A shuffling sound outside his room door made Ciel tense up, his aching muscles protesting as his senses raced. The footsteps sound as though it was trained to be stealthy, but with Ciel's training, he could sense that it was anything but. There was unnecessary noise after each step. It sounded completely like an amateur, but still Ciel took heed. Quickly and gracefully, he leaped from his bed towards the windows, stepping into the shadows to conceal himself.
His heart rate increased, still feeling the effects of the adrenaline from shooting the drifters earlier on. His senses were still heightened and his inner wolf was still on alert for any dangers. Even though he could rationalise that he was safe in the compounds of the pack house, his own instincts would not let up until he was sure.
The door swung open crudely and Ciel instantly strike the idea that it might be a trained assassin out of his mind. The familiar scent that he had grown to feel apathetic about hit his nasal and he wrinkled his nose slightly as it irritated him. Theo. The overgrown child has somehow decided to look for him in his room. It seemed that staying away from Theo was not going to work if he kept coming to look for trouble.
"I know Nathaniel didn't shoot those drifters." Theo announced into the empty room as his eyes darted around the room to try and locate Ciel. He squinted, unable to figure out where Ciel was, but he could smell Ciel's scent heavy in the room indicating that he was somewhere in there. Ciel had deliberately left his scent, in case it was someone suspicious. If he completely concealed his scent, it would have alerted the intruder.
Ciel sighed inwardly, psyching himself up for a fight as he stepped out from the shadows. He tried his best to appear calm, keeping his distance just in case. Who knows what Theo wanted with him this time? This was the first time that Theo had ever brought his quarrels into Ciel's room.
Theo startled for a moment when he saw Ciel appear out of the shadows, as if appearing from thin air, but made no move towards the younger teen. Instead, he chose to stand where he was, hands folded as he looked as Ciel accusingly with an arrogant smirk on his face.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Ciel played dumb when he noticed that Theo was waiting for a resopnse to his statement. Ciel wasn't sure if Theo had come down here, confident to confront him because Nathaniel had told him the truth about who had shot those drifters, or if he was blindly guessing. Until he was sure, he had to put his acting skills to good use and played his cards right. If his gut feeling was right, Theo didn't know for sure, he was simply fishing, hoping Ciel would give away some clue stupidly so that he could use it to his advantage.
Theo rolled his eyes, the arrogant smirk on his face turning into a nasty frown, "You always brag about how good you are with a gun. Now that you can claim some actual credit, you don't do it?"
Ciel frowned, folding his own hands as he looked at Theo with defiant eyes. Since when did he 'always brag' about his skills? Alright, he had only claimed once that he would never miss a shot, but that was not really bragging if he could really do it.
"I really don't know what you're talking about." Ciel muttered, his eyebrows furrowed as he read Theo's body language. The Alpha Successor was strangely not taking an aggressive stance. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand.
Theo grinded his teeth as he took a step towards Ciel, lifting his left brow amusedly, "Nathaniel is a terrible shot. That guy is all brawns and brute force. The only weapon he is good at wielding is a probably a bat." Theo raised a brow, "And even then he might miss a target right in front of him. So, I'm giving you a chance here to admit what you've done."
Theo was being a child and Ciel could sense it from a mile away. He wanted something to get Ciel into trouble for, and Ciel was not going to be stupid enough to react the way he wanted to, to give him the pleasure of 'winning'.
"Perhaps you are not giving him enough credit." Ciel lifted his chin boldly.
Theo unfolded his arms, "You shot those two drifters." He hissed.
There, his famous temper was beginning to show. Ciel's blatant denial of what he had been so sure about, was only fanning the flames of his fury.
"What is your point here? What are you trying to say?" Ciel tilted his head as he raised a brow. Theo was acting as though Nathaniel had not told him the truth. If so, he could deny it for as long as he can.
Theo stepped furiously towards Ciel, looking down at him with his brows furrowed, "I know you lied to the Alpha. If I told him you lied, he will-"
Ciel interrupted him insolently, "What? Compliment me for shooting those drifters that could threaten the pack members' lives? Tell me what a good job I did for killing them so cleanly and quickly? Thank me for keeping danger away from your pack members?"
