A few more days went by, and everything remained the same. Peculiar, confusing, and abnormal. But that's when I asked myself this one simple question: Why aren't I doing anything about it? Without even thinking, I sat up and rolled out of my bed. After fidgeting in my purse, I retrieved my cellphone and searched my contacts for Kevin's number. SEND-
Wait no! As fast as I had started the call, I ended it. What am I doing, calling Kevin? No way. Figuring that calling Kevin was a bit too extreme, I settled for someone less harmless. Rider. SEND....
"Please pick up. Please, please pick up..." I mumbled, while tapping my nails against my desk in anticipation. "Come on, pick up!"
"Hello?"
"Rider?"
"Holly?"
"Of course it's me!" I snapped, feeling the urge to hang up the phone already. But I didn't- or more like I couldn't. If I wanted to get anywhere with this guy, I would have to control myself and be nice. That meant, no being snappy, no yelling or shouting, no mouth talking, grumbling or groaning, etc. Wow this is going to be one hard phone call, I thought. Taking a deep breath, I sat down and reclined in my desk chair, breathing heavily. Just relax, Holly. Talk to him as if he were...Lacey. "I mean uh, yeah it's me. How are you doing, hm?"
There was a very long pause. Too long of a pause. I pulled the phone away from my ear to see if he had actually hung up. But he didn't. "Rider?"
"What's gotten into you?" He asked.
"Well, I don't know. What do you mean?"
Another long pause. Okay, this is just getting plain awkward! "Stop making me nervous, alright? Now I asked you a simple question. Can you please just answer it?"
Silence.
Is he seriously doing this on purpose? "Rider!"
"Ok, sorry. Uh, I'm doing great, Holly. How about you?"
"I'm doing fine..." I began, shifting in my seat uncomfortably. "So I was wondering, want to um, like, go out tonight?" What is this? Me pretending again? Last time it didn't work out too well, but hey, I just had to give it another shot. And who cared anyway? Everyone pretended with me; Rider, Dillon, Gabriella, Kevin. So why couldn't I? Yup, there wasn't a reason. And perhaps this way was in fact the only way of getting what I needed. And what I needed was the truth. Why was it so hard to figure out? Quite honestly, I'm still searching for that answer... But I hated doing it. I hated being like the lot of them. Coniving, decieving, liars, pretenders. It isn't fair. But like the old saying goes... Play fire with fire.
"This is a joke, right?" Rider laughed, but I could tell it was the farthest from happy. "Very funny, Holly."
"No, I'm serious. I'm not saying like a date, Rider. I just need to talk to you."
"Yeah, that's the only time you want to go out. Is when you want to get something out of me. So I think not. I'm tired of you messin' with me and-"
"What have you been doing to me this entire time? That's all you do! You never stop messing with me. So stop acting like I'm so terrible to you. Just take a look at yourself and then you'll realize you're not that far off from-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked. His voice was low and irritated. Each word was like a knife. I was getting him angry now, that was for certain.
"Ok, I'm sorry. Just..." I sighed, resting a hand to my forehead. I bit the side of my lip and thought quickly about what I should say. And it came that fast. "meet me at the beach, ok? Right in front of the pier at six. Be there? Please, Rider..." I waited for his reply, but nothing came. Sounding as desperate as I could possibly get, I added another- "Please?"
I heard him groan as I smiled in triumph. He would give in now.
"Alright, fine. I'll be there. Just don't forget about me and bail."
I rolled my eyes at his stupid sarcasm. "I won't. I'll see you in the bit then?"
"Yeah..."
"Thank you, Rider. Bye now."
Letting out a huge exhale, I slammed the phone down on my desk. I had to admit that it went better than I thought. Now I just had to deal with the other two. I mean three. Figuring Dillon wouldn't pick up his cell, I decided on calling his home phone number. He would be home, because it was only a bit after school. I knew his parents were working, so I said a silent prayer as the phone rang once, then twice, then three times...
"Hello?"
"Hey Dillon, it's Holl-"
"Hey..." I couldn't tell if he was relieved to hear from me, or if he was just dissappointed. I couldn't tell, but either way...
