Yeah, I have no words for making you all wait two weeks. Things have been hectic with gymnastics for my high school and tests and homework and studying etc, BUT! It's now my holiday break which means two straight weeks of writing (and gymnastics practice...) but still, I should be publishing a bit more. Thanks for being patient!
Enjoy💜
A Little Unsteady: 2 | Fresh Cuts
| Laura Marano |
| The Next Morning (May 12th, 2019) |
"Hey, babe. Wake up." Rubbing my eyes, I grown and stretch my body. "Laur, come on. Your parents made breakfast."
"Andrew?" I murmur, finally opening an eye. He gives me a smile before kissing my hair.
"Come on, we have food." I grab onto his hand as he helps me up to my feet, guiding me to the kitchen. There was five plates.
"Is Vanessa back?" I ask, looking at the fifth plate. My mom looks at me with a confused look. "What?" I ask. "You got out five plates, mom." She chuckles and shakes her head.
"Ross is here, Laura." My eyes completely widen.
"Where is he?!" I yell, everything from last night rushing back to me. Please, Ross. Don't do this...
"He's upstairs in the shower, babe." Andrew says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Are you oka-"
"How long has he been up there?!" I ask, panicking. I begin to pace around a bit and run my fingers through my tangly hair.
"Twenty minutes? A half hour? Around there." My dad replies with a shrug.
"ROSS!" I shout, running to the stairs.
"Laura, what the hell?!" Andrew yells, following closely behind me. I take the steps two at a time and rush to my room to grab the key. "Laura, calm down." Andrew says, stopping me in the doorway.
"Move!" I shout.
"Laura!" He shouts back. "We need to talk!" I roll my eyes and shove him, but he doesn't budge. Why am I so weak? "I come here this morning, feeling all guilty that I sounded like a completely jackass, only to find him asleep on top of you, Laura. Explain that?! And why the hell did you choose him over me?!" I give him my meanest glare. He did not...
"Andrew, move the fuck, out of my FUCKING WAY?!" I scream. His eyes widen and he jumps back, allowing me to run down the hall to my bathroom. I take no time at unlocking the door and literally pushing the door open. There was Ross, standing in only underwear, jeans in his hands, which he dropped the second my eyes landed on him.
"What's-" I cut Ross off.
"Thank the fucking lord!" I shout, practically jumping onto him. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, my feet completely off the ground. Ross quickly wraps his arms around my waist, probably so we wouldn't fall over, but all I could think about was that he was okay, and alive, and breathing, and perfect, and here. "You scared me, Ross." I mumble, wrapping my legs around him now and squeezing him even tighter. That is, if that was even possible.
"I would've woke you up but your boyfriend looked pissed off." He whispers, moving his arms so they're holding beneath my ass. Speaking of boyfriend...
"And that boyfriend is still pissed off." Sighing, I squeeze my eyes shut. "You know what, never mind. I'm gonna go home. Text me if you can, Laura." Honestly, I didn't care that he left. All my focus was on my blonde best friend.
"Breakfast is ready." I hear my mom say. "Be down in a few or it'll be cold." I waited until I didn't hear footsteps before speaking up.
"We need to talk, Ross." I whisper, pulling my head back. The advantage of being held like this: I'm eye level for the first time in a long while. I stare into his hazel eyes, which don't seam so happy anymore. My poor Ross.
"I know." He whispers, not taking his gaze off me.
"Ross, you almost-"
"I don't want to talk now." He murmurs, looking down now.
"But we need to." I whisper, moving his wet hair out of his eyes. "This isn't something that can be left alone, Ross. You need help. And if you don't want to talk to a therapist or some random stranger, you can always talk to me about this." I watch as a tear falls off his face and lands on his stomach, sliding down and soaking into my pants. "Yesterday was so scary, my heart literally shattered at the sight of you." I whisper, lifting his chin up. Not only was he crying silently right now, but I had a few tears falling down my cheeks.
"I don't want help, though." He whispers, adjusting his grip on me. "I'm fine."
"No you're not." I reply, looking into his eyes. "Last night, you said you hated-"
"Laura, I really don't wanna talk about this right now." My hearts breaking even more at his shattered voice and his waterfall of tears cascading down his cheeks. He squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds before opening them and looking back into mine. Taking my hand out of his hair, I begin letting both my hands wipe away his tears with my thumbs.