Theo growled, "He will throw you out for lying to him. He will break all ties with your tribe because you lied to an Alpha. It's disrespectful, you know that right?" Theo had a smug smile on his face as he took another step closer to Ciel, "Your tribe will be left to fend for themselves, who knows, perhaps my dad will even run them out of his territory. All. Because. You. Lied."
Ciel's blood ran cold for a moment. He had not considered this particular consequence.
"He would not." Ciel claimed uneasily, no longer feeling as confident about his stance as he shifted uneasily.
Theo smirked, "I know my father well. I know exactly what he hates: deceit." Theo advanced towards Ciel with a predatory gaze, "He might even kill you."
"But he won't." Ciel narrowed his eyes as he unfolded his arms, "Or you won't be here telling me about it. You should have gone straight to your father if you are so sure that he would react the way you want him to."
When Theo sneered at him angrily, Ciel knew he had nothing to worry about.
He almost laughed at Theo's poor excuse for a threat, "Right, you know your father is not impulsive like you. He does not think with his ass. He takes his responsibilities as Alpha seriously and he considers the whole picture and the welfare of his people before he says or does anything. You know he will not throw me out, he will not run my tribe out of his territory, and he definitely will not kill me." Ciel took a step forward, his chest almost touching Theo's, "That's why came here to threaten me. You think I would fall for it and request to break the treaty on my tribe's end. Well, you thought wrong."
Theo lets out a frustrated growl and Ciel knew he hit a nerve. Ciel almost laughed out loud. Theo actually thought he could outsmart a strategist like Ciel. With Theo's personality, if he knew he could get what he wanted, he would have done it already. Why did he even bother to look for Ciel in the night just to inform him of what he was going to do?
Theo pushed his chest against Ciel's, "Don't look so smug. I may not be sure, but my dad will get angry and he might really do exactly those things."
"Then tell him." Ciel dared, his nose tilted up towards Theo as he bumped his chest against Theo's in response, "I dare you."
"Fine! Since you want to be kicked out so badly, I will!" Theo reached out both hands and pushed against Ciel's shoulders.
Ciel stumbled slightly from the impact but regained his composure quickly, "I'd like to see how the Alpha would treat his tattle-telling son. His son, who is supposed to be next-in-line to be Alpha. Who should have more dignity than to do something like that. I suppose he would be disappointed. Maybe you will get your wish to not marry someone like me. He will definitely get someone else to replace you then. I can see how tired he is of your whining and complaining. I hear Nathaniel has been accompanying your father and the Beta to some external meetings with the neighbouring packs? I wonder why your father didn't bring you instead." Ciel smirked, knowing that he had Theo under his control now.
Theo's face seemed to grow a shade redder, "My dad will know that Nathaniel has lied too! He would punish him. I'll see who he can find to take my rightful place then!"
It was Ciel's turn to sound smug, "He would only have compliments for Nathaniel, don't you think? I think he would be pleased that Nathaniel had the guts and the sensitivity to protect the treaty by keeping mum about this. He would think that Nathaniel could see the bigger picture better than you. By lying about this, Nathaniel protects me from your pack member's gossip, from people who might speculate that I am sent here to harm the pack instead of helping it. I think the Alpha would be pleased that he is trying his best to respect the treaty. Once more, I see that he might get upset at you for-"
"Shut up!" Theo hissed into Ciel's face.
"No, I suggest you shut up about this, or we can take a gamble and see which way this ends up." Ciel watched amusedly as Theo fumed quietly before he pushed Ciel harshly on the chest with more strength, causing the smaller man stumble to the ground.
"I will get you for this. I will. You're going to slip up and I assure you, I will be there to make it hurt." He threatened as he turned on his heels and left.
As the Alpha's son exited the room furiously, Ciel let himself sigh loudly, thankful that he managed to somehow talk his way out of trouble this time. He needed to get his guard up and be careful. If he slips up once more and Theo manages to find fault with him, he might not be so lucky the next time.
∞
That thing was going to be the death of him.
Theo grunted in frustration as he laid in his bed fuming. The recent conflict with Ciel replayed in his mind and he snarled. He hated Ciel so much. That small thing of a werewolf was so much trouble. It irritated Theo to no end, just knowing that he was sleeping in a room on the opposite end of the corridor, lavishing in all the luxury that their pack had to offer, returning none from his feeble and pathetic tribe. He wanted him out.