"Yeah, remember me? The girl you used to like?" I couldn't help but laugh at my pathetic sarcasm. Because quite frankly, my own words hurt me more than I could tell. I heard Dillon sigh, and in that brief moment I had the slightest bit of hope that maybe everything was going to be fine. That Dillon would tell me he's sorry, and that he would explain everything to me so I wouldn't feel so confused anymore. Though, my expectations always seemed to be higher than the stars. And if you get what that means, you'd know that it was completely impossible.
"Anyways," I coughed, clearing the lump that had caught in my throat. I began to talk as if nothing had gone wrong. "What's up? Is this a bad time to talk?"
"Actually, yeah it kind of is." Dillon replied reluctantly.
"Oh?"
"Dillon? Who is that?" I heard a voice say. I could have sworn it was the voice of-
"Hey mom, I'm kind of busy right now. Can I call you back later?" Dillon interrupted.
"Mom?" I echoed confusedly. What the heck is going on here? "Dillon, I'm just calling to ask you if you'd-"
"Come on, let's go.'' The voice said again. This time I was certain on whose voice I was hearing. I knew it pretty darn well too.
"Mom, I really need to call you back."
"Why do you keep saying..." I drifted off, realizing that maybe Dillon was trying to get through to me in what you would call "code talk." Mom. Now as crazy as Dillon could be at times, I knew he could tell my voice apart from his mother's. So with that being said, I knew it had to be what I was already assuming. That, or he was trying very hard not to get an already irritated Gabriella mad. "Ok I get what you're doing, alright? Just, meet me at the pier tonight at five. Can you do that?"
"Uh, yeah actually I think I can." He replied, his voice shakey and uncertain. For a moment, I felt bad for Dillon. Sure, I could have been jumping to conclusions, but by the sound of his voice on the phone, I could tell he was genuinely upset. Or angry, or whatever you want to call it. He was having to avoid, and pretend, and ignore me for reasons that I still didn't understand. But they were reasons enough. And all I could do was sit there on the other line and wish that they were all good enough reasons for him to have done what he did.
"Good, and don't bring your phone with you. Just in case ya know?"
"Ok, sounds good. Love you..."
I smiled at the sound of his words. To Gabriella, the "love you" was for his mom. But I believed that to Dillon, the I love you was for me. I sighed in relief. Why hadn't I done this sooner? Finally we were getting somewhere. Finally.
"I love you too."
And with that, we hung up the phone. I slid my cell onto the desk once again while standing up, and walking back to my bed. I lay down and closed my eyes and prayed that my plan would work out fine. It just had to work out this time. And if it did, I had a feeling I would be getting a lot of answers. A lot...
***
I paced back and forth. It was cold. I could see my breath in the night air. What's taking him so long? It was already 5:15. We had said five o'clock. Why isn't he here yet? After a few more minutes of pacing, I found a bench not far off and sat down. Stuffing my hands inside of my pockets, I looked around for any sign of Rider. He was pretty distinct. If you were to put me in a crowd of a few hundred people, and then place Rider somewhere randomly amongst them, I bet I would be able to find him in a matter of ten seconds. It was those eyes. And at last I saw them now, as he walked towards me from a distance. Well it's about time, I thought. Dillon would be here at six. That gave me exactly fourty minutes to talk to Rider. Just enough time...
"Hey." Rider said as he approached me. He stopped only a few inches away from where I was seated, causing his aroma to surround me. Whatever cologne he wore, I really liked it. I inhaled and closed my eyes without even thinking, and that's when I realized that it was my turn to say something.
"Oh, hi." I replied, while snapping my eyes open in a flurry. Rider looked at me quizzically, as he raised his right arm to his nose. I shrugged back into the bench in embarrassment as he took a long whiff of his leather jacket.
"Do I really smell that good?" He asked, a playful smirk displayed on his face.
"No?"
With a shake of his head, he sat down beside me and sighed. "So why did you want me here Holly? What do you need?"
