Dear diary,
I honestly feel like jumping off this roof.
I would have never thought royal duties would be so…. tedious. If the homework from school weren’t enough, adding on a pile of paper work to do from Andorra definitely have made me reached the limits. I’ve literally spent the entire day today just sorting out the palace stuff. Apparently, the economics are better, but mama and papa are still thinking of alternatives on how to better secure people with their jobs and money. I am still too young for this although I know I have to do it.
I sighed and paused in my writing. I lay back in the hammock I was laying in and looked up into the sky. The more I thought about my royal work, the more the sides of my head started to hurt. I sighed again, cuddling feet up in the warm blanket I had brought up. I looked down to my diary and picked up my pen again.
School hadn’t been easy either. The Student Council was holding tons of meetings so that we could handle the Fall Dance matter. Which reminds me, I should probably find something to wear for the dance, but the thought of wearing a dress and heels and having twenty pounds of make-up scares the living daylights out of me. I honestly cannot imagine if I ever had to go back to Andorra. It’d be a nightmare to wear that kind of stuff every single day. Sometimes I don’t even want to wear pants when I’m alone at home, so what makes anybody think I’d be able to wear a full-length dress and heels all the time back in the palace?
“Amanda!”
I looked up upon hearing my name. That must have been Holly from the floor below. What does she want now? I groaned as I got up from the superbly comfortable hammock and climbed down the stairs to the side of the balcony outside out apartment. I readjusted my glasses – yes, I do wear them, especially at home because contact lenses can be a total pain in my bottom.
“Yeah?” I asked Holly as I approached her. I noticed she was busy signing some paper and our front door was open. Some grubby man was out in the hallway, looking at the both of us intently. I nodded to him in acknowledgment when I realized it was just Paul, our postman.
“There’s a package for you.” Holly stated, still signing and checking the papers. After she was done she passed them back to Paul and then look at the floating box next to him… What?
No, the box wasn’t magical, though that would have been awesome. I always knew Paul was some kind of an old leprechaun.
“Excuse me, do you think you can bring that in for us? It seems pretty heavy for us to handle it on our own.” Holly politely asked. I rolled my eyes at her request. I would have totally been able to handle it on my own.
The person carrying it slowly lowered the box so he could so, although since he was tall, I still couldn’t see his face properly. Holly directed him where to place the box and he settled it down gingerly. I noticed the sweater he was wearing. It wasn’t really his color. In fact, the orange-brown sweater made his caramel colored hair looked dull.
Before even realizing it, my dumb mouth that seemed to have a mind on its own spoke. “You know, the color doesn’t suit you well.”
I could see the guy tensed a little when I spoke up, and then his body relaxed just as slightly too. He turned around slowly, and that was when I could feel my eyes widening in shock.
“Liam?”
Holy crap.
I didn’t know how to react. First of all, I was wearing the ugliest pants I have ever owned, and I was also wearing my somewhat thick Burberry glasses – insert major low self-esteem issue here. Secondly, wasn’t that box sent to me from mama? What if Liam had read the address? Was he smart enough to put two to two? Well, duh of course he was smart enough. This was Liam. I mentally freaked out. Um, shit.
We were both staring at each other openly now, but it was obvious we were thinking different. While I was unable to move because I knew my secret was to the person I really had no intention on telling to, Liam was probably shocked at a number of things, like how I looked like such a mess, or how a mess like me could actually be a real princess. I tried looking away from those forest green orbs, but I simply couldn’t. Not until Paul suddenly called for him, of course. William hesitated to move, but he did anyway. His long strides took him out of the apartment in no more than twenty seconds.
Click.
At the sound of the door, I bolted. I went into my room and lunged into the covers, trying to think that it was a dream. I had way too many stuff to handle for another problem to arise.
I knew Liam. He loved teasing me; he found personal amusement to torment me. Though sometimes I do look up to him for being so darn capable, he was always trying to put me down. Have I ever mentioned that in anything the both of us did, he would always emerge as winner, and I’d only be the runner-up? Yeah, it sucks. And it also hurts my girly-ego.
I shut my eyes, counting to ten, thinking that by the time I finished counting, I’d wake up from this dream.
“And you thought I was the overdramatic one.”
I poked my head out of the covers, giving my best friend a flat look. She knew fairly well how much I didn’t want anyone to know who I really was. Besides the fact that I hate getting all the attention, people wouldn’t be true to me. They’d all wanted to be friends with me and be popular and hope that one day I might spend a huge amount of money on them and let them live with me in a castle. Okaaaaaay, maybe I might have exaggerated a little…
“You should know you’re acting silly.” Holly stated as she sat down by the side of my king-sized bed. She eyed me carefully, waiting for me to say something.
“This is Liam, Hols.” I whispered.
“And this is your bedroom. What’s your point, Mandy?”
I breathed, trying to calm myself. Maybe it wasn’t as big a deal like how Holly is obviously trying to imply. But then again… “See, he’ll ruin my life. I mean come on, what if he tells Jake who will tell the twins who will tell the rest of the student body?”
