This is going to a Ferard fanfiction, just to let everyone know before you read. I hope you enjoy, and please critique. and this is my first fanfiction, so I hope it turns out good :D p.s. i rewrote all the chapters and this one is a bit shorter then the other ones, just to let you know if you think this is a little short.
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** Gerard's Point Of View **
It's Saturday, the twenty - third of December. Christmas is on Monday.
I don't think I can make it. Without you. It's been... around five months that I've been without you. I think we got in a fight. It must've been my fault of course, because everything always. The last thing you told me was to go to hell. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if I did. I don't even remember what we were fighting about. I'm pathetic. You're mad at me, and I know for a fact, you will never come back to me.
I can't even play music anymore. Or sing. It reminds me too much of you, and when ever I think of you, I cry. A lot. I breakdown, and I can't speak for the rest of the day. It's... bad. I need help.. I need to get away.. I dont have anything to live for...
I never get out of the house anymore. I don't remember the last time I brushed my hair, even. I'm pretty sure if I even got out of my bed there would forever be a imprint of my curled up body. The last thing I ate was a piece of toast Frank made for me a few days ago. I drank some water yesterday. Frank is really worried about me, apparently. He knows I'm sad. I can see it in his eyes, when he comes to visit. He talks to me, and keeps the conversation going when I don't say anything to him.
I sighed and turned over underneath my covers, closing my eyes. Light peeked through the from the curtains covering my window, telling me that maybe I should get up and carry on with life today.
I don't like that idea.
As if I had a choice with that, there was a knock on the door. I didnt have to guess who it was, I knew who it was. The only person that bothers with me anymore, Frank. I don't know what Mikey or Ray think of me anymore. I wouldn't want to guess. I pulled the blankets closer to me, ignoring him. "Gerard?? I know you're in there," Frank called, knocking harder. I sighed angerly, not moving. Let him worry. I wasn't going to alive much longer, hopefully.
"Gerard!!!" Frank yelled this time. I sighed again and got out of my warm bed and started trudging to the front door Frank was pounding on. I swung open the door, letting cold air and snowflakes fly into the room. It snowed? Since when? I guess I hadn't noticed.
"Finally Gerard, you had me worried," he told me, stepping into my kitchen and dusting off the snow on his head. I shut the door and turned to him.
"What do you need?" I asked, my voice coming out a bit hoarse. I coughed and rubbed my eyes. Was it that bad? Okay, yeah, i hadn't spoken since the last time Frank had been here, which was a few days ago.
"What do I need? Maybe to know if my best friend is okay? Jesus Christ, you've been cooped up in this house for, what? A few months? Its not healthy. You could die in here and no one would notice. I know... I know that she dumped you," Frank sighed and crossed his arms, letting me know that he wasn't happy with me.
" I... I'm sorry Frank. I'll get out more, I promi-"
"Thats what you told me last time! Gerard, I drive past your house everyday to see if you even got out of the house to get your mail. I don't even see your foot prints in the snow. Gerard you need help," he finished quietly. I stared down at the floor, as if my answers were somehow there. He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I know you loved her. But she's gone, and I know, and you know, she's not coming back." He lifted my head with his free hand. "You need to get yourself together." He stared into my eyes.
I opened my mouth to say something, trying to find the words I felt. "I'm sorry," I muttered. I couldnt explain how bad I felt, how all I wanted to do was lay around and sleep, or how much it took to pull myself out of my bed and answer the door. Or even to just stand there, listening to Frank.
"I'm coming here tomorrow, and you're going to Mikeys house for Christmas on Monday. No if's and's, or but's. You're going." He smiled at me a little. I sighed.
"Alright."
*{ next day }*
Since it was Chrustmas Eve, Frank arrived bright and early, dragging me out of the comfort of my covers and telling me to help him cook breakfest. I, of course, wasn't very excited to help.
"Gerard!! Watch what you're doing - you're going to burn yourself!" he yelled as I flipped a pancake, and almost setting my arm on the side of the pan.