I thought hard about it for a few moments. What did I really need? Uh, that's easy. The truth. But what was I really looking for? I turned my body towards Rider and stared into his eyes. Why were they so hard to read? I couldn't tell what he was thinking, or feeling. Nothing. But what I did see for the first time ever was hurt, real hurt. We locked gazes, and for what seemed like hours, we didn't break it. What's he thinking? I wondered. Instantly I felt this painful sting start to well up in my eyes and I swallowed hard against the emotions that were building up inside me fast. We couldn't do this again. Lie to each other, pretend with each other. It was the same thing over and over and over again. The reason nothing ever got better was because no one ever tried to prevent it. We created more and more problems as the time went on. And now look where we were- where Rider and I were. Sitting on some bench without one word to say. Quite frankly there was nothing to say....nothing that had not already been said before.
I breathed in sharply, and wished that I had never even started this. I wished that I was back home, doing my homework like a normal human being. But no. Instead, I was at the pier with a boy who had helped make my life miserable for the past two years. Why was I even trying? Why did I never give up on him? Because you keep on expecting him to change.
I took a deep breath and went to speak, but Rider took the opportunity before me.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, so low that I was barely able to hear him. I'm sorry? That wasn't what I expected at all.
"What?" I asked, narrowing my eyes and tilting my head to the side. A single tear rolled down my face, which I quickly wiped away. Biting the side of my lip hard, I now focused on the slight pain that I was feeling inside of my mouth. This was not what I was expecting... Stop it, Holly. Just stop-
"I'm really sorry." He breathed, as he grabbed my hand that was resting beside my leg. I swiftly snatched it away and stood up, my mood completely subsiding from sad to angry. Like I was going to fall for this again. Who cares if he was hurting. He had hurt me more. And I wasn't about to get all soppy and forget like nothing ever happened.
"Stop it." I hissed, shaking my head from side to side.
"No, Holly. I'm-"
"Serious?" I asked, rolling my eyes that were beginning to blur again. "I can never believe you, Rider. You know that right? I can never believe you."
"Yes you can, because I really am serious."
"No, no you're not. How many times have you done this? So many times that I've lost track! I never know when you're lying or when you're telling the truth. So what am I supposed to think when you tell me you are sorry? I mean, surely you don't expect me to believe it. Especially after all the times you've lied, Rider? Think of how many times you've lied!"
"I know, and that's why I'm sorry alright?" He snapped, standing up abruptly to tower over me.
"But that's a lie!'' I replied, raising my voice up higher.
"It's not a lie!" Rider began. throwing his arms up in frustration. "You want to know the truth, Holly? About everything? I'll tell you. I'll tell you anything and everything you want to know. Right now. Just ask me."
"And I'm supposed to believe it? You are...bipolar I think. One moment you're on my side and the next you're doing something against me! And all for the sake of that lying, deceitful, jerk of a boy who you've known since you were young." I mocked, rolling my eyes in an over exaggerative way.
"You don't know anything." Rider huffed.
"You're right, I don't. And I don't think I ever will, will I?" Here it came against...the sadness. Once again I sat down on the bench, eyes welling up and everything. I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my head into my hands as quickly as I could. I hate crying. I hate almost everything about it. Because usually you cry when you really don't want too or when it really isn't a good time. Or at least that's how it is for me. And this was one of those "I really don't want to" and "it really isn't a good time" situations.
"Holly..." Rider began, putting his arm around my shoulder. In a normal situation, I maybe would have liked it. If it was somebody else than Rider. Without even thinking I reached around and slapped his hand, causing his reflex to snatch it back.
"What the!" He shouted, pushing my legs away from him. "You're the one making this difficult now, not me." Ever so slowly I removed my head from my hands and gave Rider my biggest "death glare." He stared back at me with little concern, a slight smile tugging at his lips. Now that made me even more mad.
"I'm done talking to you." I stated, as I stood up.
"Holly, sit down." Rider commanded, grabbing my hand and yanking me back down next to him.
"Don't tell me what to do!" I shouted, standing up for the fiftieth time and walking away.
"Holly?"
