Chapter Eight
Do you mind if I pick?
Stepping outside the front door feels like a punch in the face. Whatever calmness I felt in the house disappears outside the safe haven. We are standing on the porch, watching the camp site in front of us. The air is much hotter out here; I can practically feel the steam on my skin as I breathe in the weird coal coated air.
It is pain free to breathe, but it feels like something is missing. I bite my lip in confusion as I’m trying to figure out what it is. I was too shocked yesterday to give it a second thought and it is clearly annoying me now.
The fires around the camp are keeping the fog out of here, but the grey wall is covering the land outside the stone walls. It feels creepy and it’s hiding anything and anyone from sight. I look around at the dirty people around the area who live in this state all the time.
Suddenly I’m more than thankful that I found Lex and that he actually took me in under his wings. I want to turn around, walk into the house and never set my foot outside of it again. The panic inside me is rising and I bolt my head to the side when Lex puts his hand on my arm.
“You’ll get used to it,” he says in a humourless voice and starts to stride down the few steps down to the black ground.
I swallow down my fear and follow him bravely. No one knows about my disability. They are just staring at me because I’m new to this place. Still I feel uncomfortable to be out here with all these new people. The webs give me little comfort in the fact that they help me walk. My legs are still dead to my brain. They are just another wheelchair to bring me around.
Wind sheds have been made to house the tribe members, the creativity is shining in the work of the materials they must have found and dragged over just to make a living bearable. Only a few of the sheds are fully covered. Those who were lucky enough to find some kind of fabric has made tents that don’t look too bad.
I can hear whispering as everyone stares at me. It’s my worst nightmare and I feel the panic wanting to break free. It’s not like at home, this is way worse. Their eyes are dark, venomous and hungry. I take a quick look at my tattoo just to confirm that it’s still there.
“Everyone is staring at me,” I whisper to myself loudly.
“They will get used to you,” Lex answers me and stops in the middle of the camp. “This is the most civilized clan in Paxia.”
I feel the crazy laughter reaching my throat. I try to stop it but it comes out anyway. Lex doesn’t seem to care. He must be too used to it.
“Is the sky always grey?” It’s the first thing that comes into mind.
“Yes,” he says slowly. “It’s not going to get easier. I can’t imagine hell to be a worse place than this.” His voice is suddenly poisonous. “If you ever get a chance to escape, take it.”
Laughter brings me out of my state of panic and I turn around to see two kids, a girl and a boy playing at the outskirts of the camp. They can’t be older than ten and I shudder. They don’t deserve to be here, but on the other hand no one really does. It’s just harder to see small kids at a place like this in the world. Their clothes are tattered and black with coal-dust and their hair is long and dirty. I wonder when they saw their home the last time.
The whole look of the camp suddenly seems organized to me. The area in the middle is used for cooking with camp fires and pots and cans and other things. It doesn’t look like the big grill has been used in a while. The air doesn’t smell like food even has been cooked this morning. I turn back to Lex with a determined look.
“Take me hunting.”
-
The tribe avoids me. Not that I and Lex are spending a lot of time in the camp. He takes me hunting every morning and we arrive back late in the evening. The long days and the constant guarding are starting to tire me down.
Lex takes me to safe areas and shows me how to survive in the wild by myself. The competitive side of me takes over but what I learn about Paxia isn’t positive in any way. The hopelessness in the lifeless country drags my mood down.
We haven’t encountered any other tribes and I am starting to wonder if they really are out there. We usually meet Breaking Arm members who are guarding the safe areas. The tribe is set up in different categories; hunters, guards and campers.
The loss of life doesn’t stop. The endless grey sky, dirty ground and black rocks are everywhere. I am starting to recognize the white roots but Lex refuses to take me to the Moon trees because they are too far off. We run into other trees with large appetizing black and grey fruits hanging in them. The trees are quite huge and the wood is grey brown. I find them beautiful, as a sign of life out in nowhere, beautiful enough to tempt an innocent mind into eating them. The thought makes me shudder; it could have been me.