"I want to help you, Ross." I whisper, cupping his face. Our noses are literally an inch apart. "I want to show you what there is to love about you and what there is to love about living. I don't want you to be like this. I don't want you to harm yourself or kill yourself or anything, Ross." I explain, hoping he'd hear me out.
"There's nothing to love about me, Laura. I'm a fuck up. I've wasted all my time on a girl who doesn't even love me anymore. I've fucked up my relationship with the cast because of that girl and I even fucked up my relationship with my brothers. I spent so much time with her and it changed me, Laura. I'm not just a fuck up, but I'm fucked up. The older I get, the uglier I get and the meaner I get. I don't like my looks. I'm not skinny. I'm a total asshole, Laura. And... I just want all those mistakes gone. I want to be gone."
"Set me down." I whisper, patting both his shoulders.
"What?" He asks. I wipe under his eyes and on his cheeks one more time and give him a small smile.
"Set me down." He frowns before slowly letting me out of his arms. "Follow me." I whisper, lacing my fingers with his.
"Can I put on pants first?"
"Nope." I reply, dragging him out of the bathroom. I hear a sigh escape his lips as he slowly follows, tugging on my arm every step. I guide him down the hallway and into my room, where I shut my door and stand him in front of my huge body length mirror. "Look at yourself."
"I don't want to." He replies, his gaze down to the ground.
"I said look at yourself, Ross." He sighs and looks into the mirror. "We're starting with appearances first." I whisper, looking in his eyes through the mirror. "You know what I see when I look at you?" I ask.
"A mistake." He whispers. My heart.
"You're not a mistake, Ross." I say, looking in his eyes through the mirror. "You have a faint six pack, a v-line, muscly arms... you're definitely not fat and I don't know why you think you are." I explain. "You're body is perfect. I don't understand why you let those stupid fans get to you." I add. "You don't need to change how you look to please other people." He looks down. "No, keep looking at yourself." He lifts his head back up just as another tear rolls down.
"Bull shit." He mumbles.
"No, it's the truth. And I don't understand why you don't like your body. Even your stinkin' ass is perfect. I mean, I stare at a lot of people's ass' in this world and yours is pretty nice." I was hoping to get a small smile out of him, but I only got another tear sliding down his cheek. I clear my throat and straighten my body. "I really love your eyes." I whisper.
"My eyes are shit. Literal shit." He repeats. Shaking my head, I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. Things are about to get a little romantic in here...
"They're not shit, though." I reply. "I love your eyes, Ross. They're so freaking gorgeous and mesmerizing. Why do you think I'd always stare at you?" He just shrugs his shoulders. "And I love your hair. Short or long, you look just as cute." He shakes his head again. "I know this might be inappropriate to say, but... I love your lips, too." I sorta mumble out. "They were always so soft and I secretly wished I could kiss you for longer."
"Laura, I just want to go home." He mumbles, now looking at me through the mirror.
"I'll go with you." I say.
"Alone." He whispers.
"No." I immediately say. "I'm not letting you go home and be by yourself, Ross. Either you stay here with me or I come home with you and wait till your family comes home."
"Laura, come on. We both know you're just being nice. Now let me leave. You don't like me."
"But I do! I love you for your amazing looks and you're amazing personality, Ross. You're such a sweetheart and you're so effing talented. You always think things over a lot and you always make sure everyone else is fine before you are. You're such a gentlemen and just so caring. Not only that, but you're hilarious. You're always here to make me laugh, Ross. Who's gonna make me laugh if you leave?" I ask, my own voice breaking.
"Every other person on this damn planet." He mutters.
"But I don't want anyone else on this planet to make me laugh. I want you."
"Don't you have a boyfriend?" He asks. I close my eyes and sigh. "Go hang out with Andrew or something." He mutters, walking away. I grab his wrist and yank him around. "What the fuck?" He asks, rubbing his wrist. I furrow my eyebrows.
"Why did that hurt?" I ask, growing curious.
