What would you do if you caught two French superheroes french-kissing inside your french bakery that was supposed to be closed because you're a French who attended an event outside France?
Or rather...
What French parents should do on their half-French daughter french-kissing a full-blooded French man inside the french bakery that was supposed to be closed while they were donned as French superheroes?
Ladybug didn't know the answer. She remained on the spot as she looked at her bewildered parents who froze completely in their doorway.
The Dupain-Chengs - the father, the mother and the child - were having a staring contest with a pin-drop silence, probably on the verge of absorbing the ludicrous situation, until an Agreste destroyed it.
"We - welcome back!" the feline hero squeaked.
And to obliterate it further, his father answered.
"Thanks!"
Then followed by her mother.
"We're home!"
Which led the spotted heroine to slap her forehead with her spandex-covered hand. At that moment, she mustered all of her willpower not to skin a certain mangy cat.
Normally, owners would interrogate unwelcomed strangers who infiltrated their locked house with animosity; much more if these strangers touched and took some things without permission.
Well, the girl thought. I lived here technically.
But then, her parents didn't know that. She didn't even know if she could qualify herself as a thief, let alone breaking and entering her own home in disguise, and consider such actions as a crime.
Her rational mind stopped working as soon as the duo was led to the dining room with a cup of tea and a plate of crackers. The setup reminded her how parents do 'The Talk' to their prepubescent kids, like how to control raging hormones and relationship stuff, but their conversation didn't go that route.
Because in reality, Tom and Sabine didn't know that Marinette was Ladybug and Adrien was Chat Noir.
"I believe 'congratulations' is appropriate." the burly husband wiggled his brows as he sat on the edge of the table. "Considering the sight that we've seen earlier."
The superheroes blushed, and when Chat Noir acknowledged it with a neck scratch and a nod, Ladybug couldn't help but kicked his leg. She had to control herself not to think about how she could skin a mangy cat.
"We don't mind knowing the reasons why you've borrowed our kitchen." the petite wife supplied as if she could read the superheroine's anxiety, then eyed the cookie pouches inside her daughter's knapsack. "Though I didn't peg you to be a baker."
"Ah, that's because my parents taught me how to bake since I was young."
"I see."
Her intuitions affirmed that her mom was about to add something, but stopped herself instead. Whatever the reason behind her reluctance, she didn't know. She decided not to probe further.
"We would like to apologize for our intrusion." the heroine bowed. "We need to recharge our Miraculous, and it so happened that your house was near and accessible from our location."
"Marinette allowed us to use your oven." her feline partner defended, which was technically true. "Rest assured that everything was cleaned and returned to their proper places, and we didn't steal anything here...except for some flours, eggs, sugar, butter and chocolate chips. We'll pay you for all the ingredients we've used and whatever supplies we've borrowed."
"Oh, you don't have to, Chat Noir. All Parisian superheroes are welcome to this humble home." Tom waved his hand. "Like what my wife mentioned before, we really don't mind knowing your business. I guess that defeats the purpose of having secret identities."
"It's quite unfair if we'll just leave without giving a proper explanation. We're not that ungrateful."
"As what we've mentioned, it's fine." her father beamed as if he could see her behind the mask. Then he continued.
"We're not surprised that you were both acquainted with my daughter. After all, you've saved her at least once from an Akuma."
"You're right. Marinette seems to be a magnet for disaster." the feline hero pondered smugly while glancing at his scowling partner.
Tom only laughed. "I can't blame you to reach on that assumption. See, she's not that clumsy if she can make her head to think straight. Her imaginations are somewhat wild, which I believe is a great component as an artist, and very melodramatic like it's the end of the world. She tends to overthink things."
"She's just perfectionist," Sabine added. "And her body coordination wasn't that bad. Remember that we enlisted her for ballet class?"
"Marinette did a ballet?!" Chat exclaimed, making his partner squirmed in her seat.
"Yeah, she was as graceful as a swan. Then stopped one day because she preferred making tutus rather than wearing them."
"I think that's her turning point to follow her calling." the man scratched his beard with a hum. "Spending her allowances for linens, collecting fashion magazines, watching project runways...I think that's where she knew about Adrien."
"You're wrong, Hon. She only learned about Adrien's existence when they were in troisième."
"Ah, yeah. Such a good kid. Do you think our dream to have green-eyed grandchildren will come true?"
"I think so. I mean, she's doing her best to seduce him by her sweetness."
"Mon Dieu." Ladybug groaned with full-blown mortification, trying not to be rude to her parents and at the same time, trying not to strangle her bemused boyfriend.
"Oh, I'm sorry Ladybug! We didn't mean to rant some snippets about our daughter's lives! Not that we're not proud with her, because we are very much proud of her, and we love her so very much, it's just that...well, I think it's not a secret that she has a crush on that Agreste kid. Everybody knows about it, I think, except the person himself."
