and so on and so forth, until everyone was in place and the harpist continued to play, causing heads to turn.
And then I saw her.
Mom's dress was lacy and pearly white and beautiful, almost as beautiful as she was, descending the steps and hitting the sand. It was then when I realized that she was barefoot, and I could have sworn I was seeing things, but it was true. She held a bouquet of white roses as she walked, smiling widely. Her eyes were lit with a genuine happiness that was simply contagious; I wanted to be just as happy as she was today. So I smiled, and she caught my eye as she walked towards Daniel, freeing her hand and blowing me a kiss. The crowd laughed, and she made her way up to him.
The pastor began his speech, and I watched as the ceremony began and ended, and it was time for the vows.
Daniel's was short but sweet-he loved my mother, he always would, and he couldn't wait to begin a new life with her.
Mom, however, had thought things out. She spoke eloquently and sounded as heartfelt as one possibly could, and I saw Daniel wipe at his eyes as he smiled down at her.
"Laurie, do you take Daniel to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
"I do." she said, smiling.
"And Daniel, do you take Laurie to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
"I do." he replied.
The pastor beamed.
"You may now kiss the-"
But he was too late; Mom was already in Daniel's arms, and they kissed. The crowd went wild, and I exchanged glances with my fellow bridesmaids, smiling as we clapped and whooped as well. When they broke apart, Mom adjusted her veil, rosy-cheeked and smiling.
And that was that. My mother was now Laurie Matthews, and I was still Victoria Hemmings.
But we'd had things resolved. We had finally found peace in the crazy hurricane that was our lives. But that's the way things were-from this point on, we would always have different last names, but we'd always be mother and daughter. That was family, I supposed. Working past your differences and loving each other for your flaws.
My mother had flaws, and a lot of them. But as I watched her smile with happiness for what seemed like the first time in ages, I realized that we could work past those. Her flaws did not define her, nor did mine define me.
It had been three years since I'd even seen my mother, but right then, right there, I knew that we were going to be just fine.