He grunted, turning to his side and squeezing his pillow with all his might, imagining that he was squeezing the life out of Ciel instead. Alright, so he hated to admit this, but he had been impressed earlier in the day. He had seen the gunshot wounds on the two drifters that were shot. From their tracks and their positions, they could tell that the drifters were running alongside each other up till the point of the attack. They had also fallen dead in the same position. It would have taken a lot of accuracy and speed for someone to shoot them down simultaneously.
Ciel made those shots, regardless of how challenging it must have been in that small window of time he had. It was Ciel, not Nathaniel. They could lie all they want, the truth would come out. Nathaniel was a horrible shot and everyone in the pack knew that. It seemed so impossible that no one had raised this point until they could force a confession out of Ciel. It made their pack seemed like such fools to believe something so unlikely.
Ciel was a good shot. He had no choice but to admit. Theo admitted deep down that he would not be able to perform such clean shots in such a short distance, especially since this was not a training simulation, but a real life situation. Those drifters were not going to act like dummies where it wouldn't even hurt if you missed them. These drifters would have been out for blood. And in that time, Ciel had kept his cool and released judgement on those drifters. It was a feat. Theo would applaud for him if he didn't feel like he would have to chop his arms off after that for betraying him.
All his good impression of Ciel through this one deed had done nothing to make him feel less irritated with Ciel.
Everyone was always on his side. Blindly supporting him and cooing at him like he was precious child of theirs. He hated it. They all scrambled to attend to his every need, allowing him to do as he pleased. They practically worshipped his existence.
Theo's mother was proof of it.
She cooked only his favourite dishes. She paid attention to his likes and dislikes when she introduced new dishes. She constantly told Ciel that he was allowed to be bratty and demand for things when he wants to. It made no sense; she always told Theo that he was too demanding. The double standard irked him. What made Ciel so special? He was not even that cute.
The twins were no different.
They were starting to spend more and more time with Ciel, giving Theo the stink eye when he didn't want to be anywhere near Ciel if he could help it. Kai was obnoxiously starting to include Ciel in their meals, making plans with him to join us whenever he wanted. Len was less vocal about it, but Theo could see that Len cared for that annoying small thing. His own two future Betas were going against his wishes to accommodate that thing. What is the bloody matter with them?
Even though it seemed childish to have a thought like that at his age, Theo felt as though Ciel was stealing the people around him away. He knew it was ridiculous for him to feel this way. There was no reason for him to act this way either. But every time that he looked at Ciel, he thought about how he had been forced to try and accept him into his life, possibly marrying him in the future.
Every time he sees someone treating him well, he felt betrayed. Every time they smiled at him, his muscles would twitch in anger. Every time Ciel smiled back, he wanted to rip that smile apart. It was as though the reason for Ciel's existence was only to annoy the heck out of him.
Theo knew that he was being unreasonable at times. Ciel hadn't even bothered him, or made him worked up, and yet he had on so many occasions, attacked the boy physically and verbally. He had reflected on his actions and he did regret strangling Ciel the day of his first morning with the pack. But he had been so overwhelmed in his fury that he didn't care. He wanted to hurt him for even daring to look at him and challenging his future position as Alpha. Ciel had looked down on his abilities and he wanted his blood.
Did Ciel have no pride? He thought by now the thing would have given up and told Theo's father that he was done trying. That he was not going to stick around till the end of the two years. That he wasn't going to allow Theo to abuse him like that. It would have made things easier for Theo.
Truthfully, Theo had been hoping that Ciel would crack first and open his mouth to express his aversion to living with the pack. Theo had been giving him so many reasons and opportunities to, but he just didn't. Theo didn't understand what was holding Ciel back. If he had been treated the way he treated Ciel, Theo would have ripped apart the pack and wreaked havoc anywhere he could.
Why was Ciel so determined to fulfil the treaty anyway? If he really hated it as much as Theo did, why didn't he fight against it? He was being too compliant about this matter and Theo hated it. It made his own protest seemed like a child's fit, making Ciel look like the mature one in all this.