"Jeeze Frank, I'm fine," I said quietly, putting down the spatula.
"Just sit down, I'll finish," he smriked at me and gently pushed out of the way, picking up the spatula. I smiled slightly - if ever so slightly - and picked up my mug of warm coffee and sat down at the small oak table, watching my friend flip another pancake.
After a few minutes of the pancakes sizzling on the pan, he put them on plates and brought them to the table. He sat down acorss from me and took a piece of toast I had pulled out if the toaster a while ago and took a bite. I picked up a pancake and started to eat it, looking down at my plate. Frank tapped his fingers softly, watching me as he ate his pancakes too. I lifted my head and looked at him, swallowing he last of my pancake and then picking up my coffee and taking sip.
Frank tapped his chin and looked at me again, and then got up from the table to go get something. "Frank?" my voice cracked and i sighed, started to get up also. I headed in the direction he was going. I heard a pleasent noise come from my room, and I smiled.
Frank was sitting my bed, with my guitar. He smiled at me and patted the spot next him. "C'mon Gee. Let's play a song." I felt heat rise to my cheeks and I chuckled, sitting next to him. "What song do you want to play?" he asked, gripping the guitar neck.
I shrugged. "Surprise me," I told him, coughing. He nodded, and started to play a familiar tune. It took me a second to realize what he was playing, but then I started to sing along. "Remember me, remember me..." I sighed as my voice cracked, but kept going.
We got to the chorus, and I started to sing. Not like, just saying the words with rythm, but putting feeling into it. I sang ever word strong, as if it was going to be the last thing I would ever do.
I looked over at Frank, who was smiling wide, and his expression told me that I sounded great, and to keep going.
"If theres a place that I could be, then I'd be another memory, can I be the only hope for you, because you're the only hope for me, alone..." I finished, my hands gripping the bed sheets I was sitting on tightly. I coughed and sucked in a breath, trying not to cry. I missed singing, so much. Like I missed you.
Frank placed the guitar down and scooted closer to me, and wrapped his arms around. "It's okay. You can cry," he whispered. I didn't reject the offer, and I burst into tears, burying my face into his chest and clenching his shirt. He rubbed my back slowly as I sobbed. He laid his head against mine, as my cries quieted down to sniffles. I rubbed my eyes and sighed.
I'm a loser.
"Gerard?" Frank said quietly, rubbing my back still. I looked up at him with red puffy eyes.
"Yeah?" I replied as he wiped away the tears that were still on my cheeks. He moved his face closer to mine, and I just sat there, waiting for him to say something. His cheeks turned a light pink, and I was really confused. "F-Frank?" I murmered, as he closed the gap between us and kissed me. After his lips met mine - that was all I could think about. His hands moved me onto his lap, as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Frank smiled as we kissed, and I couldn't help but smile too.
This is what I had needed, what I had been craving. All these months, all I had needed was love. After you left, I seemed to block everything out, and didnt see how much Frank was trying to help. I had felt so rejected, I couldn't see that I was rejecting Frank.
We seperated, and Frank smiled at me. I smiled too, and laid my head against him. "That... felt nice." I said almost breathlessly. Frank nodded and sighed happily.
"Yeah it did." He picked me up bridal style and carried me to the living room and laid down on the couch, with me on top of him. I listented to his heart beat, smiling still. Frank ran his fingers through my hair. "When did you realize that you sorta had a crush on me..?" I asked, breaking the silence. Frank took a few moments to answer my question.
"When I realized I cared about you way more then I should have. So, about 3 weeks ago," he said, chuckling slightly. I laughed along.
"When did you realize that you liked me?" he asked as I looked over at him.
"When you kissed me. It was like, 'oh, um, that was really awesome we should do it again some time,'" I explained, and it made Frank laugh very hard.
"Good. I thought you were going to like... Y'know. Reject it," he hugged me tightly.
"Speaking of rejection... What are we going to tell Ray and Mikey?" I asked, sighing.
Frank sighed also. "I dont know Gerard. I really don't."