Then there’s the web issue. I am more getting used to them than exploring them. I can’t explain the feeling they give me. Strangely enough I find them comfortable and they make me feel like I’m home even in these barren lands. Then there’s the weird buzz in them that’s talking directly to me. Not that any of it makes much sense. I’m not sure this is normal so I’m keeping it to myself. Lex says it is an energy field of some kind, a tool, but my gut tells me it’s alive and should be respected. So I respect it for dear life.
I am feeling home sick. I fall asleep next to Lex every night wondering how my empty bed at home is doing. Maybe one of my sisters is sleeping in my room, waiting for me to get home. I am glad my trophies were saved; at least they will tell my family that I was someone even if I will shade away slowly like a ghost from their lives. I am leaving them all cracked, just like Jake’s family was.
I wonder how Timtim is doing without someone who is really listening to him. I paid a lot of attention to him after my accident and I came to love his young boy innocent ways of dealing with life. We made a special connection and I hope he won’t mourn me too much.
We are walking further out today than we have been before. We are leaving the camp lands for the first time. Lex said he wanted to show me something. Walking is never uncomfortable for me; I can’t feel the ground below my feet. It is more like I’m floating forward and it doesn’t even make me tired. My brain has to focus more, but managing the webs is a pleasure. It’s like I’ve been waiting all my life to find it, even if I didn’t know it existed before.
I close my eyes and let the webs guide me forward. The webs are invisible but glowing in my conscience like wet webs in the sunlight. They are so incredible, even a blind person would be able to see here. They let me see beyond the fog, but the lands are abandoned as always. Sometimes I travel through the ends by mistake, but never further than a few meters. Lex said we will train it later on.
He is walking ahead of me with guarding eyes, his feet stepping confidently on the ground. I enjoy watching his strong back, the sight never gets boring. I wonder where we are going and what exactly he wants to show me. It is incredibly hot and I am getting thirstier by the minute. The lands are all looking the same to me and I’m completely lost. Lex seems to know where we are going and I wonder if I ever will learn to find my way through the stony desert.
Suddenly I can feel a faint touch by a cool breeze. I turn my head against that direction and realize that we are walking towards it. It is getting easier to breath by the second and I smile longingly. Maybe I am like those lost people in the desert, seeing things that doesn’t exist. We are passing a rocky area and I lose my breath as the view in front of me changes.
Revealed behind the black endless rocks is a dark mass reaching as far as I can see in the distance. The wind is blowing freely at me and I laugh loudly at the sight. The fog is behind us, but in front of us is the sea with a lighter sky, but still grey. The sea is calm and lonely and smells fresh in my nostrils. I feel at peace and I plop down on the hard ground.
“So this is what you wanted to show me,” I say to Lex, who is standing by the water, looking out towards the sea.
“It’s not even salt water. You can drink it, bathe in it.” His voice sounds less strained. Maybe he feels at ease here too.
“What’s beyond the sea?” I wonder and squeeze my eyes in hope of seeing land in the distance.
“If I had a boat, I’d look,” he jokes with a grin.
It feels like the answer lies on the other side of the horizon. Suddenly I want to go there more than anything. It’s like someone is waiting for me at that side of the world, but I can’t explain why I feel like this.
Already home, already home, already home.
I shake away the sound of the webs. I let them stay as a buzz in the back of my brain. I have no idea what they mean.
“Would you really go out on this sea, get stuck there for days and never be able to come back?” I wonder. “It could be big as the Pacific Ocean or worse.”
“But still, it’s better than being here!” he answers me determined. “There are fish in the sea. If we had a boat we could try make a net.”
“Can we catch some?”
“Something scares them away from this island. We would have to go a few hundred meters out for a good catch. But yes, you’ll get a fish if you have patience to wait for it.”
“Island?” I state breathlessly.
“Yes, a big island,” he says bitterly. “It takes two weeks to walk around it. I did that, I have been all over the place actually. I find my way everywhere. Four years is a long time.”
“Maybe there are native people out there somewhere,” I say thoughtfully. “I wonder what they would be like.”
“This is a damn prison, that’s for sure. I never saw a sign of any natives. It’s just us, the tribes and the sea here.”
“Can I go for a swim?” I ask letting the webs put me on my feet again.