The muscles under his eyes twitched and Theo could sense his irritation growing again. What else could he do to drive this little demon out of the pack? What else, short of murder, could he do so that he could stop having to convince himself that marrying a man wasn't that bad? What else could he possibly do to let everyone see what a bad and backwards idea it was to have an arranged marriage between two men just because of some paper signed by two dead people from hundreds of years ago?
Burying his face into his pillow, Theo let out a muffled scream to release his frustration. He needed to go for a run right now. Perhaps head out past the borders of the pack house and live out there with the rest of the pack for a while. For the rest of the two years that Ciel was here, maybe. That would give him a peace of mind at least.
∞
Sleep didn't come for Ciel at all that night. He laid awake, thinking about the many excuses that he could give, if the Alpha truly found out that he had lied about shooting the drifters. He hated that he could not be honest to the Alpha. He hated feeling like he was betraying the pack's trust, but then, there was no good way to fix this anymore.
He sighed, if only he had been honest to begin with. If only he never told Nathaniel to keep it a secret. He would have just concluded the issue there at that moment. They might doubt him for a while, but soon they would have forgotten this incident. Now, Ciel had to live in fear of when they would eventually find out the truth, if Theo was so adamant to expose it.
Pulling the laces on his shoes tightly, Ciel closed his eyes tiredly. He really needed to do some proper meditation and use some herbs tonight to help him to rest. His sleep debt was slowly piling up and it looked like he was never going to resolve it.
A knock on his door startled him, wondering who would look for him so early in the morning. He hurried to his feet, swinging the door open cautiously, "Nathaniel?" He breathed out, his eyes wide as he took in the older teen's appearance. He looked dressed for a run too, which surprised Ciel since he didn't think Nathaniel would do any exercise apart from the training that he was instructed to attend.
"Good morning." Nathaniel greeted.
Ciel realised than that it was an even greater feat that Nathaniel was up at this time in the morning. From what he had observed, Nathaniel usually stays in bed or lazes around until lunch time before he emerges from his den of a room.
"Good- morning. You're up early." Ciel answered hesitantly, his eyes still disbelieving of what he was seeing, "Is something the matter?"
Nathaniel smiled charismatically as he scratched the back of his head, "I've noticed that you run alone every morning. Seems a bit boring isn't it? Come on, let's run together. You know it's in our blood to craving company on runs." He urged.
Ciel blushed, wondering if Nathaniel knew that he was doing it to avoid the rest of the pack members living in the pack house. But it was nice, to be invited to run together by a friend. It pleased him and his inner wolf to know that he was being acknowledged as a comrade, "That would be nice. Thank you." Ciel smiled shyly back before stepping out of his room and closing the door behind him.
Nathaniel shook his head quickly, "Nah, thank you. I would have been toast if you didn't step in to help me when you did." He chuckled awkwardly.
Ciel shook his head as he tugged at the corner of his shirt, "Only doing what I could. Anyone would have done the same."
Nathaniel looked away from Ciel reservedly, "But no one would have been as impressive as you were."
"Thank you." Ciel blushed at his compliment.
The two walked in silence down the stairs towards the exit of the pack house. While it had been nice to be invited, Ciel remembered how awkward he had been when Gin had first asked him along on a run. Running together was a ritual for werewolves. It was considered an intimate time to allow their inner wolves to bond with each other and for their human minds to learn and commit to memory the quirks and tendencies of their comrades.
"So!" Nathaniel started abruptly, surprising Ciel as they trudged on the grass towards the forest, "How long have you been handling guns?"
Ciel cleared his throat, looking at the grass under his feet as he trampled over them with each step, "All my life? I think. For as long as I remember, as soon as I could walk and have the strength to hold one."
Nathaniel looked impressed, "Who taught you?"
"My dad did." Ciel crossed his hands as a surge of affection and the absence of his father as he spoke about him.
Nathaniel seemed to notice his mood dampen and he said nothing for a few moments.
"Why guns?" He started again in a low voice.
Ciel shrugged, "I don't know, it's my father's forte; I guess he just passed it on to me."
Silence passed between them both again and Ciel was thankful that the clearing was coming into view. Soon Nathaniel would probably shift into his wolf and they can just concentrate on running and not having an awkward conversation.
Nathaniel chuckled into the air as he glanced as Ciel sideways, "Are you usually this reserved?"
