This long overdue but I want to congratulate the winners for #KNLabyrinthWC ❤️
I dedicate this chapter to all the winners of the contest.
GOLD WINNERS:
In Memories of Louell _sheisgone
Mad as a Hatter vermilliondragon
Of Deceptions and Lies haseo08
PANEL'S CHOICE:
Beautiful Escape @butternah
READER'S CHOICE:
Ako si Ramona @whenloveistrue
Your works are amazing! I love it all! :)
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Hindi ako mapakali habang tinitignan si Cryd na kausap ang dalawang pulis sa labas. Katabi niya ang kanyang Tito Hunter na ipinakilala niya sa akin kanina.
Huminga ako ng malalim at pinaglaruan ang aking mga daliri. Kahit papaano'y kalmado pa ang tibok ng aking puso pero batid kong kinakabahan ako sa gusto kong mangyari.
Can I really do this? Can I really face the man who ruined my life?
A part of me wants to back out but the greater part of me tells me that I need to this.
Mabuti nga'y napapayag ko si Cryd na isama ako dito kahit na alam kong hindi siya sang-ayon.
Nilingon ko si Ate Kiana na ngayo'y nakatapat ang phone sa isang tainga at kausap ang kanyang sikretarya.
Tinawagan ko siya kanina para samahan kami dahil bilin iyon ni Mommy. And I need her support on this too. Hindi naman siya umapila at mabilis na kinansela ang naka-schedule na gawain sa kanya ngayong araw.
She smiled at me when she's done with the call. "Sigurado ka na ba dito, Sav? It might sting really bad once you see him..."
"Kakayanin ko, Ate. Nandyan naman si Cryd. Pati ikaw."
"Nag-aalala lang ako na baka himatayin ko or something. I know the memories are still vivid."
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. "I know but I'll give it a try. If I don't do this now, then when?"
"You don't really have to see him, Sav. If I have to beg you, I prefer that you won't."
"It's okay, Ate. I'll be fine."
"Once you're ready..." may pag-aalala pa din sa tono niya.
"I am now..." I think.
Pakiramdam ko kasi'y nabigyan ako ng lakas matapos kong sabihin lahat kay Cryd ang nangyari. I felt better and stronger. Maybe that's the trick.
Hindi pupwedeng sinasarili mo ang lahat ng problema. Dahil kapag iyon ang ginawa mo, masisira ka lang lalo.
Nakakatulong ang pagsasabi ng problema sa iba. That way, you will know that someone's there for you. Someone won't give up on you even though you're already on the verge of giving up yourself.
"How often do you visit here?" biglaan kong tanong kay Ate Kiana.
"What do you mean?" Nag-taas siya ng kilay.
"Don't you visit him often?"
Bumaling din ako sa labas ng bintana. Cryd looks so serious while talking to the cops. Ano kayang pinag-uusapan nila?
"Not often. I visit him once a year only because I have to check if he's doing better. Madalas ay hindi pa ako nakikipagkita sa kanya, Sav. Only getting news from the police," sagot ni Ate. "And these are quick visits. Hindi ko masisikmurang bisitahin siya bilang kaibigan pa."
Hindi ako nag-salita. It sucks how it's like a domino effect. I know Ate Kiana adored him before.
"Nasaan na nga pala ang mga magulang niya? Yung kapatid niya?" kuryoso kong tanong. Do they visit him too? I wonder how they're doing. It's been years.
Ate Kiana sighed. "I don't have a clue. They left him here. They neglected him. Resented him. They never return."
Napaawang ang labi ko sa narinig. Did they really...
"It sucks but it is what it is," ngumiti siya ng mapakla.
Tinikom ko ang bibig ko't tumahimik nalang. Ngayon ay medyo nawala ang pag-aalinlangan ko sa pagpasok sa loob. He lost his family, his friends, his career, everything.
But he is to blame for all of it. What he did transcended so much pain, not only for me, but for everyone who knows us.
