Chapter 13:
Felix's P.O.V
I was smiling. My plan worked. Sam and Andy were together. For once, something I did went right! There was no way that this day could get any worse unless we ran into crazy Ellen and she ruined our day.
"Felix, I feel like you are smiling too much. Is everything okay?" I pulled away and Jake and was walking fast, a smile on my face.
"I feel amazing! Jake, something I did worked! For once in my life, something went right!" Jake smiled weakly.
"Felix, I'm glad you're happy about this. But honestly, should you be this happy about it?" I rolled my eyes and walked back over to Jake, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
"Jake, you don't understand. Everything I have ever done has always ended up badly. This is the first thing that I have ever done that has finished with a good ending. It helped that Andy already liked Sam, but even though feelings were already there, it means that everything just had to go well." Jake sighed and looked into my eyes. His eyes were sad. I frowned and pulled away from him, walking ahead.
"Felix—" I ignored him and began running. I wanted to get home and get to my room. The sooner I get away from Jake the sooner I can calm down. I don't want to be in this agitated mood because of Jake.
If he doesn't believe that everything in my life goes wrong then he's wrong. Everything does go wrong. For fuck sake, even Jake and I right now are going wrong! Why can't he at least let me be happy about helping two people get together because one liked the other and secretly, the other liked the first one?
When I arrived home, I slammed open the front door to find Mum running around the lounge, panicked. Oh god— Oscar! Something must have happened. Where's Dad? Where's Oscar? Mum is never this panicked unless Oscar is involved.
"Mum— where the hell is Oscar?" Mum froze for a moment, noticing that I was there, before returning to what she was doing.
"Grab a bag and pack an outfit. Grab whatever you might need." I frowned and walked up to Mum, who had her back to me as she was gathering things and shoving them in a bag. This wasn't good. Mum is normally frantic about Oscar, but if she is saying that I need to pack a bag, then something has gone infinitely wrong, yet why isn't she telling me anything! I need to know!
"Mum— what the hell is going on?" A strangled sound came from Mum and she stopped what she was doing, and stood up and turned to face me, tears running down her eyes— no. This can't be happening. "Mum—" I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms. She hugged me instantly.
"It's Oscar— he passed out in his chair at lunch. He was— was fine— then he— he started feeling— feeling dizzy. And he then— he passed—" Mum stopped talking when she tried to say the words again. I frowned and held her tightly. My stomach churned as the recollection of everything that was happening right now, washed down upon me.
"Mum— go sit on the couch." Mum nodded dully and I moved her to the couch, sitting her on it before moving over to the bag Mum was packing before finishing to pack it. This wasn't good. This had happened once before.
It was long before Oscar was in the chair. He was still up and walking and everything was normal. We were chilling in the backyard, screwing around with each other, once we stopped, Oscar's body shut down, and he fainted.
He was in the hospital for a week, and no one could figure out what was wrong with him. We even had the results sent out of Australia just to figure it out, but no one could come up with an answer.
But Oscar now— now that he was constantly sick because his immune system was trying so hard to fight against the damage his spinal cord took, he can't look after the rest of the sickness he would get, but now— now that this is happening again. Who knows what's going to happen.
"Felix, what's going on?" I heard Jake ask from a few steps away and I frowned. How am I going to explain this to him? I'm barely controlling my own emotions right now, I can't lose it in front of Mum. I refuse to allow myself to do that.
"Many things Jake. But right now, can you please comfort my Mum? She needs it right now." Swiftly, I saw a figure in the corner of my eye move from one side of the room to the other and I knew that this was Jake.
Once the bag in front of me was full of things to the hospital, I ran and grabbed another bag, filling it up with things that will make Oscar feel better when he wake up. Some of his favourite figurines, some comics and his favourite pillow. I walked out of Oscar's room to see Mum crying into Jake's shoulder. Shit, I need to hurry up. I knew I didn't have time to waste, but I felt like I was wasting too much of it, and I felt horrible. I didn't want to keep my away from Oscar more than I had to, but I was wondering why she was here in the first place and not Dad.