Ciel blushed, looking at Nathaniel apologetically, "I'm sorry, I just haven't been..."
"That's alright." Nathaniel waved his hand, "You don't have to apologise for it. Perhaps I'm just terrible company."
Ciel hurriedly shook his head, "No. Of course not. You're... really friendly."
Nathaniel chuckled as he pulled off his shirt once they reached the clearing He discarded it to the round, but made no more to remove his other clothing. Ciel blinked at him, noticing that he had a rather fit body despite spending most of his time on his games and snacking. In fact, since they have started their training with the twins and Theo, Nathaniel's muscles were getting more defined.
Nathaniel raised a brow at Ciel, "You're not going to shift?"
Ciel shook his head quickly, "I don't have the habit."
Nathaniel nodded, "Alright then, let's go."
"You're not going to shift?" Ciel asked as he eyed the shirt that was thrown on the ground.
"Ah, I don't like to shift either. But I don't like the feeling of fabric on my back when I'm perspiring." Nathaniel explained as he stretched his neck side to side, "Come on, let's go."
With a wink, Nathaniel took off into the woods at a speed that seemed unreal. Ciel had been considered a fast runner in his tribe, but to see the efficiency, in which Nathaniel took his strides, amazed him.
Ciel shot off behind Nathaniel after his initial surprise, pushing his body to catch up with Nathaniel. A smile made it on his face unconsciously as he pushed himself, his inner wolf letting out a howl of freedom as it had its first company on a run since he had been here.
His wolf thrived as Nathaniel's wolf howled in unison and Ciel found himself lifting his chin to the air as though he was also letting out a howl. He was getting increasingly more synced with his inner wolf since he had been here. He could sense that his emotions and actions were now more influenced by his wolf. He didn't know if he liked that.
But being more connected with his wolf was good. Elder Jed always lamented that he was good in a lot of things, but his connectedness with his wolf was lacking for his age. It seems with more training sessions he had been going through here, he had somehow managed to establish a closer connection.
Ciel let out a laugh accidentally when he noticed that Nathaniel was right in front of him. He had caught up even when Nathaniel quite a head start. The older teen turned to grin at him, before he bent his head lower and pushed himself harder to widen the gap between them.
Ciel took the challenge in his stride, a huge smile on his face as he pushed his toes off the ground, weaving between trees, leaping into fallen tree trunks and avoiding branches that would slow him down. Nathaniel was heading further into the woods that he loved but never dared to venture in to, in fear that he was not allowed to. It was like gift from the Goddess herself.
His wolf howled once more, revelling in the sensation of being surrounded by unadulterated forest nature. He was one with nature and nature was one with him. He closed his eyes as he relied on his nose and his ears to steer him. The hairs on his body stood on ends as the adrenaline pumped throughout his system. He could almost see the layout of the forest in his mind's eye without looking at it with his physical eye. This was everything he needed.
His keen senses picked up the fact that Nathaniel was slowing down, allowing him to take in the scents and the surroundings that he was in. He basked in it, enjoying the smell of the woods that he had grown to love as he grew up in the Harvest Tribe. A pang of sadness squeezed at his chest as he thought of his father and Gin, and Ciel slowed down to a stop.
With his eyes still closed, Ciel let himself fall onto the ground with his arms spread out and his back plastered to the ground as he felt the vibrations of the ground quiver through his body. His wolf calmed down instantly as it pricked its senses, trying to keep the connection with Ciel tight as it made its own connection with nature.
Werewolves were not born to be confined in the modern world. The modern world that was made of concrete and glass, deprived of life and organic scent. The wolf side to werewolves was still every part an animal, and animals craved freedom. They craved nature and they craved acting upon instinct. They just were, they existed. They didn't think and make plans ahead of time for their future, they didn't strategize and scheme to conquer and expand their territories by taking others. They didn't kill unnecessarily. They kept to the law of nature, taking what they needed and nothing more. They were not greedy.
Ciel took several deep breaths, his senses prickling when Nathaniel's figure approached him. He kept his eyes closed, a smile still etched into his face as Nathaniel took his place beside him, lying down on the ground as Ciel had done. Ciel's inner wolf let out a few short barks, Nathaniel's wolf connected with his, sending a howl through their inner minds.
