CHAPTER 12
MY IDOL, MY VENUS, MY MUSE! (Part 1)
“Is Chiyo Luvian here?” I stopped by her classroom on my way home from the library.
“Chi~ someone’s looking for you,” one of her classmates called. I peeked inside the room and saw her sweeping the floor with two other of her girl classmates.
She looked at me and I must admit I was surprised and embarrassed... and nervous at the same time.
“Tell the person looking for me, that I don’t speak to someone who doesn’t give me candies.”
“Well, you heard her,” said her classmate to me.
“Um, I really need to talk to you… as in REALLY,” I sounded desperate, because somewhat I am.
She looked at me again and talked to her classmates. By the looks of it, she was asking permission to go home first. Two of her classmates, actually three plus the one who entertained me, nodded and even teased her.
I’m already embarrassed walking through the third year’s hallway, and now they’re even teasing me.
“So what are you doing here?” she took me with hollow eyes when she finally got out.
“Um, can we talk somewhere… private?” I looked left to right then whispered.
“Private, as in the bathroom, a motel? Or maybe the back of the school?” she sarcastically asked me, looking for something in her bag – her phone, maybe.
And I wasn’t wrong; she did take out her phone.
“T-the café w-would be fine,” I answered her. I blushed upon hearing the motel thing.
While we we’re on our way out, Chiyo called someone and told that she has somewhere to go and will probably be late.
We walked after that to the school gates. I saw Jim and told him that I have somewhere else to go too, that I’ll just call him later to pick us up.
The café I told her was just around the corner; walking is not that bad. At least we could talk to each other while we take a stroll to the place.
“Are you indirectly taking me on a date?” she suddenly blurted out.
“Ah, no. No, I’m not… I just want to ask about some things,” I followed closely behind her like I’m some butler of hers. “Do you have a boyfriend right now?” I self-consciously asked. She’s pretty after all, and famous at that. I wouldn’t be surprise if she answered me—
“Yes,” I just felt my knees weaken! Of course she does… she’s pretty and smart and famous and everything! Aside from her weirdness, there’s nothing left to criticize her with.
“Oh really…” I let out a deep sigh.
I thought I wouldn’t be surprised.
During that time, we were already entering the café.
“But he doesn’t know about it,” she then added.
He doesn’t know about it? What is that supposed to mean? If I were her boyfriend I would’ve already shouted it all over the world! But I guess it’s too late now, right? I now get the feeling of those people who says ‘regret always comes late’ stuffs.
“Welcome sir, ma’am…” the reception staff greeted us when we entered the café. “Table for two?” she asked.
I wonder if she thinks we’re on a date; I blushed once again at the thought.
“Yes please,” I nodded at the lady politely.
“I will bring the menu shortly,” the lady smiled at me after she showed us to our seat.
“Sure,” I’m a gentleman, when someone smiles at me I smile back.
“Flirting with another young woman in front of me… how dreadful,” I heard Chiyo claimed after the café staff left.
I was truly at a loss for words. Is she… now that can’t be possible, isn’t it?
“What are you smiling at?” she irritatedly asked me.
This is unbelievable; I can’t help myself but smile. This might be a false assumption but I’m happy.
“Nothing,” I smiled at her and she answered me with glares.
The lady returned with the menu with her. She gave mine first then Chiyo’s.
“I’ll be back to get your orders,” she said then head to the next table calling for her.
“Isn’t it just common to give the menu to the lady first, before the guy?” Chiyo said, scanning the menu. “Girls just can’t help but flirt when they see someone good-looking.”
“Are you saying I’m good-looking?” I joked.
She looked at me for a second then shook her head, “Don’t get full of yourself.”
Acha, I think I just ruined the mood.
The staff stopped by us again then asked for our orders, she then left shortly after.
“I like you,” I have come here to tell her everything straight not make everything worst.
“So?” she replied after taking a glass of water.
So? Huh? That’s all she has to say?
“Ah, I was thinking of asking you –”I wasn’t able to finish what I was about to say when—
“You’re too young for me,” ouch, it hurts!
A clear rejection from a straight face really hurts. She didn’t even think twice about it. I think the whole jealous thing I was thinking about earlier was actually a false assumption from my point after all.
“It really hurts, right?” she looked at me straight.
Is this how she felt when I said to her that she’s too old for me?
I let out another deep sigh again. What am I thinking back then, telling this girl those?
“I’m sorry,” was all I can ever tell her at the moment. I think even a year’s worth of apologies won’t be able to erase that pain from before.
The air around us suddenly turned cold, like I was in some place gloomy.
“It’s ok. Is that all you have to say?” what could I probably tell her? I feel like no matter what I tell her, it would only backfire on me.
I suppose I have to—let her go.
“Yes, that’s all,” I answered with a low voice.
“Ok, I have to go then. I still have some things to do,” I saw her picked up her bag and stood up, but I just can’t find the right words to tell her. She went past me without a word and I just let her.
