Chapter 38
Vycandor hung his head down low as if ashamed. When he spoke his voice was full of regret. "Kill or be killed. Is this what we've been reduced to?"
I thought about that for a moment. His unexpected apathy toward the possible extermination of the entire human race was seriously getting on my very last nerve.
Just who's side was he on anyway?
"Oops, I didn't know I was supposed to let the Dark Ones win. What was thinking?"
His dark eyes met mine in a glimmer of challenge. "That's not what I meant, Chaos, and you know it."
I pointed over his shoulder at the desolate beauty of a broken city, broken dreams, and broken souls caught in the middle of a war as old as time. "I'm not sorry for breaking rules I didn't make. Now, if you're finished, there's someone else who could use our help before it's too late."
"What about Jade?" Vycandor inquired matter of factly.
I sucked in my breath to the point of almost choking. "Shit. I forgot."
"If that maniac has harmed even one hair on her head, he's going to be sorry."
"Aww, look who's getting all protective over his kitty," I purred.
"It's not like that," he replied defensively. "Jade is my spirit animal. Nothing less, and nothing more."
I tilted my head to the side feeling oddly possessive. "Why don't you go and tell her that?"
He reached out to take my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Look, we can argue about this once she's safe."
"What about Thomas?"
Vycandor arched a brow. "What about him?" When I didn't answer right away he took my silence to mean betrayal. "You formed the bond with me, not him. Remember? And I plan to protect what's mine." My continued silence only served to further incense him. "Surely you are not trying to imply that rescuing Thomas is more important than rescuing Jade? If so, then we have a serious problem."
I pulled my hand out of his grasp. "You're the one with the problem. I'm not your property, don't hang your shit on me."
"First of all," he began, pausing to smooth his long rain soaked hair out of his face, "don't speak to me like that. And..."
I interrupted him before he could get to the second part. Instead of the strange magnetic connection we normally shared, it felt like our souls were in mutiny. "I don't have time for your little games, mind tricks, or otherwise. Thomas needs me. You go rescue Jade from Doctor Drool and meet me back at the castle. Got it?"
I gave him serious eye contact before extending my wings in an explosion of fire and feathers. With one flap to gain enough altitude to clear the confines of the cockpit, I beat my wings faster and harder to pick up speed. Heart pounding in my ears, I scouted the ground below in an effort to make sure I wasn't being followed.
So far, so good.
I'd already been surprised once today by a creature holding a still beating heart. I wasn't in the mood to be surprised twice. At least, not if I could help it.
Satisfied I'd left no survivors, much to Vycandor's obvious dismay, I flew high above the clouds only slowing down when I neared the formidable looking castle that continued to hover in a most menacing manner over the now destroyed city of Kalamazoo, and circled the sparkling crystal turret chamber located high atop the soaring keep with its many towers and pointy spires.The place definitely had major creep factor.
Tucking my wings, I spiraled through the gaping hole in the ice Thomas had left behind when he'd been activated as part of Serenity's first wave of attacks. Just the thought of him turning into one of the living dead and launching himself through a thick wall of ice for the purpose of feeding on unsuspecting adults in the middle of the night made my stomach curl in revulsion.
I shook my head as if to erase the unpleasant thought, knowing I couldn't allow myself to dwell on a past that was unchangeable. Besides, there was the here and the now, and the once angel turned human ice-cube to think about.
No to mention the fact that I'd forgotten to ask Vycandor how to defrost him. If that was even possible.
Realizing my epic fail in mid-flight, I slowed dramatically, straightened my body upright at the last possible moment before kissing the farthest wall with my face, and came to a screeching halt near the king sized bed.
I didn't quite know what to expect, but certainly not this.
Instead of discovering a diabolical horde of creatures attempting to force feed Thomas the heart of darkness like I imagined, I found Courtney perched on the bed directly beside him and crying. No. I wouldn't exactly call it crying. More like wailing very loudly. Which she tried her best to pretend she wasn't as soon as she spotted me, except that the streaks of tears trailing down both cheeks was a dead giveaway.
"What the hell, Courtney?"
She visibly swallowed as if unsure how to answer. "I uh...I mean, do you always have to make such a dramatic entrance?"
I gave her my best eye-roll. "I'm nothing if not completely dramatic." I was still trying to figure out what she was up to when my initial curiosity turned to anger. "What are you doing here?"
She wore a timid expression on her angelic face as if embarrassed to be caught alone with a human. "I'm protecting Thomas," she finally admitted, narrowing her blue eyes. "Shouldn't you be out saving the world?"
"Don't use that save the world shit on me. I know what's at stake, okay? At least I'm not the one who vanished without a trace."
"Someone had to evacuate the city while you and Vycandor were busy playing kissy face."
"Is that so?"
She crinkled her forehead prettily. "Speaking of Vycandor, where is he?"
"He went to get Jade. Don't worry, he'll be back soon."
"Why did you come here without him?" The tone of her voice made the question sound more like an accusation.
