A chronic and an unrelenting headache grounded into Tyrell's temples. He knitted his brows, finding his eyelids heavy. It was as if shards of glass pieces were poking back his eyeballs. He lifted his hand up, finding some strength to his weakened muscles, and gently caressed his temple trying to get a relief from the piercing pain.
Slowly his senses started sending reports to his brain. He recalled how his body jarred with each blow, giving him the pain of a lifetime. It was as if someone was reaching from inside and pulling his gut out of his throat. He winced, only the thought of that sort of pain was sending him shivers.
But this intense feeling and suffering wasn't new to him. From the past two months he was experiencing the same amount headaches, a crushing pain on his sides of his head that came and went in a pattern and that pain spreading down throughout his body. He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but this suffering was turning into a necessity just like he was required to breathe to barely live. As much as he wanted to scream and tell his friends about this, he wasn't able to. It was as if an invisible force was constraining him to speak anything about it.
He was suffering, yet his friends weren't able to understand his misery. Hayden was still new, he couldn't complain. But Pruthvi and Leena who have been living with him for years, the two who knew and understood him very well weren't able to see him suffer. They said he was behaving unnaturally, that he wasn't being himself. Why aren't they able to see that it wasn't his fault? Why are they blaming him for everything that was happening with him?
And then there was someone who seemed to have completely forgotten about him- Celina Hanslay, the one person, deep down his heart knew that he loved her since the day he had met her. Her boldness, her feistiness and her love for petty things in nature was something that has attracted him towards her. Living under the same roof for years did not bring them together but her departure to run her family business did. At first he believed Leena when she told him that this change was because he was missing her, but now, this intense suffering, this was certainly foreign. The feeling of transforming into something else, the feeling of sometimes forgetting his own identity- it was dark, disastrous and filled with negative force which he and his friends weren't able to acknowledge.
Steeling his heart, he put all his might to open his eyes, inhaling deeply. For a while he squinted around the canopy of his room till he felt a quick vigour, subduing the heaviness in his heart and finally relaxing his muscles.
"Tyrell?"
He swallowed a bile on hearing and quickly recognizing the voice. He slowly turned his head towards the direction the voice came from, watching the one person who he wasn't ready to see, not at least in the situation he was forced to be right now. It was Doctor, watching down at him with his concerned eyes. Tyrell sighed and slowly lifted himself up in the seated position, sinking his legs down the bed. His eyes automatically sought for his cap that was resting on the table beside his bed. Reacting on that impulse was something he took as a proof that he was being himself right now.
"I hope you are feeling alright," Doctor said, his voice calm as usual.
Tyrell numbly nodded, having his head down. He wasn't able to look into the elder man's eyes. There was too much sympathy in them which he thought he didn't deserve to have.
"Good," said Doctor, "Then we need to talk."
Tyrell knew what it was going to be about. It was embarrassing to talk about it and so he replied immediately.
"Nothing is going on with me. I am absolutely fine."
He was absolutely not fine. But he hated to show that to the world. He has always been the most energetic person of the academy, now suddenly being called as a sick person was completely against his dignity.
"Of course you are absolutely fine," said Doctor in a slightly cheerful voice, "I took an overall physical examination of yours. Your pulse, blood pressure everything is normal. Turns out you are fit as a fiddle. You are fine, Tyrell."
Tyrell eyes twitched, slightly frowning on hearing what Doctor had just said. He should be glad that he was certified as fit, yet his statement began to bother him. It was probably a few hours ago when he was struggling to breathe, puking all his food out, and his body shuddering with an alien pain. How could he say he was fine when clearly he wasn't?
He waited for Doctor to continue talking or atleast to leave the room if he was done, but Doctor didn't do either of those. He was simply sitting on the chair unmoved and probably staring at him with those concerned eyes.
Tyrell then couldn't resist the strained silence. He slowly lifted his eyes up to look at Doctor sharply in time to see his assuring grin and that stare.
"You don't believe me, do you?" Doctor asked with a hard edge in his voice.
Tyrell blinked, regretting for looking up at him, before he said, "No...I mean...yes, I do believe you. I am absolutely fine."
They gaped at each other for a few seconds as if daring each other to disagree with their statements.
