E lo kar lo baat. Are aisi angrezi ave hain ke I can leave angrez
behind. I can talk english, I can walk english, I can laugh english,
because english is a funny language. Bhairon becomes barren and
barren becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow. In the
year 1929 when India was playing Australia at the melbourne stadium
Vijay Hazare and Vijay Merchant were at the crease. Vijay Merchant
told Vijay Hazare. look Vijay Hazare, this is a very prestigious
match and we must consider it very prestigiously. We must take this
into consideration, the consideration that this is an important match
and ultimately this consideration must end in a run.
Ranjeet: O.K., O.K.
Amitabh: In the year 1979 when Pakistan was playing against India at the
Wankhade stadium Wasim Raja and Wasim Bari were at the crease and
they took the same consideration. Wasim Raja told Wasim Bari, look
Wasim Bari, we must consider this consideration and considering that
this is an important match we must put this consideration into action
and ultimately score a run. And both of them considered the
consideration and ran and both of them got out.
Mai: Hey Ram! Bakhat se pehle hi khushiyaan!
Arjan: Chaon dena ped ka dharma hota hai. Hum toh sirf itna jaan-na chahit hain ki aakhir bhookhe pet kab tak unki malaalein gaadhe? Kab tak unki kodaamein bharen?
Bhuvan: Mukhiya ji! Chahe dahine haath par dharo chahe baayen haath par... lagaan toh humka dehi ke padi. Hum toh kehit hain ke sab jane milke rajmahal chalo aur Rajaji se baat karo. Ee baadal unse chupe nahi hain. Unse kaho ki ee saal hum lagaan nahi de payenge. Ekho daana bhi nahi.
Bhuvan: Toh phir saari alag-alag ungliyan ki muthi ban jaaye Mukhiya ji.
Mukhiya: Matlab tum ladoge?
Bhuvan: Agar jaroorat padi toh woh bhi.
Mukhiya: Tohar khopadi ghoom gayi hai. Rajaji ke saath gustaakhi karoge toh khud toh dooboge hum sab ka bhi laike dooboge.
Bhuvan: Abhai kaunsi zindagi sukh bhog rahi hai. Doobe nahi hain ka?
Mukhiya: Jo bhi ho... lekin hum poore gaaon par dhool nahi udhne denge.
Out! (Umpire raises finger pointing towards the sky.)
Bhura: Baadal aa gaye ka?
Rajaji: Yeh ladka toh waise bhi naadaan hai.
Capt Russel: Itna bhi naadaan nahi hai.
Capt Russel: Lekin yeh mumkin hai. Bataata hai. Theek hai hum lagaan maaf karega. Lekin ek shart hai.
Mukhiya: Sharat? Ka sharat hai?
Capt Russel (to Bhuvan): Tum... idhar aao. Kya kaha tha tumne hamare khel ke baare mein? What did he say? Sadiyal. Bhadda sa khel hai. Tum is khel ke baare mein kya jaante ho?
Bhuvan: Bachpan se khelat aa rahein hai. Hum ika gilli danda kehte hain aur aap na jaane kaa.
Capt Russel: Cricket! Toh tumhara yeh kehna hai ki yeh cricket tum khel sakte ho.
Bhuvan: Haan. Aasaan hai.
Capt Russel: Theek hai. Toh main lagaan maaf kar deta hoon. Lekin tumhe is khel mein humein haraana hoga. Shart yeh hai ki tum humko is khel mein harao aur hum tumhara lagaan maaf kar dega.
(Rajaji laughs in bakground.)
I am serious. You beat us in this game and I'll cancel your tax.
Lekin kahin tum haar gaya toh tum humko triple tax yaani tin guna lagaan dega. Theek hai. Bolo sharat manzoor hai?
Team member: Sir I think the cat has caught his toungue.
Capt Russel: Quiet. Theek hai hum shart badhata hai. Tum humko is khel mein haraoge toh tumhare is saal ka toh kya hum agle saal ka bhi laagaan maaf kar dega. Hai manzoor?
Villagers: Bhuvan kuch mat kehna! Chup rehna! Kuch mat bolna!
Capt Russel: Theek hai. Hum sharat aur badhata hai. Sirf ek saal ka hi nahi agle do saal ka lagaan maaf kar dega. Yaani teen saal. Sirf tumhare hi nahi saare praant ka. Ab manzoor hai?
Villagers: Humka phasaane ki khatir gaddha khod raha hai!
Capt Russel: Tum bolo. Dugna lagaan doge ki sharat manzoor hai?
(Long pause.)
Bhuvan: Sharat manzoor hai.
Mukhiya: Hum toh pehle kehit rahen kaunhu badi bipda aa sakat hai. Nahi kehit rahen Bhuvan?
