Alive by Sia
It's the perfect description of the endless battle Roxana has to face.
Sloshing across the river, I patted the rump of Aquilo to quicken his pace. How blessed I was to be riding upon his back once more. Since arriving at Ambhi's palace, I had been too occupied to visit my companion. The moment I walked to his post within the Macedonian camp, he was swinging his head back and forth in sheer joy.
Awaiting for me across the river was Alexander upon a chestnut mare. It was visible Alexander loathed riding another horse other than Bucephalas. But alas, a great king must have a horse as well.
"Your presence is warming, my desert flower," Alexander said, his charm so upfront.
"As is yours, my king," I so casually said, a small smile upon my lips.
Although our relationship was on the mend, things were slowly getting better in our marriage. The more I was around him, the more I saw his emotions and the different sides of him, almost like looking at a painting for too long. I no longer saw what everyone else did. I now noticed the flaws and the secrets that laid beneath the surface. Over time, Alexander became more caring, more loving like a husband should be towards his wife.
At the same time, I was becoming more accepting to his brute side. I knew now that in front of others, he had to instill fear into their hearts to get them to comply. In front of his men, he had to remain fearless and strong, both mentally and physically. He couldn't show his emotions while he was a conqueror and I was still learning to accept that.
I smiled as I came up to him, Aquilo trotting up beside the mare. Together, we rode ahead to the new city in the process. The statue of Bucephalas was now fully erect and was a beautiful sculpture of the untamed beast. Along the riverside, sod homes were risen up from the ground. Huts lined the outskirts of the city in the process of building. Everything was beginning to fall into place. With a look of reassurance, Alexander left me to tend to other business.
As I passed by diligent workers, they bowed before me and then resumed their previous work. Like my mother would, I would smile and nod my head in acknowledgment to show that I cared. The longer I was queen, the more I realized how much my mother's lessons were truly being used.
As each man bowed before me, I scanned their faces, attempting to memorize each and every one of them. If I were to be a queen, I should at least know who my new people are. But as I passed Cassander barking out orders to those beneath him, I made eye contact with him. What didn't surprise me was his act of rebellious behavior. He did not bow for me. Instead, he smirked and held his head high in defiance. Nervousness seemed to shiver down my spine. His defiance made every man turn to look at me, all eyes focused on only me.
I knew I had to do something about this. If I acted irrationally, I could cause problems with Cassander and I had no idea if he was a force to be reckoned with. If I ignored it, it would show my weakness to everyone. I could not be walked over by my own people. So this is why Alexander remains stern and emotionless, I thought, Just remain calm, cool, and content.
"Cassander, why do you not bow your head like the others?" I asked, my eyes on him, unwavering.
"Because I believe her majesty is not ready to be treated in such high respect," He sneered and from behind him, there were the gasps of other workers.
"And why do you say such things? Have I done something to offend you?" I pressed on.
Cleitus rose from construction, a smirk plastered upon his mouth as well before calling out among the laborers, "You are the queen of the savages,"
I gasped, appalled by the ugly words that he spoke. My people were not savages and to be called such a thing was one the highest insults. I held my temper, my hands clutching the reigns of Aquilo as I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from saying something I would regret.
Cassander sighed and chuckled, "Ah, my queen your days of reign are counting down. I would careful if I were you,"
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and spoke sternly, "You best remember to watch your tongue Cassander before I have my husband cut it off and serve it to you on a dinner platter," then, I turned to the rest of the laborers frozen in surprise, "You all best remember that. I am your queen and you expect you to give me the same respect as your king,"
They all dropped to their knees, their heads hitting the ground in a deep bow. After sending me a penetrating glare, Cassander slowly went down as well, appearing smaller. In a low voice, I whispered to him.
"I am not afraid of you,"
Hitting my heel into the side of Aquilo, I rode on through the construction. The nerve of him, I thought, Wait till Alexander hears of this. But he wouldn't hear of it. This wasn't his fight. It was mine this time.
In the distance, I saw Alexander speaking in hushed tones with Hephaiston. Turning his head, he caught sight of me and smirked. Hephaiston, still trying to capture Alexander's attention, huffed a sigh of frustration.
"Desert flower, it seems like the city will be done before the next full moon. How does that sound to you?" His Majesty said, helping me from Aquilo's back.
"Alex, could you take a minute to stop fawning over your wife and actually listen?" Hephaiston snapped. I looked over at Hephaiston in surprise, never seeing him so roughed up before over something so small.
"Yes, I know the men want to go home, but we are heading further east. Do you think I care what they want? They knew what they were signing up for when they decided to follow me on this journey and I will be damned if I stop now," Alexander hissed in return.
"They are tired. We have men who are still suffering from battle wounds and even you are still affected by your injury. Some men are sick and in pain. Do you want to lose more men?" Hephaiston argued.
"Say one more word and I will add you to that list of wounded men," Alexander threatened, his eyes shooting daggers into his best friend.
"Why not allow a part of your men travel back to Macedon and keep the rest here. Or at least let the wounded leave," The words tumble from my lips before I could stop them.
Alexander whipped his head, a growl escaping his throat in the process. His glare past through me, sending daggers into my very soul. I shuddered in response, but kept my feet firm and my head high. I refused to avert my eyes.
"No more from you," he said lowly and then turned to Hephaiston. But my mouth just had to open again.
"Why?" I pressed.
Before I could realize what was happening, my vision blurred with black spots as I felt a hand wrap around my throat. I gasped my air and my hands went to my throat, desperately trying to pry Alexander's hands from me. Through my blurred vision, I could see the anger in his eyes, all thoughts of reason out of his mind. I coughed and choked from his grip, begging for sweet air. From behind Alexander, I could hear the shouts of Hephaiston and I could faintly see a swelling crowd.
"You listen to me!" Alexander roared.
"Alexander! You are going to kill her!" Hephaiston cried out, trying to yank him away from me.
"Your Highness!" another person I believed was Perdiccas hollered.
In a moment's notice, I was dropped to the dirt. Coughing and gasping, I took in the air like I was starving. My lung felt as though they were on fire and I laid on the ground breathless. Looking up, I met the gaze of Alexander in shock. In only a few moments, he went from being a loving husband to a monster.
"My queen, are you okay?" Perdiccas asked, offering to help me back onto my feet, but I refused.
I slowly stood on my own, lifting my head to stare back at my husband. My gaze was unwavering as I saw right through him. I saw past his display of anger and saw what was truly worrying him. I understood.
He was afraid they would all abandon his mission.
"Ponder over it, Alexander," were my last words before I walked past him and the crowd, Perdiccas following me while pulling the reigns of Aquilo along beside him.
As I walked with my head held high, I felt the eyes of everyone including my husband staring at me. They all probably thought I had lost my mind, standing up against my husband and conqueror. But I was a queen, whether they believed me to be their queen or the queen of savages, I still was one. As we got further away from everyone, Perdiccas came up to my side and spoke quietly.
"Do you have a death wish?" he asked in concern.
"No, I have a motive,"