Doctor leaned towards him and asked as friendly as possible, "Tyrell, is there anything you need to tell me?"
Tyrell gritted his teeth. He could feel a pressure on his own body that forced him to lie.
"No," he replied.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," he said as hurriedly as possible.
Doctor nodded and exhaled slowly sitting back in his former position. "As so say so. By the way, Leena came in to see you, when you were sleeping. She is really worried about you."
"Ask her not to," Tyrell said, trying to deduce for how long he has slept, "Just tell her, my pulse and blood pressure are normal."
Doctor tilted his head. He should have understood Tyrell's voice dripped in sarcasm.
"You know very well we used to be friends. Remember the time when you were just ten, how we spent together? You even made me play hide and seek with you. I hope we maintain the same relationship even today."
"You want to play hide and seek with me?"
"I am pretty sure we are playing it right now."
Tyrell scoffed, looking away. He was unable to answer him back. He knew Doctor was trying a lot harder to make him speak about his perpetual happenings. But what would he say, he himself didn't know what was happening to him or probably he was forced to believe he didn't know.
"Look," Doctor continued, "I know I have been spending a lot of time in others' affairs, in helping Hayden deal with his Constellia and bringing out facts about Pruthvi's sister, but that doesn't mean I forgot all about you. I still care for you the same as I always did. We share a special relationship Tyrell and you will always be special to me. After all you are the first Samagraha I was able to find and you are the reason I set up this academy. Tyrell, you are nothing lesser to me than a first born."
"I said there is nothing going on with me," Tyrell said, pressing his eyes shut and creasing his forehead. For once his mind wanted him to ask Doctor to shut up, that he didn't need to hear his voice filled with pity at all. He so wanted Doctor to stop talking and leave him alone.
But the battle was indeed there. His insides were screaming at him to do the otherwise. Something was telling him to not to be this way, to spill everything that was happening with him, to share his pain with that one person who cared about him.
But he couldn't, he so couldn't.
"You and I both know that is not true," said Doctor with a slightly raised voice, "I am very much worried about you since you sneaked out of the academy late that night. I still don't understand how you did it in the first place."
"You tell me!" snapped Tyrell, his mouth speaking all by itself, his voice matching Doctor's, "It is your duty to find out what happened to me that night, not mine."
Doctor gaped at him. A glint of anger appeared in his eyes.
"Thank you for reminding what my duties are," he said, "And so you know, it is not my duty but my responsibility to take care of you as much as possible. But only when you tell me what is really bothering you."
"If I ask you to stop taking care of me, will that make you leave me alone?"
Doctor was stunned by Tyrell's reaction. His eyes wide opened and his lips trembled. Unable to speak with him anymore, and feeling insulted, he stood up holding his stick firmly and started walking outside the room.
Tyrell's heart ached. He certainly didn't want to misbehave with Doctor. But everything was flowing spontaneously out of his mouth, which he couldn't stop. He seriously doubted on that invisible force that was making his speak that way. He so wanted to rush over to Doctor and plead him to forgive him, but his resolve didn't allow him to. He simply sat there, glued to the bed, finding his own breath turning hot.
Doctor opened the door but before he could leave, he turned around and tried his best to give a suggestion. "Tyrell, you don't want to talk to me, I completely understand. But you need someone with whom you can share your certainties. That is the main reason I asked Leena to stay back with you, to look after you."
"And then what?" said Tyrell, through his gritted teeth, his anger shooting up.
"I am sorry?" asked Doctor, frowning, turning completely towards him.
Tyrell stood on his feet and for the first time he was face to face with Doctor, "I said then what? I'll spend some quality time with Leena. I'd create a special bond with her and then she will come up to you someday asking you to let her go. And obviously you will send her away from me. JUST LIKE YOU DID WITH CELINA?!"
Temperature in the room suddenly dropped. They lived underground, but that didn't stop cool breeze to penetrate inside making the chartreuse curtains wave with the wind. Tyrell's nostrils flared. He could feel his eyes turning bloodshot. His opal inside his pocket began to burn slightly creating an itch over his skin.
Finally Tyrell spilled it out. Celina not living with him anymore was driving him crazy. But then, somewhere in his heart he still knew that wasn't the reason and that he should stop blaming it on Doctor.
