Dabbing one final bit of paint onto my canvas, I take a step back to scrutinise the effect, wondering if it needs a bit more.
No, I think that will do. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but for once, I actually think I might have done all I can. It’s rather satisfying.
Packing up my paintbrushes and paints, I move the canvas and easel into the corner, picking up my guitar. It’s band practice today, and I can’t help but feel nervous about what’s going to happen. I want so desperately for it to all go well, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that it will only reinforce our realisation that we do need Levi after all.
I’m determined to prove Matt wrong, but after my practising last night, I think he’ll be wearing that smug expression again when I try to play the things Levi did.
But still. I can’t wait to practice again with everyone. It was always so much fun at band practice; everyone used to be in great moods, so we’d be laughing and joking with each other in between songs, and working out new ways of how to play the songs to their best advantage.
Thinking back, we were a dream team. Jamie used to play his bass to perfection, standing to my left, plugged into an amp, while Eddie was at the back, getting into playing the drums, his little ear protectors in his ears to stop him from damaging his ears. Playing the drums always looked like a proper workout to me; the amount of energy Eddie seemed to use when playing the drums seemed unbelievable.
Matt stood to the right of Eddie, his keyboard propped up on a stand. Playing the chords perfectly, he was always the one who sorted us into some sort of semblance of organisation, being the practical one.
And then I stood in the middle, a microphone for me to sing into. For most songs, I played the chords, sometimes stopping to sing the trickier bits. If I wasn’t playing the guitar, sometimes I would play the xylophone, which always added a rather cool element to the sound, another element to the overall effect.
Levi stood to my right, holding his electric guitar. Playing it effortlessly, whilst singing back up into the microphone, he was the one who brought the creative ideas to the band. Whether it was the idea of how to fit a difficult riff into one of the songs, or coming up with a way for Matt to play a piano introduction that didn’t feel out of place, slowly building in all the other instruments, he was usually the one who often came up with the best ideas.
Though we all added to the band, it was Levi who was the one who was the best at knowing what would be perfect for the band. So when he left, the band just fell apart. Jamie and Eddie strongly disliked him anyway, having seen the state I was in, and as I wouldn’t look at him or speak to him, it was always going to be impossible to cooperate. Matt was left frantically attempting to get us to work together, and failing. So we ended the band. I have no idea if we can continue without him, but we’ll see. It could all go perfectly well, and we could do even better than we were doing ten months ago. Well, it could do.
So, heading off to the music room at lunch time, I go into the large music room we booked out to practice in, and start setting up, as I’m the first here. The drums are already in position, so I get two amps, one for the bass and my guitar, one for the keyboard. It would have had Levi in too, but that’s obviously not going to be the case anymore.
Jamie comes in, carrying his bass in its case, and gives me a hug. ’Doesn’t this all feel familiar?’ he says, setting his bass down and pulling out a lead.
I nod. ’It really does! We just need Eddie to stumble in a few minutes late, saying he forgot and it’ll be just like old times.’
I don’t mention that the missing lead guitarist will mean that it’s not like the old times, I decide to leave it unsaid, but from Jamie’s expression, he’s thinking exactly the same thing.
Matt comes in, carrying a keyboard he’s borrowed from the music block, as carrying a keyboard into school from home would be rather ridiculous. He’s also carrying five folders, the ones we used to keep our music in. Matt always used to be in charge of writing up and printing out the music, as he was the only one who could read music and so we thought he’d be more professional.
‘You still have the folders?!’ I say, holding my hands out to take them from him, as he seems to have a lot to carry.
He drops them gratefully into my arms. ‘Yeah. I took them that day that the band broke up. I just thought they might come in handy one day, and looks like I was right about that.’
I sift through the files, handing Jamie his, popping Eddie’s on a music stand by his drums, and then I see mine. A sticker on the front has my name on it, ‘Zoey Hunter’ written in clear letters, while someone has added in the word ‘smells’ underneath in narrow, evenly sized hand writing.
Oh, I remember that all too well. Levi wrote it during the time before we got together, when we flirted a lot, and used to make Matt pull his hair out in frustration at our lack of focus. We were only focused on each other, most of the time, and (probably fairly enough) it pissed Matt off. We soon learnt that it was probably best to leave the flirting out of band practice, if we wanted to keep our heads.
Then there’s Levi’s folder. On his label with his name on it, I’ve drawn a picture of him, rocking out with his guitar. It’s quickly drawn with a biro, but you can tell by the detail that I was totally head over heels in like with him when I drew it, just by the carefulness with which I’ve done it. Why has Matt brought his folder? Maybe he just grabbed the pile of folders and forgot that Levi’s would be in there.
‘You’ve brought Levi’s folder,’ I say to Matt, and he shrugs.
‘Just thought I might as well,’ he says, enigmatically, and goes back to plugging in the keyboard.
Eddie races through the door. ‘Sorry! I forgot,’ he says, and Jamie and I look at each other, laughing.
We all set ourselves up quickly, and I have a quick leaf through all of the music sheets, smiling as the familiarity washes over me. I remember each song so well, so, so well.
We tune up, and, selecting the song we all knew the best back in the day, we start to play. For a moment, as it all starts, perfectly on cue as if we were practising just yesterday, I feel so nostalgic that it’s all I can do to play the chords. Thankfully Levi and I played the same chords, I just stopped to sing, at least, for this part. So I just carry on.
