It had now been a month. A month where every single day seemed to be getting far and far worse to live by. This had to be the most miserable time that Johnny had ever experienced in his life time. In fact this whole year had been a complete disaster, what with his relationship with Helena well and truly over and the discovery that she was suffering with something or other to do with the heart was enough to make him worry. Not that he knew all the in's and out's about her medial health as she barely looked at him anymore let alone spoke to him. And not only that, she was carrying his first child, their baby that they had talked about having until this whole perfect little bubble they had was burst within a matter of one stupid night out. A night that Johny wished he never attended.
Trying to get in contact with Tabitha over the last few weeks had been a nightmare. He knew he had to try and sort this whole matter out, he knew desperately how much he wanted to hear the truth about his foolishly drunken night. But yet not even Tabitha was picking up her phone and tracing her father was even harder.
Everything seemed to be going backwards for him while everyone else in his life seemed to be pushing forward. He still had no idea about this whole business with Helena's builder but he knew if he thought about it long enough he would begin to go crazy and what with the amount of alcohol he had been consuming these last couple of days Johnny was scared he might do something stupid. The last thing he would want would be to hurt Helena again and that is why he found himself distancing himself from her. As much as he wanted to hang around he knew it was only causing her more aggravation and heartache, therefore he was now giving her what she had asked for in the first place, space.
Swigging back the straight vodka from his silver flask Johnny tried to pull himself together as he watched in despair as his best friends coffin was carried down the isle by men dressed smartly in black suits. Today was his funeral and there was a surprising turn out of people all dressed in black crying silently as they sat with family members in this beautiful church of England. This is where Max had told his family he would want to be buried, on english soil and not in America where he had been living for the last 20 years. Max Luken was born in England and grew up here in his childhood it was only when he reached a certain age that he left his beloved family and friends and went off to work in America.
Johnny and him met on the film 'cry baby' Max was training to be a producer at the time and Johnny was just starting out as an aspiring new actor on the grand silver screen. Max and him would do everything together, both of them were quite the catch and would always managed to pick up what ever girl they wanted at whatever club. Not only that but they had worked together many a times on films. Max was always there for him always was the person to call or meet up with when Johnny would feel low and now when he needed Max most someone had gone ahead killed the poor man for no reason what's so ever.
He felt as if his stomach was turning inside out, none of this was really sinking in yet. He felt so weak so completely done now with life. He wished he had someone here to hold his hand to be his rock and support him, yet he knew his rock was probably off dating that fucking good for nothing builder. The thought of his Hellie dating someone else was to much to bare in fact he now realised the more alcohol he drunk the quicker those thoughts seemed to hurt a little less. He just couldn't bring himself to accept that this was really the end, nothing would be the end unless he says it's so.
steadying his nerves with another gulp at his flask Johnny screwed on the lid and placed it in his pocket of his black blazer. As soon as the vicar called him to the stand Johnny tried his best to keep his emotions in and remain strong for Max's family who watched the actor slowly make his way to the stand for the reading of his Eulogy.
Standing there for a moment or two in complete silence Johnny very slowly lifted his head and gazed out over the sea of people mourning his very best friend all dressed in black with only the hint of white handkerchief being drawn to the faces of all the women who were silently sobbing over their loss. He knew he should begin to speak but yet this was harder then he had thought, this was him basically saying goodbye and for that reason alone he didn't really want to be stood here with all the eyes in this church looking at him sadly.
But as soon as he looked at Miss Luken, Max's 80 year old mother he knew that he owed this to her after she had been so good to him also, he had to let him go, had to be brave now.
"I came here today not truly excepting the fact that Max is no longer with us..." Johnny began feeling the tears spring to his eyes as he began his Eulogy. "In fact I, like I'm sure many of you can't truly understand why we are here today as his life was taken from this world so unjustly, so unfairly and yet we need to except the fact that our dear..dear friend Max is now resting peacefully in heaven" licking his lips as if to go on Johnny gulped suddenly before speaking again.