Ciel let himself enjoy the moment. He didn't want to think about what he had to return to later. He just loved that he could just be present, right here. He wished, for a moment, that he was a part of the Spirit Lunar pack. This way, he could properly have a connection with Nathaniel. Because he was still not officially accepted, neither did he complete his rituals with the pack, he was still considered an outsider. He would not have the luxury of sharing consciousness with other members until he was officially accepted into Spirit Lunar, if the day ever came.
"You've never been in these parts of the woods, have you?" Nathaniel asked faintly, disrupting the silence between them after a while.
Ciel's contented smile faded, "I've never dared to." He admitted quietly.
"I always see you looking out to these woods from the dining room." Nathaniel dropped his voice to a low whisper, "If you miss home, you can say that you miss home, Ciel."
Ciel bit his lips as another surge of sadness squeeze at his throat, tears threatening to fall. Of course he missed home. He missed home like crazy. He missed his father, his Gin, his Alex, his Elder Jed, his Lady Mila. He missed everyone he considered family. He missed being around familiar surroundings. He missed being himself. He missed being Ciel.
Living here has made him forgotten who he was bit by bit. He was confined here. Caged. He didn't have his freedom anymore. He did everything the way he felt would be acceptable. He did everything to please this pack and its leaders. He did everything against his nature so that he could uphold his tribe's reputation. He was getting tired. He missed home. If he could simply run away from his problems, home to his father's warm embrace, he would. But that would be too irresponsible of him. His loved ones expected more from him.
"I miss home." Ciel acknowledged dejectedly, a tear escaping his closed eye as he took a shaky breath, "I really do." He choked back a sob, his hands going over his face to cover his features out of embarrassment.
Nathaniel hummed beside him, "There's no shame in that." His voice held no contempt or judgement. He sounded sincere. Ciel was grateful.
Ciel silently thanked the Goddess for Nathaniel. He seemed like he was sent by the Goddess, like a helping hand extended to him when he thought he could fight no longer to survive in the open seas, stranded and alone. He had been so lost and tired, not knowing what he should do to carry on this mission. But Nathaniel was a breath of air the resuscitate him. It reminded him that he was also only human, that he had his weaknesses; it was going to be alright. He could rely on the people around him. He had allies too.
Ciel took several long breaths to steady himself, biting his lips when it quivered slightly from the emotional state he was in. He cleared his throat when he felt like he was more composed.
"So, I hear that you'll probably take Theo's place if he doesn't agree to this treaty. How do you feel about, you know, marrying me?" Ciel asked cheekily as he turned his head to face Nathaniel, a forced smile on his face. He needed to change the subject or he might be a sobbing mess by the end of it.
Nathaniel raised a brow at the change of the topic and his state, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he shrugged, "I have no intentions on fighting with Theo for the Alpha position. But he seems to think that way." Nathaniel rolled his eyes as he sighed, "The adults are not helping either. They keep comparing him to me and that is making him anxious. You know we used to be such close friends? That's how I was named Gamma Successor. With everything that's happening now, he might rethink my position."
Ciel sighed, "Then he is being childish. He is not forming a clique, Nathaniel. He is supposed to form a group of leaders to lead your pack. He picked you because you are good on your feet and you deliver when you are needed to. Personally, I think that he is only like that because he does have something to worry about. You are an outstanding werewolf. The only reason he is finding you a concern is because you are a worthy challenger that he has to keep an eye out for."
Nathaniel turned to face Ciel with a slight blush on his face, "That's pretty high praise, I would say."
Ciel nodded enthusiastically, "It is. I have seen you at practice. You have very good strength and technique." Ciel bit his lips, thinking if he should continue.
"And...?" Nathaniel nudged at him to carry on with his foot.
"Well..."
"Come on, don't hold things back! We are friends aren't we?" Nathaniel sat up, looking down at Ciel with his brows raised.
"We are?" Ciel swallowed, wondering if it was alright for him to keep his hopes up. It felt good to make more connections while he was here. He had been lonely for too long in the months that he was here.
"Well, you saved my life. I think being friends is the least I could offer you." Nathaniel winked with a boyish smile.