I quickly ducked out the back door and ran to my room grabbing another bag and shoving my things inside of it. If I don't act quickly, then I get the feeling the Mum will get mad, but with the state that she's in right now, anything feels like forever.
To be honest, I don't even know what I grabbed. I'm not sure if there was even any point in me grabbing anything, knowing me, I wouldn't even bother to get changed, I'd just stay in the same clothes until we came home again, but at this point, I don't know how long that will be.
Mum was a constant worry machine. She was never, not worrying. Whether it was me and Oscar being too rough before the accident, or Oscar being sick afterwards, or me skipping meals and everyone realised, or her garden overgrowing with weeds everywhere. No matter how little, she was always panicking. It made things better sometimes, knowing that she could still function like a normal human being although I couldn't.
I ran back into the house, bags hanging off of me. Mum was still sitting on the couch, being comforted by Jake. Thank god he was here, I don't think I'd be able to do this without him. He was amazing, but why did it have to take so much pain for the both of us to realise this?
"Are you two good to go?" Jake looked to my Mum who nodded slightly. She can't drive, not in this state, but I'm not too good either. Can Jake—?
"I can drive us." I smiled at him and nodded. I quickly grabbed the keys from the bench and made my way to the car, loading all of the bags and myself into the back. I watched as Jake walked Mum out and into the passenger seat of the car, then walking to the driver's side.
"Here's the keys." I quickly passed the keys over the car seat and Jake's shoulder into his hand. I wanted to hold onto his hand, but now was not the time for that. I don't even know where we're going to.
"Where are we going?" I looked to Mum, who had composed herself a bit when she finally realised that she wasn't alone or with Dad. She stared out the window as she answered in a dull, yet worried voice.
"The next town over. The hospital there is bigger and they have more tech that should be able to help Oskie." Jake nodded and started up the car. The next town over was a thirty-minute drive. How did Mum get back here?
"Mum?" Mum turned around in her seat to look at me. Her eyes were lightly glazed over, and she looked like she hasn't slept in days. She looked a lot like me.
"What is it, Felix?" She looked tired. How bad has Oscar been getting the last few weeks? Mum looks like she hasn't slept at all. This was worrying me. I could barely function like a normal human being, so how could she?
"How did you get back to Bremin if you were in the next town over?" Mum sighed as she turned away from me to look back out the window.
"Your father travelled with Oscar to the hospital so that I could come and get you?" I frowned. Why didn't she just have Dad come and get me, he's better at keeping it together? She suddenly turned her gaze back to me, shocking me slightly as my body sat in-between the two front seats, I couldn't care for a seat belt right now.
"Why? You could have gone with Oscar and just sent Dad." Mum sighed and turned away from me as if she were ashamed of something. "Mum?" Mum sighed deeply before she finally responded.
"I wanted to come and collect you, because I've spend all these years, blaming you for something that wasn't your fault. I spent all these years thinking about how my son will never get better and I never ever spent any time thinking about the son I pushed so far away he resorted to hurting himself just to feel better." My body froze. I was well— I was shocked. I never thought that I would hear that out of Mum. I never thought she knew about— well, the harm.
Endless thoughts of all those times I hurt myself, just so that I could keep on feeling like a human being, even though I could barely sit down. I could never look my family in the eye and say that everything was alright. I could never even think of the effect that would have on the others if they were to find out.
Yet here I was, my all-knowing mother, knowing everything that I've done to make myself feel like a piece of crap, yet like a human all at the same time. Why didn't I even consider her still loving me?
"Mum—" I trailed off, speechless. I never knew hearing those few words from Mum would turn my life upside down and make me feel so much better. Even though this feeling might only last a day, it was amazing to feel like a normal human being again. It was amazing to feel like a son and not a burden.
"Felix— are you okay?" I forced my eyes to blink and I turned my head to Jake, who was driving carefully through the quiet streets of Bremin.
"Um—" Tears were filling my eyes but I nodded anyway. "Yeah, I'm fine." One of Jake's hands dropped from the steering wheel and grabbed a hold of one of mine, holding it tightly. I bit my lip squeezing his hand tightly. This was going to be a long ride.
