Dear Evans,
I might as well call you that now. Because we're back to where we started.
But I miss you, sweetheart.
I miss your smiles, your laugh and those gorgeous green eyes of yours.
And every time I see you it just makes me feel more and more sorry for what I did. I was a dickhead to you, Lily. And I'm so sorry. I'm still kicking myself for hurting you.
Please, give me another chance. Talk to me again. Be my friend again.
Your poor, hopeless, arrogant dickhead,
James
James leant back in his chair, re-reading the words he'd just written, and sighed. If only he was as good at romance as he was in his classes.
He ran his hands through his hair, gritting his teeth, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.
And fuck it all, Christmas was in two days time. Why did she have to pick right now to go and get mad at him?
~
"Prongs...hey, Prongs, wake up…" James groaned and lifted his head off his arms, his back and neck stiff. What in the name of Merlin had possessed him to fall asleep at his desk?
It was dark outside; the firelight flickered on the walls, and his friends' shadows danced eerily.
"What'd I miss?" James mumbled sleepily.
"Prongs, we've called a little meeting." Sirius asked him, eyes glinting mischievously. James smiled; his friend looked almost spooky in the flickering firelight, shadows dancing over his face.
Sirius continued, waving his hands around in a magical, mystical sort of way, smirking as he did so. James shook his head at his friend. Next to him, Remus chuckled, and Peter laughed nervously from his armchair, where he crouched with his knees up to his chest.
"Well, we've got a little something to discuss...concerning a lovely red-head."
"Go on." James gestured with his hand for Sirius to continue, but Remus interjected.
"You lost the bet, mate."
James' mouth fell open.
"What? No, I haven't- we said Christmas Eve!"
"Well, Jamesy boy- look at your watch, and you will see it is precisely 24 past one in the morning, December the 24th." Sirius sang, his eyes glittering joyfully. James glanced at his watch, feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach. His friend was right. He'd lost the bet.
"Wait- how long was I asleep for?"
"About ten hours. And- what's this?" Sirius grabbed the letter he'd written to Lily from his pocket and waved it around in James' face. "It seems she's not yours…"
"Give that back!" James snapped, and lunged for it, snatching it roughly from Sirius' grip.
"Have it your way. But-" Sirius and Remus coughed meaningfully and held out their hands, palms up.
"Yeah, yeah, ok. I'll pay up tomorrow." James sighed in defeat, putting his head back on his arms, clutching the letter to his chest.
The Marauders disappeared back up to their dorm, leaving James alone.
Tears leaked from his eyes as he watched the fire, the flickering tongues of flame looking remarkably like Lily's gorgeous, flowing hair. There was no escape from the pain in his heart.
James sighed, clutching the letter in his fist and falling asleep again.
~
It was early. The birds were singing softly, their voices faint in the whispering wind. The sun was well hidden behind the grey clouds; Hogwarts was shrouded in icy winter air.
James stretched out, arms above his head; he was still holding the -now very crumpled- letter in his hand. He opened it and read it over, tears threatening to leak from his eyes. One single tear dropped onto the ink letters and smudged.
He needed to send it. Now.
But you've already lost the bet, James heard a small voice, whispering in his ear. What's the point?
The point is that… James paused, thinking it over, biting his lip and frowning.
"I love her." He whispered to the air, his heart pounding in his chest.
"I love her." He repeated, and had to smile. "I love you, Lily Evans." He chuckled lightly to himself as he stood up, and clambered through the portrait hole.
James reached the Owlery in what seemed like no time.
He couldn't stop smiling, even when Peeves aimed at him with a pea-shooter. He even found the cheer to taunt the poltergeist as he glided above him, trying again and again to hit James, while the latter deflected Peeve's bullets with his wand.
"Damn you!" Peeves called to him, his voice echoing down the corridor as James, laughing, turned the corner at a jog.