I rocked back and forth on my heels, eyes carefully scanning the enormous ice chamber for any signs of trouble. Everything seemed exactly the way Vycandor and I had left it when we took off on our mission in search of Doctor Drool. Same large-scale bed fit for a king, same sumptuous duvet and many accent pillows, same luxurious window curtains draping dramatically on the shiny floor, and the exact same color scheme I happened to love, but had grown to hate – a dark, deliriously decadent shade of purple. It was annoying as hell. "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood. Nice place, don't cha think? Not too keen on the color, although I do admire a bedroom you can land a plane in."
Courtney attempted a smile. "You seem to find humor in everything. Don't you find that a bit odd?"
I shrugged. "It sure beats feeling paranoid." Happy that I'd been wrong about Thomas being transformed into a sin-eater, I paused to glance over at him.
The blood in my veins froze to match his.
He laid so deathly still in the middle of the bed, almost as if a magic spell had been cast upon him, when really it was Vycandor's way of placing his body in a catatonic state to allow him to heal after being attacked. Even so, he looked like he was teetering on the verge of death. A thin sheen of fog still coated his skin, while long, icy tendrils of smoke repeatedly traveled up and down his entire body to form a thick coat of glittering ice crystals.
Even worse, his pillowy soft lips that were normally a delicate shade of pink, were now an eerie shade of dark violet-blue. His once perfectly sculpted cheekbones that created such a dramatic look of distinction were now pale and gaunt. Even his breathing seemed labored to me. Each time he exhaled it painted the cold air with a tint of azure – a sure sign he wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I needed to wake him up and fast. But how? Getting past Courtney was going to be very, very tricky. Especially seeing how she'd taken it upon herself to act like his own personal body guard while I was gone.
Yeah, all 99 pounds of her tiny, diminutive frame.
She may look like a tiny teacup Chihuahua on the outside, but inside she was about as ferocious as a Doberman Pinscher.
I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I didn't appreciate the effort and all to keep him safe, because I did. Very much so. However, convincing her to move period was the real challenge. Especially when the dress she wore looked tighter than bark on a tree.
Blurring the thin line between being dead and alive, I suddenly recalled Vycandor's warning about leaving Thomas frozen for too long and the risk of infection. Not knowing how to wake him up was one thing. Not being able to was totally unacceptable.
It was hard to keep the sound of growing fear out of my voice, but I managed. "If you and your hooker dress would kindly take two steps back, I'd be much obliged."
Courtney sprung to her feet and backed away with a look of complete shock etched on her angelic face. "I've already tried everything I can think of. He doesn't respond to anything. Maybe you should kiss him," she added on second thought.
If possible, I rolled my eyes harder. "That's not how it works. This isn't a fairy tale."
With her out of my way, I approached the bed and crumpled down beside him. Sitting this close, the sweet scent of vanilla infiltrated my senses. I couldn't help but be reminded of the time we'd spent together on the other side, and the yellow tubular shaped flower he'd tucked behind my ear.
A vanilla orchid.
The memory brought a tear to my eye. The thought of losing him shredded me.
Part of me, a really, really big part knew it was already too late. But the other part of me still wanted a chance to tell him all the things I needed to say... even if he could no longer hear me.
I took a deep breath and the words simply poured out of me. "Ever since I left you, I've been fighting to get back to tell you I'm sorry. It's taken me this long to understand that true happiness lied in my own hands, and I let it go. I let it slip right through my fingers. I was so stupid and foolish. You...you gave up everything just to save me. You knew all along what I could never find the courage to admit. That I need you in my life. If you wake up, I promise to spend the rest of eternity making it up to you. I will be the one who loves you until the end of time."
When he didn't respond, I stood up angrily and my foot kicked something– sending it skidding across the floor. I bent down to peek under the purple haze of the bed and spied something familiar.
A violin.
I opened my mind and the beloved instrument Vycandor had given to me as a gift drifted into my waiting arms. For me, the music was just always there – hidden under the surface, along with the power I carried around like a torch.
At that exact moment, I didn't want to play my violin for me. I didn't even want to play it with the hope of bringing Thomas back. I wanted to play it as my way of saying goodbye. In the only way I knew how.
Cradling my violin and bowstring against my chest, I carefully placed my chin on the rest and drew the bow gently across the strings. The sound it made was pure lusciousness, like being wrapped up in a robe made out of musical satin. The only decision now was to pick a song. I thought about it for a few precious heartbeats and decided on the first song Thomas ever heard me play. A song he said was his favorite.
The largo ma non tanto from Bach's concerto for two violins.
In this radiant duet a full orchestra would normally fill the simple accompanying role, but I preferred to play both parts in equal musical dialogue with one another, creating a spine tingling rhythmic texture and tempo as I weaved a heartbreaking sound that was all my own.
As I continued to play, this my parting gift, the song perfectly echoed my feelings for Thomas. A haunting mixture of two individual parts so completely intertwined that they seemed to caress one another as they exquisitely overlapped in an endless expression of love. I managed to slow down the piece in an effort to make it last as long as possible since I intended to make it my final performance.