"Celina had an apt reason to leave academy," answered Doctor maintaining his low voice, "I had no other choice."
"No other choice? Seriously?" scoffed Tyrell, raising an eyebrow, and taking a step towards him, "You asked Hayden not to step outside the academy only because of a stupid reason and you left Celina all alone in a place where an evil maniac is waiting to suck our blood. And you say you had no choice?"
"I know sometimes my choice of decision varies from person to person."
"Admit it, you do care for Hayden more than anyone else here. You care for him because he is a grandson of a greatest king."
"That's not true. I care for each and every one of you the same."
"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND HER AWAY?"
Doctor's face turned stern, mouth open, horizontal wrinkles stretched up on his forehead as he went as pale as a dead body. Yet he didn't flinch more than that even though such a kind of reaction from Tyrell was unpredictable. Their eyes were locked and they didn't notice when the door opened completely letting Leena dash inside.
"Is...is everything okay?" she asked, her eyes darting from Doctor to Tyrell.
Tyrell then broke his eye contact with Doctor, now looking down at the floor, trying to calm himself down. He then turned around showing his back to the two people standing against the door, feeling his gut tightening with guilt.
What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?
"Yes Leena," said Doctor, " Everything is okay. Just be with him for a while."
Tyrell heard the door closing and the tapping sound of the stick dissolved after a few minutes. There was someone else in the room his mind forced him to get rid of now, whose eyes were piercing at back of his neck.
"What?" he demanded, slightly turning towards her, "Is there something you want to say, say it."
"Were you...were you shouting at Doctor?" she asked, knitting her brows.
"I don't know."
"Don't know?" she said, taking a step towards him, "of course you were because I and Naomika were right outside the door hearing your angry voice. And she said she was..."
"I don't care about Naomika and what she said," Tyrell spat, "Anything else?"
Leena paused for a few seconds and then said, "May be you don't care what I think either."
"Fine," he said now facing her completely, "I don't. I don't need you to take care of me. You know what Doctor thinks? He thinks I am fine. He said my blood pressure is normal."
"What the hell is wrong with you, Tyrell?" she demanded, "I have never seen you..."
"And I never heard you talking behind my back with Pruthvi like that."
"Like what?" she asked, "What are you talking about?"
"Didn't you say that I was jealous of you and Pruthvi being together."
"What!" she shrieked, totally aghast.
"Yeah, I heard that."
"You twisted it all up. I never meant it that way," she shouted immediately, her eyes beginning to shine with tears, "I just told Pruthvi that we should stop being a couple in front of you because you were hurting for Celina. It was only to make you feel better."
"That didn't make me feel better."
"Tyrell..."
"JUST GET OUT OF MY ROOM," he shouted, firmly pointing at the door.
Leena let her sob out, cupping her hand against her mouth. But still she said what she had to say. "Look Tyrell, I don't know what is going on with you. But let me remind you one thing. Celina leaving us was her own choice, we didn't ask her to. You cannot blame us for her decision."
Tyrell swallowed when he watched her tears rolling down her cheeks. He so wanted to wipe those tears away. He so wanted to hold her hands and apologize for making her cry on her birthday but he didn't react on what his insides were asking him to. Instead, he said something that even made him loathe himself.
"Let me give you a suggestion, alright? Get off my case and do something worthwhile, like curing people from disease with those tears of yours."
Leena went dumbstruck, utterly taken aback by Tyrell's acid words. Her mouth fell open and glared at him with a hateful look that Tyrell had never seen on her before. Immediately she stomped out of the room without looking back as he expected her to.
He turned around and leaned over placing his hands on the table beside his bed. Images of Doctor's shocked face and Leena's eyes filled with tears were what his mind was trying to push away. He began breathing heavily, his blood rushing over his face, his insides aching, this guilt was too much and he wasn't able to take it anymore.
Filled with frustration, balling a tight fist, he banged on table but the didn't make his temper down.
"What is wrong with me?" He whispered, pressing his eyes shut controlling them from filling, "why am I even doing this?"
"Because you asked for it," a grating and adenoidal voice reverberated in his ears, "My son!"
-x-