“You’re overthinking again—“
Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.
Holly’s sentence stopped midway. We both stared at each other, knowing exactly who it was at the door. I cursed loudly and hid myself again under the covers.
“No, no, no. I can’t face him, not yet at least! Oh God, please tell me this is just a nightmare.” I cried, shutting my eyes.
I wasn’t overreacting, or so I believed. Honestly, I never had the intention of sharing my secret to anyone apart from Holly. Mama made me promise to keep my identity well hidden that night I left the castle. Growing up, I have had trust issues because I had to be wary of who I became friends with, and I have never really trusted anyone with my personal life.
If I explained this to Holly, would she understand why Liam finding out my secret was a major problem?
The knockings came again, this time harder and faster like it was a signal of emergency. I groaned internally under my covers. “Can we just ignore him till he goes away? Or should we lie?” I unveiled myself, thinking that it was a good idea to lie. “We should lie, shouldn’t we?”
Holly cocked her head to the side, as if to say, ‘Are you kidding me right now?’ “Lie about what, Mandy? That you and your cousin are playing princesses and you both are pretending to send official packages from one kingdom to another?” I gave Holly a hopeful look in which she returned with flat look. “Get real!”
“Look, just tell him the truth. The sooner you get over this, the sooner you guys can get into a compromise – hopefully.” Holly grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me to the front door. “I’ll be in my room so if anything else happens just call for me.”
When she left, I took a deep breath and opened the door. Liam was on the other side, obviously. He had his hands in his pocket. His right foot was tapping the floor impatiently.
His gaze suddenly shifted from the ceiling to me. I suddenly felt really self-conscious. While he was there standing like a model he was, I was still in my ugly pants and glasses. Props to me, yay.
“Liam.” I choked. He was still staring at me. Was there something on my face? I warily moved my hand up to my cheeks, checking if there was anything on them. Liam shook his head, regaining back to his own self again.
“May I come in?” For someone who was a huge airhead, he sure did have manners. I opened the door wider so he could enter. He walked straight into the living room, where the box was still there untouched. I closed the door soon after and followed suit.
I saw him sitting down onto my favourite part of the couch, which was the farthest left side. I have always loved that side because it was closer to the balcony and it was more airy there. I decided to sit on the armchair, quite a few meters away from him.
“So, nice weather today, huh?” I tried talking awkwardly. I had no idea what was going on, or what was going to happen or how to freaking handle the situation.
Liam looked at me with twinkles of amusement in his eyes. I sighed, shifting myself in my seat to face him. “Look, you probably know who I am now… Just tell me what you want me to do so I can get you to shut that dang mouth of yours.”
He didn’t budge. Instead I saw a half-smile slowly dancing along his lips. “Who are you exactly, Amanda?”
Oh, how I hated his guts. “A princess,” I gritted.
His smile turned into a smirk, “what was that? I can barely hear you.” I wanted to slap him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.
“I’m a princess, you hear?” My chest tightened. It hade been a terribly long time since I said that; to call myself a princess.
Liam must have seen my discomfort. His smirk faded, and his eyes were filled with concern now. “Why are you here then, Ann?” So he has seen the box…
I shook my head, giving him a tight smile. “Long story.” I looked around, still not comfortable about opening up to Liam. “Hey, do you want a glass of water?”
Liam kindly shook his head. I groaned internally. I didn’t know what to do. I shut my eyes for second, before calling out for my best friend. “Hollllllllyyy!”
Holly came out, looking all pretty like she always was. Her ombre hair was in a fishtail braid. She possibly just tied it when she was in her room. “Yeah?” She asked, nodding towards Liam as a greeting. “What happened?”
I don’t know. I don’t know. I shrugged, gesturing towards Liam. “This happened.” I stood up, suddenly wanted to be away from the two of her friends.
“You just gestured to the every part of me.” Liam scoffed, folding his arms. I muttered a ‘precisely’ softly, so only he could hear.
“Mandy, what’s wrong with you?” Holly asked.
I don’t know, Holly. Why was I overreacting? Was it the fact that I know Liam was going to make fun of me more often now? Or the fact that Liam found out that one part I tried so hard not to reveal? Or the fact that Liam knows within this fake tough figure of mine was a natural softie and weak girl? I kept shaking my head.
“Is it okay if I go up and get some air?” I sound like a freakin’ wimp.
I didn’t wait for any answer; I just turned and went up. I went back to the hammock and laid upside down, with my head hanging from the hammock. I removed my glasses and shut my eyes.
Think Amanda, think. Was it really okay to trust Liam? I spent another couple of minutes in that position, with an empty head, before someone climbed up the stairs steadily.
“Hey.”
I opened my eyes at the sound of his voice.
Liam was standing upside down, holding two cups of what I assumed was apple juice. Must be Holly’s idea…
“Hola.” I waved, still staying in my position. Liam proceeded to move towards the beach chairs that Holly and I have brought up. He placed the drinks down on a nearby coffee table and smiled awkwardly at me.