When finished, I placed a delicate kiss on his cold forehead – shedding tears that instantly turned to ice. It made me think about Vycandor. "I could have loved you both," I whispered, knowing how Thomas had refused to share me. "But I will leave him if it means losing you."
I waited for him to stir. When he didn't, I knew what I had to do. As he had once given up his eternal life to save mine, I decided to give up my eternal life to save his.
To allow him to follow his own destiny as he had allowed me to follow mine.
But, unlike Thomas, the flames of my power would decide whether or not I remained as a human, or died by the fire. Reaching behind my back, I tore off my left wing and nearly passed out from the pain.
"Chaos don't!" Courtney screamed.
I quickly reached to grab my right wing, but she was suddenly there.
"Silly child, you have so much to learn."
"I'm not a child," I countered between gritted teeth. "And, anyway, the lessons we have yet to learn are the ones we rarely choose."
"You are blinded by your mistakes. Don't be a fool and make another."
"The mistakes I've made in the past are just that," I hissed. "They're mine. I don't need you to remind me."
Courtney narrowed her blue eyes into thin little slits. "Don't you think I know you've hurt Thomas before?"
"I didn't hurt him...I failed him. There's a big difference."
"Still," she insisted, "you must be stronger than your past."
"Why should I?"
"Because the future may still give you a chance."
I scoffed at the idea, reaching for my final wing. "A future without Thomas in it is no future for me."
Courtney grabbed me by the arm. "I can't let you do this, Chaos."
Anger spiking at her repeated interference, heart beating wildly out of control in the cage of my chest, I brought the full weight of my stare down like a gavel. Her tiny body literally exploded backward, the only thing stopping her momentum was a thick wall of ice. Other than a little bit of blood she coughed up and spit out as a result of the impact, she seemed fine. Uh, make that mostly fine. I didn't stop to consider how I'd managed to use my powers to harm another angel, especially when soon there wasn't going to be time to save one.
"Look at it this way, Courtney. The world isn't losing an angel. It's gaining one."
Crawling up on the bed, I laid my head on his cold bare chest and placed his icy hands around my lower back, resisting the urge to shiver. If fate decided that my journey ended, then here in his arms is where I wanted to be buried. In a very real way Thomas was my sanctuary.
With every beat of his ever weakening heart that brought him closer and closer to death, I had precious little time left to save his life. Reaching an arm behind my back once more, I ripped off my final wing– biting off a curse at the tremendous pain.
Thomas was wrong.
The symbolic act of sacrifice hurt like hell. Eyes filled to the brim with a hot rush of fresh tears, I watched as the smokey gray feathers disintegrated in my hand.
All I had left to do now was give up my immortality.
Pressing my lips to his in a final kiss, I said the words that would become my last. "My tireless strength, my undying love, but most of all my eternal light is now yours."
The blazing heat forever coursing through my veins like a river of molten lava consumed my entire body without me fighting to control it. The escaping power caused an explosion that rocked the turret chamber – sending thick shards of ice flying out in all directions. The floors lurched and shook violently, coupled with an eruption of massive flames that leveled the ice palace. I used my body to protect Thomas as best as I could, drawing his arms tighter around my waist and scrunching my eyes closed so I would not see that he didn't feel himself holding on to me. I hoped and prayed that it was enough to keep us both safe.
With my cheek resting on his chest once more, I sensed a subtle change in his breathing. A gentle stirring if you will. No longer human, I knew he couldn't possibly be sensing any pain. As an immortal angel once more, he was more than capable of withstanding the extreme fire and heat that came from me.
But, just to be sure, I had to check.
Tear filled eyes burning from tendrils of smoke that snaked and swirled around the bed making it nearly impossible to see properly, I raised my head and sucked in my breath. If only for the briefest of moments, the smoke cleared and our eyes met. It was like seeing a night sky full of twinkling stars and a brilliant morning sunrise all at the same time. Suddenly I didn't need words to tell him what was in my heart. That one look said I was his for all eternity.
Hanging on to hope even when there was no more hope to speak of, I knew I would die a thousand fiery deaths if it meant this moment could last forever. But the wounded sky in his eyes told me it was already too late.
I took one last trembling breath before the flames turned my body into a pile of ashes and dust. My one and only comfort was knowing that Thomas would go on living his life and saving mankind because of my sacrifice. Hopefully some day he would find a way to forgive me for leaving him behind. Besides, the world was a much, much better place with him in it.
The architect of my own tragedy, I floated above the scene that played out below– attempting to stay in the land of the living for one last glimpse of Thomas as Courtney rushed to his side in an effort to put out the flames I'd left in my wake. There was nothing to keep me here now. Nothing chaining me to the spot where my body had fallen apart like so many dried flowers. I was quite dead and free to roam wherever I pleased. And even if I was fiendishly tempted enough to hang around and prowl the castle like a ghost, darkness folded in on me from every side, closing my line of sight like a claw of night.
Waiting to cross over to the other side, awareness of a change in my surroundings flickered somewhere deep down inside. At first I thought I was dreaming – engulfed once more in murky images of golden light that felt more like a gentle caress – until a familiar voice sounding as if it came from far away penetrated the silence.