"I think Adrien already knows, M. and Mme. Dupain-Cheng." the feline hero smirked. "Only an idiotic blind guy will fail to notice your daughter's stunning beauty, compassion, bravery, and kindness that even a mere dictionary can't describe her awesomeness."
"If that's the case Chat Noir, then why did it take him years before he made a move on my daughter?"
"Because he's an idiotic, blind and scaredy-cat guy...?"
Fortunately, the parents failed to notice how the hero winced when Ladybug hit his shin. But that didn't mean they failed to note his praises.
"Do you have a crush on my Marinette?" Tom gave him a beady, murderous stare. "Because I swear I'm going to snap the bones of those who would woo my daughter yet flirted with the other."
Chat shrunk as he paled with horror. "Oh, no, no, no, no, Mr. Dupain-Cheng! I'm just a cat that serves one Master! Ri - right, M'Lady?"
His Lady answered him with dagger looks. He gulped audibly.
"You're scaring him, Tom. You're threatening a superhero." Sabine chuckled then looked at the teens. "It's innate for us parents to be overprotective with our kids. All parents only want the best for them, regardless of age and mindsets. That whatever failures they've faced, or success they've made, there will always be us who will support and tap their backs for a job well done."
Chat Noir was awed with a pang of jealousy on how doting Marinette's parents were. Such familial love was something he always craved since he was young. An affection he barely remembered from his father, and a lingering memory he felt from his mother. It was a kind of love he wished he could obtain in the present.
On the other hand, Ladybug was assaulted with guilt and shame. She was lying in front of her parents - in fact, she was keeping secrets under their nose, and to make the matter worse, she couldn't tell them at all. Yet despite her shortcomings and impertinence, they didn't mind declaring their unconditional love towards their daughter. Towards Marinette. Towards her.
"Ladybug, are you alright?"
Sabine's concerned voice shook her from her stupor, and when a leather-covered hand brushed her cheek, she realized that she was crying.
"I - I'm sorry." the heroine apologized and almost broke her dam when Chat squeezed her hand. "I didn't mean to make things weird here, but...I just - I just recalled my parents. I'm sorry."
"It's alright, sweetie." the woman said, placing her hand on top of theirs. "Though we didn't know you two, and this might sound awkward, but we are always here to take care of you."
"You have no idea how much we appreciate all the heroism and efforts you've made in our city." the man interjected as he copied his wife's gestures. "That by every blow and wound you two get was equal to the number of innocent lives you both saved."
"Do they know? Your parents?"
Ladybug and Chat Noir shook her heads.
Of course, none of their parents knows about their secret identities.
"I see."
Silence overpowered the room.
A few heartbeats later, Ladybug broke the contact. "I think we need to leave now."
"Ah, yes. There's an Akuma on the loose." Tom nodded then responded them with a smile. "Seems like we're holding you two up for your tasks."
"It's alright, Mr. Dupain-Cheng. A little pick me up won't hurt." Chat said. "And thanks for your guiding hands."
"I don't mind giving you a hand since we know we're on your good hands."
"Don't worry - we got the upper hand in this battle."
"Let us know firsthand if you guys won against Papillion - though it'll be obvious hands down victory."
"Chat - "
"Huh. As if we'll hand him our Miraculous."
"Chat Noir - "
"Don't overplay with your hands, son, or else the situation might get out of hand."
"I'm not a type that would get my hands dirty Monsieur, but - "
"Chat Noir, damn it!" the spotted heroine bellowed out of frustrations. "Stop this puns right now or I might use these hands literally to skin you alive!"
"Meow-ch, Buginette!"
Sabine snorted at their ridiculousness and the heavy tension that was present in the air dissipated and replaced by a raucous laughter. All the worries, doubts and fears the superheroes felt awhile back were gone as if their serious discussion never happened at all.
"Though we enjoyed bug-ging around here and chat." the feline hero said, wiping some happy tears on his eyes. "But we must leave now."
"Thank you for your hospitality and understanding." his partner looked at the couple with glee. "And for giving us a motivation despite the havoc that we've made here."
"No worries there, young Lady." Tom sighed then glanced at her partner. "And look out for her, young Knight."
"I will, Monsieur!"
Before the two activated their respective weapons to flee, the mother stopped them in a tight hug. They were taken aback when the father followed, wrapping them like they were a bunch of pillows.
"Zhù nǐ hǎo-yùn." her words were immediately understood by Chat, as well as Ladybug despite having a limited knowledge of her mother's tongue.
The youngsters responded their appreciations with a tighter hug.
.
.
.
.
"Ladybug?"
"Hmm?"
The superheroes were scaling rooftops when Chat Noir suddenly asked his partner.
"What is it, Kitty?"
"Do you have a video in a tutu?"
She answered him with a yo-yo hit.
.
.
.
.
"Tom?"
"Hmm?"
The couple was looking at the windows, still staring at the direction where the superheroes leaped and swallowed by skyscrapers.
"You owe me a hundred." the wife smirked. "And a massage."
The husband only grunted with defeat.