"Max was not just my friend...He was my best friend, the one I could sit down with and chat about things that upset me...Max was and will continue to remain a great man, a gentleman, a fantastic husband and father and of course son" pausing as he looked at Miss Luken Johnny smiled sadly towards her "You're son was the fairest and most kindest of men, a man I looked up too and right now in my life I've never needed him more..." everyone could see the way Johnny was holding back the tears and that only made people sympathise more and cry with what he was saying so eloquently about Max.
"I'll miss you friend, I hope you rest peacefully now" Johnny finished almost in a whisper before gradually making his way back down to his seat where he sat beside a couple who held each other closely as they cried. In fact it seemed everyone here had a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and the warmth and love to keep them all going. He just relied on the cold silver flask of vodka in his pocket to keep his spirits up the best he could.
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Sitting there in the church felt so strange, especially as he now noticed that he was the only one left just grovelling in his own thoughts. Everyone had left and now all that remained was him and his now empty flask of vodka. In someway he felt like now would be the prefect time to pray for a better life, beg for God's forgiveness for his sins but then Johnny Depp wasn't religious, wasn't even a Christian and so deemed it unnecessary and wrong. He just had to accept the fact that things were changing people were getting on with their lives and so must he. With what has happened to Max he knew he couldn't take life for granted now as who knows when your last day may be.
Sitting there with his head in his hands Johnny didn't expect the sudden touch of someones soft hand on his back. Jolting up his eyes widened as Helena was now sat beside him dress all in black with nothing but sympathy covering her beautiful face. "You're Eulogy was beautiful" she said softly removing her hand from his back and entwining her fingers with his before practically hugging his arm supportingly "What are you doing here?" he whispered slowly leaning back against the pew they were both sat in not removing his hand but only holding it firmer in his grip as if scared she may pull away.
"I had no idea about...Max Johnny...I'm so sorry for your loss, I remember how much you valued his friendship" many times during their relationship Max's name would surface in conversation. She knew just how much this must have been eating at him inside and how much pain his death must have had on him.
If she were honest Helena was beginning to seriously worry about Johnny. On set he was not the same, like a ghost in someways and now she knew why he had been so down these last couple of weeks. He was in mourning and she never knew. It was only when the papers released the story just a few days ago about max that everything became clear to her. This among everything else was why he was beginning to drink excessively, Tim had even approached her and informed her of his strange behaviour over the last few weeks. He had basically trashed his trailer from the inside and just hid himself in there all day and even night drinking bottle after bottle with no thought of what it must have been doing to him inside.
Helena realised just how much he was hurting and therefore had to be careful not to give him the wrong impression of her visit here today. Nanny Anne had told her about that night when Johnny had found out about his friend when she was off with Mark and that only made her feel guilty that she pushed him aside like that, not internally of course but still she realised that it must of hurt.
"But why are you here?" he asked not looking at her this time and instead at the stain glass windows of the church. Helena couldn't keep her eyes from looking at him, she realised now just how much he needed her with him. She should have been the one to sit with him through this and hold his hand through this funeral. She had instead watched from the back as Johnny made his Eulogy and stayed and waited for everyone to leave until she could be there alone with him.
"Johnny when my father died all those years ago it was you who gave me the strength I needed most throughout the funeral and the painful days after. Dominic was in America at the time but you were here....and now no matter what we've been through together...I want you to know that I'm still here for you like you were for me" she said softly and full of truth as she watched him look at her now through his brokenhearted eyes.
"You needed me, I know that now....I'm only sorry I didn't realise that sooner" she said this time gently stroking his slightly stubbled cheek with her light fingers.
"Not needed, I need you Hel you have no idea how much" he spoke so softly before running his arms around her waist embracing Helena in a loving hug, only shutting his eyes when he felt her chin rest on his shoulder. She wasn't pushing him away nor was she tense about hugging him, in fact he felt her do quite the opposite. He could feel her hands soothingly running up and down his back while they just sat holding each other for a long and very much needed warm hug.
"I miss you so much" she heard him whisper by her ear which instantly caused her to shut her eyes painfully. Slowly pulling away to look into her teary eyes as they sat with their arms still holding each other closely Johnny wiped away a tear with his thumb, cupping her face in his palm as he gazed into her beautiful brown eyes "Thank you for coming" his eyes bored into hers and she began to feel that butterfly feeling in her stomach at the way his love for her seemed to be showing so clearly in his eyes.
