"The award for the smartest man on earth goes to Bryn Keller," Adalwolf was muttering to himself as he hooked up a bag of blood beside the IV fluids hanging next to Carter's bed, taking the tube and leading it over to Carter's right arm to secure the transfusion into place.
"Shut up already!" Bryn snapped, "Swear to god, how was I supposed to know he had a fever and was going to try cutting his fucking arm off?!"
"Both of you stop," I grated out, silencing the room long enough for Adalwolf to finish hooking Carter up to the blood transfusion, "Well?"
"He's going to be fine," Adalwolf grunted, shining a light into both of Carter's eyes before stepping back, "I'll have to give him something a little stronger for his fever, it got a lot higher since last time. His brain was frying up, it's no wonder he went a little crazy. Probably hallucinating and panicking from it."
"Even with a fever as high as his is, this doesn't make sense," I argued, hands clenched into tight fists, "Why did he try to....?" I stopped, looking down at Carter's face and trying to calm down, "Shouldn't people show signs of being suicidal?"
Adalwolf shrugged, "Maybe he did and we just didn't see it. Maybe he's not suicidal and this really was just an effect of the fever."
"He nearly severed the artery," I stated in a grim voice, and Adalwolf cleared his throat, turning away.
"Yes, well.... He didn't, let's be thankful for that."
"Um," Bryn murmured the uncertain word before talking a little louder, "I.... may have insight on this."
Adalwolf and I both turned to stare at Bryn, but Adalwolf was the one to speak, "I really don't think you have a right," Bryn just sighed in irritation as the doctor continued, "Who leaves the room when an injured patient is getting sick?"
"I was coming to get you and Tobias, I didn't know what else to do! I'm not a doctor, old man! Just shut up and listen!" Bryn leaned against the foot of the bed, locking eyes with me, "I honestly didn't think much of it at the time, but when we went scouting he did something.... Stupid."
"Stupid," I repeated, and Bryn nodded to clarify.
"We got in an argument-."
"Shocker," Adalwolf interrupted, and Bryn glared at him.
"We got in an argument and he took his gun out. At first I thought he was gonna shoot me, but instead he put the gun in my hand before lifting it and putting the barrel to his own head, then told me to pull the trigger."
The room settled into a thick silent as I tried to comprehend what Bryn had said, shaking my head at him as Adalwolf mumbled, "That would've been nice to know, Bryn."
Bryn pushed away from the bed and threw his hands up, turning around. I just shook my head and turned my attention to Carter. Finding him on the ground like that, glass in his hand and blood pooling on the ground, sent a shock through me that literally brought me to my knees. I could have lost him.
I don't know how, but he was still alive, breathing shallowly with a high fever and stitches in his arm, but he was alive, and what's more, the last thing he said was he didn't want to go back. Back to his group. Even with the agony of seeing him like that, I couldn't stop myself from feeling happy. Maybe it was the fever, but either way I seemed to have reached him. He wanted to stay. I was all too happy to let him.
All he had to do was wake up and heal so I could hold him in my arms. By now all I wanted was to lock everyone out of the room so I could lie down beside this fiery little fox and wait with him until he wasn't hurting anymore. Having a fever high enough to make you hallucinate was one thing, but trying to kill yourself was something entirely different, and I was convinced the fever had nothing to do with it. If anything, not being able to think correctly only heightened his self-hate.
It was definitely something I would have to talk to him about. No more dodging around my questions because he didn't want to answer, if he was going to be staying here I needed to know everything. What country he was stationed in, what his group was, why he was so uncomfortable talking about them, besides the obvious reasons, that being his group sounded completely insane.
"Any idea when he'll wake up?" I asked, and Adalwolf turned away from scolding Bryn to regard me, then look down at Carter.
"A day, maybe more. It would be best for him to sleep through the rest of the fever, so I'm considering a sedative. At least then I know he won't be moving around ruining my work."
He muttered the last part bitterly and I offered him an apologetic smile before sitting down on the edge of the bed, "Is there any work I need to get done, Bryn?"
"Just the usual," Bryn answered, "Trying to organize contacts and dealers that are active in Europe before checking our own supplies and people."
"Would you mind taking care of that?" I asked, not removing my gaze from Carter's face, "I'd rather not leave him alone right now."
"You could get Sasha to sit with him like you usually do," Adalwolf suggested, and I shook my head.
"No, not this time," I looked over my shoulder and Bryn, "Would you mind?"
He shook his head, "No, just stay here. I agree with you, leaving him alone with just Sasha won't do any good. From what I've noticed you're basically the only one he trusts."
I tried not to let that make me happy, but it was hard to fight the smile. Bryn left after that, and Adalwolf stayed just long enough to finish checking over Carter, adding a bit more medicine into the IV before giving me strict orders not to try moving him or waking him up, then left, telling me he'd send Sasha in later with food for me.
Food was the last thing on my mind when Carter was lying there like that. For a while I just stared at his sleeping face, taking my hand to carefully move his hair to the side before stroking my thumb down his face.
"Wake up soon," I urged softly before leaning down and pressing my lips against his forehead.
Unfortunately for me, soon didn't come for three days. When he finally started to wake up I was sitting back in my seat with yet another book, bored and worried out of my mind, happy to toss my novel to the side when I saw his hand move. I quickly grasped it with my own and stood up so I could sit on the bed instead and lean over him, my other hand holding the side of his face as he slowly opened his eyes.
