After my encounter with Allie, I tried my best to take care of myself. I was at an all time high. I hadn't had a serious drink in months I hadn't cut myself in even longer. Alex and I hadn't hooked up in a while. Soccer was going great, we were winning and it looked like we were going to go all the way to playoffs. I was getting a crazy amounts of assist this season. Some clubs in Europe wanted me which was pretty exciting. Of course I was pretty happy with Portland and the national team right now so I polietly turned them down. Life was good.
The only person that knew about my feelings about Alex was Lauren. I didn't tell Allie becuase the three of us are always together and I knew she would make it weird, but I think she was catching on herself. Sometimes when I would catch myself looking to long at Alex or laughing way too much at something she said. I would look up to see if anyone noticed. Sometimes I would see Allie staring back at me with confusion all over her face. I think what made me the most confused was the times I stop was I was doing with and look up and realize Allie was staring at Alex, why would she do that? But, whatever I trusted my Harry no matter what so if she figure it out I trusted her to keep it between us.
Like I said though life was good, great even, until it wasn't.
We were at a national team camp in Hawaii of all places. It started off great, I mean it was Hawaii, our hotel was right on the water with our own private beach. Ashlyn, Kelley, and I had already been out there surfing. We won our game there 5-0. I had an assist, life was continuing to be great. We were planning to go out that night to celebrate the win.There was going to be a team dinner and then we were going to go out and get some drinks. Surprisingly, A lot of people had family with them, I guess people just wanted to be in Hawaii and I guess I don't blame them for that.
A few of us wanted to take a walk down pier that was next to our hotel before dinner. Surprisingly Sydney, was the one who suggested it, and she said it was a requirement for Alex to go and Alex told me I had to go. So Alex and I got ready and we left for the pier. It was Abby, Sydney, Becky, JJ, Mewis, Carli, Kelley, Ashlyn, Ali, Christen and I that went. I tried to get Cheney to go, but she said she would rather take a nap. As we were walking down the pier I noticed that there weren't many people around, which I was grateful for. I didn't feel like signing autographs and taking pictures.
We were getting closer to the end, I think I got distracted somehow thinking about the night before.
Alex and I were sharing a hotel room, which wasn't abnormal we were constantly roommates. Alex was upset because Servando was supposed to come that night, but he called her a couple of minutes ago saying he wasn't going to make it because some buddies of his wanted to take him to some game. Alex was furious. I managed to calm her down after watching a few episodes of grey's anatomy and cuddling, we decided to go to sleep early because we had a game the next morning.
In the middle of the night I was woken up by a light kiss on the lips from an Alex with tears streaming down her face. I immediately pulled her into my arms.
"What is it Lex? What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare." She managed to get out between sobs.
"Do you want to talk to me about it?"
She just shook her head no.
"Is there anything I can do?" She shook her head yes at this.
"What is it you know I would do anything for you." Scaring myself by how true my words were.
"Kiss me."
"I don't know Lex, we probably shouldn't."
"Please Toby." She pleading me.
"Alex, what about Servando?"
"I want you."
"Lex.."
"Toby please I want you. I need you." She pulled me into her and kissed me. After a few seconds I pulled away. She tried to take advantage of the space and tried to pull my shirt off, but I caught her hand at the hem of shirt.
"Alex? I need you to be sure. I need you to know what you are doing."
"Tobin Heath, I want you, I need you, I love you." You can imagine my surprise in that moment. The love of my life, says she loves me. I knew a smile had overcame my face, because Alex reciprocated immediately.
"I love you too" I whispered out. Almost afraid of ruining the moment.
Our lips crashed together, both of us trying to put all that we could into the kiss, trying to express how much I care for her.
The next morning, I rolled over only to hit a body. Quickly I opened my eyes to see some crystal blue eyes looking back at me. A grin coming on my face and butterflies were fluttering in my stomach.
"You stayed?" I whispered out. She answered by placing a kiss on my lips. I sighed happily into her pulling her as close as possible. "Thank you, for staying."
So you can imagine how happy I have been all day.Especially being here in Hawaii I loved it here, the water is absolutely gorgeous. I was looking out over the side of the pier when I realized I was alone.
I guess I ended up in the back of the pack. I sped up to catch up to the group but all of the sudden the group stopped walking and it was dead quiet. Which never happened with this group of girls.
Then I heard one of the voices that always captures my attention.
"Servando?"
Servando, what the heck was he doing here. I was still in the back and I couldn't really see anything, when I got to the front this is what I saw. Servando kneeling on one leg in front of Alex.
"Alex, you are the most wonderful, talented, and beautiful women I have ever met. When we are together you make me the happiest person alive, so if you allow me I will try for the rest of my life to make you the happiest you can be. Will you marry me?" He pulled the ring out of his pocket and offered it to her.
Without a pause Alex Morgan broke my heart.
"Yes, of course I will." she shouted out. He grinned and slid the ring onto her finger. She then pulled him off the ground and gave him a passionate kiss. The whole group started yelling and clapping and surrounded them trying to offer them congratulations. I was okay with once again getting pushed to the back of the group. I was just trying my best to breath.
Luckily I caught my breath and was able to plaster on one of my most dazzling smiles, just as Alex found me in the crowd of people.
She had one of the biggest smiles on her face I had ever seen, but when she got closer to me I could see the pain register in her eyes when she made eye contact with me. But Alex has always been really good at acting, especially when it comes to acting like we were nothing more than best friends.
"Can you believe it Tobs, I am getting married!" She threw her arms around me in one of her signature Alex hugs. "I'm so sorry" she whispered in my ear.
In that moment, my happy persona feel off for just a second I knew my face was actually showing all the pain I actually felt on the inside. I could feel my eyes start to water. As I was going to wipe them before they get to noticeable, I made eye contact some very familiar green eyes.
They belonged to Christen Press of all people.
"Congrats Al, you are going to make a beautiful bride." I said out loud for everyone to hear making sure to perform my past as best friend.
At that point, she let go and ran off to go call her parents. We all decided to walk back to the hotel so we can have some more time to ourselves before we head off to dinner, which now was more than likely going to revolve around Alex and Servando.
I decided to make a detour once we got back to the hotel, because there was no way I was going back to Alex's and I room. I headed to the Hotel's bar. I managed to flirt with the bartender so he snuck me a bottle of vodka. I headed out to the beach, knowing everyone else would probably be getting ready still.
Sitting on the beach it was just me, the ocean, my bottle, my thoughts, and my pain.
This is all my fault. For thinking that I could let people in my lives, for thinking that someone like Alex could really love me, for thinking that she would chose me over him, for thinking that I could actually be happy.
Alex, was going to get married. That was going to be it for us, she would probably move with him, oh god what if she even moved to Orlando, there was a rumor that there were starting a NWSL team there and her being her she would give up Portland for him.
I would only see her during national camps which means I was going to lose one of my best friends let alone the person I am in love with and to top it off Christen Press of all people who saw me lose it.
Right now, you may be asking what could be wrong with Christen Press. And I guess I have to go back further to explain everything.