Bhuvan: Aur kaunhu chaara tha? Main poochon tha kaunhu chaara? Ka kar sakte the hum? Dugna lagaan jabardasti nahi hai? Bhare ki taakat hai? Bataiye? Bhar sake hai koi? Ee bipda nahi hai Mukhiya ji hai mauka. Hum sirf jos ma haan nahi kiye hain. Choolhe se roti ko nikaalne ke liye chimpte ko apna mooh jalaaike padi. Maanat hai. Maanat hai ki hamar palda halka hai. Par ee maa umeed toh hai. Aur yehi umeed ka hum sacchayi maa badhalna chahit hain. Ee khel hai hamare khet khaliyan ke liye. Bhool gaye agar jeete toh teen saal sukhi rahenge. Teen saal! Zara socho! Teen saal kaunhu lagaan nahi. Jaane ho eeka matlab? Matlab hamaar anaaj hamra apna hoga. Kisiko daana nahi dena padega. Ee ma hamre bachon humri humaare gaaon ki khushaali hogi. Humra paseena hamare tan mein khoon ban ke daudega.
Arjan: Sabaas! Choti choti aakhen aur bade bade sapne.
Bhuvan: Haan Arjan. Hum sapna dekhat hain. Aur sapne wohi saakar kar sakat hain jo unhe dekhat hain.
Gauri: Bharosa hai mohe... tujh pe... tohri himmat pe. Bas itna hi kehne aayi thi.
Bhuvan: Sau kaude manzoor hai magar hum maafi nahi maangenge.
Rajaji: Maafi ki toh ab baat hi nahi uthti. Ab jo kar diya hai use bhugato.
Mukhiya: Toh phir ka karen Maharaj?
Rajaji: Unka khel seekho.
That is out Sir! (Umpire raises finger towards sky.)
Tipu: Oo phir se aasman ki taraf ungli kahe dikha raha hai?
Bhuvan: Yehi toh humhu samajhne ki kosis kar rahein hain.
Guran: Apni amma ko yaad kar raha hai. Upar baithi hai na!
Goli: Bhuvan toh ka humra lagaan maaf hoga?
Bhuvan: Haan Goli.
Goli: Ka hum bhar pet khaayenge? Ka hamare sapne sach honge? Bhuvan tu gili chutki mein namak pakad raha hai!
Bhuvan: Bharosa kar Goli. Sach aur saahas hai jike mann mein anth mein jeet uski rahe.
Ismail: Dekh! Dekh! Ek Angrez chori hamra tan-pet bachaane ke khatir gaaon ki madad kar rahi hai. Aur hum gaal phoolaye baithe hain. Laalat hai sasuri! Alaah nigehbaan. Humein Bhuvan ka saath dena hi hoga.
Ismail: Bhuvan. Taang se kapda hate toh poore tan ki laaj jaave. Maine us din jo bhi bura bhala kaha uske liye main sarminda hoon. Aur ee kosis maa main tumhare saath hoon. Maula kasam. Namaaz ka imaan nahi gawaya hai.
Gauri: Kitni badhiya baat hai Bhuvan. Ismail bhaiyya ne kitni himmat badha di. Ab kaun hai rokne waala!
Bhuvan: Ka dekh rahi hain Memsaab?
Elizabeth: Yeh statute... murat kiski hai?
Bhuvan: Yeh Radha-Kisen ka mandir hai Memsaab. Bhagwaan Kisen aur Radha ji ki murtiyan hain yeh. Aaj Kisen ji ka janamdin hai. Isi liye humne in murtiyon ko sajaaya hai.
Elizabeth: Kya yeh pati-patni the?
Bhuvan: Arrey nahi-nahi Memsaab. Kisen ji ki shaadi Rukmini se hui thi aur Radha ji ki Anay se. Lekin dono mein bahut gehra prem tha. Jo ek misaal ban kar reh gaya. Aap samajh lo kamal ke patte par sabnam ki boond jaisa... ek bhi nahi hue aur alag bhi nahi.
Gauri (about Lakha): Bhuvan isse hargiz mati lena. Mann ka kaala hai.
Elizabeth: Tum khel ke baare mein kya jaante ho?
Deva: Do baatein Memsaab. Agar gend phenkoon toh teeno lakdiyan di dhajjiyan udha doon. Aur jo agar kheloon toh gend nu cheer ke rakh doon.
Bhuvan: Ae Gauri. Saare gaaon mein ek hi ghar hai jike aangan mein neem ka ped hai. Bagal ma bada sa khet bhi hai. Ek joda bel, do gaay, teen bakriyan bhi hai. Aur main jaanu hoon pagli ki woh ghar mora hai. Aur ek baat sunti ja. Tu Mai ko pasand bhi hai.
Mukhiya: Goron ke saath ladna dharm hai. Par ek achoot ka saath laike poora doodh bhrast nahi hone denge hum!