The owls were all sleepy as he arrived. Looking up at the rafters, James scanned the birds above him, looking for a smoky grey owl he favoured above the rest. Several owls opened their big amber eyes and looked reproachfully at him, seemingly annoyed at him for disturbing their sleep.
"There you are." He called to it, and the bird woke, its head appearing from under its wing. "Come on."
The bird fluttered down and landed on his arm, giving him a gentle nip on the finger. Fingers growing numb from the cold, James attached his letter to Lily to the owl's leg.
"Here goes, hey buddy?" He said softly to it, walking over to one of the windows, feeling the icy winter air on his face as he looked over the snow-covered grounds.
The door opened behind him; James' owl let out a frightened hoot and James felt like doing the same as he turned around to face her.
James' shock was mirrored on Lily's face as she stood in the doorway, frozen to the spot.
"I didn't expect anyone to be up this early." She murmured, avoiding his gaze.
"Well, um, neither did I." He stammered, heart racing as she enticed one tawny owl to come down. Lily avoided his gaze as she tied her letter to the bird's leg and sent it out into the open air.
"So, um-" James stumbled over his words, his gaze never leaving her face. His stomach was churning relentlessly, his heart pounding fiercely.
"What, James?" Lily asked, her eyes on the owl, flying over the dark trees of the Forbidden Forest, their leaves blanketed in snow.
"Sending a letter to your parents?" He blurted out, cursing himself for his stupidity.
"Yup." Lily answered, turning to face him for the first time. James cowered under her gaze; those green eyes flashed, burning him from the inside out. A smile flickered on her full, perfect lips as she took in his expression, and then she took a step toward him.
"Look, James...what are you trying to say?" Lily asked softly, her green eyes kind and friendly. James let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and nodded, biting his lip.
"Ok, Lily. I'll come clean. Just...let me send my letter first."
James turned away from her and stroked the owl gently.
"Ok, buddy. Off you go." He whispered to it, and it took flight, fluttering its smoky grey wings. James watched it go, smiling to himself.
"Well?" Lily asked, a note of impatience in her voice. James turned back to face her, taking in her perfect, beautiful features, a small smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. And he waited, silent.
"James, come on-" Lily's voice trailed away as James' owl flew back through the window and landed on her arm. "Huh?" She murmured to herself, and then her eyes flickered up to James'.
James smiled at her, completely captivated by her gaze. As Lily's attention turned to the letter, he tried not to smile too widely to see her fingers fumble with the envelope.
He watched her expression change as she read the letter, smiling as her lips twitched into a smile, taking in every single feature. Her long, dark eyelashes. Her full, perfect lips. Her flawless, pale skin that almost glowed in the half-light of the morning. Her long, flowing red hair, the picture of his desire for her, burning his soul with such a beautiful yet torturous fire.
And most of all, those beautiful, glimmering green eyes that had the capability to pierce his soul and read his mind, render him speechless and make him want to fall to his knees and beg her for another chance.
Lily looked up from the crumpled, ink-smudged parchment that held James' heart, her eyes burning into his, expression unreadable. James smiled tentatively, unsure of how she was going to react.
Lily's hand fell; the parchment floated to the stone floor. James' heart started beating a violent tattoo in his chest as her eyes met his once more, green and shining more brightly than the sun shines on a clear summer's day, so brightly James found it hard to look at her. But he kept his gaze on her as she stepped closer to him.
She stopped a few feet away, her eyes locked onto his, and James swallowed nervously. Then, slowly, she moved forward, and stepped into his arms, her head resting on his chest.
James let out a sigh of content relief as he put his arms around her, feeling like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, he was so happy.
"Lily." He whispered, holding her close. "I'm sorry."
"Shut up, Potter. Just hold me." Lily murmured, and James grinned, his arms moving tighter around her, and he held her, his reason for existing tighter than he'd ever held anything before.
And he wasn't ever going to let go again.
A/N:
Sorry for the long wait. I hope you liked this chapter, and Merry Christmas to all my dear readers!
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