I also lost so many things after that night but at least I have my family. I can't imagine myself without my Mommy and Daddy.
Does he feel guilty of what he did? He should. He ruined me. And wrecked me completely.
I'm sure guilt is eating him up each night. If only he didn't become such a monster... if only he controlled himself... maybe he and Kiana will work our. Maybe him and Cryd will be friends.
I wanted to wish for him to have a better life but I couldn't. He deserves it.
I know he was suffering before. But there will never be an excuse for what he did to me. It's hard to batlle one's demons, yes, but it's worse to let the darkness consume you. And in Dwight's case, he was consumed. Completely. And he even pulled me with it.
"Ilang taon bago siya makalaya, Ate?"
Sa pagkakaalam ko'y sampung taon hanggang labing-limang taon lamang ang nakapatong sa kanya.
Ate Kiana's jaw clenched. Bigla kong nakitaan ng pagkamuhi ang kanyang mata bago siya seryosong tumitig sa labas ng sasakyan.
"He'll be out in 30 years. That's according to the law. But..." humugot siya ng malalim na hininga. "But he was sentenced to lifetime imprisonment now. Dwight will be dismayed but he...deserves that."
Nanlaki ang mata ko. "Ha?"
"Your guy there used a lot of power just to make that happen," paliwanag sabi ni Ate Kiana. "Dwight would be depressed to hear about that but I don't think he'll protest. He had the right to bail years ago but he didn't. He knew and accepted his fate. Wala lang sa kanya iyan kung hindi siya makakalaya. And I don't think Cryd will even allow him to step out of prison, Sav."
Iyon ba ang pinag-uusapan ni Cryd at ng mga pulis? Is this about that? How could he do that? Power? Money? Is that against the law? And should there be a proper court trial?
"Pero—"
"Come on..." Tawag sa akin ni Ate. Bago pa ko magsalita ay bumukas na ang pintuan sa gilid ko.
"Five minutes," bungad ni Cryd sa akin. Yumuko siya para mahalikan ang aking noo bago ako inalalayan sa paglabas. Nilingon ko si Ate Kiana na ngayo'y seryoso ang mukha. I really can't read what's on her mind.
"Anong pinag-usapan niyo ng mga pulis?" inangat ko ang tingin kay Cryd. Pinadausdos niya ang kanyang palad sa aking baywang.
"It's nothing," he answered before guiding me inside the building.
"Ano nga?"
"It's not important," aniya. Sinalubong kami ng dalawang pulis at pinakilala ako ni Cryd sa kanila. I smiled politely at them.
"Si Savanna po. Girlfriend ko..."
Uminit pa ang pisngi ko dahil doon pero hindi ko na pinahalata. Masasanay rin ako.
The police officer accompanied us to the room where we could talk to the desired prisoner. Nasa likod namin sina Ate Kiana at Tito Hunter. Wala silang imik pareho.
The jumping of my heart doubled when I realize that in a few minutes I will see Dwight again.
I reached for Cryd's hand and slightly squeezed it. Dumungaw siya sa akin. "It's okay if you back out..."
"Hindi. Tutuloy ako. Kinakabahan lang," I flashed a small smile. "Will you go with me inside?"
He looked at me intently. "Would you like me to come with you?"
"Of course!" Mas kampante ako kung sasama siya sa loob ng silid.
Bumuntong hininga siyang muli bago sinuring mabuti ang mga mata ko. "Are you really sure about this, my angel?"
Tumango ako kahit tahip tahip na ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko.
"I'll just be at the door step then. I'll watch over you. Only three minutes to talk to him and I'll guide you out so I could talk to him alone, okay?"
"Bakit hindi nalang tayo sabay na kausapin siya?"
"Basta..."
He shrugged and sweetly kissed the side of my head. I pouted and continued walking. Nang huminto ang pulis ay huminto rin kami. Dalawang pulis pa ang nakabantay sa labas ng silid kung saan maaari naming makausap si Dwight.
