day 1950
dear sage,
fucking hell, i can't believe we're literally 50 days away from the wedding now.
though this is not why i'm writing this letter.
you know how many letters i've written to you? 7. 8 if you include this one. 8 letters over 3 terrible years without you. but after i read back these letters of mine, i realised i had never truly said what i want to.
i love you.
and when i say love i do not throw it around as friendly terms.
i fell in love with you. and i watched you prance around simon fucking minter like he was gods fucking gift. i watched you fall in love with him. i watched you kiss him. i watched you hug him and hold him and i had to put up with the thought of him fucking you. i hated myself, and i hated simon. i hated you too. i still do in a way, but i have a new girl. yes i know i said i love you as if it was present tense, well yeah, i still do, just not as much as i did. my new girl, she knows about you, she knows i loved you, and i still hold some feeling for you, but she told me its okay, that we will work it out.
she cares about me, she's not like you really, and i think thats a good thing.
so, for the last time,
i love and miss you
- jj xx