I could feel a rush of adrenaline shoot through me when the gray and green travelled up and down my face, filled with sleepy confusion until Carter made a noise of realization, "Tobias."
Hearing him say my name had me smiling and nodded, my thumb rubbing at his cheek, "How are you feeling?"
"Feeling?" Carter mumbled in confusion, lifting his right hand and rubbing at his eyes, "I'm.... Okay."
The breath I'd been holding in flew out, and I squeezed his left hand a little harder, "Do you remember what happened?"
"Fell asleep," Carter said, "I fell asleep. I was tired..."
"Anything else?" my gaze left his face long enough to look at the thick gauze wrapped around his arm from his wrist to his elbow.
He murmured a little, obviously still half asleep, before forcing his eyes wider, staring past me with a contemplative look on his face. I saw the crease of his forehead when he seemed to realize something was off, and I definitely noticed the flash in his eyes when he recognized he was hurting somewhere. His breath hitched in his throat as his eyes became wet, and I quickly rubbed his cheek with my thumb to keep him somewhat calm.
"You're okay, Carter, tief einatmen."
"Wh-," he cut himself off and moved to sit up, so I helped him how I could, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and elevating the back of the bed so he could lean back but still be sitting up.
When he pulled his hand away from me, I let him, watching carefully as he touched the bandages with the fingers of his other hand, eyes wide in shock, "How.... What happened? Was I attacked?"
"In a way I suppose you were," I answered, "Adalwolf said you had a fever of thirty-eight point eight."
Carter gave me a confused look, "I'm sorry?"
"A hundred and two Fahrenheit. Carter you're from the UK, you should know that."
"I just woke up," Carter argued, and I felt my lips twitching into a smile I always got when he was with me, "So I had a fever, so what?"
"Fevers can make people delusional or even hallucinate," I explained gently, reaching out to take his left hand, "Bryn left you alone for just a few minutes so he could fine me, and when we got to the room you'd broken the bathroom mirror and...."
I didn't need to say anymore; I could tell by his expression that Carter understood. What I didn't understand was why he looked guilty.
"I didn't want you to see me like that," he said softly, and my eyes widened in surprise.
"You're.... You're saying this has happened before?"
He shook his head, "Not like this, but.... In other ways."
"Other ways? What other ways? When? Bryn... Bryn said when you were scouting, before the building collapsed, you.... You tried to get him to shoot you?"
"I don't know what's wrong with me!" Carter yelled, raising his voice so suddenly I pulled back a little from shock, "I'm sick or something, I don't know!"
"Carter," I shook my head, reaching out to take his face in my hands, "You're not sick."
"How would you know?" he spat, "You know nothing about me!"
"No?" I arched an eyebrow daringly, "I know you've been playing the violin since you were old enough to hold one, and I know when you were small your sheep farming neighbors would let you ride the sheep like a horse. I know you didn't go to school until you were twelve and I know your step-mother was murdered. I also know your father became abusive and your step-brother protected you for as long as he could before he went crazy just like your dad. I think I know you, Carter, and you want to know why?" I smiled, "Because you told me. You've been here a full month, plenty of time to tell me almost your entire life's story. Considering you've been bedridden much of the time, there was really nothing else to do."
Carter was trying hard to keep his lips in a tight line, but they were quivering as tears made the color of his eyes look like whirlpools before overflowing down his cheeks. I wiped at the tears with the sleeve of my shirt, still smiling softly at him while he sniffed and whimpered from the strain of holding in louder sobs.
"I also know you don't want to leave," I said softly, "You told me that, right before you passed out. Don't make me go back, I don't want to go back."
"Tobias!" Carter sobbed and threw himself at me, and it was the first time I'd ever been able to hold him fully against my chest.
It sent a whole new wave of sensation through me I'd never experienced before. His trembling body was small against me, his face buried against my shoulder and his sobs loud and tortured in my ear. His arms were wrapped around me, and I could feel him fumbling for a good grip on the back of my shirt.
My chest was exploding with warmth that just got even more unbearable as I responded to the embrace, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and placing my other hand at the back of his head. After the first few moments I let my arms move so the one around his shoulders was lower on his back, the one near his head wrapping around his shoulders instead, and I rocked back and forth gently, setting my cheek against the top of his head.
He fell asleep like that, slumped against me with dry tears on his face, and when I eased him back against the elevated mattress and pillows I leaned back with him, holding him against my side and enjoying his warmth as I stared up at the ceiling.
The plan I'd initially made for when Carter woke up had failed, of course. Where I wanted to finally question him about his group, I ended up clutching him against my chest for at least an hour.
"You were right," I called out, "You and Bryn both," I waited for the door to open wider so I could see Adalwolf standing there with his arms folded before I continued, "I let myself get attached, and he keeps distracting me, but...," I grinned, "I don't really care. He wants to stay."
Adalwolf just sighed and entered the room, shutting the door behind him and stepping up to the foot of the bed, "I will admit one thing to you. I'm happy he is here, that you have become attached, because I have never seen you hug another human before in my life; but there is a problem, and you know it. His people, the group he is with, we know so little about them, we have no idea if they are dangerous."
"I know, and I'm going to ask Carter about them when he's feeling better, I swear, but for right now.... Right now, just let him rest. He's been through a lot."
"Mhm, but he's lucky," Adalwolf said with a sly smile, "He's managed to capture the heart of a very cynical man."
I would have argued, but unfortunately, he was right.