Titus had first seen Lexa when she had been a scrawny five year old girl. Anya had brought her to Polis to train with the other nightbloods. Even before Lexa became the Commander, she was just as wise and level headed. At times Titus wondered whether Lexa would even need the Commanders' souls to ascend the throne.
So he was extremely surprised to find that the Arkadian had actually managed to infiltrate the camp in his absence. He had never held Lexa as one to make severe blunders in judgement. He had even laughed on the face of the Arkadian Chancellor when he had suggested that the girl might succeed.
But Titus knew that compassion had always been one of Lexa's only weaknesses. Lexa had refused to believe anything when Titus had explained the whole conversation with Jaha to her.
But when he mentioned the name Clarke Griffin, he had seen the confidence falter in her eyes. Titus gathered that the two girls had become rather close in the last few days. And based on her faith on the girl, Lexa had even sent some of her most prized warriors on a rescue mission to save the girl's friends.
The fallacies of young love. Titus shook his head ruefully. The one weakness that makes even the best of us falter and fall.
***
Lexa sat alone in her throne room, deep in thought. It'll be morning in a few hours and her warriors would be expecting her go ahead to leave for the Camp Jaha containment center. The plan was perfectly in place. They had been coordinating with the Bellamy boy who had given them a few devices to communicate. He called them walkie-talkies. She trusted Bellamy with carrying out the plan well.
Lexa paused as she thought of the word.
Trusted.
Trust.
Funny word, really. A lot like gamble, a lot like faith, a lot like risk. Trust was all of this combined.
She realised that she has delaying what was necessary, all this time. She needed to talk to Clark. As the Commander, and as Lexa, both. She simply couldn't delay it any more.
***
I should have fucking told her everything.
Clarke replayed the line for the hundredth time to herself. She knew she had no one to blame for this, but herself. Things would have gotten out someway or the other, she should have known.
She had nothing left to do but feel sorry for herself. But then she realised she felt even more sorry for Lexa. Lexa didn't deserve this. After opening up to her, she definitely did not deserve this. She wished she could somehow tell her how sorry she was for everything.
And that she...her train of thought surprised her.
Did she really...was she actually going to accept that she was falling... No.
She could not even consider it. She was sent to kill Lexa. And all she knew was that she would give everything she had to protect Lexa.
A very slight movement at the corner of the cell made Clarke snap out of her reverie. Lexa was standing at the corner of the corridor, just outside her cell, staring down at her. But it was not the kind of look Lexa usually gives people. She looked unusually passive. If Clarke didn't know better, she'd say she almost read the hurt in Lexa's eyes. She looked straight up at Lexa, searching for the anger beneath the calm, but never quite found it.
"Lexa," she managed to whisper.
Lexa's face remained as impassive as ever. She stood there, staring at Clarke like she was some mildly interesting TV show. Finally after what seemed like ages, Lexa finally said, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Clarke finally found her voice. "That hey Lexa, nice to find out that you're the Commander. But I have to kill you, sorry!"
"You were surprised to find out that I am the Commander. You left. And you came back." It was more of a statement to herself, than to Clarke.
"My friend's lives were at stake. What is going to happen to them now?" It suddenly struck Clarke. The mission should be underway as they speak.
"I do not betray my allies, Clarke. They will be rescued and given a place amongst my people."
Clarke let out a small sigh. Everything was not lost. Whatever happened to her, they would be alright. She trusted Lexa enough to know that once they were branded into her clan, she would treat them just as she treated her own people.
"Thank you " she said in a small vice, unable to meet Lexa's eyes.
The silence felt heavy and oppressive.
"How are you still trusting us, Lex?" Clarke said, unable to take the silence anymore.
"Thrice."
"What?"
"Three chances. You had three chances to kill me when I was vulnerable. And for a noble cause too. To save those that matter to you." Lexa again almost stated it to herself, than to Clarke.
"You ma-"Clarke smiled ruefully. "That's the tragedy, Lexa. I wouldn't, even if I could."
Clarke did not know whether the lights were playing tricks with her eyes, or she actually imagined the sparkle at the corner of Lexa's eyes.
"What will you do with me?" Clarke asked.
"They want death by a thousand cuts. That is our way, Clarke. Your crime is a severe one." Lexa said, staring directly at Clarke.
"I asked what will you do with me, Lexa, not they."
Lexa stared at Clarke for a long time, and then asked, "Was any of it-"
"Real?" Clarke finished the question for her. "All of it, Lex. Every word. I wish I could explain to you how much I...How much I-"
"Don't, Clarke. The gate is open. Leave."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What do you mean? You're just letting me go? Just like that? After I tried to kill you?"
"Did you?"
