thank you so much to captivatingeyes for the amazing cover above! 💕
She didn't expect it. It wasn't something Willa premeditated or even intended. It was grappled words and an unspoken attraction, linking her hands around his neck and pulling his lips to meet hers.
And God, did it feel right. Nothing could have compared to the connection she felt as his arms wound around her waist, not the chirping of the birds or the afternoon sun warming her back or anything she'd ever experienced. In that moment she didn't think of Declan, or the game, or anything but his body against hers, her indulgence in what should have been so wrong.
One of his hands found her hair as he deepened the kiss, his lips full and warm and parting hers so gently. It was sweet and careful, and it made her stomach somersault.
Something about the kiss which had been generated on an instinctual impulse felt dangerously refreshing. The way they moved as if being together was something which was always meant to happen filled her with an uncontrollable joy.
It was maybe when the shock wore off that he gently pulled away, holding Willa's face in his hands and rubbing a thumb across her cheek. He didn't say anything, he just looked at her, as if he too couldn't quite process what had just happened.
"Sorry," she said, breaking the silence. And then the full repercussions of what she'd done hit her full pelt. She had kissed him. They were supposed to be breaking up in just over twenty-four hours, and really they weren't even really together.
"Don't be sorry for that," he murmured, still searching her expression as if memorizing every feature. Maybe he was.
"I know we're doomed - us. And, Ashton..."
"Don't say it," he said before she could manage to pick up where her words had trailed off.
"Okay," she murmured. She could feel his heart thudding against her skin, and the softness of his hair beneath the prints of her fingers. She focussed on that, and not the fact that she'd crossed a line.
"Maybe this is our way of rebelling," he mused, slowly dropping his hand. A beat later, he averted his gaze too.
Willa immediately started fidgetting, her cheeks warm and the filtered sun making her feel flushed. This wasn't supposed to be about falling for someone, it was supposed to be about making a point to Declan and finishing the stupid game.
But even so, all she could think about was how long it would be until they would kiss again.
The following day was hard.
They'd continued their walk that afternoon, their words thick with the anticipation of what time would bring them. And then, Ashton had dropped Willa home, stepping out of the car to plant a kiss on her forehead. It went unspoken, as if forming words would break whatever spell had been cast over them that afternoon.
That evening, Declan had called a total of three times, exactly an hour separating each attempt. And every time Willa had let it slide to voicemail. Unlike a week ago, it didn't sting. She didn't miss talking to him, or even reminisce in what had been. All she could think about was how her heart had swelled when he'd kissed her back, when the stupidly impulsive risk she'd taken - for reasons she couldn't quite grasp - had ended in something she still couldn't fathom. She really liked Ashton Hartford.
How could her heart hold so much at once? Both heartbreak and the seeds of something new?
And then there was the crushing burden of what was to come.
Aubrey had been quick to pull her aside Tuesday morning. It was becoming a rare sight to see her without Liam, and with the intensity of the kiss still captivating Willa's mind, she couldn't help feeling like a naughty child with something to hide.
"Strategy, Willa," Aubrey said, her voice awfully demanding for someone who was long past being a contender in the game.
"Why do I need a strategy?" Willa asked, deferring the thought of actually conjuring up a plan. Her incentive to win had dropped dramatically when she'd really realized that maybe she didn't actually want it to end.
"Because I'd bet you my college fund that he already has one," she said. "Think! Surely he's done something to give you a reason."
Willa humored her, but even so, Ashton had been the epitome of a good boyfriend. Maybe it was all an act. Now she was thinking about it, the whole way he'd interacted with her seemed so out of character compared to who she thought he was a week ago.
"Nothing," she answered simply, refusing to share her worries.
If it were an act, then who had she been falling for? What would happen tomorrow, would he trick her and end it straight away? Or, if she didn't try and break up with him, would he not break up with her, either? What would happen if they just... stayed together?
"Well, I'll brainstorm and get back to you. We have twenty-four hours." Aubrey blew her a kiss and headed to her next class.
Willa sighed, hugging her books to her chest and navigating through the hallway. She still hadn't seen him, and part of her wondered if what had happened between them was a dream.
Her mind was clouded, flashing between Ashton and Declan and her math assignment that was due by the end of the week. It was hard to concentrate on numbers when she was counting down the hours that she had before one of them could finish it all.
She was starting to really believe she couldn't do it. Even if it was pretend, even if it was for the show. The thought of being alone again was too daunting.
At lunch time, she caught a glimpse of him walking with Ben outside across the lawn. She'd been standing beneath the archway, biting her lip as she debated whether to head inside for lunch or to seek him out instead. But she'd seen him before she'd come to a conclusion, and the Hartford brothers looked deep in conversation. When Ashton caught her eye his expression lifted with a friendly smile and a wave.
Her heart fluttered, and her knees fell weak, and the memories of his lips on hers captured her whole vision. But, she smiled and waved back and left them to it instead.
Of course, the whole lunch table was abuzz with their impending breakup, and they all seemed oblivious to how detached Willa had become. She wished Ashton were beside her, pulling her away from the conversation with something witty.
A pool of dread settled itself comfortably in her chest. Why had she found solace in someone so temporary in her life? Someone she was using to get a stupid title and a bouquet of foil hearts?
When she received a text during last period from Ashton, she couldn't help her rising hopes that maybe she'd get to see him one more time. But, it was a brief message to explain he had family coming around and couldn't hang out in the afternoon.
Immediately, misery overtook her. He was avoiding her. It must have been yesterday - she shouldn't have kissed him. How could she have been so stupid? He was probably already concocting ways to break clean of her tomorrow.