I didn’t say anything…
She didn’t say anything…
Minutes after, the lady came back with our orders, “Sir?”
“Ah… I’ll just have it packed. The girl I was with earlier has some—important things to do,” I told her with a forced grin on my face.
I don’t want to look like I was just dumped by the girl I dumped before… How pathetic of me right? I should be worrying about how to get Chiyo’s trust back but here I am worrying at how I appeared in front of this waitress.
Most of all, you must be thinking how an ass I am by now? I mean, I already dumped the girl once and even made her cry and apologize, and now I’m chasing her like some wild dog after knowing she’s the photographer I’ve been idolizing for three years.
But, I’ll tell you this once; I love her, and I’m serious about it. Explanations about what I did back while we were still in middle school, I got some.
I was overtaken by my pride. She’s older, she’s smarter, she’s popular, and she’s a step or two higher than me in every aspect of almost everything. And what guy wants that? We want to look above everything else when we’re with the girl we like. We like them to think that we’re there to protect them from all cost, that we will be their knight-in-shining-armor.
Yet, the pride I was holding on, the pride I was protecting got the best of me and turned things over. It would’ve been nice if it turned out good, but it didn’t.
And now everything’s too late. It’s too late to turn back now; it’s too late to say sorry. It’s too late to tell her how I feel.
It’s too late to love her.
“Sir, here’s your meal,” a different girl came to give me the orders I said to pack up. “Please come again,” she said with a smile and even sent me off.
I left the café and called Jim to pick me up at the nearby park. It’s just five minutes away from the café. A lot of lovers would come here after school.
“I think I came to the wrong place,” I whispered to myself, when I sat down a bench surrounded by couples all over.
It made me feel so out of place. Why did I even pick this place in the first place?
“Hey, Nao!” I heard a familiar voice behind me.
When I turned around, it was Jae; talking about meeting the wrong person, at the wrong place and at a wrong time.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Get away from me, people might think we’re a couple or something.”
He just let out a short laugh then sat beside me nonetheless.
“You know, it’s been a while since we last had a talk,” he sounded serious.
What has gotten into this guy’s brain? Did he eat something bad that altered his personality?
“You always get the good stuffs,” he stared at me.
I don’t get him. What good stuffs? I just got dumped! What’s good about that?
“Toph and Honoka told me. Saki was Chiyo and Chiyo was also Sakura. I asked because I was feeling something between the two of you when we had lunch.”
So they told him. It’s not like I kept it a secret from him.
“I’m sorry, I knew it too.”
She let out a deep sigh, “It’s ok, you got to keep your love away from predators, right?” she had a smug look on his face and teasing eyes.
“I should’ve shared it to you,” I told him.
“If you would’ve, I could’ve ruined your plan.”
“I’m really sorry, Jae.”
“I told you it’s okay, right? No harm done. Plus, it would be hard for me too if you keep on saying sorry. Past is past, right?” he patted my head and messed it. “So, how did it go? I saw you two getting out of the school gates while I was running laps.”
I just unenergetically smiled at him and shook my head.
“So it didn’t go well for you,” Jae said, and then kept quiet for a while, “Well,” he began again, “Love is an adventure after all. In adventures we get tired, we get bruises, we get hurt, but it doesn’t stop us, right?” he stretched out his arms, “You rest for a while and drink some water and a breather then get back on track. That’s how adventurers do it, right?” he beamed at me.
Getting hurt is normal. Stopping because of it—is a cowardly act.
I’ve decided; I’ll talk to her again. I’ll make her understand me and I’ll try to understand her in return. If there’s really no chance, then I’ll slowly back away from her and let her be.
“I have to go, we’re hitting the karaoke with the club,” Jae said and stood up after giving me a hearty pat on the back, “Wanna come?”
“No, thanks, you know I don’t sing, right?” I smiled at him in return. I may not tell him, but I’m thankful he’s always there.
“Oh, Jim’s here. So, yeah,” he gave me an approve sign, “Keep on adventuring!” then he left.
I waved at him then went on to see Jim. I gave him the foods I took out, and told him that I wasn’t hungry when the orders came so I had it packed.
“Are you okay Naoki?” he asked me on our way home.
“Just got dumped.”
“By the girl you were with earlier?” he asked again.
“Yeah,” I answered him casually. I don’t want to discuss it at the moment.
He nodded and drove off. I feel like a sloth going into hibernation. I feel so lazy and unmotivated. But now I know what I have to do.
“Sakura’s exhibition has been cancelled,” Jim suddenly informed me.
“What?! Are you serious??” why did Chiyo cancelled at the last minute!? Was it because I knew who she was?
“Well, I heard your mom talking to your dad about Sakura leaving everything to their upkeep. Even the pictures to display,” no, this could not be happening! There’s only three days until then, Sakura’s exhibition can’t be cancelled!
After hearing what Jim had told me, I must admit that I’m really at a loss for words now! It hasn’t been long since the two of us separated and now she’s cancelling her exhibition? Just because of that? Why is she doing all this? What about all the talk about photos and souls and stuffs? Was that spur of the moment too?