"You're stronger than you think." He mutters, about to walk away again. I reach for his wrist, successfully getting it close enough to my face so I could see three visible cuts sliced across his wrist. No... "Laura, let go." He whispers. My jaw drops. They're fresh cuts... "I said let go!" He yells.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?!" I ask, looking into his eyes.
"I've already told you." He whines, running the hand I'm not holding through his hair. "I just want to leave, okay? I'm don't like being with all these people and I'm done acting like I'm fine and I'm done pretending, Laura." He mumbles, tears escaping his eyes.
"Why can't you see what I see?" I ask.
"Because whatever you see is dead to me."
"Please don't cut." I whisper. "It's so bad for you, Ross."
"It felt good." He says, shrugging his shoulders.
"Not in the long run." He rolls his eyes. "I don't want you to kill yourself." I mumble, wrapping my arms back around his neck. I didn't wait for him to hug me back, I just jump up and wrap my legs around him again. It took him a few seconds before he held me back, just like last time; beneath the butt.
"A lot of people hate me." He whispers.
"A lot of people hate me, too, Ross," I whisper back, feeling his wet hair tickle my cheek as his breath fans down my neck. "But so much more love and care about you." I gently kiss his shoulder before pulling my head away and look into his eyes. His eyes meet mine within a second. I lean my forehead against his and close my eyes, enjoying being this close to him. "Let me help you." He doesn't reply right away.
"You can't tell anybody."
"What about when your family comes home? I want them keeping an eye on you." I whisper. We haven't dared to move our faces. Every time he talks his breath fans across my lips.
"That's not for two days." He whispers. "It's Sunday." No shit.
"I'm telling them whether you like it or not." I whisper. "I'm not leaving your side until I feel safe enough to do so. So if that means canceling my meetings and photo shoots for the next few weeks, then I'll do it." I reply.
"Shouldn't I get a say in this?" He asks, pulling his head away from mine. I open my eyes and look into his.
"No. Because I know your choice will be to kill yourself." I whisper. "Do you want to go home or do you want to stay here?" I ask.
"I'd rather go home." He whispers.
"After breakfast and a shower, I'll drive you back. But that means my parents have to keep you in their sight the whole time I am in the shower." I say, wiping underneath his eyes again.
"I don't want them to know." He whispers, leaning his head into my hands.
"Then you need to promise me that you won't leave their sight. Or you stay in the bathroom with me and sit on the counter." He sighs.
"I'll sit on the counter." I give him a brief nod.
"Let's go eat. But, put on pants first." He nods and let's me on my feet. I walk behind him as we make our way to the bathroom. I watch as he puts his pants on and his t-shirt and crew neck. I grab onto his hand as we head down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Foods in the microwave." My mom says. Nodding, I drag Ross behind me and pull them out of the microwave. "Is everything okay between you two?" She asks, eyeing Ross and I.
"Yeah." I reply. "Um... I'm gonna be staying at Ross' for a few days. Maybe longer, but I don't know yet." I add, mixing around my hash browns.
"What about Andrew?" My dad asks. "It seams like he wasn't very happy about the fact Ross slept here last night."
"Look, stuff is going on right now and he's-" Ross cuts me off.
"I'm home alone until Tuesday and I'm not really in the best state to be alone." Ross says, pretty quietly. "She's doing me a huge favor by staying with me. And if it ruins her relationship with Andrew, I'll personally talk to him about what's going on." I look at Ross with sad eyes.
"You don't have to do that, Ross. Andrew's my issue, not yours." I whisper.
"Yeah well, I'm your issue now. It's the least I could do." He whispers, eating some bacon.
"You have a meeting with the label tomorrow, Laura." My mom says.
"I'm not going." I reply, with a shrug. "I'm gonna call my manager in a little and explain a gist of what's going on." I say, hoping they'd understand. "I just need some time off, okay? It won't be long." I add.
"Alright." My mom breathes out. Breakfast went quickly and I made sure to drag Ross back upstairs with me and into the bathroom. I made sure to close the shower curtain and I step in to remove my clothes. I peak my head out and find Ross picking at his fingernails.
"Smile." I say. He lifts his head a little, only to let it fall back down.