He gives me a smile and I almost stop breathing. That beautiful smile is actually directed towards me! It’s nice to watch him smile after seeing the depressing view of Paxia every second of the day.
“I love swimming; there is just one thing though…”
“Oh no, the webs doesn’t work in the water?” I say with a frown so he starts laughing.
“I was about to say we must swim in our clothes in case any other tribes stop by, don’t look so heartbroken.”
I look down on my black favourite shoes and back at Lex, shaking my head. “I will hide my sneakers, you know they were expensive. In case of emergency, I can come back another time and pick them up. But I can keep my socks on.”
“I don’t really like that idea, this ground can be quite sharp and I don’t want you to hurt your feet. It’s just shoes.”
I roll my eyes at him. “The worst thing that can happen has already happened. It‘s not like I‘ll be able to feel any pain in them.” I kick them off me and hide them in a crevice. I give Lex a smirk when he decides to leave his shoes behind too.
I am so warm and sticky that I can’t hold myself from running into the tempting water. I jump in, unprepared for the depth, and reach out with my hands in reflex as I sink down to the bottom. The ground is soft and sandy and the water reach up to my shoulders when I finally find the webs to pick me up straight again. The water is freezing cold and I shiver slightly.
“This is amazing!” I call to Lex as I swim further out. It feels amazing to get rid of the heat. The webs are swimming in the water with me and they are humming. I am floating on my back and I hear Lex as he jumps into the water and quickly catch up with me.
“We must keep our eyes on the shoreline. Anyone can see us in the water,” he warns me.
We swim for a while and we even race for a bit. It is nice and we are having fun. It feels weird to swim fully clothed, but at the same time quite relieving. This is the first time we play around and I like it. I like the carefree Lex and he sure can swim. We go out quite far, but the water is still reaching up to my shoulders.
“Doesn’t it get deeper?” I wonder.
“I don’t know. I never tried walking that far.”
“It’s weird to swim like this; it feels like I don’t have any legs at all. I wonder when I will get used to this feeling.”
“Thanks to a Falling Star,” he says seriously and walks up to me so close, it makes me nervous. I’m about to rip my eyes away from his when he grabs my hips with a swift move and places my legs around his hips. “I can feel them, so they are definitely there,” he grins.
My mouth gets dry again and I forget how to talk as I look deeply into his grey beautiful eyes. His black hair is wet and slicked against his forehead and it makes me wonder what my hair looks like. I braided it this morning so I’m thankful for that. My heart is beating hard and the closeness is very intimate. I grab his wet shirt and I can feel his hard chest underneath it. I close my eyes and decide to put my head on his shoulder.
“Alexander,” I whisper. “I trust you.”
And I do. For the first time since the accident, I actually feel like a normal person and I know that I am finally getting over the fact that I’m disabled. The life in front of me is not going to be easy, but I never wanted life to be easy. He strokes my back gently and I sigh because it feels so nice.
“Always trust me, Meryl.”
“I’ll kill you if break my trust,” I threat him so he laughs quietly.
He suddenly puts his hand over my mouth and turns me around so I can see the shore. He sinks us down as far as possible and I wonder what he heard. We are far out in the sea and after a minute I can see people slowly walking out from the fog. They look small in the distance and I feel the fear spreading through my body. Lex is still behind me and I try to be just as invisible.
It’s a group of people, eight of them. They are very careful and quiet, I can’t hear any voices. They are filling up their water bottles by the shore but are not jumping in. They seem to be more focused on the fog instead of gazing out over the sea. After what seems like an eternity they slowly make their way into the fog again and I can’t relax for a long while after they disappeared. Lex holds us in the same position for a long time. Then finally he puts his finger to his lips as a sign to be quiet and we start swimming back.
I easily climb up on the rocks and that is when I feel how cold I am and I’m shivering. The warm air feels like a brick wall and I quickly find our shoes and I take off my wet socks before putting them on. I hide the socks in my pants, happy they are made of regular cotton that dries faster than jeans.
Lex takes my hand and we start walking the same way we came from, but this time he is more on guard and we are walking a lot slower. My tongue is tied; I couldn’t talk even if I felt like it. He seems to be listening to something but I can’t hear anything other than the normal buzzing in the webs. The fog is surrounding us again and feel the panic starting to get to me. I really hate this fog; it was so nice to be in the water.