Lacey? I whipped around to face my best friend a short ways off. With her was Landon, who looked as equally shocked as she did. They both held ice cream cones in their hands and Lacey had a shopping bag in the other. I watched as she looked at me, and then at Rider who was still sitting comfortably on the bench. Landon did the same thing, while licking his ice cream very slowly. This...is...just...great.
"Lacey," I began. "Landon. Hey you guys..."
"Uh, hi Holly." Lacey replied, just about as slowly as Landon was licking his ice cream. "What's going on here?'' Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rider stand up and make his way over to my friends. I did the same thing, considering I wasn't about to let him tell them anything that wasn't true. So when we were all in a circle, I opened my mouth to explain, but Rider beat me to it. Again.
"So, Holly just wanted to talk to me about everything that's been going on lately. That's why we're here. Nothing that complicated, right guys?"
"Right!" Landon chimed in. "Now that we have that figured out, who wants dinner? I'm hung- ow! What did I even do wrong?" He asked, after Lacey had nudged him in the side.
"Did you tell her what she needs to know then?" Lacey inquired, eyeing me conspicuously.
"No, cuz she won't believe me." He said sarcastically, making me send mental punches in his direction. "But I would tell her..." Rider turned his body in my direction and eyed me closely, as if waiting for me to deny what he had said. But I didn't. I just stood there glaring at him. If he thought I was going to change my mind that quickly, then he was officially insane. "And she keeps sending me these glares that make me think she wants to kill me."
"Maybe she does." Lacey shrugged, coming over to me and giving me a hug. "Is he bothering you, Holly?"
"Yeah of course she'd side with you." He huffed, motioning towards us.
"I here ya, man. Imagine how I feel. This is nothing new for me, cuz I get it all the time." Landon added, making sure to emphasize on the word "all."
"Oh, shut up Landon, no one asked for your opinion." Lacey snapped, pulling out of the hug to shoot him a nasty look.
"See, Rider? I get the the looks too."
"Holly?"
Dillon. I snatched a quick glance at my clock which read 6:04. I had completely forgotten that I had told him to meet me at six. Everyone looked just as surprised as I did as we all turned to face him. Just leave it to my planning...
"What a coincidence..." Rider mumbled.
"Yeah I was just about to say the same thing." Dillon agreed. That was when I couldn't take it anymore. With one huge sigh, I began saying what I had been planning to say for the past day and a half. We were getting no where with all this gibberish, meaningless talk. And so that had to change right away.
"Dillon....Rider....Landon....Lacey," I began, looking at each one of them as I said their name. "We need to get to the bottom of this, like...now. So, Rider? Start explaining."
"Are you sure you're going to believe-"
"It doesn't matter! Just, start explaining." I repeated. "And Dillon, I just thought you should know that this is why I wanted you here."
"I can see that now." He answered, stuffing his hands inside his pockets. "So Rider you're gonna start?"
"Wait you guys," Lacey began, as she threw her hands around her arms. "Let's go someplace where we can sit down, alright? And someplace inside, where we don't have to freeze. What do you all say?"
"I second that." I replied, looking around at all the shops and restaurants down the main street. "Let's go to Johnny Rockets?" Everyone agreed, and so we went. But as we began walking, I caught sight of Dillon and Rider exchanging very stern glares. And that's when it hit me. I was about to figure out why Dillon had been ignoring me, why Rider had kept turning on me, and how we were going to end it all of this crap. At last we would get down to the bottom line. And with Dillon to be there to supervise what was said, I had a feeling that I would finally get the truth. At least I hoped so...
When I had caught up to Rider, I grabbed his arm and whispered to him harshly. "You better be with us this time."
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Sorry if this chapter was confusing!! I'm honestly flabbergasted! It took me like 2 hours to finish it up...crazyyyy stuff. But anyways.. two more chapters until this book is closed! I've honestly had so much creating this..but I can't wait to get started on my next writing project! :) Btw... the sneak peek will be up by the end of this week. At least I'm hoping so :D But other than that! Thanks for sticking with me thus far... Means so much <3
Now stay tuned!
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