"Kinse minutos lang ang ibibigay namin sa inyo, Architect," ani ng pulis na kasama namin. Cryd nodded and turned to me. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kanyang kamay.
"Are you sure about this Sav? Kung ako ang tatanungin ay nais kong huwag mo na siyang makita kahit kailan..."
"I want to see him," bulong ko't bahagyang ngumiti kahit pa malakas ang kabog ng aking dibdib. It feels like any minute now, I'll hyperventilate.
Actually, I didn't want to see him. I feel like I needed to. I wanted to end this part of my life. I wanted to close the door. It would be hard but I'm sure I can manage now.
He closed his eyes for a moment before looking directly at me. "Three minutes. If I see you feeling uncomfortable, I will drag you out. If you feel like collapsing, call my name immediately."
Marahan niyang hinaplos ang aking pisngi. "Tatlong minuto lang. Kapag lumagpas, lalapit na ako. Okay?"
"If you're that worried, why don't you just come and sit beside me? Sabay na natin siyang harapin."
Umiling siya. "I don't want you to see the demons within me, Angel."
My forehead creased in confusion. Ginulo niya ang aking buhok at hinila ako para mayakap ng mahigpit. Pinatakan niya ng halik ang tuktok ng aking ulo bago ako pakawalan. "Go on..."
Bumuga ako ng malalim na hininga bago hinarap ang pintuan. I feel cold. Nanginginig ang aking kamay habang inaabot ang bukasan ng pinto.
Nilingon ko si Ate Kiana. She gave me a dismayed look. Then I turned to Cryd, he slowly nodded his head and mouthed, "I'm here. I'll stay here. I'm not going to leave, Angel. Never..."
I breathed deeply before facing the door again. My heart's thumping hard on my chest as I gently pushed the door open.
The room was silent and it was only illuminated by a dim light. Dahan-dahan akong lumakad papasok. Bawat hakbang ay dumudoble ang kabang nararamdaman ko. I can do this! I can face him!
Slowly, I scanned the room. There were two policeman inside. At sa hamba nga ng pintuan ay sumandal si Cryd.
Napahinto ako nang makitang titig na titig sa akin ang lalaking lubos kong pinagkatiwalaan noon. Tila hindi makapaniwala na nandito ako.
Nahahati ang silid sa dalawa. Kalahati para sa bilanggo, at kalahati para sa bisita. Isang clear glass ang namamagitan sa amin. Sa gilid ay may pintuan na nakakandado.
Kumuha ako ng sapat na lakas para maiangat ang aking kamay at makawayan siya. Nanatili siyang naninigas sa kanyang pwesto. Ni hindi magawang ngumiti o ano.
Unti-unti'y humakbang ako papalapit sa kanya. May upuan doon na pwede kong gamitin. Pinagmasdan ko siyang mabuti. He looks better than the last time I saw him. He got taller and a bit darker. And he looks more mature now. His hair was in a military cut.
The happening from that night suddenly flashed my mind but I tried my best to keep it sealed somewhere on my brain. Not now!
"D...Dwight..." napapaos at nauutal kong bati nang marating ang upuan. Ang salamin sa pagitan namin ay may maliliit na butas upang magkarinigan kaming dalawa.
I sat far from him because I don't think my heart can't take if I get any closer. I feel really uncomfortable but I want to get through this.
Now I'm wondering if this is a right choice...
"Sav..." his voice croaked, and his eyes immediately pooled with tears. "I..."
Napamura siya nang tumulo ang kanyang luha. Tinakpan niya ang kanyang mukha at nanghihinang naupo sa upuan para sa kanya. Ang kaninang kaba sa aking puso ay unti-unting nawala. Napalitan ito ng lungot at awa sa kanya.