Bhuvan: Kachra. (Touches him.) Doodh par choot achhot ki chaap lagai ke doodh ko aap bhrast kare ho. Saare gaaon ki saans ee choot achoot ki dohe se kahe ghot rahe ho Mukhiya ji? Chamdi ke naam pe mann ko chalna kaunhu nek kaam hai ka.? Phir kahe pujte ho raam ji ko jinne sabri ke jhoote ber khaaye? Jo bhagwaan sabki naiyya par lagawat hai uki naiyya ek choti jaati ek naawik ne paar lagaayi. Ee sab jaan ne ke baad bhi choot achoot ki baat kare ho! Aur aap Issar kaka... aap toh vaid ho. Peedha harte ho. Rogi ki naadi parakh karke uka ilaaj karte ho. Ka aapka sastra yehi kehta hai ki achoot ka ilaaj na kiya jaaye? Uka marne diya jaaye? Agar aisa hai toh ee insaaniyat ke naam pe sabse bada kalank hoga. Aaj ke baad koi bhi vaid ko Bhagwaan ka doosra roop nahi maanega.
Lakha: Oo sab chod Bhuvan. Tu toh tagda khiladi chahe tha na. Ee Kachra toh lula hai.
Bhuvan: Tere haath salamat hai na. Devi maa meherban hai Lakha so keh raha hai. Magar jis kalai ko tune lula kaha hai wohi hamri sabse badi taakat banegi dekh lena. Ee bejaan sa panja hi humein jeet dilayega. Ek baat sab logan ka yaad dilayi doon. Yeh sirf khel nahi hai jo hum aapke manoranjan ke liye khel rahe hain. Yeh ek ladayi hai jo humka jitni hain. Hamara maksad sirf ek hi hai. Lagaan se mukti. Gaaon ki khushaali. Aur uke vaaste main marte dam tak main kisi ke saamne nahi jhukoonga. Aap log mera saath de ya na de magar Kachra khelega!
Issar kaka: Bhuvan beta. Jo aakhen poori tarah se khul gayi hon unmein toh saram bhi nahi aa sakat.
Arjan: Main Issar bhai ki baat se sehmat hoon. Tum theek kehte ho.
Mukhiya: Kachra humre saath khelega!
kal ho na ho - tumhe aisa kyun lagtha hai ki duniya ki sari museebatein tumhari kamzor kandhon par hain? .... suno jiyo , khush raho, muskurao kya patha kal ho na ho!!
Dil ke chhalon ko koi shayari kahe, to parwah nahi
Takleef to tab hoti hai, Jab koi wah-wah karta hai
Apne hisse ki zindagi to hum jee chuke chunni babu,
Ab to bas dhadkanon ka lihaj karte hain,
Magar kya karen duniya walon ka,
Jo aakhari saans par bhi aitaraz karte hain.
Pyar aatma ki parchhai hai
Ishq ishwar ki ibadat
aur Mohabbat zindagi ka maksad
magar afsos ki baat hai chunni babu,
ki aapke dost ke paas to kuchh bhi nahi hai,
na atma na ibadat na maksad,
aur aap ye jo baar baar hathon main rupaye pakadte hain na dev babu,
kotho par ye tawayafo ke talwon main hote hain,
agar itna hi ghamand hai apne aap par, to hame wahi lauta dijiye,
jo humne aap par kharch kiye hain, do ratein
humari do ratein udhar rahee aap par dev babu,
jab tak aap nahi aayenge mahfil nahi sajegi,
in aankho ko aapka intazaar rahega
babuji ne kahaa gaon chhod do,
sabne kahaa paro ko chhod do,
paro ne kahaa sharaab chhod do,
aaj tumne kah dia, haweli chhod do,
ek din aayega jab wo kahenge, duniya hi chhod do
Yu nazar se nazar ki baat ki, ki dil chura le gaye
hum to samjhe the but, aap to dhadhkan suna gaye
Kaun kambakht bardasht karnay ko peeta hai hum to peete hain ki yahan par bhaith sakain tumhein dekh sakain, tumhain bardasht kar sakain, behosh ho sakain, paroo ko bhula sakain, par chandramukhi, yeh paroo ki yaad hamain hosh khone nahi deti, kyun itna peene ke baad bhi uski yaad hame satati hai din raat kyun .....kyun itna na samajh ho jata hai insaan ....kyun galti kar bhaithata hai ...kyun ek choti si galti ki itni bari saza milti hai ki zindagi ke raaste hi alag ho jate hain, ek chala jaye shadi ke raaste par aur DUSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH.....
apne hisse ki zindagi to hum jee chuke chunni babu
ab to bas dhadkano ka lihaaz karte hain
kya kahen ye duniya walo ko jo,
aakhari saans par bhi aitaraaz karte hain