“Mom, Dad!” I called for them as soon as we arrived. “Is it true that Sakura’s exhibition will be cancelled?”
“Well… actually, it’s the opposite. Sakura will finally show up! The real one,” my dad excitedly faced me.
I was so worried and stressed out after the rejection that the news my father gave me was so overwhelming I found myself collapsed on the couch.
I thought she was retiring!
I let out a sigh of relief and wiped my sweated face.
“Are you ok Naoki?” my mom asked, seeing my flushed face.
“I guess I’m about to faint any minute mom,” I told her. I saw her panicked face and I’m somewhat sorry about that.
I’m so happy despite what happened earlier.
After some time, I excused myself from my father’s office and headed to my room.
I want the sun to come up now. I want to see her again. I was a fool to even think to give up on her! And I even have the guts to say that I’m a gentleman?
A true man doesn’t give up easily!
The next day, I went to school as early as I possibly can but it wasn’t enough since Jae and Toph had been already there by the time I got in.
“I heard the real Sakura will be attending her exhibit three days from now!” Jae told me, “And she’ll be doing an interview on her solo photography feature on Extreme Photography Monthly.”
Only the four of us; Jae, Toph, Honoka and I knows the real identity of Sakura, plus Aimi, then it’s five. All of us kept our mouth shut.
I didn’t know about the interview thing. But I’m excited nevertheless.
I noticed Toph looked at me, I weakly smiled at him. He probably knows things I don’t; I bet Chiyo told Honoka and Honoka told Toph.
I looked over to Jae and in return he gestured me to the door. I turned back and saw Aimi entering; the first person I should not show my face to.
She looked at me, I was expecting a glare but I didn’t receive any. She just looked at me and then passed.
I bet she knows. And I bet she’s laughing at me inside saying, “Serves you right, jerk!”
First period started and ended, followed by a second period, fourth, fifth, sixth. Everything seemed to end so fast that I felt like somebody pushed the fast forward button on the remote.
I hurriedly said goodbye to Toph and Jae and stormed out of the room after the last bell. I have to make it to their classroom or else she’ll be gone since she doesn’t belong to any club.
“I-is Chiyo here?” I asked at the upperclassmen in the room.
She looked back and wandered, I took a peek as well but she seemed to be out… did I just miss my chance?
“If you’re looking for Chi went with Nash,” one of her classmates said, the one who I asked the last time I came to get her.
Nash? Who is that?
“For a confession maybe,” the other said then giggled.
Wait! What?! A confession, she said?? Am I hungry and just hearing some things?
“Ah, by any chance do you know where they are?” I demanded.
Gosh, this couldn’t be happening!
“We’re not really sure, but just try at the back of the school,” one of them answered again.
I thanked them and swiftly head for the stairs.
“Ou—” I bumped into them on the first floor. Chiyo and the guy— I supposed is the one called Nash, happily smiling at each other.
Was I too late?
“What are you doing here?” Chiyo faced me; she’s rather surprised to see me.
“What are you doing with him?” I acted imperiously and grabbed her by the hand.
“Hey, don’t touch her!” the Nash guy tried to stop me but I brushed him off.
“DON’T THINK YOU CAN FLIRT WITH ANY OTHER GUY AFTER YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!” I exclaimed; loud and clear for everybody there to hear. It was embarrassing but it’s the only way I have thought of the moment; the most effective way I can think of.
I saw Chiyo’s eyes widened and her mouth gaped. The guy she’s with looked dazed too.
“W-what are y-you saying!?” I can hear her panicking from her voice as she tried to break free. I might have turned her down before but that was the beginning I tried to hide from everybody and mostly from myself.
For years, I rejected every thought of her that crossed my mind. I started feeding myself views and judgments regarding her that would make me not want her and not long for her. Views like she’s weird and too old for me and weak; and making up a faulty principle like I need my girl to be presentable and normal and younger than me. Frankly, I've had enough of that!
I want her!
I love her!
“YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME THEN THE NEXT DAY YOU LEAVE ME HANGING?!” I sounded really pissed off. Students have already crowded around us. “WE HAVE TO TALK.” I grabbed pulled her towards me.
“Hey, let her go! You’re hurting her!” the Nash guy tried to break Chiyo free from my grasp.
“YOU, BACK OFF, OKAY?” I don’t know if it was smart of me to threaten him, but we have to get out of here before the teachers come.
“I SAID LET HER GO,” his voice rose.
“Stay out of this, Dude!” I scowled at him and pushed him away. I dragged Chiyo out of the school building and into the photography club room through the back door. There, no one will bother us.
“Will you give us some space?” I said after knocking twice and entering the room. Honoka was the only one there.
I saw Honoka’s surprised look as she looked at her best friend’s flushed reddened face.
“I won’t do anything to her… so please?” I implored.
----------------------------------------
No descriptions for now J
Please read: CHAPTER 13 [My Idol, My Venus, My Muse (Part 2)]