"I don't want to." He replies. Frowning, I cover my face and start the shower. Every minute or two, I'd peak my head out and find Ross either picking at his nails or on his damn phone. After I shut the shower off, I wrap a towel around my body and my hair, step out, and stare at Ross. "What?" He asks.
"We gotta head to my room." I say, moving my head. Ross sighs and walks out first. I follow closely behind him as we both walk down the halls and into my bedroom. I grab a sports bra, a random t-shirt, some cotton shorts, and some underwear. "Close your eyes and turn around please." He falls face first into my bed. "That works too." I whisper, already beginning to change. After I'm done, I tap on Ross' calf and then head to my closet and grab a backpack.
"What are you doing." He mumbles.
"Packing a few change of clothes. You never know what's gonna happen." I reply, throwing in a pair of leggings, another pair of cotton shorts, two t-shirts, a sweatshirt, two pairs of underwear and bras. I then put on deodorant and throw it in my bag as well. I grab my contacts and quickly put them in. I grab the holder and my glasses in their case. "You ready?" I ask.
"No." I lightly shove him as he stands beside me. "I'll drive."
"Hell no." I reply, taking his car keys. "I'm driving your car back to your place. I just need the directions and I'll be good." Ross sighs for the millionth time and nods his head. The drive back was silent. Ross didn't bother turning the music up or singing along to it like he usually did. He just kept his stare out the window and gave me simple directions when needed. By the time we got to his place, I parked his car across the street and got out, walking behind him as he gets to the front door.
| A Few Hours Later |
"Why are we doing this?" Ross asks, handing me another bottle of pills. I shove it in a plastic bag and take the other one out of his hand.
"I'm taking away anything sharp and any pills so you don't try anything." I reply. So far, we've done all the bathrooms except his, which we're doing now. And I took all of the knifes from the kitchen and put them in a bag and locked them in Ellington and Rydel's room, which I'll be keeping the key in my back pocket.
"Fucking hell." He mutters, handing me another pill bottle. "Look, just let me be, Laura. I'm capable of being alone. I'm twenty-three fucking years old." I set the bag on the counter and look at him intently.
"Says the guy who was about to kill himself in my bathroom." He immediately drops his head. "If you wanted to kill yourself so baldy, why did you do it in my house and not your own?" I ask.
"I didn't want to die alone." He whispers, picking at his fingernails. "And I knew it'd break my siblings if they found me passed out, dead, in the bathroom." I furrow my eyebrows.
"And you thought me seeing you dead in my bathroom wouldn't break me?" I ask, my voice wavering a little.
"I don't know Laura, I thought maybe you'd handle it better, okay? I know I made a stupid choice but I'm a walking mistake, so what does it matter." I give him a small frown.
"Stop saying that." I whisper. "You may make mistakes, but that doesn't make you a mistake. I make mistakes daily, Ross. Yes, you made a mistake of almost swallowing those pills. Yes, you made a mistake by cutting your wrist, but there is a way to fix that!" I exclaim. "And I'm willing to help you fix that."
"Whatever, I just want to watch a fucking movie." He mutters, walking out of the bathroom. Sighing, I walk to Rydel and Ellington's room and unlock the door, set the pills on the bed, and re-lock the door. Why can't he see what I see?
| Later That Night |
"Why are you crying, Ross?" I whisper, looking beside me. We had just laid down in his bed after watching two movies. Both of his hands covering his face and I could hear sniffling, like he's trying to hold back a sob.
"I don't kn-know." He admits, wiping his eyes furiously. "Something inside of me is telling me to cry while a different something is telling me to suck it up and pretend you're fine. But I-I can't help it!" I was quick to wrap my arms around him, letting him hug me while now laying on top of me.
"Hey, don't listen to the voices inside of you, okay?" I say, hoping to make him calm down. "Just listen to me." I whisper, playing with his hair. "You deserve to be here just as much as I do. You have so much people loving you and caring about you, so many people Ross, and I'm one of those people." That's pretty much how the night went... and the night after that...
• as you could probably tell, this chapter was a bit longer. and hopefully this was a good enough chapter to get you excited for the upcoming chapters! please be sure to vote, comment a sweet ole comment and follow me! love you, babes💜 •
Question: How many siblings do you have?
Answer: One, an older sister.