And I was right. It was the longer half hour of my life. I don't know what made the trip long through? I guess never travelling in a car unless it's for something like this which rarely happens makes car rides seem pretty weird. I guess I just got used to walking everywhere.
"Felix?" I turned my head to Mum who had muttered my name quietly.
"Yeah, Mum?" I responded but got no response in return. I frowned and leant forwards to try and look at her face. "Mum?" I got no response again.
"Felix, she's asleep." Oh— that would make a lot of sense. I guess when someone loses too much sleep, they can start sleep talking. I was fine with it, I was just wondering what she could possibly be saying my name for. I nodded and rolled back into the seat when I saw that Jake was pulling over. I frowned.
"Jake— what are you doing?" Jake shrugged.
"We need to stop for a sec, get out." I furrowed my brows but nodded, climbing out of the back, closing the door lightly. I turned to Jake who was moving towards me. His arms wrapped around my waist holding me in a tight hug. My body froze and before I knew it, I was a puddle of tears in his arms.
"Shh, it's okay Felix. Everything will be fine." My throat began closing as I nodded. I knew he was right, but the fear was consuming me. What was going to happen? Was this my fault? Is there something else at play? Why am I even crying?
"I d-don't e-even kn-ow wh-y thi-ss is h-happ-en-ing." My words were coming out in choked sobs. I could barely breathe I was freaking out so much. I think things would be much worse if Jake wasn't holding me together right now. I think I would be falling apart, ready to end it all.
"Felix, Baby, please calm down. Everything will be fine." I believed Jake's words, but that didn't and couldn't change how I was now. Today, I thought I had finally done something good enough to reverse this karma that's on my ass, yet now this happens?! How can I calm down?!
"I d-don't u-under-sta-nd a-any-thing." Jake's voice washed over me, dripping in love, calming me.
"Felix. There is only one thing you need to understand, and that is sometimes there isn't anything to understand. Sometimes it takes a little push for someone to realise this." Jake was right, and I knew it. I pulled my head from his chest and looked up to him.
"Jake—" I trailed off. Wow— I never truly realised how beautiful he was. I say this so often, but the more I look at him, he just gets more beautiful each and every time. This is the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I really do. I want him to stay by my side forever and I want him to be mine and only mine.
"Felix?" Jake was trying to get my attention. That was cute. He was cute. His nose was slightly scrunched up and he was staring at me oddly, a powerful look of confusion on his face. I smiled and laughed as the tears slowly began stopping themselves from escaping my eyes.
"I love you, Jake. I love you so much, that I can't see my life without you anymore." Jake froze, tears beginning to fill his eyes. "I still think that sometimes you are playing a prank on me, yet I know, deep down, that the emotions we share are real, and they are never going away, and you are never going away from me."
"Felix—" Jake's tears began falling and my smile grew, my hands reaching up and wiping the tears from his face. Jake's moved his face into my hands. "Your hands are really soft." I laughed and looked up to him. Although he was just crying, a happy glint was in his eye and it made me so happy. He truly did love me, and there was no way he would ever leave me.
"Jake, please don't ever leave me." Jake nodded, his hands reaching up and grabbing mine, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulled, his arms leaving mine as they wrapped around my stomach.
"I won't. I swear on every living thing that I will never leave your side and I will love you forever." I smiled and tears began falling freely from my eyes again. How can I be so happy even though I was going to a place that was horrible and sad?
I pulled Jake's face to mine and kissed him with all my might. This was like the final boss in one of Oscar's video games. My fear and anxiety were the final boss, and I had to beat it to prove to myself that I can be happy. I will prove it, and I will win, and I will be happy. I don't care about anyone else, just as long as Jake is by my side and I love him for all of eternity and he loves me even longer.
Jake's lips moved against mine softly, ensnaring me in the most wondrous of traps, a trap of love. I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck pulling him even closer as we pushed up against the car. I don't mind staying here forever. Jake's was my life and love, anything without him was dull, like an old black and white film. But every time we touch, I feel like I'm being dragged into Alice in Wonderland and I'm experiencing a new world. This was one feeling I refuse to get rid of.