"Who am I?
That depends on the context."
†††
Jeffery shook his head at the whole situation laid in front of him as he paced back and forth behind his desk, "I can't believe you let this happen." He kept saying to me. Like a parent who was bewildered that their child was coming out to them and being gay was a sin. He made me sick to my stomach.
"Me? How is this my fault?" I take offense. He was more than lucky that I hadn't ended his life sooner to take command of his pathetic compound he tried so hard to keep in control of, "he did this to me." I quake in my skin, I could feel my brother's blood that dried on my face starting to crack against my skin. I needed to inform this idiot before word got around and I didn't get to bury Mack in the graveyard. He needed to rest easier than I will now that he was gone.
"You must have done something to make him mad. It's probably you and your stubborn, hard hardheadedness that got them all killed." He stared at me with his blue eyes. A fire blazed behind them, "I know how Negan is, and I know how you are. You don't take well to men with power." I breath out shakily, wanting nothing more than to strangle Negan and make him pay. Jeffery was a much easier target right now if he didn't change his tone of voice.
"This isn't my fault." I say as calmly as I could, "his men killed Molly, they shot at us, we took action. He killed my brother! He killed Heather! He took Fiona!" If there was one thing that would piss Jeffery off, it would be Heather's death. He loved her more than anything, and maybe that would light the fire under his lazy ass and make him want to fight back.
"You let him kill my sister?!" He practically jumped over his desk to slam me against the wall, "you bitch!" He squeezed my throat. My hands fumble against his belt. Unsheathing his knife from its place. Sinking it into his leg with one hand, and shoving my thumb into his eye socket with the other, he cried out enough to loosen his grip on my throat.
"You'll die, regretting you ever laid a fucking hand on me, you fucking asshole." I twisted the knife in his leg as I held him in place. He wouldn't run from me that easily after threatening to take my life with his grimy hands. He was lucky I didn't shove my finger more into his eye, or he would have lost more than his dignity just then.
"Children, please." A familiar voice filled the room like a virus, "daddy's home now. Drop the fucking toys." Negan chuckled. I twist the knife in Jeffery's leg, even more, making him let me go. As I dropped to the wooden floor, air rushed back full force into my lungs. Forcing me to cough against a tender esophagus, "you kids look like fucking shit." He laughed at us both.
"N-Negan." Jeffery bowed down on his knees, despite the hole in his leg, "I wasn't expecting you so early." he played dumb, even though I had just told his idiotic self just moments before that Negan could show up at any given second. He made me disgusted with humanity at all possible times of the day. Even by breathing it irritated me to be human.
"I'm not here for you, Jeffery." Negan walked over to me, "I'm here for this one." he held out his hand for me to take. I just looked up at him as I catch my breath again.
"Renegade? But why?" Jeffery asked in confusion, like a deer in the headlights about to be hit for being the idiot he is.
"Because I fucking said so." Negan pulled me to my feet, making me walk with him, "miss me, Princess? Cause I missed you." He purred against my ear. I closed my eyes when his cool breath washed over my face. He didn't know half the things I felt conflicted about when he was near me.
"I'm only here because of you. I'm not here by fucking choice." I say through the lust that built in me as he leads me by the collar of my shirt, "where's Fiona?" I demand.
"She's alive, don't you fucking ever worry about her." Negan shoved me through the warehouse doors and into the production room. The group was huddled in their little mini-groups for breakfast. They all looked at me, quickly looking away when they realized who was also in the room, "this is called, public humiliation, Kitten. And if you're such a fucking hardass, we'll see how the fuck you hold up after this shit. I know your type."
"My type? And what kind is that?" I asked him as he placed Lucille at the mid of my back, making me walk. The spikes dug into my skin with every step I took.
"Scared. Socially anxious. Pretentious." Negan replied as his men spread out among my people, terrorizing the innocent.
"You're the only one who's pretentious. I know who I am." Negan gave a wry laugh, kicking my legs out from under me. I hit the stone floor harder than I'd hope. A few gasps spread around the silence of the factory. Like they had never seen violence in their life. I rolled my eyes for what felt like the millionth time in the past day.
"You know, you're damn lucky I like you, Renegade. Because nobody, not one, gets to fucking talk to me the way you do. And you see, Lucille here hates, just really hates it when another fucking woman disrespects her man." Negan kicked my ribs, making me turn on my back, "she's the woman I loved the most in my life, Lucille here. And I made the stupid mistake of treating her like shit when she was alive."