"You need to come through this Johnny, You're stronger then I ever was" Helena slowly removed her arms from him as she spoke and settled for just holding his hand instead. "I was strong because I had you in my life...I'm not coping very well now..." it was then and there for the first time she saw just how much agony he was in, just how much grieving he had been doing over the last couple of months and now losing his best friend to top all of what they have been through. As sweet as his words were they felt like painful blows to her already aching heart. She felt the same way and that's what scared her because she was trying not to feel anymore, trying to distract herself with Mark rather then get her heart broken by Johnny again.
"Johnny I came here for another reason as well" she began again making him frown in bewilderment at what she might have to say. God he hoped it was good news, he needed something to lessen the pain.
Removing her hand from his Helena gently placed both hands against her stomach that only showed a very small bump of where their baby was growing inside. "Johnny....we're having a baby girl" she whispered removing her gaze from her stomach and up to his stunned eyes. Now he really felt as if he might cry, but cry tears of happiness this time. "A...a girl?" he stumbled covering his mouth with his hand with sheer happiness in his miserable eyes "We're having a girl" he repeated again making her smile this time as he seemed so incredibly happy and shocked all at once.
"Hellie, we're having a girl" he said yet again before removing his hand from his mouth to place on her tiny stomach instead which instantly made her smile grow and her eyes glaze over with happy tears instead of sad ones "A daughter" Helena added placing her own hands over johnny's as they rested against her tummy. "A girl" he whispered under his breath as he stared at their hands resting on each others as they smiled through their now happy tears. He was going to be a father to a little girl, he was having a daughter, his first. He didn't know what to do he was so happy.
"I thought that might cheer you up a little...and I have something else for you too" Helena removed her hands from his and dug one into her pocket whereby she pulled out what Johnny seemed to make out was a ultrasound scan picture. "And this...is our little girl" she said handing him the photograph of a black and white image whereby Johnny could just about make out the baby in the middle. Smiling as he seemed to be so caught up in the picture Helena could only move her herself nearer before pointing out the small features of their child, like where the feet were and where the arms and hands were.
Smiling so happily at the picture Johnny could already feel the love he had for his unborn child, he just couldn't wait to meet her now. "This seemed so unreal" he whispered still staring at the photograph as if he had a check for a million pounds in his hands. Helena could see the love in his eyes as he looked at the photograph "Now will you promise to be strong...for her sake" she said softly as Johnny finally looked at Helena.
For a while they just seemed to look at each other, so caught up in the moment so caught up with being near one another again. "Will you give us another chance?" he whispered watching as she then shifted awkwardly beside him.
She couldn't do that, not again not after everything "Johnny...I...I can't, I don't want a relationship for a very long time yet" she answered truthfully that instantly made him clench down his upset "What about that Mark guy?" he knew he was touching on rather sensitive topics here but if he didn't ask he knew it would keep on nagging at him inside.
"Mark is a friend, and nothing more" this was true, Helena didn't want a relationship with Mark nor anyone at this moment in time. Now was about focusing on herself and getting better and whether she still went out with Mark it didn't mean they were now the new couple.
"Right, I need to go and pick the kids up...are you going to be alright?" she asked slowly lifting herself from the pew and watching as he simply gave her a small nod "Fine, thank you" he murmured. "And...Helena, thank you... for seeing me today, you may not realise it but this has meant everything to me" he said lifting the photograph of their child up as he spoke which made her instantly smile at him kindly "Look after yourself" she finished before eventually walking away with a heavy heart and leaving him alone to sit with the picture of his daughter in his hands. She knew she was doing the right thing today, she only hoped he would listen to her and build himself back up. He needed to if their little girl was to have a father at all.
A/N: Hi all!! so I thought I'd write the next chapter for you today:) please keep up the great comments I need all the feedback I can get with this story, so do let me know what you are thinking about their relationship:) Thanks so much for all the reads!!!!