Akala ko noon, kapag nakita ko siyang muli, kung anu-anong masasakit na salita ang masasabi ko sa kanya. Sisisihin ko siya sa lahat ng nangyari. Pero ngayong narito siya sa harapan ko'y wala akong ibang maramdaman kundi lungkot at panghihinayang sa nangyari sa aming dalawa.
"Alam kong hindi mo ako mapapatawad sa ginawa ko sa'yo, Sav..." hikbi niya nang hindi nakatingin sa akin. "Pero gusto kong malaman mo na sobrang sising-sisi ako sa nangyari. Walang gabing dumaan na hindi ko naisip ang naidulot kong sakit sa iyo..."
For a fleeting moment, I saw the friend I used to love and adore. For a moment, I pity how he's in jail, rotting and crying.
Inangat niya ang kanyang tingin sa akin at parang gusto kong sumuka habang tinitignan siyang ganoon. "I'm so sorry. I...broke my promise of protecting you. Instead of being your protector, I became your destroyer. I ruined you and no words can express how sorry I am for what I did."
Hindi ako umimik. My heart wrenched for the both of us. He continued crying in front of me. He mumbled words I can no longer comprehend because of his sobs. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pag-apaw ng aking luha.
"You ruined me..." I managed to say. "I lived my life questioning why, of all people, did this happen to me. Mabait naman ako..."
My voice croaked. Nilingon ko ang kinalalagyan ni Cryd na ngayo'y humakbang na ng isang beses. I subtly shook my head to stop him from coming before I returned my gaze to my...violator.
I looked at him straight in the eyes. He stopped and stared at me too. "I will never forgive you for what you did, and I will never forget about it too. I was scarred and traumatized for life because of your own doing. Pinagkatiwalaan kita at..."
I smiled weakly when he cried more. Sinubsob niya ang mukha niya sa kanyang palad. Umalingawngaw ang kanyang pag-iyak at panay panghihingi ng tawad ang sinasabi.
"I came here so I could finally let go of the terrors. I came here so I could finally close the door. Yes, I may not forget, I may also not forgive. But I wanted to move forward. Ngayon na lang ako ulit nakaramdam na gusto kong umusad sa buhay. At ang pagpunta dito para harapin ka ang tingin kong paraan para magwakas ang hinagpis na matagal kong ibinabaon sa limot."
Pinunasan ko ang lumandas na luha sa aking mga mata. "If you didn't do that, I would have wanted for a better life for you. I would have been happy seeing you and Ate Kiana together. But our reality differs now. As a victim, I would be satisfied to see you devastated with guilt. I wish I could forgive you but..."
I really couldn't.
"Sav..." he called in between his sobs. "Kahit hindi mo iyan sabihin, maiintindihan ko. I would never wish for you to forgive me. Masaya ako na makakaahon ka sa nangyari."
"I hope though, that you will never do that again to anyone. Even in jail, I hope you try at least to fix yourself and be better," bulong ko. "Sabel will be really proud to see her father grow to a better man..."
Napaawang ang labi niya sa narinig mula sa akin. I forced a smile. "I'm sorry, you didn't know."
"Is she here?" nabasag muli ang kanyang boses. Napapikit ako ng mariin. Ibinaba ko ang kamay ko at bahagya itong pinisil. Yumuko ako't hinayaang tumulo ang mga luha ko. "She's gone..."
Natahimik kaming pareho. Tanging mga hikbi lamang namin ang naririnig sa loob ng silid. I nibbled my lips and waited for him to speak.
"Sabel..." he whispered softly, his voice cracking. "Pasensya ka na, ang gago ng tatay mo..."
Inangat ko ang tingin sa kanya. He was looking at the ceiling, tears streaming down his face. Hindi na niya dinugtungan ang sinabi. Pinagmasdan ko lamang siyang ganoon habang patuloy ding umiiyak.
My heart wrenched at the sight.