It’s a bit harder to sing when playing constantly, but I think I do it alright. However, the missing harmonies really are obvious; it would sound far better if we had someone singing back up; my voice alone sounds a bit quiet and vulnerable, not weak, just lonely.
Then we reach the bridge. I realise too late that it’s one where Levi and I sang different things, creating a very snazzy layered effect. However, when there’s only me, it doesn’t sound too great at all, as I’m just singing the same line over and over again. I try quickly fitting in Levi’s line too, but I can’t.
Then comes Levi’s solo. Lifting the guitar higher into my arms, I quickly move my fingers into where he used to hold them, and attempt to play a similar solo.
Well. I think that can fairly be described as an epic fail. I pluck a few strings pathetically before giving up, and just playing the chords.
We finish the song, then look round at each other, none of us wanting to be the first to speak and say how utterly awful that actually was.
‘Well,’ Eddie says, pulling out his ear protectors. ‘That was, er, different.’
‘Sorry,’ I say, miserably. ‘I just can’t do those solo-y bits that Levi can do.’
Jamie pats me on the arm soothingly. ‘It took Levi about two years of practising to get to doing those with ease, Zoey, I doubt you could have mastered it in only one night.’
‘But we don’t have two years for me to learn,’ I moan, pessimistically. ‘What can we do?’
Matt sits down on a handy chair in the corner of the room. ‘We could ask Levi again.’
‘You’ve got to be joking!’ I tell him, feeling scared just at the thought. ‘You saw how he reacted, Matt, not even a million pounds would have enticed him back to The Something Somethings.’
‘Ooh, I don’t know,’ Eddie says, wistfully, putting down his drumsticks. ‘I think I saw a bit of a glint in his eye when you mentioned that the band was getting back together, babe.’
‘Really?’ Jamie says. ‘Maybe we should ask him again?’
‘You can,’ I tell them. ‘He’ll say no. We could hold more auditions?’ I suggest, hopefully.
‘Hell no,’ Matt says. ‘If we didn’t get anyone good this time, second time round isn’t going to improve, is it?’
‘It could!’ I argue. ‘You never know.’
‘Well,’ Jamie begins. ‘Why don’t we offer Levi something to come back?’
‘Like what?’ Eddie asks. ‘Zoey?!’
‘Excuse me!’ I say, laughing. ‘What sort of a girl do you think I am, to be sold off like that?!’
‘Well, babe,’ he replies, ‘it could well tempt him to come back, couldn’t it? So it would totally be worth it for you.’
I roll my eyes at him. ‘I’m afraid he hates me, Ed,’ I say. ‘I think offering myself in return for him joining the band would make him even more unlikely to accept the deal.’
‘You think so?’ Matt says. ‘But what if we offered him something else?’
‘What?’ Jamie asks. ‘I don’t think we have anything worth offering. We can’t offer him money, that would be ridiculous.’
‘What if you asked him what he wanted in return, Zoey?’ Matt suggests. ‘If there’s something he wants in return for being a band member, he might tell you what it is, and we could see if it’s possible for us to bribe him with it.’
‘Why is it always me?’ I say, feeling rather unimpressed. ‘Is it because I’m the only girl?!’
‘No, of course not. It’s just that you knew Levi best,’ Matt replies, and annoyingly, he’s right. Though Levi got on with all of us, it was me who dated him, me who spent countless hours writing songs with him.
‘Okay,’ I sigh. ‘I’ll do it. But you’d better be grateful to me for doing it, alright? And don’t be cross if he doesn’t agree.’
Eddie smiles confidently. ‘Just use your puppy dog eyes on him, Zo,’ he tells me. ‘He never used to be able to resist them, did he?’
I laugh. ‘Now, why do you remember that?’
‘You used to do it all the time when you were arguing, and he wouldn’t stop proving his point, so you’d do that puppy dog eye thing, and then he’d pull you out of the room…’ He leaves the sentence hanging. ‘No idea what terrible things you got up to out of our sight, babe, but I’m sure we can all imagine.’
I raise an eyebrow at him, but my cheeks are flushing red. I used to love it when we’d make up after an argument. Or should I say, make out. We’d say sorry, promise to never argue again, even though we knew that we’d probably end up arguing again soon, and then he’d kiss me, very gently, but it usually got rather heated. Levi used to teasingly say it was all the passion overflowing from the argument we’d just had with each other.
Why am I thinking these thoughts about Levi again? The thought of him kissing me has made me feel all hot and bothered, and slightly dreamy. I shouldn’t think these things, it really won’t help if he does come back to the band.
‘So you’ll do it?’ Matt pulls me back to the present sharply.
‘Hm?’
‘You’ll ask Levi?’
‘Oh,’ I say. ‘Uh, yes. But don’t expect miracles, alright?’
‘We don’t want miracles, we just want Levi,’ Matt tells me, beginning to unplug all of the amps and musical instruments. ‘Got it?’
‘Yes, Matthew,’ I reply, rolling my eyes at him.
‘Good.’
Packing my guitar away, I can’t help but be a little nervous. Not only do I have to face Levi again, but it looks like I’ll be facing him alone. And to make him a deal?! I dread to think what that will involve.