Y/N POV:
"Why?" I asked, feeling bored at the sound of his proposal.
"Because! I think it would be fun!" He laughed.
"Okay, so what's the real reason?" I pushed.
"It's gonna be full of crappy music, random drunk people making out with more random drunk people and girls in slutty dresses!" He sighed.
"And you want to bring me along to enjoy the horror with you?"
"There's a free buffet..." he groaned, almost giving up.
"Okay, when the hell is this crap fest of a party and where is it?!" I giggled.
"Knew I'd have ya hooked!"
~hour before party~
"Y/N, I feel like a fucking monkey!" Jeremy wailed from the bathroom he was getting ready in. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, well I'm in a dress, so shut up!" I laughed back.
I heard the door unlock, so turned to look at him.
"I hate this- wow!" He exclaimed.
I took his outfit in and smiled. Black skinny jeans, a white tee and a black blazer had never looked so good!
And then there was me.
I'd never liked dresses, but this was a new low in the world of skimpy outfits as far as I was concerned.
It was black. That was the only good thing about it! I was shocked that it lived in my wardrobe. Not only was it uncomfortably tight and short, only coming to mid-thigh, but the sweetheart neckline made me look anything but sweet. Try slutty. For someone with small boobs, I sure was showing a lot of cleavage.
I was all for red lipstick, but this was too bright and way too showy. It practically screamed 'kiss me!'
My hair probably had more volume than the crappy music we would have to listen to. All in all, I looked like a generic, basic slut.
"You, shut up okay? You look amazing, considering how mainstream the outfit is! Me? Literally screaming slut through this dress!" I laughed. He shook his head at me and offered a hand.
"Shall we get this shitfest on the road?"
I nodded and walked out of the door with him.
~party~
As soon as we got there, we were confronted with testosterone, making out and... more.
"Why do people think this is okay?" I laughed, turning to Jeremy as we walked into the house.
"Because they fall in... love!" He shuddered dramatically. I could only laugh. We both shared the same opinion on love: YUCK!
Although, I feared that my resolve to stay anti-love forever was melting away every time I looked over to my friend.
I hadn't seen anyone as attractive for a long time, until tonight. I had never thought of Jeremy in any way that wasn't platonic.
Tonight wasn't allowed to change that. Especially with my appearance.
"I hate love," I giggled, feeling as though this was becoming a lie.
"I hate it more!" He countered. I just shook my head. It was true, I hated love. Not for the lack of it in my life, but the amount of suffering it had caused in my time on earth.
"I can't look at kissing without gagging!"
"I can't even think about it without a trip to the toilet afterwards!"
I shot him a look to say 'that could go two ways' and laughed at his embarrassed face. "Shut up!"
I just shook my head.
His face flushed red and I could only view it as endearing. God, what was happening?
I must have had my concentration face on as he didn't hesitate to ask what I was thinking about.
"Hm? Oh! Nothing," I lied quickly. It sounded anything but convincing, this becoming even more obvious when my friend shook his head, frowning in concern. "Don't give me that look! I swear it's nothing!"
"Sure! So, who's this nothing?" He pushed on, despite my denial. Was I really that transparent?
"It's cute how you think you can read me," I laughed. His response silenced my amusement.
"It's cute how you think you're so opaque..." he sighed nonchalantly.
"If I'm so damn easy to read, then tell me exactly who I'm thinking about!" I yelled, probably blowing my cover completely.
"Aha! I was right! And since you're so mad at me..." he mused.
"Don't you dare say that you think I'm thinking about you! Don't be so arrogant!" I snorted, trying my best to hide my new found feelings.
"Haha, whatever then. Guess I was wrong... You wanna go join the rest of the social herd and get tabled?" He suggested. I laughed and nodded slowly, taking his hand and following him through the crowd of sweaty and hormonal strangers.
I assumed that everyone else was too drunk to even think about drinking anymore as the 'bar' was empty.
"I guess we aren't following the crowd as much as we thought!" I chortled at him.
"Shut up and take a beer," he said, offering me a painfully generic, plastic red cup. I took it and downed it in one, wincing at the hideous taste. Who on this planet could ever enjoy this?! Apparently, my companion.
Three beers and a few shots later and all moral integrity had gone out of the window, along with my resolve to keep my feelings a secret.
"You're attractive!" I giggled. I had never realised that even drunk, I was rather eloquent.
"Yeah? You too, boobsey!"
And Jeremy was not. Boobsey isn't even a word!
"I wanna kiss you..." I slurred, completely inebriated.
"Yeah? Well go for it!" He chuckled back.
So I did.
If I remembered this, I was definitely going to regret it in the morning.
~morning~
Yes. Yes I regretted it. Mostly because I didn't remember how we got into the same bed. Naked no less, or maybe I should say no more.
"Y/N... are you up...?" Jeremy groaned. I already felt like crying. I caught feelings hard last night and it felt awful.
"Yeah..." I sighed.
"We uh- we need to talk..." he stuttered. Great. Both of us felt awkward!
"Yeah..."
"Did we- did we uh...?"
"I don't know..." I answered honestly.
"I'm so sorry if we did! I know how you feel about all this, but we were drunk and beyond!" He explained. I didn't need an explanation. I had a vague idea of everything that happened, and every blurry memory that filtered it's way back to the surface of my mind stung. It felt like alcohol on an open wound.
"I don't know if I feel like that anymore..." I admitted, feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety.
"Do you think you have feelings... For me...?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yeah... I think I do..." I whimpered, failing at keeping my tears back. Holding them back was like trying to stop a waterfall with a piece of paper.
"I'm sorry... Hey! No, no, no, please don't cry!" He begged, pulling me into him. I wriggled out of his grip, scared to be near him after what may have happened last night.
His eyes were filled to the brim with tears and hurt. His pain cut deep into me, like a knife through butter.
"Please don't do this! Please, please don't shut me out!" He pleaded, breaking my already shattered heart.
"Jer, I can't do this, I'm sorry!" I cried, running to the bathroom, but feeling a large, calloused hand clasp around my tiny wrist.
I was spun to face him faster than I could blink. His lips were on mine before I could protest, and the words were out of his mouth before I could predict them.
"I love you."
I shook my head. This wasn't the plan! We were friends, and it would always stay that way. We hated love, so we vowed to be bitter and single together. This was not how it was meant to pan out. "I mean it. It never really hit me until last night. And I'm sorry for it," he rambled.
"I wish I couldn't say that I loved you back, but I do love you. This is difficult for me. You do understand that, don't you?" I asked feebly. He nodded curtly.
"I get that this isn't in either of our comfort zones, but maybe we could give it a try?" He asked. I wasn't ready. But maybe I was. I couldn't tell anymore.
"I don't know if I'm ready! I love you, but you understand that it scares me more than dying! You understand that if it goes to shit, then it's worse than dying for me?"
He nodded.
"I won't hurt you! I haven't hurt you yet, right?" He countered. I thought back and nodded. "So please, give me this chance!" He pressed. I didn't like feeling under this pressure, but I knew this was what I wanted. So I nodded, and felt myself smile as he kissed me.
I knew that this had to be the right choice. I loved him.