Nanghihinayang ako sa pagkakaibigan naming dalawa pero wala na rin akong magagawa tungkol doon. He did me dirty. He wrecked and ruined me. Iyon dapat ang isipin ko imbes na manghinayang sa pagkakaibigang hindi na mababalik.
"You look better and very beautiful," aniya matapos ang ilang segundo. He dried his face using his orange shirt. Pinunasan ko din ang aking pisngi.
"Hindi ko inaasahang ikaw ang bibisita sa akin ngayon..."
"I'm with her..." malamig na boses ni Cryd ang narinig ko bago pumadausdos ang palad sa aking baywang. Humalik siya sa pisngi ko at bumulong, "Your time is up."
Mahinhin akong napangiti pero kalaunan ay nakaramdam ng kaba sa kung anong maaaring mangyari ngayong magkaharap sila. I know Cryd is just being patient for me. Pero hindi naman siguro delikado dahil may pagitan naman sa kanila mamaya.
"You two deserve each other..." Dwight commented. His dimples shows slightly. Humigpit ang kapit sa akin ni Cryd nang tumayo na ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa upuan.
I glanced up to see his seething anger for Dwight. "I don't need your fucking opinion on us."
Humawak ako sa dibdib ni Cryd at saglit siyang tinulak palayo. I feel like he'd get triggered very easily.
Sa huli ay nilingon ko si Dwight na nakatanaw din sa akin.
"Salamat sa pagpunta rito, Savanna. Alam kong hindi na kita makikita pagkatapos nito pero sana alam mong araw-araw kong ipinagdarasal ang maging maayos ang buhay mo."
"Hindi niya kailangan ng dasal galing sa'yo," Cryd spat. Magsasalita pa sana ako pero sa huli ay hindi ko na rin pinilit. I've already said all things that I can.
When we're finally out of the suffocating room, saka lang bumuhos ng todo ang mga luha ko. Immediately, I hugged him very tight.
"I did it..." I sniffed on his chest. I can feel his heart beating calmly. Hinawakan niya ang aking likod at mas niyakap ako.
"I'm proud of you..." he whispered gently.
Habang yakap-yakap ako'y iginiya niya ko papunta sa pwesto ni Ate Kiana. My cousin looked at me with worried eyes. Nang mag-thumbs up ako'y nakahinga siya ng maluwag.
I felt Cryd's lips touching my eyes softly. Padampi-dampi iyon, dahilan para tumigil ang pagbagsak ng luha ko. Maingat niyang pinunasan ang aking pisngi gamit ang kanyang panyo.
Humalik siya sa aking noo nang mapatigil na ako sa pag-iyak. Pakiramdam ko'y ang pangit pangit ko nanaman dahil sa mugtong mata at namumulang pisngi.
"I'll just be quick. Stop crying, okay? I'm hurt everytime I see your tears stream down your face..." inayos niya ang aking buhok.
Aalis na sana siya para pumasok sa kinaroroonan ni Dwight pero pinigilan ko siya't hinawakan ang kanyang mga kamay. "Sabi ni Ate Kiana..."
Nilingon niya ako. "Hmm..."
"Pinalitan mo yung parusa kay Dwight. Mula thirty-years sentence naging lifetime imprisonment..."
He exhaled deeply before returning in front of me. He squatted a bit and said. "He deserves that. If he's out, I'd be more tempted to end his life, Sav. And if I do that, I'll be thrown to jail. Ayokong makulong dahil sino nalang ang mag-aalaga at poprotekta sa'yo kung wala ako? Ibang lalaki? Like I would risk that."
Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata. "Cryd, kahit anong mangyari, sa'yo ako..."
"Kahit anong mangyari?"
I cupped his cheeks. "Kahit anong mangyari."
Bahagya siyang napanguso at sa huli ay naiiling-iling na lamang. "I'm angry right now, Sav. Huwag mo kong pakiligin."
I laughed a bit and watched him get inside the room.