"Why should I care about the way you treated your woman? She's lucky to be away from you. She'd hate it if she was still here. She'd fucking hate you even more." I spat. Negan pressed his lips together. I knew I was in for it now, always letting my anger talk for me instead of my brain.
"That's where you're fucking wrong, Kitten." He put his foot on my chest, "Lucille, would love to do things to you, that we'd both fucking enjoy doing to you." I grab his ankle, fighting against the weight of his leg, trying to breathe through the pain. I swallow hard, feeling light-headed from the shallow breaths I was forced to take. I couldn't hear the last words he spoke due to the ringing that had progressively gotten louder in my ears.
"Am I losing you, Princess?" My vision cleared away. Negan took form, he was crouched over me with a smile on his face, "there you are. Fucking thought I lost you."
"Fuck off." I breathe heavily, "I'm not a fucking princess. I'm the fucking queen!" I use all my strength to knock him down, taking Lucille from him in one motion. He laughed as I straddled his body, holding Lucille against the red scarf around his throat. Guns cocked all around me, we stared at each other as he motioned for his men to stand down.
"You've got a lot going on for you, for such a fucking tiny ass girl." He punched me straight in the mouth, sitting up as my body slipped off of his, "but, you're still not fucking listening to me." He stood up, wiping away my blood from his nose, "you're lucky you don't have anyone else for me to fucking take away from you!" Negans boot met with my nose, I sputter up blood as he grabs my hair. He drags me out of the doors to the warehouse, and into the dirt circle that made up the town center. I choke up in pain, grabbing his wrist in an attempt to release the pain.
"Let me go you animal!" I fight him, trying to hit him in the face as he held me at the end of his long arm span. I got a few kicks in, but he held me easily, effortlessly.
"I don't think so." Negan takes me towards one of his vehicles, "tie her up next to the biter." He orders one of his men as I'm yanked onto my feet. He tilted my head back as my hands were being tied, placing his lips against my neck, inhaling my skin. I clench my jaw together, looking up at the grey sky above us. Closing my eyes, I tried my hardest to not let him feel my heart jump under his touch.
He would be the death of me if he kept abusing me and then showing me that he wanted me. I didn't know if I could keep up my guard every time he places his lips against my neck. It was against my better nature to want to press myself against him for being so close to me. I wanted nothing more than to make him say my name in ways no one else should be able to hear.
I hear him set Lucille against the truck bed, using his free hand to pull me closer to him. I gulp when his fingers find the bare skin under my shirt. I just wanted him to let me go. Let me go so I could jump his bones and make him mine. I was growing tired of him toying with the lust that was finding its way into me. It was like he knew he had me right where he wanted me. Like he could smell the hormones raging on my skin for him.
Negan got a bit more gentle with his touch, brushing his fingers against my jawline lovingly. I wanted to punch him in the face before I kissed him and made him give me all that I wanted from him.
"It's game over for you now, Kitten." Negan was inches from me now, he had let a gap come between out hips as he watched me squirm under his touch. I wasn't afraid anymore for my life, I was afraid that I would fall in love with this man who took everything from me with a beautiful smile on his face. Afraid that I would fall back into old habits just to be at his side. I breathed out raggedly, all my card were on the table now that he was this close to me.
"Don't think that you can charm your way out from under my boots, asshole." I forced myself to say, "I will have your head on a spike. You'll see. I'll make you fucking pay for taking my brother's life, even if I die trying. But you'll die with me, that's a promise." I spit in his face, hating to ruin the moment building between us. Negan closed his eyes when my spit landed under his eye. He chuckled softly.
"Don't threaten me with a good time." He roughly let me go, I stumbled back against the truck, avoiding the biter that was chained with me, "I'll hold you to your empty promises. But I doubt you'll hold true to them." he wiped his cheek free of my spit, watching me keep my distance from the dead.
"Fuck you, asshole," I yelled, watching him walk to a delivery truck. He got into the passenger seat, flipping me off as we began to move, "hey, wait!" I stagger forward when the truck began to move, the chain tightening as it made sure that I moved with the truck."
I look back at the compound. Jeffery stood at the edge of the fence with Gregg and Donnie. They watched as their only means of protection left with their only means of survival. Without me, they were blown open wide in defenses. It served Jeffery right, but the rest of them didn't deserve to be put to their deaths. My attention returned to the front when the driver pounded on the side of the truck to get me to look forward.
"Fuck off!" I make him laugh, nearly falling to my knees when he pressed the gas pedal just enough to make the truck jump forward. Negan yelled from up front, forcing the guy to return to his normal speed. This was it. I was going to die out here because of some idiot who thought he was funny.
Fuck my life.
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