It was raining- in fact it wasn’t just raining it was hurricaining. I was the first up in the library, without Sthyss, without a friend, just on my own. I had no intention of leaving the confines of the school today, my nose was running violently and my throat and head had gotten worse.
It was still quite dark outside so there were a few lanterns lit in the less exposed corners of the Library, I was feeling the cold keenly and the growing proximity to the full moon had become apparent as the waxing moon had glowed through the window when I’d woken up at four; it was now eight- it’d been nagging me. I was positioned so that should anyone come my way I’d see them before they saw me, as long as I was paying attention which I wasn’t; well not really, I had my head buried in a volume of the school yearbooks. I had been wondering in my sleep about Sirius Black and if there was anyone who would have stood up for him before he was sent to Azkaban, I didn’t know why because I couldn’t go and talk to any of them- well I’d thought that before Id found old class lists and photos.
“You're up early.” I turned, looking up from where I sat- startled. Professor Lupin looked cold and only a little worse for wear than I’d seen him the other day as he sat down opposite me.
“I'm trying to get some learning in before the holidays.” I explained; shutting the book in what I hoped was an innocent-looking movement.
“So you're not trying to catch up on the class you walked out of?” He asked without the smallest hint of a smile.
“You didn’t hear what he said about Werewolves.” I scowled down at the book in front of me.
“I did hear about what you said to Hermione though.” He frowned and his forehead creased. I scoffed but felt immediately sorry for it.
“She didn’t deserve what I said; no-one deserves what I said. I was just so angry and she’d found out that I'm an animagus and I didn’t know what to do. It’s what I always do.” I whispered and saw him nod from the professor.
“You’re going to apologise?” He asked and I nodded gently. “Where’s Sthyss?” He continued- changing the subject and I looked back up at him, his face was concerned.
“We aren’t talking, I take a step in the same direction as one of my family members and I get ostracised.” My jaw tightened involuntarily.
“Family as in-?”
“Voldemort.” I clarified and his eyebrows shot up and then down quickly.
“Does that bother you?” He inquired, seemingly lightly but the depth in his eyes spoke otherwise.
“It would bother me more if I’d met him, but no, it doesn’t affect Me.”
“I heard that he killed your parents as well.” Lupin was unsure if what he was saying was going to provoke an emotional response.
“Yeah, he did apparently, Dumbledore reckons it’s because he’s scared.” I told him, there was something about him that made him very easy to talk with, “Scared of me.” I whispered, considering something else already.
“Professor Lupin who turned you into-” I looked around and rethought my question, there wasn’t anyone about but I had a constant feeling of being watched- Sthyss was no doubt lurking again.
“Perhaps we should talk somewhere else?” He offered and stood wearily. I nodded and followed him. Halfway up the empty staircase towards the second floor he broke the silence.
“Fenrir Greyback, I was nine.” He was looking ahead with a grim visage, he seemed to have moved away from me yet he hadn’t stepped an inch.
“Did it hurt?” I asked, the ill professor turned to look at me and his tawny gaze was piercing.
“You should know the answer to that; it won’t be any different from what you experienced.” Then it had been excruciating, I would have been smaller so it may have hurt me more but there was no doubt to be told in his eyes that it was anything less than the single-most painful evening of his existence.
“And you?” He asked in the gap as we headed for the corridor that headed to his corridor.
“I don't know the name of the man who bit me, but his face will never leave here-” I tapped my head, my mouth twisted wryly. We walked again in inert silence; the door grew closer and when inside a cup of tea was presented to me once I’d sat down.
“There’s very few werewolves that would attack a child.”
“And I'm guessing even fewer prowl the streets of London wearing rawhide coats and sporting sharpened teeth.”
“That would be Fenrir, this is the man who bit you?”
“Yes, sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not been so inquisitive.”
“Curiosity killed the cat.” He muttered thoughtfully with a hand placed delicately on his chin, “but perhaps the day is dark enough without these musings.” He tried to smile, it failed.
“I hope the Quidditch match is going okay, Harry was saying that they wouldn't cancel it.” We were both looking out of the window now and could clearly see and hear the cacophony the wind was making against the castle and the thunder off in the distance.
“They wouldn't cancel for the world, but they all live for matches like this, Harry’s father- James was a perfect example of the stubbornness of Quidditch players. He wouldn’t give up the chance for a match if he’d lost a leg.” He was smiling brightly at the memory but his mood visibly darkened as he no doubt recalled the fate of his friend.
“Do you miss your friends Professor?” I asked, knowingly referring to more than one friend.
“Of course I do Imogene, I wouldn't be human if I didn’t.”
“Are werewolves technically even humans?” I asked sadly and his face fell as well.
“Partly, but that isn't the point.” He added wistfully
“I know, sorry.” I apologised, I was in a weird mood and the information I’d received in the book that I’d hastily put away wasn’t helping my attitude. “Do you mind if I ask you something Professor?” I carefully asked, he had his ankles crossed over as he sat far back in the couch opposite me his eyes were alert and the fire was slowly flickering- providing very little heat but a golden light that was very pleasant and easy on the eyes.
“Not at all,” he coughed slightly after he spoke and that set me off, I had to make him wait as I composed myself and got my coughing under control.
“You’re sounding as bad as I was,” he commented. I took a deep breath, “sorry carry on.”
“When you were at school… did you know Sirius Black?” I knew he had, I'd seen a picture where Lupin, Sirius Black and someone who could only be Harry’s dad had all been standing in arms smiling at the camera, Sirius Black had reached over and ruffled a young Lupin’s hair and they’d all been smiling. I looked at the Professor in front of me and he was frowning, his jaw tensed, his forehead creased and an indecisive look in his eyes.
“I did,” he answered in what almost could have been bitterness.