"Did I what?"
"Try?"
Clarke bit her lips wondering if she did really try.
"Leave Clarke," Lexa repeated. "My people are baying for your blood. They want to see you die painfully. I cannot let that happen."
"So tell them not to. You can do anything. You're the Commander."
"Yes, but I'm not a dictator, Clarke. My people's happiness are paramount to me."
"What about yours? Your own happiness?"
Lexa avoided the question. "How else would you have me enforce peace in the lands?"
Clarke gave a small laugh at the irony. "I won't go anywhere."
"Do you have a death wish?"
Clarke got up and walked to the front of the cell, till she was face to face with Lexa, separated by the iron bars.
"No. I was here to kill you. And I didn't. They don't want me there at Arkadia, anymore. I bloody failed. You'll have me executed if I stay here. So no, Lexa, I don't have a deathwish. I am mad ok? I am mad at how fucking calmly you're taking this like the last few days did not matter. You're trying to hide from your feelings by allowing me to escape. Man up Lexa. I either stay here, and get executed tomorrow morning. Or you tell your people that you won't have me executed. Don't act like a fucking coward!"
"Do not exceed your limits, Clarke," Lexa said with a coldness that Clarke hadn't heard in her voice before.
"I am not going anywhere." Clarke said stubbornly.
Lexa gave her one last glare. "The executioners will be here tomorrow morning. Goodbye, Clarke of the sky people."
Clarke felt a weird sort of relief as she heard the sound of Lexa's boots disappear down the corridor. She finally realised that she had nowhere to go. Her people...they were no longer her people, they were Lexa's people now. And the remaining Arkadians and her mother - Clarke did not think they cared much in the first place to have sent her to kill a Commander.
For the first time in her life, Clarke Griffin was really, truly alone, and she wondered why that did not bother her even in the least. Lexa's coldness in the end was almost like a welcome, a relief after the impassive, stoic calm that she always seemed to put on. Clarke had wanted to push Lexa. Push her till she cracked, and she had succeeded. And she felt more at ease with herself in Lexa's anger at her, than the kindness.
Clarke had dozed off in the cell when she was suddenly awake by the sounds of thick heavy boots approaching her cell. She wondered if it was already time for her execution. She couldn't really have fallen asleep for that long, could she?
"Is it time?" she asked, as Gustus came and stood in front of her cell, followed by two other Grounder warriors, and a tall man with a bald pate.
Gustus glared at her silently, and the bald man spoke up.
"It seems Heda doesn't want you executed, skyling. Do you know what that means?"
Clarke kept silent.
"That means this will lower heda's position, and just before an alliance too. And war is brewing in the north."
He walked forward and sat down on his haunches, till his face was right in front of Clarke. "Tell me Klark, what do you do when you see someone you've brought up like your own child, fail? And for something like you," he almost spat the words out.
He stood up. "I am the Fleimkeepa and I'll always do what is best for Leksa. May Commander Because forgive me for disobeying my Commander. Gustus," he commanded.
Before Clarke realised anything, she saw Gustus and the two warriors enter her cell. Clarke had been in fights before. Arkadia hasn't exactly been the easiest place to grow up in. But nothing she had experienced before had prepared her for the sick crunch of knuckles on her jaws. She reeled from the blow and before she could recover, she felt an even stronger blow to her stomach. She had beaten people us as kids during playing, and have been beaten up by both Octavia and Raven once in a while. But she realised that she had never really been in a fight until this. Even her mandatory training with the guards came to no use as she tried to lash out blindly to defend herself.
"Lexa....will kill.....you" she managed to gasped before she was thrown against the iron bars of the cell.
She could not fell her legs anymore, and suddenly all she wanted to do, was see Lexa. Her Lexa.
"Lexaa..." she half screamed, half whispered as another fist landed with a dull thud on her ear. The world around her began to swim. She began to wonder if the torches had all gone off. It was cold and the blood trickling down her face felt warm and flushed.
When Lincoln and Indra came down to the cell late in the night, they wondered if they were too late to break Clarke out, under Lexa's order, as she lay there like a lifeless body, surrounded by the four grounder men.
---
A/N: Hello darkness my old friend.
Today is the 3rd death anniversary of my friend Alex. She was in the army. She died from haemorrhaging after she was beaten up in during a mugging gone wrong. I had gone to visit her place. I guess that's what prompted this chapter.
I'm sorry for the brutality.
And don't worry. Clarke will live. Clexa will have a happy ending. It's just that it takes time to find happy endings at time. But they're always there lurking in the corner. Especially in fanfictions.
Next chapter tomorrow. And then I go on a week's break. Till then, stay awesome.
Love,
Charlie