"I've just been to the new house."
"Ok."
"Because our interior designer called."
"And?"
"They've finished moving the furniture in."
"That was quick."
"Apparently, Kathleen and her team went to the storage unit where a lot of my furniture was kept."
"Yeah."
"They took a lot of stuff."
"I told them they could."
"Then they took a lot of stuff to the new house."
"Well, I'm glad they took them there and not to a charity shop. That would have been bad."
"It would have been."
"Babe, not to be rude or anything, but is there a purpose to this phone call?"
"I've been to the new house."
"Yeah, you said that at the start of the conversation. After that, I was struggling to work out what you were trying to say."
"Kathleen and her team decorated the house using some of the furniture from my old place."
"That's a problem, how, exactly?"
"It's not a problem."
"So, again, what's the point in this conversation?"
"I like what they did with the place."
"Why, because they used your old furniture?"
"Well, I'm glad to see my old bookshelf again."
"The one that looks like a sailing boat?"
"It doesn't look like a sailing boat."
"Does, too."
"Whatever. I like the kitchen and dining area."
"You do?"
"Mhm. Loving the master bathroom. Do you think the bath is big enough for two people?"
"I'm not sure."
"I think we should give it a try."
"You sure you and Fletch don't want to try spooning in there?"
"You sure you and your sister don't want to use it for nap time?"
"I don't see how Charlotte and I falling asleep in a bathtub is in the same league as you and Fletch spooning."
"We were not spooning."
"You were. As I recall, you were the little spoon, too."
"I am never the little spoon."
"You were on Saturday night."
"Shut up."
"Haha."
"Fletch told me that you two got along like a house on fire while prepping for the party."
"A house on fire?"
"Mhm. I don't believe it, though."
"Why not? It's perfectly plausible that we get along so well."
"No, it isn't plausible. What happened between you two?"
"He put spiders up all over the house. I asked him kindly not to sleep with my sister. He agreed."
"He agreed?"
"Yeah... do you think I can trust him?"
"Probably not."
"What? That's not reassuring!"
"What exactly did he say?"
"Just that, if anything was going to happen between him and Charlotte, it would be because Charlotte wanted it to happen and not because Fletch pursued her."
"..."
"Your silence isn't making me feel any better about this."
"Ok, how about we give him the benefit of the doubt? Charlotte looked pretty hideous on Saturday night so, hopefully, Fletch will lose interest."
"Please don't say the word 'shag.' Makes me uncomfortable to hear you say that. So not you. And my sister did not look hideous on Saturday."
"You're right. You looked worse. But I don't see how Charlotte would want to sleep with Fletch. He's a prick and she knows better. The only way that they would ever have sex is either because Charlotte is drunk or because she's lost the plot."
"I hope she has more sense than to hook up with him!"
"Let's just sit back and wait to see what happens. Now, the house- is there a reason there's a painting that looks like a vagina in the master bedroom?"
"It's a flower."
"How is that a flower?"
"It just is. It's Georgia O'Keefe."
"Can we move it to a guest bedroom?"
"You have a problem with the painting?"
"It looks like a vagina."
"You don't like how it looks?"
"No, I don't."
"Huh."
"Let's just switch it."
"Ok."
"Thank you."
"But-"
"God."
"If we take the painting out, then we're having my grandmother's green vase in the bedroom, instead."
"We can't. We sent it to Emma and Adam. Too late, it's gone."
"I'm sure Emma will let us have it back."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"In that case, we keep the painting."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Interesting."
"Whatever. So, when are we moving?"
"Moving?"
"Well, the house is ready, so I assume we're moving soon."
"It's not really ready. They still need to fit the walk-in-wardrobe."
"Ah. Right."
"We can't move until all my shoes can come, too!"
"You're insane."
"Yep."
"We shall continue this discussion when you get home."
"Ok. I'm just around the corner. See you in five."
"Great. Can't wait."
"Me neither! Look how in sync we are!"
"..."
"See you soon, baboon."