“Do you think that he really killed all those people?” I tried to say it quickly because I really didn’t know how he would react. He move his head back and looked confused.
“Why would you ask that? Do you think that the ministry would just send anyone to Azkaban?” He looked disapproving.
“No but… well what if they got it wrong?” I had hoped that he might share my belief that Sirius Black was innocent but his face told me differently, he shook his head and sighed.
“Mistakes like that don't get made, and while he was my friend not even I can deny the evidence of his crimes.” I nodded gently and could see that there was still unanswered questions floating in his head and he wasn’t sure how to ask them.
“Imogene,” He began- drawing my attention back away from the window which had gathered a film of ice. “You know that aiding a criminal-”
“You think I helped Sirius Black into the castle?” I asked sounding more shocked than anything. I might have been intrigued by Sirius Black because he was another animagus and one that had done it without ministry consent but I wasn’t about to help him into the castle, if I was wrong then that would be killing Harry, and we might not have been friends at that point in time but I certainly wasn’t going to get Harry- or anyone- killed.
“I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that if you know anything about-”
“How would I know anything about Sirius Black?” I asked angrily, placing my cup down. I thought that at least Professor Lupin would trust me, and I swore that the reason he didn’t was that goddamn mark on my back.
Estrangement was nothing new for me, I’d never had friends, and it only made sense that now that I'd had friends I would lose them within three months.
“I should go Professor, and get back to the Library.”
XXXX
After spending my free time reading every book on Defence against the Dark Arts that I could over the past months there was no destructive or even almost violent spell that I didn’t know and I was using the full range of my magical vocabulary. I'd run out of the school, ignoring the weather with the full intention of venting as much physical stress as was possible. The school had been empty and the grounds even more so as the rain and wind continued to pelt the grounds, so my sprint to the grounds was quiet, only the howl of the wind and what was perhaps the scream of fans from the Quidditch pitch. I pulled my wand from my pocket when I reached the corner of my clearing and took a blast at the log I would sit on.
“Bombarda!” I screeched and the log blew into tiny splinters which flew in all directions, some of the chips stuck in my arm that I quickly covered my face with, I was already crying and distraught, so the pain didn’t affect me and after the number of times I’d turned into a werewolf it barely stung, I lashed out at the tree behind me next, A gouge was blasted out of it and more splinters and chunks flew towards me, I erected a protective barrier and the wood was reflected.
“Reducto,” I rasped, my voice had left me, it was scratchy and sore and that whisper was all the sound that I could make and it was a shout. The hole that I made through the centre of the ancient, towering tree was large enough that I could have gone through it as a werewolf and still had room to wriggle, insects crawled out of their hiding places beneath the bark and shied away from the weather, maggots were the last to appear, their milky, sickly white bodies luminesced in the dark light and my teas started anew. I felt rotten inside, and this tree had hit home in the most brutal way it could. That time I didn’t say a word I just hurled myself behind my wand and felt the blast that shook my slighter frame like an earthquake- the tree felt it too, and there was a sick reverberation as the tree cracked and snapped from the middle of the whole I’d made and fell with a deafening crash, seconds later I heard the creaks of a second tree that the first had obviously hit and another thunderous crack as the next fell. I moved towards the stump of the tree I'd viciously attacked and stopped just before it. Maggots and other beetles were crawling and pouring forth from the rotting tree like a squirming creamy waterfall, I lifted my wand and squared it with a clump of insects and croaked a spell, watching as each cream worm exploded in a small squelch. It took a while for me to regain some self-control and call quits on my bug massacring.
I was struggling to find any more anger to vent, I was freezing, Dementors were flying overhead and a bolt of lightning struck in the distance towards the Quidditch pitch; the direction that the Dementors were heading. I crouched and hooked my arms around my knees and rolled back onto my bum. Shivering and cried out, I sat next to a pile of exploded maggots and woodlice and closed my eyes, I was alone and I was cold, I opened my eyes and looked around me. It was still raining and the massive open clearing I'd created by knocking over the two trees had reduced any shelter, so I was getting soaked too. After a while I stood and felt lightheaded, swaying; I walked deeper over roots and fallen branches towards the other side of the forest that came out behind the Quidditch pitch- considering I'd been so against going outside earlier this morning I was doing well after three hours since leaving the confines of the school- and now I’d reached the Quidditch pitch, where I'd told myself I wouldn't go.
I looked up and could see the barest of fleeting silhouettes against the grey sky, they were the Quidditch players; and there was also a group of darker yet even less substantial ghost-like silhouettes against the sky- Dementors. With emotions of the crowd running high the Dementors must have been drawn like flies to honey and they begun to circle high above the stadium. I looked down from the sky, the rain making it painful to look up at the clouds for too long; my eyes fell upon a familiar form and I thought that I was hallucinating. There was another dark silhouette before me, stood once more against the trees not so distant from me. This had happened before; except last time I’d been on the brink of death and hadn’t known what- or rather who- the giant black dog had been, now that I did I was amazed by how little I cared about the affront to my life and more about finding out the truth, I couldn’t believe that Sirius Black was guilty, especially not after seeing the picture of him with Professor Lupin and Harry’s dad.
I was about to run towards the figure when I heard something from above. There was a scream- no several screams and I saw a figure falling, it was a boy in a red and gold uniform, his black hair was flying everywhere. I was glad for the entrance in the side of the huge stadium, and for advanced charms books.
“Aresto momentum.” I waved my wand and followed the body, I was trying to say it loudly but with my sore throat that was impossible, I did however hear someone far above yell the same words over the storm, but a few seconds after I had, and potentially too late to save the plummeting boy. The body came to a rest just before it touched the ground and I shuddered at the thought of how close it would have been had I not been there, I turned and the dog was still there, I turned and was about to follow it when I heard a person calling my name from inside the stadium.