Suddenly he stops dead in his tracks and start dragging me in another direction. Whatever senses he has, they must be good. I wouldn’t have known if I was walking into a death trap or not. The damp clothes are itching and the more I ignore it, the more it itches. I am hungry too, but I don’t dare to complain. Paxia is dangerous, I knew that, but still I never really had to face the real dangers.
We are walking for hours and I wonder how far it is to the camp. It is starting to get dark again and I think we are finally up to rest when we stop by one of the million huge blocks of stone rubble. He drags me into the rubble and I gasp with surprise when it turns out to be a concealed camp.
The ground is a few meters big and the walls gives protection from everyone on the outside. The foggy sky is visible but a huge cloth has been made as a roof over the sleeping area. A whole set of blankets have been piled up in there and it looks comfortable. In fact, this whole camp is very well equipped.
“We are safe here, Meryl. No one can hear us talk in here from the outside and this place looks just like any other rocks. This is one of the places where I camp during my hunts.”
“I guess we are sleeping here tonight?” I mumble, still scared to talk.
“I collect things during my hunts but I can’t bring them all back. You have to agree that this is a good place to stay in case of emergency.”
“Yes, it looks comfortable. Are the other tribes far away?”
“Yes,” Lex says and start making a fire. “But they are too close to our camp for us to pass unnoticed. I don’t want to take the risk, but they will leave soon. No one stays at the same place a longer time.”
He picks up a can and that is when I realize there is a huge pile of canned food in a big basket. I reach for the cans and look at the labels. Mushrooms, carrots, meatballs in sauce, stew, corn, beans, cocktail fruit, tuna and soup.
“This is food for weeks,” I whisper excitedly over the fact that it’s real food. I haven’t eaten much since I left Earth and I’d do anything to eat Mom’s horrible food again.
“A day if I bring it back to camp.”
I meet his eyes and I understand why he did it. He is the hunter, the hunter needs to eat during the hunts and that will be hard without a stash.
“Do you mind if I pick?”
“It’s all yours, make a feast. I am going to the stream. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
He gives me a pan and I mix stew and beans in it and put it over the fire. There are even plates, forks and knives. He picks up two bottles and heads out. I wonder how long it took to collect all this stuff. It must have been a lonely struggle for him to carry on for years before I showed up.
This hideout isn’t that scary. The ground is mostly covered by mats and it is clean. I decide to take off my clothes because I find a bright white unused t-shirt in its original plastic wrapper. It is huge so it reaches down to my knees. I tie a scarf around my hip to make it look better. I even find a brush and I untangle my hair while the food is cooking.
Lex returns with two filled bottles and we settle down for dinner. We eat in silence and I shove it down my throat even if it is hot. I have only been eating vegetables for a week and I am quite sick of that diet. I have lost a bit of weight already and I know I will lose more until I look the same as everyone else in Paxia, haunted and underfed. Lex eats slower than me and is only halfway when I am done.
“Are you still hungry?” he wonders.
“Yes,” I answer ashamed.
“We don’t need to save here, heat up some more food.”
“Are you sure?” I ask surprised.
“This place can be plundered tomorrow for all I know, just like I plunder their hidden camps. None of them have learned to hide theirs as good as mine are though.”
“In that case, we can have some soup too,” I add happily.
We eat the soup and I finally feel the starvation disappear and I sigh happily and tired.
“I have fifteen camps like these all over the island,” he finally says. “Four years is a long time and I made it my hobby to create these hideouts. I would have gone crazy a long time ago without a proper hobby.”
I laugh loudly. “Right, a hobby.” I look up towards the sky, it is pitch black now and the sleep is taking over me.
Lex gives me a bowl filled with water. “The rule still applies outside the house you know,” he says with a grin.
“Thanks,” I say and splash myself off.
We prepare ourselves for the night and I find the bed more comfortable than I thought. Lex puts his arms around me and I close my eyes. This is nice. I have never been camping before so this is actually a good start. I fall into sleep before I get to think any further, Lex breaths are calming me down.