"That's... Nice." Ciel coughed, suddenly remembering how Gin had asked him to be friends with it. It was brute and forceful, nothing like that. He missed Gin. Nathaniel felt similar to him in many ways. He felt guilty for a moment as he wondered if it was bad that he might be using Nathaniel as replacement for Gin's absence.
"So?" Nathaniel nudged at him again when he went silent.
"Well... I guess, you should work on using less instinct and be more calculated when you execute your moves. You may get really badly hurt one day if you keep giving in to your instincts completely like that." Ciel looked at Nathaniel with a concerned look on his face, "When you're out in the field, one rash mistake and it could mean death."
"I'm not too good at that..." Nathaniel scratched the back of his head, "You on the other hand, seem to spend too much time thinking and planning, don't you think?" He raised a brow at Ciel.
Ciel hesitated slightly, "I... Had some training when I was younger. It's hard to give in to my instincts when I'm taught not to."
"Sounds like you had a rather harsh upbringing..." Nathaniel trailed off, "Was your dad ever you know, violent to you?" He looked away uneasily, as though he should not have brought it up.
"What?" Ciel looked at Nathaniel for a few blank moments, before his mind clicked to what he meant, "No! Of course not! Sam would never!"
"Relax! I'm just asking. You know. You seem to be rather timid and submissive for a werewolf. You say you have been training for as long as you remember. You're pretty small in stature for your age too. I can't help but think these might all stem from the way your parents raised you. You know, abused werepups usually have stunted growth and are likely to be more submissive."
Ciel knew what Nathaniel was talking about. He had seen his fair share of abused were-pups when he was living with the tribe. It was horrible. For some, the effects were lasting and heartbreaking. Were-pup who were neglected and never given the care and concern that they needed to learn to be with their kind and to live with their inner wolf either went feral, or their mental development were slower than their peers.
Were-pups that were abused fared much worse. Werewolves constitutes both their human side and their werewolf side. Both sides depend on one another in order to grow and flourish as a werewolf. When either sides to a werewolf is compromised, the individual suffered for it. Mentally and physically. The outcome was always bad. Were-pups would grow smaller than their peers, the effects lasting throughout life, their minds take much longer to mature, and they were usually disconnected with their inner wolves.
Ciel had shown signs when he was rescued by Sam. He was definitely smaller than his peers in stature, and it lasted till this day. He was also disconnected with his wolf, but they had managed to help him to overcome them. He was lucky that his mental development was not affected since he was rescued at the age of five, and his human foster parents were rather loving to him and never neglected him.
Ciel looked at his knees, hesitating before he decided to tell Nathaniel the truth, "I didn't have the best childhood as a pup. I was raised by humans." Ciel saw the surprise on Nathaniel's face, "I know what you are concerned about. But it's only because Sam only managed to get me out of the system when I was five, almost six. Sam is the best thing that has happened to me. He would never hurt me."
Nathaniel nodded quickly, clearing his throat uneasily, "I didn't mean to..."
Ciel smiled gently, "I know. You were only concerned. Thank you, Nathaniel." Ciel pushed himself off the ground to his feet, dusting himself.
"I'm sorry."
Ciel looked at Nathaniel, who had a guilty look on his face, "Don't apologise. You didn't know." He smiled encouragingly, hoping that the awkward moment would end and they could get back to cheerier topics. Why was his conversations always so depressing?
Nathaniel shook his head, "No, I mean. I'm sorry. You didn't have the best experience living here with us since you've arrived." He furrowed his brow as he looked away, "And I've done nothing to help you settle in." He continued in a quiet voice, ashamed.
Ciel smiled at Nathaniel with a grateful smile, reaching out a hand to Nathaniel, gesturing for him to take his hand, "It's not to late to start now. I haven't thanked you yet for keeping mum about who really shot those drifters."
Nathaniel looked at his outstretched hand with relief on his face, a grin spreading as he reached out to grasp as Ciel's hand, letting the smaller man pull him to his feet, "I think 'thank you's are a bit overrated between friends, don't you?"
"I'm inclined to agree, for now. Come on . We should be heading back. I'm starting to get hungry and the re-" Ciel stopped short, wincing slightly when he almost gave away the reason why he had always ran so early in the morning.
But Nathaniel seemed to already know what he was about to say, choosing instead to pat Ciel on the back as they turned back to the direction of the pack house in comfortable silence.
∞
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