Her poisonous brain traveled to what everyone would think. She'd survived everything to be broken by the boy nobody had remembered. What would Declan think? She'd have lost. Maybe he'd laugh at her, or secretly think she needed him. It was selfish, and shallow, and she couldn't shake it from her mind.
She couldn't sleep that night. The phone didn't ring, neither Ashton nor Declan called her. Was that what it would be like after tomorrow? She hated herself for caring about Declan at all, but she was still feeling a connection to him that she desperately wanted to sever.
And maybe doing that with Ashton could be unhealthy.
It was a reluctant thought, and she felt dirty all over when she realized that maybe he was her rebound. Maybe she was using him.
And that made guilt flood her. Because, despite her heartbreak and their circumstances, she was falling for him. She was falling for his edgy features and dark hair and the way his smile illuminated her vision and made her heart race. She was falling for his awful humor and the little ways he perceived what was on her mind.
It wasn't fair, to anybody. Why had the seed been planted in her heart, making her so invested? Why hadn't she tried to protect herself? And why did it end up replacing everything she'd felt for Declan?
It didn't matter. She was sure he would break up with her in the morning, maybe because she was falling for him. Maybe they could have kept a friendship, and in that moment she yearned for even that. But, she had ruined it with that stupid kiss.
She was destined to be alone.
It had been one week since Florence had informed them they must be together for seven days. One week of a stalemate, both instructed they were unable to make a move.
And today their time was up.
Willa's eyes were gray beneath the blue, but today she didn't cover it up with concealer. No, she would at least play the part of the heartbroken girl. Maybe she'd earn some sympathy.
She didn't even wear heels, despite her dependence on them. Instead, she pulled on a pair of Converses with her school uniform and slung her bag over her shoulder, ready for her mom to drop her at school. She was dreading every second.
She'd originally intended to get it over and done with. She envisioned herself walking down the halls, hunting him down by his locker, and letting it him end it. But as soon as she crossed the threshold and was flooded by surrounding students, she knew she couldn't do it. She needed to mentally prepare herself, to guard her heart from another blow.
The space behind the stairs was a good hiding spot, and she decided to use it as she waited for the bell that would signal first period. She might be late to class by the time she'd left her bag in her locker, but at least she'd go a few more hours without being defeated.
But it wasn't about the game. It was about her.
It was then that Willa realized she couldn't let the game break her all over again. She couldn't let herself rise from the floor to her knees only to be knocked down again - she needed to get up. She needed to stand on her own two feet - to tower above her weaknesses and work out who she was without Declan, and even Ashton.
She wasn't even quite sure who she was, and freaking out over losing Ashton was proving that. She'd always been associated with a boy. She didn't enjoy her group of friends and the way they chatted so superficially, or the ringing white noise of gossip. She was supposed to be preparing for college and setting up a future for herself, not trying to find someone to hold her heart in the meantime.
She knew what she had to do. It pained her, and it stung and twisted and ripped at her chest, but it was right. The decision wasn't for the game, or for Declan, or for the crowd of people whose eyes were following her intensely. It was for her.
At lunch, Ashton was waiting for her.
He must have entered the cafeteria before anybody else could have claimed a seat, because in the center, he was sitting there alone at an empty table. She studied his hair, the way it was folded from his face, and the light pink lips which had felt so good against her own. His jaw was sharp, and his eyes focussed at his fingers intensely.
Between them, he was fidgetting with a single red rose.
Willa's heart fell through her chest and then rose again all in one motion. Something in her she didn't control pushed her forward, her Converse-clad feet pacing one by one in his direction, oblivious to the attention of the whole school.
She was sure they were all holding their breaths. She was too.
"Hi," she said with hesitation, unable to completely meet his eyes. Maybe it was the lack of make-up, or their impending doom, but she couldn't bring herself to fall again.
"Hey, Willa."
Her name falling from his lips made her chest tug, but she refused to collapse into a heap. She sat down opposite him, watching him roll the stem of the rose between his palms.
A few moments passed before he sighed and offered it to her. "This is for you."
She hesitated, before taking the flower between her fingertips. "Thank you."
More silence. It was starting to grow awkward.
She found it within herself to raise her gaze, searching his features, etching them into her memory.
"Why did you give me this?" she asked, quiet enough for her words to remain between them.
He opened and closed his lips, and then his dark eyes met hers and her insides became frozen. "I know this is our last day together."
"Ashton..."
"And I know what has to happen. We have to end this."
Her heart rate picked up, racing so hard that it thumped heavily in her ears and made blood pool to her face. Her words were cracked, not quite right as they left her mouth.
"I know. And that's why I'm breaking up with you."
If he was surprised, he didn't show it. He blinked a few times, and then smiled. "I'm genuinely hurt. I think you need a valid reason for that."
She took a sharp breath, blowing it out slowly before beginning. "I'm breaking up with you because I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm still not quite whole, and maybe one day..."
He cocked a brow, and his confidence - the fact he seemed so okay with what she was saying - pushed her to continue. It was like they were on exactly the same page, like somehow, he was reciprocating her thoughts instead of rejecting them.
"Maybe one day we can try for real. When I know I can give you all of my heart."
"Are you saying that about our fake relationship?" he asked, and then his voice lowered. "Or our real one?"
Her heart soared, and then a full-fledged smile broke out onto her face. It didn't matter that she was nervous, or a wreck, he made her strong. He made her happy, and it didn't matter what label was printed on them. That was all that mattered.
"Both."
She may have won the breakup game, but there was something else she'd found too. Freedom. Freedom to find herself, and freedom to let herself love again.
annnd we've come to the end of the breakup game.
thank you all so much for reading! what do you think? are you happy with how things ended?
i'm so appreciative to every single one of you who have gotten this far with the story and have voted and commented along the way! it means so much to have you all along as i continue to explore my writing. thank you.
love, ann 💕