“So, Holly told me…” He paused, eyeing me carefully, choosing his words wisely. “She told me about you.”
I raised an eyebrow and turned around so I would be lying on my stomach and looking at him properly. “What about me?”
“A lot.” He stated vaguely. “And also something about you having major head problems.” Liam chuckled at the last bit.
“Thanks.” I said bitterly. “But it’s true though, no matter how she phrases it.”
“Mandy,” I looked up. I liked how his British accent slides when he says my name. “Come here, I can’t hear you clearly.”
I rolled my eyes, but abided anyway. I settled onto the beach chair next to his, looking up to the sky.
“So, why do you have those major head problems?”
I sighed. It was no use trying to focus on the clouds. I didn’t have my glasses on. I glanced at Liam from the corner of my eyes. “Not everyone is perfect,” I mumbled. “Well, not as perfect as you anyway.”
“You think I’m perfect?”
“Well aren’t you?” I continued. “You do things so flawlessly.”
“And you think you don’t?” I honestly had no idea where this conversation was going to, but thank goodness it wasn’t about me being a princess.
“If you haven’t noticed, Liam, I might just have the weirdest fashion sense.” I lifted my legs to show him the ugly faded prints of dots on my pants. He laughed lightly while I continued. “And just saying, laying here with you isn’t making anything any better. You’re perfectly wearing… Actually no, that color doesn’t suit you. But you look good anyway.” I mumbled off the last part.
I turned my head towards him, only to find him with his eyes closed although he was smiling. I threw a fake tantrum, just for the fun of it. “God, Liam, are you listening to me! I was just complimenting you on something and there you are, dozing off!”
“Really, woman! I was just taking in the moment. Chill out.” He stated, his eyes still closed.
I looked up to the sky again. Taking a deep breath, I thought what the heck, he’ll find out anyways, so might as well tell him…
“I have really low self-esteem. In school, I pretend to be all up and tough so people wouldn’t notice just how weak I really am. I also have a weird mind. I overthink and overanalyze everything. I look at a situation from eight perspectives. Sometimes I overthink so much it hurts my head and I just break down.” I paused, catching my breath.
I close my eyes and continued, hitting a really touchy subject. “I also have major trust issues. My mom told me to keep my identity a secret. But as I grew up, I realized that it wasn’t the only thing that I should shut up about. I learnt to keep things to myself over time. I could be talking, but at the same time be sad inside. It’s just me. Don’t get me wrong, I love conversing with people and making friends. It’s just, if they get too close, I’d either start running away or push them out of my life.”
It actually felt good to let it all out. I opened my eyes. Bright light shone at me. I blinked, trying to get use to the sudden light. I looked to the side and notice Liam sitting up right, observing me intently.
“I never knew,” was all that he said.
I nodded, sitting up and facing him. “Yeah. I changed a lot since I came here. Holly points it out sometimes, but I try not to let it get to me. And besides, it’s not like I’m the only one in the world having these problems. Tons of girls at this age are suffering from this thing I have too.”
“I have honestly never heard you speaking in such serious tone before, Mandy.” I groaned inwardly, mentally slapping myself. Way to ruin the mood, Liam.
“Nice going, Lee. Just when we were going into a nice deep conversation. Have you not guessed that I have never opened up to anybody?” I rolled my eyes, slumping back down onto the beach chair. I saw Liam’s expression becoming a surprised one.
“Are you saying, I’m the first then?”
“Since when have you gotten stupid?”
“No, I meant, what about Holly?” Liam said as if he was stating the obvious.
“Of course I open up to Holly. She’s practically my un-biological sister. We grew up together, - she’s my cousin- so it’d make perfect sense if she knew everything about me, genius.” I massaged my temples. This had been one heck of a day.
“So I’m not the first then?” Why was he so annoying today… I groaned loudly.
“You’re the first person, who is not related to me by blood, that I’ve ever opened up to. Are ya happy now?” This conversation was pissing me off. While I was partly grateful that we have gotten off the topic about me being a princess – meaning to say Holly must have explained a lot – I was also really annoyed by the stupid questions Liam has been asking me. And who cared if he was the first I opened up to anyway?
“Oh.”
That was his freakin’ reply.
A lame, ‘oh’. Typical Liam.
“And Amanda?” He called out.
I breathed, trying to stay calm. “Yes, Liam?”
It took him a while to reply me back, but honestly what he said next kind of, sort of, melted my heart. I guess what was missing all these while for someone to just say those words to me.
“You can trust me.”
I smiled into the sky. I know I shouldn’t trust him so easily, but why not give it a try? He has come up all the way here to find out what exactly has been going on in my head, and I can’t deny he isn’t the best person to have a deep conversation with (so thank God I have Holly for that) but there was something about him that gave me hope. He was different. He may be an airhead, but you could rely on him. That’s him, reliable.
“And Amanda?”
“What do you want now, Liam?” I asked getting a bit impatient.
“You look cute in glasses.”
I groaned again for the millionth time that day. I honestly didn’t know if I should blush or be disgusted. So I settled for something classic.
I threw my slippers at his head.